A Little Too Not Over You

by Lauren Pacaccio

  I needed to talk to Braden. My head was clearer. I needed to talk to him and sort everything out. We couldn't just throw three years down the drain because of a couple of kisses.

  I decided to drive to Braden's apartment like I wanted to do the night before. I realized that I left my phone in my room. With Hunter.

  He would be pissed when he realized that I had left. But, he would have to get over it. Braden was the guy I was supposed to be with. He had a career, an apartment, and he loved me. The drive felt so short. I was there before I realized it.

  I ran up to his apartment and used the key that he had given me.

  He was here because his keys were hanging on the hook. I smiled and ran to his room.

  On the way there, I noticed clothes were all down the hallway. It wasn't like Braden to be messy. He must have been so upset that he just stripped down on his way to his room and fallen asleep.

  It was still pretty early in the morning when I slowly opened his bedroom door.

  There was Braden. I walked up to the bed and realized something that almost made me throw up right there.

  Braden was sleeping, sure, but he wasn't sleeping alone.

  CHAPTER 17:

  SCREAM!

  "Oh, my god," I said, backing up, holding a hand to my mouth to keep from vomiting everywhere. While I was backing up, I underestimated the speed at which I was backing up and backed right into the wall with a loud bang.

  Braden sat up quickly. "Paisley?" he said, looking very confused and disorientated. "Oh, shit," he said, really looking around. "Paisley, wait." He went to stand up and realized he was naked. "It's not what it looks like!" He said, rousing the sleeping girl next to him.

  "Really, Braden?" I said, my voice rising, "So, you didn't sleep with some random person the day we…" I didn't want to say "broke up" because I didn't think that's what we did, "…the day that we did whatever the hell we did?!"

  "Okay," he said, looking very guilty, "maybe it…is what it looks like, but you have to hear me out!"

  The girl sat up and looked like a deer in the headlights. Wild hair and lip stick smeared all over her mouth. "Um, bay?" she said, looking at Braden, "who is this?"

  I held up my left hand, "Well, sweetheart," I said to her, "I was his fiancé." Her mouth dropped open.

  "You're engaged?!" She grabbed the sheets and pulled them over her as she ran into the bathroom, picking up any clothes she could find on the way there.

  I looked right at Braden and said, "Not anymore, he's not." I took off the ring, looked at it for a second, and tossed it onto the bed.

  Braden looked around for pants and ended up grabbing some boxers that were right by the bed. "Paisley, wait," he said, jogging after me. I was now in his living room area. I stopped, with my back still to him. "I'm sorry," he said, coming up behind me to hold me like he always did. I turned around fast.

  "Don't you dare touch me!" I glared at him.

  "Paisley, I was so pissed. I went to a bar. Okay? I got a little drunk. That girl," he gestured to the bathroom, "was all over me, and I don't know," and he put his hands over his eyes, "I guess I just liked the attention from someone who wasn't hung up on someone else."

  "Oh," I said, nodding, "that's what this was? Revenge? Getting me back for just kissing someone?! You decided to go and sleep with someone? Good job, Bray," I gave him a thumbs up, "You really showed me."

  "Come on, Paisley," he said, going to touch me again but I moved away, "you let Hunter kiss you after the way he treated you all those years, but you won't let me touch you?"

  I looked him in the eyes, "First of all, Hunter never cheated on me. Not once, so, point for Hunter." He rolled his eyes. "And second of all," I said, placing my hands on my hips, "Why are you comparing yourself to Hunter right now when Hunter has nothing to do with the fact that you just fucked up everything?"

  He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, Paisley," he said, "because I would sleep with someone else if I didn't believe that you were doing the same thing with your ex. So, no, Hunter is definitely innocent in all of this."

  "Hunter would never do anything like this to me, Braden," I said, knowing it was true.

  "Oh, really?" he said, "then why did you break up with him if he was treating you so well?"

  I thought about it. "At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. We were just staring college and he had probably pissed me off with some smart ass thing he had said that day, and things just escalated. Once some things are said, you can't take them back." I looked at him hard. "And once things are done you can't take them back."

  Braden pouted, and began to shout "Paisley, listen. I love you. I do. But," he sighed, "I can't love you if you're in love with another guy."

  "Well," I said, feeling stronger than I had in years, my voice loud and not wavering, "That works out for me, then. Considering you screwed another girl," I looked at him with such rage that he almost cringed, "I could never love you."

  He grabbed me quick and pushed his lips to mine. I pushed him away as hard as I could, and he started screaming again. "This is what Hunter did, right? Why won't you kiss me back like you kissed him?"

  "Because," I said, glaring at him, meeting his volume, "when Hunter kissed me, I could not remember a single reason why I ever stopped loving him. But, with you," I said, gesturing towards him, "just now," talking about the kiss, "I couldn't remember why I ever started loving you."

  CHAPTER 18:

  HELLO COLD WORLD

  I couldn't go home just yet. I was far too upset to drive that far. I decided I would stay in my apartment for the night and drive back to my parent's house the next morning. It would be Christmas in a couple of days. There was no reason for me to sulk around and hide from my family. I could handle it.

  Pfft, I thought to myself as I was heading to my apartment. Who are you kidding? You're about 3 seconds away from crumpling into a pitiful heap. And now I was talking to myself. Fabulous.

  I decided I would not wallow. Not in the car at least. I sat up straight and turned the radio up as loud as it would go. I don't even remember how I got to my parking spot. But I did. I trudged up to my apartment, trying my hardest to hold it together.

  Only a couple more steps and you'll be in your apartment. I unlocked the door and shut the door behind me. I decided that before I broke down, I would call my parents to let them know that I was alright.

  I called them on my house phone, considering my cell phone was in my old bedroom.

  "Paisley!" My mom answered the phone, "Oh, thank god, you're alright!"

  "Sorry, mom," I said, cradling the phone between my shoulder and my ear. I was busy picking at my nails, trying to distract myself to hold the phone. "Something happened between Br…" I cleared my throat, "Braden and I. I'm at my apartment, but I'll be back tomorrow morning and I'll explain everything. I just have to go now."

  I expected her to say something dismissive and hang up, however, she answered with, "Baby, do you need to talk about it?" She was a fine mom, sure, but she was never too interested. That was always my dad.

  "Rain check? I can't," I took a deep breath; "I can't talk about it right now."

  "Alright, honey," she said, sounding like a completely different person, "Your father and I are very happy that you're alright." And then she hung up.

  I went to wander down the hallway. I was so used to Daisy running up to greet me, but she was with a friend while I was out of town. I was halfway into the hallway when I realized that something had caught my eye from the living room. I backed up slowly, giving the room my full attention. Nothing was out of place. Lamp, couch, Hunter, TV, rug…wait.

  Hunter.

  I screamed. "Holy crap, Hunter," I said, "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

  "You are far too oblivious for your own good, Pay," he said, smiling at me. "I've just been sitting here for like five minutes now. Waiting for you to realize it. I could have been anyone."

  "What are you doing here?" I asked, and then thought about it. "More im
portantly, how did you get in here?"

  "Well, I woke up when you not so stealthily left the house. I figured you would be going after Brady," he looked up at me, "Braden, sorry." I shrugged. He could call him whatever he wanted to.

  "Either are gay names," I offered. He smiled widely.

  "Anyways," he said, getting up and walking towards me, "I asked your parents for your address and drove straight here."

  "Yes, but when you almost killed me from fright, you were sitting on my couch, not just waiting around outside my door. How did you get in?"

  "You really don't believe that I know you as well as I do, Pay?" he was right in front of me now. "Your spare key was under your neighbor's mat.

  Remember that one random discussion we had years ago? For whatever reason, we were talking about spare keys. And you said that you would be brilliant and put in under a neighbor's rug so that no one would ever be able to get into your house."

  I gaped at him. "You remember that?"

  "I remember everything," he said, putting his hand on my cheek. I leaned into it and closed my eyes. "Now, tell me what happened with Braden."

  I backed up and shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it." He walked behind me and walked me to the couch like a child.

  "Don't be stubborn. You know you'll feel a little better once you tell someone." He looked at me with his big blue, puppy dog like eyes.

  I rolled my eyes and grabbed a pillow. I sat with my legs curled under me and I held the pillow on my lap. Hunter sat next to me, his body turned towards mine, waiting for me to start.

  I took a deep breath once again and willed myself not to cry. "Well, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to go to Braden's to sort everything out. To explain to him that a few kisses was not a good reason to end a three year relationship. Apparently, he wanted to show me what a good reason would be." I looked at Hunter pointedly.

  "I don't think I understand what you mean, Pay," he said, looking at me sadly.

  I looked up at the ceiling to keep the tears from falling. "I went into his apartment, I walked down his hallway, and I opened his bedroom door," I looked at Hunter again. I really didn't want to go any further. But, his expression was begging me to. "And when I looked into his bedroom, I saw him sleeping," I took a deep breath as a tear fell, "and I also saw a girl sleeping next to him."

  Hunter rubbed his eyes, "Shit, Pay," he said, taking his hand and putting it on mine. "I am so sorry."

  I looked down at his hand, "For once," I said, putting a hand on top of his, "you have nothing to be sorry for."

  "Yeah," he said, shrugging, "but if I wouldn't have hung out with you the other day. If I wouldn’t have kissed you…none of this would have happened." I shook my head.

  "That's where you're wrong," I said, taking my hand and putting it on his cheek.

  He looked at me and slightly leaned his head into my hand. "How am I wrong, though, Pay?"

  "If I wasn't still so in love with you, none of this would have ever happened," I whispered.

  He looked at me curiously. "You really mean that?"

  I moved the pillow from my lap and gently pulled Hunter towards me. I placed my lips on his and kissed him softly and slowly. "Did that answer your question?"

  His eyes were still closed when I backed up to look at his face. He was nodding slowly. "Um," he said, softly while opening his eyes, "yeah. I think that covers it. But are you sure you love me and that you're not just trying to get back at Braden?"

  "I thought you said you knew me, Hunter. Would I ever do that to you?" I asked, standing up and holding my hand out to him. "Come with me," I said. He lifted his hand to mine and stood up.

  "Where are we going?" he asked. I was walking in front of him; his hands were on my hips, as we walked down the hallway.

  Instead of answering him, I opened my bedroom door. I turned to face him and walked backwards, towards my bed.

  I grabbed his hands and brought them to the bottom of my sweatshirt. I gave him the green light to do whatever he wanted. He pulled me towards him.

  He bent his head down, wrapped my hair gently around his hand, and made me tilt my head to the side. He placed one light kiss on my neck. Then, he placed one on my cheek as the hand that was in my hair moved to the other side of my neck. I noticed that his other hand was on my hip. I was breathing very hard, waiting for him to kiss me already.

  He lifted his head and looked into my eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I was right in front of my bed, so I sat down quickly, backed onto my pillows, and opened my arms. He kicked off his shoes and got on the bed and moved towards me. "I honestly don't think I've ever wanted anything more than this right now," I said, taking his face in my hands and kissing him.

  He smiled. It was my Hunter. It wasn't a hardened, asshole Hunter. It was the boy I had fallen in love with. And that boy was mine.

  He gently placed his lips on mine and kissed me like he did when we were 13. Uncertain and timid. Waiting for me to give him the signal that what he was doing was alright. We took each other's clothes off slowly, taking everything in. Everything was so familiar yet so new.

  At one point, or rather at the point, I realized that this was it. This was what I had been waiting for my entire life. Someone who knew me so well.

  Someone who loved me. Someone who could make me feel the way that Hunter made me feel, in every way. "Oh, God, Pay," Hunter was saying, "I love you." I kissed him some more. I could kiss him for the rest of my life.

  After, we were lying in each other's arms. We were both breathless and speechless. Hunter kissed the top of my head, and I squeezed him as tight as I could. Something huge had just happened. Something had changed.

  But we both knew that it was exactly how life was supposed to be.

  CHAPTER 19:

  LOVE IS STRANGE

  -A Few Days Later-

  "Alright," my dad was saying, "let me get this straight," and he looked up at me, waiting for my approval. I nodded. "Okay, so, you came here to tell us that you and Braden were engaged. However, while he was not here and you were alone, you hung out with Hunter, and he kissed you. You told Braden when he got here what happened and he left. The next morning, you went over there and found him with another girl so you got back together with Hunter?" My poor father. He was trying to understand. "Are you or are you not engaged?"

  I chuckled. "I am not." I looked over at Hunter who was lighting a firework in the street. It was New Year's Eve. "And dad, it's not like just because Braden cheated on me, I chose Hunter. I chose Hunter four years ago. It just took me a little while to realize it."

  "Your mother said she saw it coming when you said you were coming in to visit," he smiled and glanced over at my mom who was watching fireworks from the porch.

  I was surprised that my mother had known what was going to happen even before I did. Maybe she did actually care about what was going on in my life. I wonder if she could tell me what the rest of my life would turn into. Where would Hunter live? Would he live with me or would he continue traveling the world? Would we travel the world together? I guess I would have to figure that out myself.

  "Dad," I said, grabbing his hands and standing up, "will you excuse me?" I smiled as he nodded. I walked over to Hunter.

  "Hi there," I said, standing next to him.

  "Well, hi," he said, putting an arm around my shoulder. He leaned over and placed a small kiss on my forehead. "I'll be right back," he said, grabbing something out of the box next to him. He put it in the street, lit the fuse, and jogged back next to me. "This one is going to be good."

  He put his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest. The firework shot up into the sky with a loud pop.

  "I love you, Pay," Hunter said, leaning down and placing a small kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes and squeezed him to me.

  "3….2….1….Happy New Year’s!" My parents yelled behind us. A million fireworks could be seen and heard from all around the neighborhood.

  "I love you, too,
Hunter," I said, standing on my tip toes, and kissing him. I backed up to look at him. "Happy New Year’s," I said, smiling. He brushed his hand across my cheek.

  "You know," Hunter said, over the fireworks, "they say that whoever you kiss at midnight is the person you're going to be with the rest of the year," he smirked at me.

  I smiled broadly. "Well, that works out perfectly."

  "Does it now?" he asked, putting his hands on my hips and pulling me closer to him.

  "It does."