A Little Too Not Over You

by Lauren Pacaccio

  What an ass.

  CHAPTER 10:

  TONGUE TIED

  He was right. Being on the back of that motorcycle was freezing.

  But it was also very exciting. At any moment, I felt like I would fall off. It felt like we were going so fast. I tried my hardest not to grab onto him. The feel of his muscles tensing every time we took a turn was a little much for me. Okay, obviously, some feelings were still there. I figured they would always be there.

  First, we went to lunch at one of our favorite places. He paid. I argued with him for a long time about that but he insisted.

  He was being…sweet. It was weird. Not saying that he hadn't been sweet when we were dating, but the past few days made me think that he had changed.

  He took me to a bookstore I used to visit all the time. They had soft music playing and he jokingly asked me to dance right there in the stacks. I laughed and agreed. He put his hand on my hip and my hand went on his shoulder. He grabbed my other hand and we started dancing. It was quite silly, but I could see the old Hunter. His eyes were lighter and younger.

  "I haven't had such a good time in a while, Pay," he said, while we were getting onto his bike after the bookstore. "Thank you for agreeing to spend the day with me." He smiled at me and hugged me. "I really did miss you. And this isn't me being a jerk, just trying to cop a feel. We were friends before we dated. I've missed my friend."

  I hugged him back. I knew how he felt. Not only had I lost the love of my life when we broke up, but I had also lost my very best friend. I had gone a long time without thinking about how much that loss had hurt me. But, that day made me realize that the loss still hurt.

  I guess, deep down, I knew I would never be able to get completely over him. We were together for so long. We promised each other so much. First love and all, right? The only good thing that came from this realization was that I knew that my feelings were real. If not, why would they still be here years later?

  I knew one thing, though. Those feelings needed to be squashed. Braden deserved my whole heart. Not whatever was left after Hunter was out of my life. I needed to look at Hunter as a friend only.

  I would take this day to get Hot-Hunter-lusting out of my system. I would look at all his flaws. I would remind myself why we were not together.

  We were riding along a familiar road, but looking at the road was making me a little sick, so I rested my head on Hunter's back and closed my eyes.

  I felt us starting to slow down. I looked around and immediately regretted ever thinking that I actually might still feel for Hunter.

  The park.

  I couldn't believe he would come here. We were having such a good day. And then, he had to go and ruin it with bringing me someplace that there were so many memories. Too many memories.

  We were parked now, right next to a minivan. I took off the helmet, and I firmly followed my arms. "You have got to be kidding me, Hunter," I said, glaring at him.

  He was smiling. "Oh, come on," he said, holding out a hand to help me off the bike without falling, "we couldn't possibly spend the day together without coming here."

  I stubbornly swatted away his hand. "I got it, thanks." I put one foot on the ground and attempted to dismount the bike like you would a horse. Somehow, my feet got caught on one another and down I went.

  Strong arms caught me just before I hit the ground. "Nice, one, stubborn ass," he said, chuckling to himself.

  I was blushing wildly. Of course, I would fall. OF COURSE.

  He helped me stand up and I huffed. "Like I said before," Hunter said, not taking his hands off of me, "If you wanted me to touch you, all you have to do is ask. No reason to go tripping all around just to get me to catch you."

  "Okay, could we maybe get over ourselves?" I asked. "We were having such a good day, Hunter. And then you pull something like this?!" I rolled my eyes and pushed him in the chest.

  "Oh, are we hitting now?" He asked, playfully shoving me.

  "Would you stop touching me?" I asked, folding my arms once again. His face darkened a little. And then, I saw an idea forming.

  "In what way do you mean?" he asked while walking towards me. He lifted his hand to my face and trailed the back of his hand down my cheek, "This way?"

  I went to talk, but he continued, "Or maybe," he put his hand on my hip and pulled me towards him while running it over my hip, around to my butt, "this way?"

  "Or hey," he said, wrapping my hair around his fist and pulling it to the side, "This?" and he kissed my neck.

  When I went to speak, nothing came out. It was just air. But, he wasn't done. Now, his hands were cupping my face, as he whispered, "Or this way?"

  And then, he placed his lips on mine.

  He pushed me up against the minivan before I knew what was happening. It was like my brain shut off.

  I was melting. My head was spinning. I could feel his hands but I couldn't focus enough to make sense of where they actually were. My knees went weak.

  And then I realized exactly what was happening. Hunter was kissing me. Hunter, my ex-boyfriend, was kissing me.

  And I was kissing back.

  CHAPTER 11:

  FOOLISH GAMES

  My eyes shot open.

  I pushed him away. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I screamed.

  I looked around and saw some parents looking over in our direction. Reacting to my screaming.

  Hunter was standing there, a hungry look in his eyes.

  "I think I was getting the best kiss of my entire life," he said, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

  I smacked him across the face. "How dare you?" I said, firmly and scornfully. "I have Braden. I am not with you, Hunter."

  He rubbed his cheek a little. "First of all," he said, looking at me, "ouch." I smirked.

  "You deserved it."

  "Shush," he said, "and second of all, if you have Braden, as you say, why the hell did you kiss me back the way you did?"

  "I didn't kiss you back," I lied. I knew I had, but I could deny as much as I wanted.

  He laughed out loud. "Pay," he looked at me matter-of-factly, "not only did you kiss back, but you kissed all by yourself. I went to stop. You pulled me back in. I think I even heard some don't stops coming out of that pretty little mouth."

  I blushed. I didn't remember doing any of that, but then again, at one point, I didn't even know what was happening. I just gave into the burning want that Hunter's kiss had led out.

  "Oh, God," I said, feeling sick. I covered my mouth. "Oh, GOD!"

  "Calm down, Pay," he said, realizing that I was actually upset and not just bitching at him. He went to soothe me by rubbing up and down my arms with his hands. "It was just a kiss. It didn't mean anything. I was just messing with you. And anyways, it's not like you're married. You're just dating that Braden guy."

  I flinched. I was engaged. That's very different from just dating someone.

  "You are just dating him, right, Pay?" Hunter said, looking down at me. His eyes were pleading for a yes.

  "Uh," I said, "Not exactly."

  "What does that mean, Pay?!" Hunter said, his voice rising. I dug into my front pocket and pulled out my proof and slipped it onto my left hand.

  I lifted up my hand. "You're engaged?!" His voice broke. He backed up and turned around.

  "That's the main reason why I'm here, Hunter," I said, my throat starting to burn like it did four years ago. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. It was supposed to be a surprise for my parents. When Braden got here, we were going to tell everyone the good news. So, I had to hide it so Braden and I could tell everyone together."

  His back was still facing me. I saw him shaking his head. "Please," he said, and I heard him sniffle, "please tell me you're just fucking with me. Please tell me you aren't marrying some guy that…" he stopped and faced me. He roughly wiped his face. "That isn't ME."

  "What do you mean 'that isn't you?'" I asked, looking at him like he was crazy. "Oh, I'm sorry," I said, sarcastically, "I
didn't realize I needed your permission to fall in love with someone else. I didn't realize that you were the only guy who could show any interest in me, Hunter."

  "Don't be a bitch, Paisley. Not right now. Don't do that to me. I do not deserve this. Just like I didn't deserve what you did to me four years ago. I loved you. God help me," he said, smiling sadly, roughly wiping away his tears again, "I still fucking love you."

  I went to speak. "I'm not done yet," he said, holding up a hand. "Unlike you, Pay, I wasn't able to get over us the second we ended. I had to actually leave so I could get some sort of existence back. Any girl that I saw just reminded me that I didn't have you. I thought that you were doing the same thing. Wishing that I would call you up. Barely existing, just trying to get through each day. But then, I find out you've been with some guy named Braden for three fucking years. How could you do this to me, Pay?"

  I was speechless. How was I supposed to respond to something like that? I decided there was nothing I could say. I looked around and remembered that the park was about a block away from the house.

  I started walking. "Paisley, where the hell are you going?" Hunter's voice boomed behind me.

  I sped up. My heart ached. My vision was starting to blur from my tears. I was so upset on top of being pissed at myself for being upset about Hunter. I had told myself that I would never let him make me cry again. And here I was, engaged to someone else, crying over Hunter.

  "Pay, stop!" He said. Like hell, I thought.

  I started jogging, but right when I did, I felt a hand grab mine and spin me around.

  "STOP!" I yelled, breaking down. "Don't you think I felt like dying when we broke up?" I looked at him, just letting the tears fall. I continued yelling. "You were my FOREVER, Hunter. And then, you just…weren't." He went to talk.

  "You got your chance," I said, really crying now, "Let me speak."

  He nodded and folded his arms in front of him.

  "Every time my phone rang, I wished it was you. It never was. I didn't talk to anyone freshman year. I didn't want to let anyone in again. Hell, when Braden and I met, I didn't even let him in. Not at first. All I wanted was you. But you weren't there, Hunter. You had left. You walked out of my room when I told you that I wasn't giving you another chance. Hell," I said, finding it hard to breathe and it was probably hard to understand me, "you walked out of my life when I told you that I was done.

  And I hate myself for feeling the way I do. I LOVE YOU, Hunter. I always have. But," I said, willing the tears to stop, "I'm getting married to Braden. He was there when you weren't. He loves me. He makes me feel whole."

  "Do you love him?" He asked.

  I went to yell again. But he stopped me. "Or do you just love the way he makes you feel?"

  "I," I started, and then thought about it, "love him?"

  "Was that a statement or a question?" He asked, not in a mean way, but in a curious way.

  I went to walk away. I turned my head for a second so I could answer him.

  I cleared my throat and literally put my foot down. "I. love. him. Statement."

  CHAPTER 12:

  ALL FOR YOU

  "Paisley? Paiiiisseeee? Goooood morrrrrning, sweeeeethearttt."

  I felt someone kissing my cheek. I had finally gotten to sleep what felt like five minutes ago. I tried to open my eyes, but couldn't. I settled with squinting again. "Good morning?" I asked, not fully comprehending what was going on.

  In my squint-induced blurred vision, I could make out a face very close to mine. I think there was some blonde hair.

  Blonde.

  Braden.

  "Hey, sleepyhead," he was saying, rubbing my back. He was lying down next to me. I sat up quickly.

  "Braden!" I'm sure I had severe bed head, but I just didn't care. My Braden was here.

  I was hugging him when I realized that he was here early. Like a whole day early.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked, squeezing him. "Not that I'm complaining," I added, kissing him on the cheek.

  He smiled. "Mr. Nazi with the Stick Up His Ass actually has a heart! So, I guess we need to think of a different, equally clever name. I smiled and went to ask how he got to leave early. But, he knew me so well, he answered before I asked.

  "I had been sulking around during the meetings. Answering with my pathetic voice that you know so well," he smiled. His "pathetic voice" was the voice he used when he was upset about something and wanted sympathy. It worked like a charm.

  "Anyways," he continued, kissing me on the cheek, "Mr. Not-So-Nazi asked what was wrong and I told him that you were all alone here, with your ex-boyfriend, engaged and not being able to tell anyone and how I felt so bad for you," He was holding my hand and rubbing circles onto my palm. "I mean, Paise, you were here all alone," he kissed me on my neck and I giggled.

  "All alone. Nothing to do," he was whispering, kissing down my neck and to my shoulder. I laughed breathlessly.

  "Not that I'm not completely loving this, but what happened?" I asked.

  "Oh, right. I was telling a story," he said, grinning at me, "Well, he told me that I wasn't much help sulking about, all depressed, and that they could handle the rest of the work as long as when I came in after the holidays, I would be much happier."

  I laughed, "You're kidding."

  "I am not. The Nazi does have a heart! Maybe he was engaged once." He started kissing me again.

  I felt very underdressed compared to him. Shorts and cami. Compared to his khakis, button up, and adorable sweater vest.

  "What time is it?" I asked, suddenly aware of where we were. And aware of the fact that since I had practically cried myself to sleep the night before, I was probably all swollen around my eyes.

  "Um," he said, looking at his watch, "it's about a quarter to 12. Why?"

  I rolled out of the bed. And he frowned, "Don't do that, Bray," I said, smiling. "I'll be right back. I just have to shower and then get myself presentable and ready to attack the day."

  Braden slyly smiled at me, "I have an idea. It would satiate both of our wants. You want to be cleaned, correct?" I nodded and giggled. I had a feeling I knew where he was going. "And I want…you." He pointed at me. "So, hey, let's conserve water and shower together!"

  I blushed and looked at him skeptically. "You don't look like you need a shower."

  He got up quickly. "Give me a second."

  And then, he started doing jumping jacks. Push-ups. Sit ups. Running in place.

  "What the heck are you doing, you goof?" I asked, laughing at him.

  "I'm trying to work up a sweat! Sweating equals dirty in your book, right?" He walked up to me and wiped his forehead with his hand.

  There was just a little sweat there. He showed me his hand. "DIRTY!"

  I hugged him tight. "I've missed you so much, you goofball."

  He laughed, "I missed you, too, Paise."

  "Now," I said, chuckling, "as long as we're quiet…let's go clean up, you dirty boy." I winked and laughed the whole way to the bathroom.

  CHAPTER 13:

  TWO PRINCES

  "Well, Braden," my mother said, while we were all sitting in the living room. We had just gotten dressed, or in Braden's case, redressed. "You showing up here a day early and all."

  I smiled. Braden grinned, "Well, what can I say, Mrs. Sarah? I couldn't stay away."

  I tried to ignore the fact that my mother rolled her eyes.

  "Mr. Daniel," a voice came from the front door, "I'm back. Wanna get to work on that car some more?"

  Hunter wandered into the living room. He froze in his tracks when he saw me curled up with Braden on the couch. "Um," he said, searching for anything to say. "I'm…sorry? I didn't realize that you guys had company."

  I had to be blushing wildly. I was dying. At any moment, Hunter could let it slip or just right out blurt out the fact that the day before, we had been locking lips.

  I felt Braden stiffen a little. "Um, Braden?" I shifted a little so we could both stand up. "This is Hunter
," I said, gesturing towards the boy who was my everything for the longest time.

  "And Hunter," I looked at him and hoped my eyes said everything I couldn't say out loud, like that he really shouldn't say anything about the day before, "this is Braden." And I pointed to the man who was my everything now.