Hold My Hand

by Paloma Beck

  William spoke to the maître de quickly before he turned back to me and smiled, shaking his head slowly.

  “Such an inquisitive elf you are, Aubrey.” His hand stroked my cheek and I leaned into his touch. My body craved him, moved towards him of its own free will. I couldn’t help but avert my eyes to the floor when he was this close. His presence was overwhelming.

  “I want to learn about you.”

  With his thumb under my chin, he raised my gaze to him before answering, “Baylor lives in my guest cottage, and to answer your earlier question, yes, Baylor has the weekends free unless we’re traveling. Does this meet your satisfaction, little elf?”

  “Yes sir.”

  A clearing of the throat behind me caught our attention. The maître de, waiting to seat us, bowed slightly and we followed. Our table was near the window looking out on the city. Tucked behind foliage, we were isolated, with utmost privacy except for the darkened sky beyond the window. This was one of those swanky places that required reservations, the type I’d never frequented. My attire –the beautiful clothes William had sent me- suddenly made more sense. He would know I’d own nothing acceptable for this restaurant.

  There was no menu placed in front of me. I remembered this from last time we ate at a restaurant so I didn’t even ask. I sat quietly, smoothing down the soft fabric of the shortest skirt I’d ever worn in all my life. I liked it though. It made me feel pretty and feminine. When I walked, it ever so lightly brushed against my thighs. I felt lighter, more delicate but not so much breakable as I’ve felt in the past.

  Today’s experience has liberated me somehow, leaving me to feel more like a woman to be desired than ever before. William has brought this feeling to me. If for nothing else, I owe him for this gift.

  William’s voice wrapped around me as he spoke and I returned from my inner thoughts. “I’m pleased you enjoyed your afternoon at the spa.”

  “It was an entirely new experience. I still don’t quite know what to think of all that plucking.” My sensor failed me again as these words escaped my lips, and I’m graced with William’s robust laugh. I amuse him; my sheltered, insecure little life amuses him. If not overshadowed by the joy of William’s laughter, these moments would’ve caused me to question myself.

  “Aubrey, I can assure you the plucking, as you call it, will well be worth it.”

  “I did enjoy the pampering. I haven’t worn nail polish since I was a little girl and my sister painted my toes.” He smiled at my confession before looking to the approaching waiter bringing us wine.

  I continued to observe him, again from under lowered lashes as the waiter poured wine into William’s glass and waited. After tasting, William nodded and the waiter filled both glasses. He placed the bottle on the table and left us, all this done without a single word so very much like I remember from our last meal at a restaurant.

  “You’ll enjoy this wine. It’s sweeter than the last and I suspect you will found it quite delicious.” William sipped from his glass and raised his eyebrow in expectation. I picked up my own glass, placed the sparkling glass to my lips and tasted the warm liquid as it rolled onto my tongue. It was magical, true to his word; this wine was more delicious than the first.

  I embraced the feeling –the newly waxed Aubrey drinking wine in this restaurant with this glorious man– and I allowed the warmth from the wine, the amazing tastes bursting on my tongue, to relax me.

  Setting my glass down, I felt myself smile. It was a good feeling.

  “You’re smiling. I very much like you smiling.” I liked this too. I could count how often I’ve smiled in recent years – not nearly enough.

  “Thank you.”

  I reached to pick up my wine glass again but William took it instead. He held it to my lips with one hand while his other moved my hands to my lap. His eyes remained focused on me as he served me sip after sip. I felt his eyes watching as I swallowed and the nectar coated my throat. It was mesmerizing to be watched by William and before I realized, he was setting down my empty glass. I didn’t intend to drink so much, not knowing what lay ahead of me tonight.

  “Your cheeks are flushed again. I found it absolutely beautiful.”

  I said nothing. He left me without words so I just sat, blushing, with my hands in my lap where he placed them.

  “Remember, this is where you say thank you sir.” His voice deepened as he guided me in our conversation, as always he was my teacher and I was his student.

  “Thank you, sir,” I repeated and earned myself another smile.

  When the waiter returned, William ordered for us, and again the waiter left without a word from my lips.

  “So you enjoyed your spa outing. And I am pleased with how beautiful you look.”

  I blushed at his compliment, “Thank you sir.”

  “You will grow used to such treatments,” he reassured me, stroking his fingers along the side of my cheek. I looked up, shocked at the tender look in William’s eyes.

  “They make me feel uncomfortable, like I feel in the restaurants you’ve taken me to.” My confession was brave. I’d mustered the courage from somewhere deep inside. At the last moment, I second-guessed my bravery but it was too late.

  “I know you don’t feel comfortable but you’ll learn. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy having you do things you aren’t quite comfortable with.” William poured more wine into my glass but I reminded myself to keep my mind clear.

  I furrowed my brows, confusion clear on my face, “I don’t understand.”

  “My little elf, something I enjoy very much is power. I want to see just how far I can push you, how much I can make you go beyond where you’re comfortable. I want to see where your limits lie. And I want to see what you’ll do when I’ve pushed too far.” William’s eyes were glimmering. He appeared excited by these thoughts.

  Stunned by his admission, I sat in silence. I noticed my breathing had accelerated and I reached for my wine glass to take another sip and calm my nerves. Licking my lips, contemplating an appropriate response, I said simply, “Thank you, sir.”

  William was delighted. I saw the happiness written across his face. “Sweet, sweet Aubrey, I also look forward to giving you so many experiences you’ve never known. The fact that it keeps you slightly off-balance simply means you need me more than when you’re in control.”

  “Domination and submission, I understand, sir.” Nodding my head, I felt the cozy table we were seated at closing in on me. He was the lion. I was the prey. The gazelle too paralyzed to move – it has new meaning now. I fully understood the paralysis.

  I was so grateful for the moment our meals arrived. I waited as the waiter placed the plates on the table, asked William if there would be anything else and then we were alone again. Just William and Aubrey.

  “Will we always share?” I asked softly, not wanting to question William’s authority. I know better than to do this. I’ve grown up being taught such a thing. You stupid girl, do as you’re told. To question my father would’ve meant a backhand or degradation on my stupidity.

  For now, I was simply trying to learn my way and William had been a good teacher. I was willing to take the risk that he’d continue to be safe for me.

  “I find always to be a dangerous term but yes, we’ll more often share than not. I like feeding you.” He nodded and surveyed the food. Tonight’s fare was Italian – it smelled and looked delicious.

  “You like Italian cuisine?”

  “It smells delicious.” I opened my mouth to allow him to feed me from his fork. It was less awkward than the first time we did this. He watched me chew, waiting with raised brow for my appraisal of the food.

  “It tastes delicious.”

  “Let’s enjoy our meal then. Think of it as energy because I’m looking forward to an active weekend.” William raised his eyebrows and gave me a look that shook me to my toes. “Since much of this weekend’s activities will be my choice, you can choose our dinner conversation.”

  I finish chewing s
lowly to give myself time to decide. Here’s my chance. It’s my one opportunity to learn something about William. I swallowed, took a sip of my wine, and waited for liquid courage to pump through my veins as I considered my choices.

  “There must be something you’d like to know about me?” William coaxed a response from me with his soft tone. I didn’t need to be so worried around this man – he likes me. I may not know the reason but I’m confident in the declaration.

  “What do you do for work?” I realized this question was at the crux of everything I wondered about his lifestyle and so I chose my topic accordingly.

  “Interesting choice, of all the things I imagined you’d ask.” Nodding his head, he seemed to approve of my question. As he forked more food and fed me, I listened to him talk.

  “I develop communities –homes much like communes– in foreign countries. I find investors, connect with builders and give people safe places to live.”

  I was stunned and once again amazed by this man. As I listened to him explain his work, I added generous, caring and philanthropic to my list of positives about William. I said none of this aloud, instead asking, “Which countries? Have you traveled there?” I felt the excitement building as I considered his lifestyle. It differed so much from my simpler career choice of writing.

  “I travel to every place my company has a site. They’re all over the world but mostly in countries affected by war, with people who have no hope for anything better in life under the current government’s policies. The aid our country provides isn’t enough though we’re usually the giant that destroyed what these people had. I can’t be bothered with politics so instead, I find investors willing to do something.”

  I considered what he said as I chewed, using the time to clear my mind and formulate an appropriate response. “This is amazing work you do.”

  “It’s simply my work, Aubrey. It’s no more amazing than these people deserve.” He paused to take a bite of our meal, “And I found I rather like puzzles. I discover an area of need and put together the pieces – investors, construction crews, supply companies. It’s exciting work for me. At the end, when the communities are fully functioning, the results are satisfying.”

  We finished our meal at a leisurely pace with William talking about his work. I was no less than astounded by this man all over again; and then equally confused how he could possibly be drawn to me.

  On the other hand, perhaps not – perhaps I was a puzzle, a person in need he planned to help. I may be no more to him than this. I took inventory of my heart and wrapped it firmly back up to be sure not to let it go too easily. Suddenly making sense of William’s interest in me reminded me I was nothing more than plain Aubrey. You are nothing, a nobody.

  After the waiter cleared away the plates, William’s next words snapped me back to reality. “Are you prepared for this weekend, Aubrey? I know physically all has been attended to but I’m asking one last time –before there’s no turning back– if you’re certain.” His finger stroked along my cheek until it rested ever so gently on my lower lip, pulling it down until I parted my lips so he could sip from them.

  The kiss was soft and went no deeper than the cursory touch but it placed him close enough, I could feel his breath as he spoke. I knew he could feel mine and I was caught again in his net. Ensnared by this magnificent man who was giving me yet another chance to run from him.

  “Yes. I’m certain, sir,” my words were spoken on a sigh as I breathed him in.

  He immediately stood, pulled out my chair and held out his hand. His face looked tight. William was now focused clearly on a mission. I suspected that mission was me and I flushed considering the next step in our journey together. Firming my resolve, I took his hand and allowed him to lead me.

  The car ride to William’s home passed far too quickly, or perhaps not fast enough. He took a phone call so I distracted myself by watching the changing leaves on the trees we passed. Blurry but still vivid in color, the leaves were vibrant with oranges and golds. The fall foliage was one of my favorite things about New England. Raised in Ohio most of my life, nothing compared to Boston’s fall foliage. The leaves were also a nice distraction as we drew closer to the unknown.

  It grew silent in the car. I turned to see William had finished his call and was now watching me, openly taking in my features from beside me. He stroked my cheek and I could nearly feel his uncertainty. This was something I hadn’t felt from this incredibly strong man before now. He was always in control, firm and steady.

  “I’m humbled by your trust, sweet Aubrey. I will honor it.” His eyes bore into me. They were hot, too hot with a depth threatening to set me aflame. The brief insecurity I glimpsed just a moment before was now gone, in its place the same determination and strength I’m used to seeing.

  “When we go inside, take off your shoes at the front door. You’ll not wear shoes at home. Leave your purse and shoes in the foyer closet.”

  “I…” his finger on my lips halted my words.

  “When you obey me, no matter what it is I ask of you, I feel your trust in me. It’s a gift you give to me.” The stroking of his fingers through my hair relaxed me and I closed my eyes, leaning into his hand. “Open your eyes. Look at me.”

  There was no hesitation, my eyes snapped back open.

  “Once you’ve put your things away, I’ll be waiting for you in the den. Come to me and kneel at my feet.” His gaze was so intense that I was certain he didn’t miss the deep swallow I took or the flush of my cheeks at the thought of kneeling before him. It was beginning. Everything I agreed to –everything I wanted– this was the moment.

  With shaking hands, I adjusted myself on the seat and moved closer to the door. William got out and extended his hand to help me out as well. He held onto my hand as I called out over my shoulder, “Good night, Baylor,” and wondered exactly how much of our conversation Baylor had heard.

  “Good night, Miss… Aubrey,” He fumbled his words and I was charmed. William’s expression told me he wasn’t as charmed.

  “I’ll see you Monday morning, Baylor. Have a good weekend,” William dismissed him that easily and led me into the house.

  *****

  My legs carried me towards William, seated on the sofa in the den. I was amazed they’d held up with the spinning of my head and the frantic pumping of my heart. Simple gravity must be propelling me towards him as fear of the unknown swamped me.

  The chatter inside my head -you can do this, you can do this- was not doing what I needed it to. I needed confidence and bravery. I needed all those things William saw in me that I couldn’t seem to grasp. I’m just Aubrey, no one significant and with nothing to give. I have no experience except what I’ve read, no life experience to offer, and yet he wants me. I couldn’t make sense of it as these thoughts jumbled in my head.

  I walked as silently as I could, fingers folded into themselves as I gripped my hands for strength. William watched me patiently as I made my way to stand in front of him, between his widened knees and awkwardly knelt. I kept my back straight, placed my hands in my lap and lowered my eyes. I couldn’t look at William in this moment.

  “Good, sweet Aubrey,” William spoke in a soothing, gentle voice as he leaned into me. I felt his eyes on me but made no move, breathed not a single word.

  “Arch your back slightly.” I did as instructed. “Good.”

  “Place your hands on your knees, palms up.” Again, I did as instructed. “Good.”

  “Your posture is beautiful,” he paused as I continued to feel his eyes on my body. “Manners, sweet Aubrey.”

  His stern voice and simple reminder spurred me into action. “Thank you, sir.”

  “Sometimes our time will be about pleasure. Sometimes it’ll be about punishment or discipline. Tonight though is instruction, the beginning of your training. I plan to teach you how to please me.”

  “Thank you, sir,” I whispered in a shaky voice sounding far different from my own. In this foreign moment, I was both terri
fied and thrilled. Despite the awkwardness of never having done this before, it felt safe. He planned to teach me how to please him so I wouldn’t need to guess.

  William stood and circled me. His hands massaged my shoulders as I held my kneeling pose before him. Slowly, they trailed the edge of my wrap dress. His fingers lightly brushed my breasts until he reached the knotted belt holding everything together. With two pulls, I’m bared to him.

  He pushed the dress down my arms. “Allow it to drop from you.” I obeyed without question and now kneeled before him in just the lacy lingerie set he bought for me. It was a gift for me that I now offered up to him.

  “Since I can’t fuck you as I’d like to yet, we’ll focus on oral skills.” William moved around me again so he was standing in front of me. His fingers brushed along my cheeks, my chin, and my mouth. With gentle strokes, he separated my lips and placed one finger between them. I couldn’t help myself from gently lapping his finger with my tongue. The salty flavor and the texture so delicious, I drew his finger in deeper and sucked.

  William groaned softly, almost like a purr, and I smiled as he pulled his finger away. I kept my eyes straight ahead and watched as his fingers pulled the snap of his pants open and drew down the zipper. I swallowed as my heart threatened to beat out of my chest. William reached inside his pants, pulled his boxers to the side and released his penis. I’d never seen one so close. It was intimidating, to say the least.

  I made a small whimpering sound. William reached out to stroke my cheek. “You’re doing so good. Don’t be afraid.” I closed my eyes at his gentleness. How did he know it was exactly what I needed in that moment?

  I felt an unaccustomed touch to my lips. I opened my eyes to see William guiding his cock to my mouth, gently stroking my lips with the tip when I failed to open soon enough. My breathing hitched as I felt my heart rate accelerate once again.

  “Relax and I’ll tell you exactly what I want you to do.”