“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I did everything I could and it wasn’t enough. Our baby girl wasn’t meant to be part of our lives.”
Pain stabbed through her. Caused her to double over in anguish. Kell held her, fell with her.
“I’m so dam sorry you had to go through that alone,” he said gruffly into her neck. She felt the wetness of his tears against her skin and it only made her hurt more. She’d caused him this pain, this grief. And so soon after losing his brother. Yet, all he cared about was what it had done to her. How she had suffered alone.
She cupped the back of his head, pressed her cheek to his, their tears mingling into one solid stream of misery. They were connected by sorrow and loss. Forever. And she didn’t regret that because somewhere deep inside her she knew she had fallen in love with Kell Wolff the moment she met him. His rugged good looks, his taste for adventure that matched her own. The way he touched her body and made her never want another man to touch her again. Only him. No man had. Not in four years. She couldn’t bear the thought of making love to anyone except Kell. As hard as that had been to admit.
But, now, his sorrow mingling with her own, she felt it. That deep connection they shared. The force of it. It nearly undid her.
She lifted her head, cupped his cheeks, his beard scratching her skin. He didn’t look like her Kell with the full beard. He’d always had a five o’clock shadow giving him a rugged, outdoorsy aura, but not like this. This wasn’t him. And it served as a reminder of everything he had done for her. The lengths he would go to in order to protect the ones he loved.
Loved.
Could Kell Wolff love her? After what she’d done?
Why did it terrify her to think that maybe he could?
His gaze met hers, his dark lashes wet with his grief. Something shifted in the air around them. Crackled with tension she knew all to well.
Kell must have felt it too, because he let out a low groan before lowering his head and claiming her lips. She’d wanted the kiss, longed for it, but wasn’t prepared for the pure emotion that flowed between them. It shouldn’t shock her, this was how it always was with Kell. Overwhelming, intoxicating and breath-taking.
She kissed him back, wanting, needing. His fervor matched hers. His tongue parted her lips, dove inside for more, as if he craved the taste of her. It only spawned her own desire.
Slowly, he lay them down, his body covering hers. Every square inch of his muscular body weighed hers down, pressing her into the mattress. Making her feel safe. Protected. Like maybe everything would be okay. And somehow she would recover from her losses and one day be a whole, healthy person again.
Kell’s hand skimmed her waist, not touching the other side where her wound was. Goose bumps erupted from head to toe. How could a simple touch effect her so strongly?
Their kiss turned into a sensual exploration. An awakening. A healing they both needed.
Shea let her hands roam his body, remembering, tracing the curve of his biceps, feathering over the gunshot wound on his shoulder and back. He’d almost died for her. Took three bullets to protect her. How many men would do that for someone who walked out on them and kept secrets from them?
Emotions stirred inside her. Ones she couldn’t voice so she showed him through her lips and body how she felt. How much he meant to her, because in the morning she was gone. She still had demons to fight and she wouldn’t risk his life ever again. Not for something she’d caused. This would be their last night together before she did the unthinkable and walked out on him again.
Kell shucked his clothes, helped Shea out of hers and lowered himself back down on top of her. He felt raw. Like he’d opened a vein and bled for the only woman who could turn him inside out and upside down with a simple glance.
He knew his tears weren’t just for the baby they lost, but for his brother, too. He didn’t expect them to come so swift or so strongly. Caught him completely off guard but he hadn’t stopped them. Hell, he hand’t wanted to. Something had purged from him through those tears, easing the pain he held for his brother that he’d never been able to process. Who knew it would be Shea who tore it out of him?
She was the only woman he had ever cried in front of except for his mom. And that hadn’t been for a long time. Not since he was a kid with a leg broken in three places from his many adventures. That one because he wanted to free climb the rocky hill near their house. He like the exhilaration. The sense of being free. No ties. No bonds. Just him battling nature. Except, nature had won that particular battle and landed him in the hospital for emergency surgery.
Shea rubbed against him, guiding him where he wanted to be the most. Inside her.
Without preamble, he entered her, feeling her tight warmth wrap around him.
Only one thought crossed his mind as he slid deeper. This was where he belonged. Like coming home.
She let out a long moan, her head thrown back to expose her neck. He trailed kissed down her silky skin, nipping the frantic pulse that beat there and drawing a gasp of delight from her.
He began to move inside her, clenching his jaw against the pure, unadulterated pleasure he felt. Shea fell into rhythm with him, their bodies one. It had been just like this the first time they made love. An instant connection that nearly drove him out of his mind.
Together they rode the waves of their passion and grief, until finally they crested the edge and plunged to release as one. Goose bumps erupted on his flesh as he came inside her, curling his toes from the sheer power of it. Shea bucked against him as her climax wracked her body.
Afterward, he collapsed on top of her, fighting to catch his breath. She panted beneath him, her fingers feathering over his shoulders and arms.
Something shifted inside him. The same thing that had effected him four years ago. That feeling that he never wanted to leave her. That this was home and he wanted to stay here forever.
He felt Shea tremble and bury her head in his shoulder, wetting his skin with her tears. This time she cried softly, clinging to him. He held her, knowing what it meant, but not wanting to admit it.
Shea crept out of bed before the sun came up the next morning and climbed into the cab waiting for her at the end of the driveway. With a heavy heart, she closed the door on her past, present, and future.
Without a backward glance she told the driver to take her to the airport where she would use her memorized credit card number to book a flight.
And prepare to take on the Deputy Director for Operations at the CIA.
Kell opened his eyes to bright sunlight shining through his bedroom window. For once, that debilitating feeling of loss didn’t stab through his chest. He stretched out an arm, feeling nothing but air and the feeling came back hard and fast. He didn’t have to look to know Shea had done it again. She had walked out on him.
And this time he wasn’t sure he could get her back.
32
Langley, Virginia
Shea walked into an internet cafe, nothing with her except for her phone, which she set down on the table top of the place she choose to sit: Near the back, in the corner, with her back to the wall.
She ordered a cup of decaf coffee and waited. Today, she didn’t need the caffeine. She was already running on high.
Five minutes later the front door opened and a tall, dark haired man walked in. He scanned the cafe, located her, and strode through tables until he reached hers.
Shea’s heart pounded as she watched Dan sit across from her. Not a hair out of place, his suit appropriate for his station at the CIA. Expensive and fitted.
“Hello, Shea,” he said, as he had many times in the past, except there was nothing friendly in his tone this time.
“Thanks for meeting me.”
He quirked a brow. “I don’t see I had any option.”
Nope, she’d taken that away from him by meeting in a public place.
“Nice choice,” he said, glancing around the busy cafe. “Good coffee.”
She sipped her decaf. “Ve
ry good.”
The waitress approached and he ordered a double shot of espresso. When she walked away he turned his attention back to Shea.
“So, what do I owe this pleasure?” His smile was almost predatory. Made her suppress a shudder.
“I think you know why we’re here.”
He played it cool. “I do. But, you aren’t supposed to be here.”
“Did you think you could get rid of me so easily?”
His lips thinned, his eyes dropping to her wrist. “Once again, I underestimated you.”
“Yes, you did,” she agreed, shutting down all thoughts of Kell and how she wouldn’t be there if not for him. She’d sealed the deal when she walked out on him for the second time. She knew it, but it didn’t make it any easier. She was destined to spend her life alone and no amount of wanting would change that.
“How did you do it, Shea? I have to know.”
Now they were getting somewhere. “You mean, how did I escape your prison?”
“Call it what you want. You weren’t supposed to make it out alive.”
She leaned forward. “Yet, I’m here, aren’t I?”
His eyes narrowed to slits. “Not for long.”
She didn’t flinch. “Really? And how do you plan to shut me up this time?”
He flinched and she got a small dose of pleasure from seeing him on the ropes when it had been her so many times. He leaned closer, his expression neutral once again. She’d definitely learned from the best.
“You think I want to do this?” he asked. “Trust me, I don’t. You were my best, Shea. There will never be another like you.”
“You’re right,” she said. “There won’t.”
“You’re confidence will be your downfall.”
“I doubt it.”
A slight narrowing of his eyes. “Arrogance, then.”
“Call it what you will, but either way I’m walking out of this cafe unharmed.”
“You think so?”
She met his gaze directly. The battle raging. “Yes.”
He leaned back in his chair. “I won’t disagree. You will leave this cafe. After that, you’re fair game.”
His words hurt. This man had trained her. Practically raised her on The Farm. His betrayal cut deep. His ability to toss her away like a piece of trash hurt even more. Had she meant so little to him?
She didn’t have to force the tears that sprang to her eyes. Watched his surprised reaction when he saw them.
“Tears, Shea? Come on, you can’t fool me.”
She blinked them back. “I trusted you.”
“I taught you better than that.”
“Did you? You know I never shed a tear in that tunnel, don’t you?”
Smug, he nodded.
“Were you the one that put a knife to my skin, Dan?” she challenged. “Did you seal my fate with that one little cut that left me to bleed out in the darkness of that cell where no-one could hear me scream?”
“What do you think?”
This was going to be harder than she thought. Time to play her hand.
She leaned over the table so she could watch him as her words hit home. “You were like a father to me, Dan. I trusted you with my life and you stole it from me. Left me to die in a cold, empty tunnel below Jamshid. You slit my wrist for God’s sake.”
To his credit he didn’t flinch. But she saw his eyes darken with regret he would never express. She didn’t let it effect her. Couldn’t stop now.
She held out her arm so he could see what he’d done. The jagged cut had begun to heal, but still looked angry and red. A testament to her suffering.
“Did you hold the knife?” she asked, needing to know if it was him who put the final nail in her coffin. Part of her didn’t want it to be him. Part of her hoped it was.
“I’m not a monster,” he said, not looking at her wound.
“You are to me.”
His eyes flashed with sudden anger. “You think I could do that to you? You were like a daughter to me. Before you went off the reservation and decided to stop following orders.”
“Orders that should have never been given. Admit it, Dan, you had your own agenda. You tried to prevent me from hunting Diakameli because you were in bed with him.” She leaned in further. “How does it feel to be a traitor? To sell out your own country for money and power?”
“You always were an idealist,” he scoffed. “I worked my ass off for twenty years to make this country a better place. What did it get me? A mortgage, a wife who hates me, kids who would rather be on their phones than spend a minute with me, and a lousy paycheck. Hell, I should be the fucking Deputy Director of the CIA by now.”
“So you switched sides to feel vindicated?” She played into his ego.
“Hell, yes. To them I’m a goddamn hero.”
“To who? The IPA? Seriously?”
“The IPA gives me everything this damn country won’t. So, yes, I crossed over and I don’t regret it one fucking second.”
And there it was. Shea leaned back in her chair, sadness filling her.
The door opened and men in blue jackets stormed in.
“Thank you, Dan,” she said softly.
“For what? Jesus, I am so done with this spy shit—”
He was tackled from behind, jerked to his feet, hands being cuffed behind his back. Shea watched realization dawn in his eyes as the FBI took him into custody.
“Well played, little bird,” he said, almost proudly, before they escorted him out of the cafe.
Shea fell back in her chair, turned off the voice recording on her phone, shutting the authorities off from spying on her sorrow.
She felt drained, empty. Sad. Even though she’d just trapped Dan into turning himself in and she was in the clear to live the rest of her life, she didn’t feel good about it.
She felt lost.
She rose to her feet, left a tip for the waitress and walked out of the cafe into the bright sunlight. As she stood on the sidewalk an intense feeling of loss overcame her. Even among all the pedestrians stopped to watch Dan being taken into custody she felt alone.
Her career was over. She had no friends. No family. An empty apartment with dead plants.
For the first time in her life she faltered, not knowing which way to go next.
Wrapping her arms over her waist she stood there, letting the world move around her, with tears streaming down her cheeks.
33
Kell pushed his way through the crowd, ignoring the melee going on in the street. He didn’t have to look to know Shea had beaten her boss at his own game. She was the better player and this was proof.
He stopped abruptly when he saw a redhead standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Tears streamed down her face and she had a profound look of loss that tore at his heart. He wasn’t the only one who had lost a part of himself. Shea had suffered more than a woman should have to. He was here to make sure she never suffered again. She was one hell of a woman and he wasn’t letting her go again. This time he planned to fight for her love. She wasn’t running a third time.
As is sensing his presence, Shea turned her head and met his gaze. Shock registered on her face.
Kell surged forward and wrapped her in his arms, shielding her from the world around them. Absorbing her pain and tears.
“What are you doing here?” she asked against his neck. “How did you find me?”
“Wasn’t hard once you used your credit card. I had Chris follow the money trail.”
She’d made it easy to find her and he knew that was by design. She wanted to be found. Just not by him.
“That wasn’t for you,” she muttered.
Kell smiled and hugged her tighter. “Did you think I would let you walk away from me again and not come after you?”
Her head lifted, tears clinging to her long lashes. “I did,” she said. “I don’t deserve you. Not after what I did.”
He cupped her cheek. “Sweetheart, you did what you had to do. I get that. It’s called sur
vival. I don’t and never will blame you.”
She blinked her tears back. “Promise?”
He nodded and kissed her, slow and sweet, sealing the deal. When he pulled away she was staring at him in awe.
“Do you know why I’m really here?” he asked. No way was he risking losing her over a misunderstanding.
“I’m afraid to hope,” she whispered.
“You never have to be afraid again. I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Yes, you can. Very well, in fact, but you aren’t alone, Shea. Not anymore. Never again.” He cupped her chin and lifted it to force her to look at him. “I’m not letting you walk away from me again.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want to spend the rest of my days as your equal. You complete me, Shea. I love you. Have, ever since we met in Bahodir four years ago. I made the mistake of not coming after you then and I’m making it right now.” He let his hand slide down to her flat stomach. “We’re connected. For life. And, I don’t regret that. Not for a second.”
“Me, either,” she whispered. “She’s with us. Part of us. And I don’t regret that. You know why I walked out on you?”
He nodded.
“How?”
“Alsu sent me your death video. I’m assuming that was by accident.”
Her eyes widened. “You watched that?”
He nodded.
“You weren’t supposed to see that until my passing. Alsu didn’t have a good handle on modern technology.”
“I think she does,” he said quietly.
She swayed slightly. “I can’t believe…is this happening?”
“It’s happening, sweetheart. Actually, this is only the beginning of our forever. If you agree to be my wife and walk this broken road alongside me. I’m far from perfect, Shea, and I can’t make you any promises except to love and protect you until we leave this earth.”
A smile spread across her face, hitting him like a punch to the gut. It was the first true, genuine smile she’d given him since that weekend in Bahodir.
Worth the Risk (Book 3, Wolff Securities Series) Page 18
