Secrets of the Wee Free Men and Discworld

by Linda Washington

  Dwarfs, on the other hand, have a better reputation, but are sometimes seen as avaricious because of their love of silver and gold, as The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and other books attest. They have the same reputation in Discworld. Exhibit A: “Gold, Gold, Gold”—a popular dwarf song. They’re a dual-society people (Copperhead and Ankh-Morpork), like many immigrants in America who try to assimilate into American society while maintaining roots back home. Like the trolls, dwarfs also have a watchdog committee—the Committee for Equal Heights.

  Werewolves vs. Vampires vs. Humans

  Even a man who is pure in heart … May become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms.

  —Poem from The Wolf Man65

  Look! It’s a black chicken! Get it!

  —A hungry family, trying to catch Dracula in bat form in Love at First Bite66

  In Underworld and Underworld: Evolution, the werewolves (lycans) and vampires have been at war for ages. The two movies show a touch of forbidden love in the vein of West Side Story and Romeo and Juliet (the play that inspired West Side Story) with the relationship between Selene (Kate Beckinsale), a vampire Death Dealer who kills werewolves, and Michael (Scott Speedman), a werewolf/vampire. (With that combination—werewolf vs. vampire—you can’t win.) So, why the animosity? Because werewolves are the only species vampires fear—or so we’re told in some stories. Werewolves can kill vampires.

  So is it any wonder that in Discworld, vampires and werewolves find getting along difficult? Angua, the resident werewolf on the Watch, can’t stand vampires and cringes at being forced to work with Lance-constable Sally von Humpeding, the Watch’s first vampire. But Angua’s animosity goes all the way back to life in the old country—Uberwald, where werewolves and vampires only work with other species when plotting misery to others they hate more.

  Human animosity toward vampires is just as deeply ingrained. Few people on the Disc are fond of vampires, as Carpe Jugulum, The Fifth Elephant, and Thud! make abundantly clear. Vimes’s antipathy toward them, in just about every book he’s in, shows the standard human response.

  It’s the same in our world. What’s the first thing you think of when the subject of vampires comes up? Is it a warm and cheery thought? Y’know, I’d like a vampire to drop by for dinner someday. No matter how appealing they might seem (e.g., Constantine in Sunshine by Robin McKinley, Selene—Kate Beckinsale’s character in the Underworld movies, Wesley Snipes’s hybrid vampire in the Blade movies, Angel in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Edward in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer), you would still give them a wide berth, as Angua tries to give Sally, even if they claim to hunt other vampires. After all, they can’t help looking at you the way Hannibal Lecter looks at a human—as an entrée to go with the fava beans.

  In the past, literature and movies painted a dark picture of the vampire. After Bram Stoker, many authors, including Stephen King (Salem’s Lot), and screenwriters showcased these creatures of the night as the enemy (think of From Dawn till Dusk). But nowadays, they’ve been given a new status as angst-ridden “sexy beasts”—tortured souls just lookin’ for love (or as Eddie Murphy in an old Saturday Night Live skit said, “Wookin’ pa nub”) and tryin’ to survive the best way they can. Exhibit A: Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles. Exhibit B: the Underworld movies. Exhibit C: just about any young adult series involving vampires, including Meyer’s Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, and Ellen Schreiber’s Vampire Kisses. Oh, and let us not forget Christopher Moore’s books about Jody the vampire—Exhibit D. Lastly, Exhibit E: hundreds of books listed on Amazon about finding love with a vampire. With vampires like these, potential victims almost beg to be bitten. (I [Linda] admit to a partiality for Meyer’s series, thanks to strong, likable characters. But I’d still go “Tiffany Aching” all over any who came my way—frying pan and a good stake well done. Clang! I prefer my blood in my body, thank you.)

  And werewolves or werewolf-of-sorts movies? Consider special effects-laden movies such as An American Werewolf in London, The Howling (which spawned seventy-five thousand sequels—okay, a slight exaggeration), Wolfen, Van Helsing (Kate Beckinsale again), the Underworlds, and Brotherhood of the Wolf. (The Beast of Gevaudan in the last movie is not really a werewolf. But this movie has the essence of the werewolf movie.) Although we pity the victim of the werewolf’s bite who undergoes a painful metamorphosis when the moon is full, werewolves are portrayed as ravenous, untrustworthy creatures—just a cut above vampires. They simply can’t help killing! While werewolves are viewed with sympathy in Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klause, the element of being somewhat out of control when the full moon hangs in the sky is there.

  Werewolves in Discworld are tolerated more than vampires are, particularly on non-full-moon nights, but are not much liked. The undead have that effect on people. Like the Underworld saga, the forbidden love between Angua and Carrot serves as a way to bridge the gap created by the uneasy relations between humans and the undead.

  Zombies vs. Humans

  I always look for an intense experience, an intense ride. There is nothing better than a good zombie movie where you run crazy and blow at monsters!

  —Sarah Polley, actress in Dawn of the Dead (2004 version)67

  If you’ve seen Peter Jackson’s movie Braindead, George Romero on a zombie roll (Day of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead), Re-animator, The Fog, Army of Darkness, Shaun of the Dead, Resident Evil, Dawn of the Dead (2004), or any of the score upon score of other zombie movies out there (including the not-really-zombies-but-still-murderous-crazies in 28 Days Later or its sequel), you’ve seen the normal reaction to zombies (i.e., destroy them). After all, who wants to cozy up to something homicidal and hungry (Hannibal Lecter, anyone)?

  But in Pratchett’s world, zombies are a beleaguered minority. Watchman Reg Shoe is a self-described advocate, combating prejudice toward the Discworld dead, while Mr. Slant takes the route of assimilation by heading the guild of lawyers in society.

  Wizard Windle Poons briefly experiences the aversion of others when he dies and becomes a zombie in Reaper Man. But Reg’s Dead Rights group (the Fresh Starters) are there to succor and protect him.

  But then there’s Saturday, the murdered baron of Genua, who comes back as an avenging zombie. Saturday, which is an allusion to Baron Samedi, a voodoo figure, is the right-hand man of Mrs. Gogol, the voodoo witch in Witches Abroad. While Saturday thirsts for vengeance, he’s still polite about it. No chewing on humans for him! But he will kill them if necessary.

  Golems vs. Humans

  Golem: I feel so guilty! I’ve mangled and maimed thirty-seven people and I told a telemarketer I was busy when I wasn’t! I’m not a good man.

  Lisa Simpson: He sure is neurotic for a monster.68

  We shall overcome someday.

  —Lyrics adapted from a gospel song written by Charles Tindley

  If you’ve played video games such as Warcraft III or Enchanted Arms, you’ve seen golems at work and probably already know that golems are from Jewish folklore. In one tale, Rabbi Judah Loew created a golem when the Jews in Prague were persecuted during the nineteenth century. But these animated beings created from clay are treated as mindless slaves in Discworld. Hmm. You can’t help thinking about Gollum in Lord of the Rings, who was a slave to the ring.

  In Discworld, golems are given the worst tasks to do and have no rights whatsoever—a situation reminiscent of human slavery, especially the enslavement of African Americans in the seventeenth through the nineteenth centuries in America. Golems are viewed as little more than chattel—something that can be sold or destroyed at an owner’s whim. The golems could probably hum a bar or two of “We Shall Overcome.”

  Isn’t it interesting that stories of golems flourished during times of persecution in Jewish history? While the golem has the protector role in Jewish folklore, it has the hunting-down-the-humans-to-destroy-them role in video games—a role not far from that of a robot or a cyborg like the terminators of the Terminator movie series.
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br />   According to Jewish folklore, a person who had a golem was considered wise, especially since golems were created with a sacred word attached to their foreheads like a phylactery. The Discworld golems (Dorfl, Mr. Pump, Anghammerad, etc.) have those sacred words, which Carrot later uses to free Dorfl in Feet of Clay.

  The golem legend might have inspired Mary Shelley to create Frankenstein. It certainly inspired such writers as Michael Chabon (The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay), Jorge Luis Borges, Jonathan Stroud, and Isaac Bashevis Singer.

  Banshees vs. Humans

  Banshee. The domestic spirit of certain Irish or Highland Scottish families, supposed to take an interest in its welfare, and to wait at the death of one of the family.69

  The howl of the banshee is supposed to drive a person crazy. Maybe that’s because the banshee’s scream is the signal that death is coming for you. But if you’re in Discworld, perhaps the banshee’s methods won’t drive you crazy—not if the omen comes on a slip of paper thrust under your door by Mr. Ixolite.

  Banshees, like vampires and werewolves, have their place in Discworld. Although Mr. Gryle’s murderous actions might give them a bad name, for the most part all’s quiet on the western front. Ixolite is part of Reg Shoe’s Fresh Starters group, which means that for the banshee there’s some perception of mistreatment. It’s difficult to want someone around who screams piercingly at you. (Well, Mr. Ixolite, a shy banshee with a speech impediment, wouldn’t.)

  In folklore, banshees were of the female persuasion, since the name means “woman of fairyland.” But if you’re an X-Men fan, you know that the Banshee (Sean Cassidy) was male and had a piercing sonic scream. Guess Pratchett decided to buck tradition as well, by making his banshees male.

  In a skillfully woven tapestry, you don’t notice so much the individual threads as you notice the picture as a whole. In Discworld, no thread seems out of place.

  5

  The Play’s the Thing

  The play’s the thing wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king.

  —Hamlet, act 2, scene ii, lines 633-34

  ACT I: IN WHICH WE EXAMINE SHAKESPEARE

  Where There’s a Will(iam Shakespeare), There’s a Way

  When you read Shakespeare, what do you think of besides descriptions like clever or boring or memories of the fifth-period English teacher or college prof who nauseated you? Depends on the play, right? If you read Macbeth (“the Scottish play”—see the sidebar here) or saw it performed, maybe you remember certain lines, especially since many of them are quoted in fantasy books or scripts as disparate as old Star Trek (the “classic” series) reruns or Harry Potter films. If you read Hamlet, or even if you didn’t, you can probably recall some of the “to be or not to be” soliloquy, since it’s quoted often. And if you read A Midsummer’s Night Dream or saw the 1999 movie of the same name that starred Christian Bale, Kevin Kline, Rupert Everett, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sophie Marceau, and Calista Flockhart, well, who knows what you probably thought during that!

  For Pratchett, reading Shakespeare was the catalyst to a Discworld plot or some aspect of Discworld mythology. But not just Shakespeare. There’s also Andrew Lloyd Webber (The Phantom of the Opera), Richard Wagner (the Ring Cycle), and other composers and authors.

  DISC-CLAIMER:

  Plot spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk.

  Just As You Like It: A Big MacMess with a Side Order of Ham(let)

  If you read Wyrd Sisters and some of the other Lancre witch novels (Maskerade, for example), you revisited some aspects of the plot and some of the lines of Macbeth. But not just Macbeth. There’s also a smattering of As You Like It, one of Shakespeare’s comedies, and Hamlet—probably his most well-known tragedy. You know—it’s the one where Hamlet learns that his mother’s new husband, Claudius, killed Hamlet’s father. (A therapy session just waiting to happen.)

  The plot of Macbeth, in short, is this: After three witches (the weird sisters) predict that Macbeth, thane of Glamis and lately of Cawdor, will become king of Scotland (and that his friend Banquo will be the father of kings), the henpecked Macbeth is encouraged by his wife to “screw his courage to the sticking-place”70—a line Gaston sang in Beauty and the Beast—and murder Duncan (the king, a guest in their castle), thus taking over the throne of Scotland. Lady Macbeth plants the daggers on the king’s servants. But when Macduff, yet another thane, visits and discovers the murder, Macbeth murders the servants.

  The late king’s sons, Malcolm and Donalbain, flee to England and Ireland respectively and are suspected of the deed. But Macduff suspects Macbeth. During his exile from Scotland, Macduff resolves to bring one of the king’s sons back to rule.

  Meanwhile back at the ranch, or rather, castle, Macbeth then hires two murderers to off Banquo and his son, Fleance, who escapes. Banquo’s ghost makes a guest appearance at Macbeth’s home. Macbeth then visits the three witches, and hears a ghost prophesy that none of woman born will harm him. Ha, ha! No one should ever trust that line, as the Witch King in Return of the King could tell you. Wait. He can’t. Eowyn finished him off, thanks to a similar prophecy.

  Back to Macbeth: The witches also tell him that he’ll be defeated if forces unite at Birnam Wood. Macbeth then sends the murderers to deal with Macduff. But he’s not home. Just so the trip isn’t a total loss, they murder Macduff’s family and servants.

  The guilt over the murder of Duncan and subsequent crimes sends Lady Macbeth over the edge. She later dies, undoubtedly by her own hand.

  Malcolm brings forces from England to usurp the throne. During the war, Macduff, who fights on Malcolm’s side, kills Macbeth. Before doing so, Macduff smugly announces that he was taken from his mother’s womb earlier than normal (possibly by Caesarean). Another prophecy is fulfilled.

  In Wyrd Sisters (an obvious play on “weird sisters” or the Fates), Duke Felmet and his lady are, of course, the Macbeth and Lady Macbeth of the story. By murdering King Verence, Duke Felmet usurps the throne of Lancre. But Granny Weatherwax, Magrat Garlick, and Nanny Ogg take on the roles of the three witches as well as of Macduff when they rescue the king’s son (Tomjon) and try to get his throne back for him.

  The duke is a little more insane and the duchess a lot less so than are the couple in Macbeth. And Felmet’s wife is much more calculating and vicious, with no moral guilt.

  The opening line of Macbeth, spoken by the First Witch (“When shall we three meet again?”), appears at the beginning of Maskerade and Wyrd Sisters. (Well, in Maskerade, “we two” appear, instead of three.) The “rule of three” witches that Granny enforces in Maskerade harks back to Macbeth’s three witches as well as to the three archetypes of women: the maiden, the mother, and the crone, and the three Fates in Greek mythology—Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos. Three witches are deemed more powerful together than one.

  Plays written by Hwel (shades of Will?) the dwarf, a friend of Tomjon, are parodied lines from Macbeth and As You Like It.

  PRATCHETT SHAKESPEARE

  King: Is this a dagger see before me, its handle pointing at my hand?71 I Macbeth: Is this a dagger which I see before me, the handle toward my hand? (Macbeth, act II, scene i, lines 33-34)

  All the Disc it is but an Theater, Ane alle men and wymmen are but Players.72 All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely play ers. (As You Like It, act II, scene vii, lines 139-43)

  The very soil cries out at tyranny.73 Macduff: Bleed, bleed, poor country: Great tyranny, lay thou thy basis sure (Macbeth, act IV, scene iii, line 38)

  The title of one of Hwel’s plays—Please Yourself—is an allusion to As You Like It—a romantic comedy concerning love at first sight (Orlando for Rosalind), banishment (Orlando and Rosalind again), cross-dressing (uh, Rosalind), and betrayal (Rosalind again; just kidding—this time it’s usurping brother Frederick against his brother, Duke Senior). Love wins out, of course.

  The duchess’s suggestion to use a play to cause the people of Lancre to hate the witches reminds us of Hamlet’s hope that a
play will “catch the conscience” of his murderous uncle, Claudius. A more direct allusion to Hamlet comes when Vitoller (theater manager and surrogate father of Tomjon) says, “The pay’s the thing” but then switches to “the play’s the thing.”74

  An earlier allusion to Hamlet (possibly) comes when Granny, Nanny, and Magrat attend a play in the hopes of choosing a surrogate family for Verence’s son, whom they rescued from a murderous guard. During the play, Granny is appalled by and confused about the scene she sees—a murder and the murderer’s speech concerning his sorrow over the murder. Could this be an allusion to Hamlet’s murder of Polonius in act III, scene iv of Hamlet?

  Since we’re on the subject of foolish behavior, let’s move on to fools. Even though there is a Fools and Joculators guild in Ankh-Morpork, Verence’s profession as a fool harks back to Touchstone the fool in As You Like It, as well as to lines spoken by Jaques, a depressed character. A fool’s capering lightens Jaques’s mood, as he describes in act II, scene vii. Also, the fact that Verence (or the Fool, as he is known for much of Wyrd Sisters) constantly uses the language of the day (“marry,” “prithee”) fits the Shakespearean mode.

  A Slumber Party, Lords and Ladies

  Next up in the playbill: Lords and Ladies (LL). While Pratchett’s LL is not a parody of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Shakespeare’s tale of erroneous match-ups among lovers, it has some similarities. Verence II, the king of Lancre, and Magrat Garlick are on the eve of their wedding (one that will take place on Midsummer Day), just as Duke Theseus (yes, that Theseus—the Greek hero) and Hippolyta in Dream are. There’s even to be a special play that takes place on Midsummer’s Eve to commemorate the wedding of Verence and Magrat. And whaddya know—a play is held at the wedding feast of Theseus and Hippolyta in Dream. Unlike “the story of the Queen of the Fairies”75 that Jason Ogg describes in LL, in Dream a group of Athenian laborers—Quince the carpenter, Snug the joiner, Bottom the weaver, Starveling the tailor, Snout the tinker, and Flute the bellows-mender—perform the love story of Pyramus and Thisbe, a reference to a story in Metamorphoses by Ovid and one that parallels the situation with Lysander and Hermia.