Secrets of the Wee Free Men and Discworld

by Linda Washington

  In Discworld, there’s a difference between wizards, magicians, conjurers, and thaumaturgists. Magicians are those who flunked out of Unseen University but at least they aren’t conjurers or thaumaturgists—the lowest form of magic practitioner, a person lacking an education. Proper wizards earn their degrees from Unseen University.

  In terms of wise, heroic wizards, on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the wisest/most heroic), many of Pratchett’s denizens of Unseen University would probably rank a 2 at best, with Merlin, Gandalf, Ged, Dumbledore, and many of the others mentioned above solidly at the 10 spot. (Okay, maybe we’d give Ridcully and the Librarian a 5 or 6 for effort.) Pratchett’s wizards are at the college don end of the spectrum—more apt to wield a knife and fork than a staff in action. It’s not that they’re powerless, they’re just … well … hungry.

  DISC-CLAIMER:

  Plot spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk.

  THE LOOK THAT SAYS “WIZZARD”

  On a number of occasions, Granny Weatherwax and other witches mention that a witch’s hat earns a witch respect. But what about the wizards? Is there a look that screams “wizard” (or in Rincewind’s case—“wizzard”)? When you think of the archetypal look of a wizard, perhaps you immediately think of Gandalf, Merlin, or the wizard in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (whose score, L’apprenti sorcier, a scherzo by Paul Dukas, was based on a story by Goethe) as animated in Fantasia. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice wizard had your typical blue robe and the tall, pointed blue hat with moons and stars. Merlin also favored the tall, pointed hat and a robe with zodiac symbols, fur tippets, and owl droppings. A nice look for spring. Gandalf, not to be left out, wore a similar hat, a gray robe (until he became Gandalf the White), and a dashing silver scarf. Ooo-la-la. And of course there’s the beard—white or gray—and the all-important staff—the medium through which power flows. (Wands are used in the Harry Potter series. Harry Dresden uses a wand and a staff.)

  Pratchett’s wizards are the equal of other wizards of fiction in fashion sense. They’ve got the beards, the pointed hats, the flowing robes, and the staffs. But Rincewind, a wizard wannabe, has a scraggly beard, a ragged robe, and a hat with the word “wizzard” on it. Not the kind of outfit that makes the best-dressed list or inspires confidence in Rincewind’s abilities.

  Evil wizards such as Abrim, the grand vizier in Sourcery, favor the turban-with-a-tiny-fez look set off with a thin moustache—a look Jafar rocked in Disney’s Aladdin movies (Aladdin; Return of Jafar).

  Another look that says “wizard” is the stuffed alligator, described by Quoth the Raven in Soul Music. Igneous Cutwell, a wizard with whom Death’s one-time apprentice Mort has some dealings, also has one hanging from the ceiling of his shop. This brings to mind a story by L. Frank Baum called “The Stuffed Alligator,” published in 1905. It concerns the capture, stuffing, and display of a young, disobedient alligator and how his mother rescues him through the aid of the Red-Eyed One, an alligator magician.

  HEAD OF THE CLASS

  Unseen University in Ankh-Morpork is to the Discworld series what Hogwarts is to the Harry Potter series; what the School of Wizardry on Roke is to the Earthsea series; what the City of Magicians on Kelewan and Pug’s academy on Macros’s island are to the Riftwar series; and what the Mage College of Armethalieh is to the Obsidian Trilogy—the place where magic is studied and taught. Hogwarts has its headmaster, the School of Wizardry on Roke its Arch-Mage, and Armethalieh its High Mage—the one who really runs the city. The three are considered the top wizards of their worlds. But in Unseen University, a place compared to the castle of Gormenghast (from the series written by Mervyn Peake), the archchancellor rules the roost.

  The archchancellor supposedly is the leader of all of the wizards throughout Discworld, just as the Arch-Mage is the leader of all high mages in Armetheliah and was handpicked by the gods but elected by his fellow wizards. (Go figure.)

  Who is like Mustrum Ridcully, who assumes the position in Moving Pictures? While not as kindly as Albus Dumbledore, he’s big on charm. He’s like Fellowship of the Ring’s Radagast in color (Ridcully the Brown), but unlike Radagast in that he yells at birds rather than befriends them, and hunts them with his hunting dragons. And he’s like Saruman, but only in rank (the leader of the wizards). Bluff, blustering, and outdoorsy, Ridcully, a seventh-level wizard (out of eight levels), isn’t the usual sort to hang around Unseen University. He attains the position for that simple fact. (The old archchancellor, Galder Weatherwax, an eighth-level wizard, disappears in The Light Fantastic.) He’s also incredibly cheap, as he cheerfully withholds office supplies from the staff. And in his youth, he wanted to marry Granny Weatherwax!

  Coin, a child sourcerer (an obvious wordplay on “sorcerer”) in Sourcery, briefly rules Unseen University and Ankh-Morpork, thanks to the plan of his crazy, vengeful father, Ipslore the Red. Since Coin is the eighth son of an eighth son of an eighth son, he is a “wizard squared,” according to Pratchett, and therefore a source of magic, rather than just a practitioner of magic. Drum Billet, the old wizard in Equal Rites, expects Eskarina to be an eighth son of an eighth son. This is a parody of the seventh-son-of-the-seventh-son aspect of mythology. You know—the seventh son is the wizard, the hero, a healer, or has some other unusual fate in folktales. Seven is believed to be a special number. So why eight here? Eight is an extremely important number in Discworld. Consider the eight great spells; octarine, the color of magic and the eighth color of the rimbow (Discworld’s version of a rainbow); the octograms wizards use—the list goes on and on.

  A FEW GOOD … MEN?

  Discworld has its share of eccentric wizards (almost a redundancy). We know many of the wizards of Unseen University by their titles, rather than their names. There’s the Senior Wrangler, the Lecturer in Recent Runes, the Dean, the Chair of Indefinite Studies, Dean of Pentacles, and so on. But then there’s Rincewind, who for a time has only one spell firmly anchored to his brain. He can’t do magic to save his life.

  And what of Unseen University’s Librarian? Although he is currently an orangutan, he was once a human who was magically transformed into an orangutan. And no, he does not wear a pointed hat. With Pratchett committed to the fight to save orangutans, is there any wonder that the Librarian chose to remain an orangutan rather than return to being human?

  It’s only fitting that we again mention Eskarina, who invades the boys’ club of wizardry by becoming Discworld’s first female wizard. Of course, Granny Weatherwax could have had that honor, had she been allowed to attend Unseen University in her younger days.

  THE STUDENT CENTER

  It stands to reason that a place of learning has to have students. And a wizard is always in the process of learning. But they had to start somewhere. For many, the road from apprenticeship to mastery is unending. Maybe that’s why many of Discworld’s wizards are really old. Ponder Stibbons, a former graduate student-turned-head of Inadvisably Applied Magic, is one of the youngest wizards on staff. But there are students like Victor Tugelbend (Moving Pictures ), who has the ability but lacks the drive to be a wizard, and Mr. Sideney (Hogfather), who lacks a moral compass and winds up in trouble for his part in the Hogfather escapade. They’re about as far from true mastery as toast is from being an apple. Small wonder since the risk of death for wizards is far higher than for nonwizards.

  Ged, Harry, Ron, Pug—we watch each on his road toward mastery. But does a wizard ever fully master his profession? Probably not. The wizards on Discworld keep learning one important lesson—how to stay alive.

  A WIZARD’S JOB IS NEVER DONE

  In The Prestige, the magicians always searched for the next trick—the one that would truly amaze an audience as well as catapult the magician to fame. Making the next discovery was their great work, like that of any scientist. But a wizard’s great work seems to consist of putting the right person on the throne (a job for witches in Discworld), stopping evil wherever it may arise (as a knight would), and then fading away with the passage of time. Merlin,
Ged, and Gandalf accepted the fading aspect of life. Discworld wizards accept this insofar as they know when they’re going to die. But as for putting the right person on the throne and other civic duties, well, they’d rather not get involved because doing so somehow always involves taxes. We can’t blame them.

  For some wizards, their great work is to find out what they’re really made of. Schmendrick, in The Last Unicorn, didn’t know he could work magic until he joined the unicorn’s quest. And Harry Potter’s soul-destroying life with the Dursleys proved to be the launching pad that gave Harry the resiliency he would later need in the fight against You-Know-Who. But what of Rincewind? Unlike self-doubting Schmendrick, he never comes to a place where he can work magic on his own. Yes, he works some in Eric—or at least seems to. But he was manipulated by a demon. And he works magic to a degree in Sourcery, but that’s all due to the incredible amount of magic in the air because of the rule of sourcery. So, for Rincewind, his great work is remaining alive.

  Some mundane tasks that a wizard handles might seem extraordinary to us. Wizards also are known for working the weather—stoking a breeze or blowing a cloud over the right place. Zedd, Ged, and many of the other mages of Earthsea were skilled weather workers. Even the wizards of Discworld accept this task as part of wizardry, but only act upon it when necessary. Teaching classes at Unseen University is another task they act upon only when necessary. But they are quick to lob a fireball at someone or something. They’re trigger-happy.

  For the wizard, words are of supreme importance—no matter what the task. Knowing the right words gives the wizard control. This is the lesson Brom taught Eragon in Eragon. This is what Ged learned in A Wizard of Earthsea. The Discworld wizards, too, are expected to have mastered the languages needed to cast spells—although they sometimes argue about those words.

  MAGE WARS ROCK THE HOUSE

  With all of that power, there are bound to be some egos and evil among wizardkind. Just about every world with wizards goes through mage wars, as writers like Robert Jordan, Terry Goodkind, J. K. Rowling, Mercedes Lackey, and others attest. If you read any of their series, you know that these wars are sometimes triggered by evil wizards (or those with seriously confused priorities) bent on world domination. A small band of plucky heroes unsure of their own powers is there to try to stop them, even if they wind up sacrificing their lives in the process. In the Harry Potter series, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, and other wizards are on the side of good against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. In Debt of Bones, it’s Zedd versus the evil Panis Rahl and, in Wizard’s First Rule, Zedd and Richard square off against Darken Rahl. In The Farthest Shore, Ged is pitted against Cob, a wizard who just happens to be dead. In the Obsidian Trilogy, the war is between the human and elf mages (not that there are many of the latter) on the one side and the evil Endarkened mages. Although mage wars can sometimes foster wars between humans and other beings, the emphasis in a mage war is on those who wield the power.

  Sourcery describes the mage war in Discworld that results when the archchancellor’s stolen hat is worn by the evil Abrim. Wizard egos get in the way of Ipslore and Abrim’s twin quests for world domination. (More on the villain’s quest in chapter 12.) Of course, Rincewind is in the thick of things (he usually is) and the world nearly ends—par for the course in Discworld and for the life of a wizard.

  Top Gun

  Who would win in a mage contest between the wizards of fiction? Take a look at the stats below. 83

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  In a contest of sheer power, it’s hard to say who would win since all are considered the leaders of wizards. Coin has an edge simply because his powers are akin to the gods of Discworld and because he was able to trap the gods in a ball of thought. As Pratchett describes it, Coin’s too powerful even to remain in Discworld. Yet he’s human and probably could be killed, although we’re not sure how.

  Ridcully is the dark horse. There are advantages and disadvantages to his mage supremacy. Advantages: (1) He’s difficult to kill. Ask anyone who wants his job as archchancellor. (2) He would probably fight dirty. (3) He became a seventh-level wizard at an early age. Disadvantages: (1) He’d probably rather spend his time hunting than perfecting his art. (2) He didn’t attain the eighth level (probably out of self-preservation). (3) We’re not entirely positive that he could beat any of the other wizards in the chart, especially the sourcerer (okay, we know he can’t beat Coin). (4) We seriously doubt that he’d care, unless a fellow mage trespassed on Ridcully’s property or took his Wow-Wow sauce.

  Raymond Feist wrote a number of books on Pug, so you know how formidable an opponent he is. Could he beat Ridcully or Coin? Hmmm. The jury’s still out, especially since Pug’s powers are akin to the gods’. Since Tolkien and T. H. White focused on the horrors and sadness of war, rather than testosterone posturing among wizards, we can’t know the full extent of the powers of Merlin or Gandalf. Merlin’s part human and part, well, other, thanks to being the son of an incubus and a human. (There’s no Hallmark card for that.) But Gandalf is Maiar—a spirit being like an angel, according to Tolkien’s The Silmarillion. And as for Dumbledore, well, you know what happened to him in book 6.

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  The Reaper Man

  The Death of the Disc was a traditionalist who prided himself on his personal service and spent most of the time being depressed because this was not appreciated. He would point out that no one feared death itself, just pain and separation and oblivion, and that it was quite unreasonable to take against someone just because he had empty eye sockets and a quiet pride in his work.85

  Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

  —W. Somerset Maugham86

  A PERSONIFICATION TO REMEMBER

  Many would agree with us that Death is one of the most loved characters of Pratchett’s Discworld. The inevitable mortality of us makes the idea of death scary, but we have a fascination with Pratchett’s quirky representation. This personification of death87 is a seven-foot-tall skeletal man dressed in a black robe, with a scythe, who speaks in capital letters (more on this later). Readers are enamored with him, because of his endearing personality and his love of cats, among other things. He is the kind of guy you can sit down with and have tea, as he does with Miss Flitworth in Reaper Man. (Actually, we recall that being a quite uncomfortable situation.) Or you may want to play a game with him in his room of lifetimers with the guys (you know, War, Pestilence, and Famine—more on them in chapter 9) . It is not uncommon to see Death at the gentlemen’s club called Fidgett’s. At times he is sympathetic, sentimental, and oftentimes he is humorous (not on purpose). After all, he is not the one who takes a person’s life—just the one who picks up the dead.

  Pratchett books are different from many other fantasy or science fiction stories in that he throws in enough death to make it clear that good doesn’t always win. This creates the need for a character like Death because of the amount of souls in need of a pickup. He could have left it at that—you know, the clown88 is hit over the head by the ferocious werewolf and dies from a brain aneurysm, then continue on with the story—but typically an appearance of the character Death is in order. And eventually everyone meets Death.

  Death has been around on the Disc since the first book of the Discworld series in 1983: The Color of Magic. He makes his appearances in almost all Discworld books, with the exception of Wee Free Men, but the major Death-themed books are Mort, Reaper Man, Soul Music, Hogfather, and Thief of Time. Even though Death appears in earlier books, Mort is the one in which his character is truly developed.

  In Reaper Man, it is explained that Death was created by belief, just as were all the gods of the Disc. “He evolved, as it were, along with life. As soon as a living thing was even dimly aware of the concept of suddenly becoming a non-living thing, there was Death. He was Death long before humans ever considered him; they only added the shape and all the scythe and robe business to a personality that was already millio
ns of years old.”89 He is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Death is not limited by time and space. He has no need to sleep, and knows everything90

  OTHER PORTRAYALS OF DEATH

  Humans have been fascinated and fearful of death since the beginning of time, well, the beginning of mankind. It is only natural that we have personified Death into a skeletal form holding a scythe; after all, the Romans personified Genius by depicting a man holding a cornucopia.

  A medieval painting depicts Death as playing chess with a man (more on games with Death later). Death seems to be holding the chessboard on his lap, and both Death and the man appear to have smiles.

  Martine Leavitt wrote the book Keturah and Lord Death, which portrays Death uniquely as a young man who is the collector of souls. He is in love with the girl Keturah, who persuades him to let her live for just one more day (this happens multiple times) by telling him stories but not revealing the end. She must search out a love superior to death, to be granted life. Keturah alone is able to see Death and therefore knows when someone near her is about to be collected by him.

  Death Takes a Holiday is a romantic 1934 film about a personified Death who spends time on earth in hopes of understanding why humans fear him. He takes the form of a human named Prince Sirki. While taking a vacation from his job, he finds one who does not fear him and falls in love with her. While Death is on holiday, people and other living things stop dying. Meet Joe Black, a 1998 loose remake of Death Takes a Holiday, is similar in storyline, but was much less well received and twice as long.