Unwelcome Bodies

by Jennifer Pelland

  “She’ll die no matter where she goes. At the hospice, she’ll be made comfortable, and she won’t be able to infect anyone else. It’s the best we can do.”

  Kathleen looked at Reyna and Tim and ached to hug them, to try and draw some comfort from their presence. But even though they’d all just tested negative, she couldn’t bring herself to trust that they were truly safe, and instead clutched her fists to her chest, her skin growing cold.

  Reyna mumbled, “I’m getting my things,” and headed into the women’s locker room.

  Kathleen wordlessly watched the nurse go back into circulation, then emerge with her cart and head for the elevators. Anna was positive. The building was infected. Anna was going to die. They were never going to find a way to stop the spread of this disease. They were all going to die. Every person on Earth was going to die. Kathleen was going to die.

  She had to get out of there. For once, she found herself wanting to break the “one person in the locker room at a time” rule.

  * * * *

  The ID cards worked perfectly. Tessa found herself wishing they hadn’t. She was saved, she knew that, but what if these people didn’t want to be saved too? What if they wanted to stay healthy? What if they wanted to live? Oh God, Tessa wanted to live. She wanted to live so badly. She wanted to go to college, find a boyfriend, get married, have babies, see them grow up, and watch them have babies. She wanted to see her little brother grow taller than her, and her parents put their grandchildren on their knees and tell them stories. She wanted to have a big family reunion with all her aunts and uncles and cousins, and put the picture from it on her wall to have that moment frozen in time as she became an old woman.

  Instead, she was going to die before she turned seventeen.

  Maureen was suddenly standing in front of her, the thin December sunlight reflecting off of the lenses of her gas mask. “It’s normal to have second thoughts,” she said, her voice muffled through the mask. “But you’re strong. You can do this.”

  “I can’t,” Tessa whispered.

  “The sooner everyone is saved, the sooner the temple of God will be open to all of us. You have to have faith. God didn’t bring this sickness down to punish us. He brought it down to save us.”

  Tessa didn’t want to die. But she was going to. And there had to be a reason why. She took a deep breath, her misgivings quieting somewhat, and nodded.

  “Good girl,” Maureen said. “There’s Widener Library. God be with you.”

  “And also with you,” she replied.

  She headed toward the tall stone steps, but one of the guards called down, “We’re closing.” She nodded, walked toward another building until she was out of his sight, then circled the library to see if there was another way to get in. She flattened herself against the wall as she saw a figure in a biohazard suit wheel a cart out of the back door. Once the figure’s back was toward her, Tessa made a dash for the door, neatly catching it before it closed. No guards. Good.

  This level of the building seemed abandoned, so she followed the arrows leading upward and emerged into a cavernous marble hallway. There should have been people here. Why weren’t there people here?

  She heard a quiet shuffle of activity coming from a room off to the side of the hallway, so she took a deep breath, pulled off her gloves and mask, and, sprayer in hand, opened the door.

  * * * *

  Kathleen heard the door open behind her just as she tossed her gloves, mask, hairnet, and goggles into the dispenser. “Reyna!” she barked. “Whatever you forgot, can’t it wait? I’m naked…” She trailed off as she turned around and saw the unmasked, ungloved girl standing in front of the door, a spray can in her hand. “Oh God,” Kathleen whispered, blood freezing in her veins. “Please don’t kill me. Please don’t.”

  “I…I’m here to save you,” the girl said, voice quavering.

  Kathleen was frozen, body and brain, her lips repeating the words over and over, as she stared helplessly at the girl with the can of death. “Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me.”

  “I have to do this,” the girl said. “They said so.”

  A sliver of hyperawareness pierced through the haze in Kathleen’s brain, and she started racing through her options in a blind panic. Should she scream? No, she’d just get sprayed. Try to startle the girl and make a run for it? No, she’d still get sprayed. She forced herself to look quickly over her shoulder. The window was no good. It was both barred and boarded over. Could she get to her Mace in time? She flicked her gaze at her locker and shuddered. She couldn’t risk touching it bare-handed. Anna had been in here this morning.

  Her life now depended on her ability to talk her way out.

  * * * *

  “Look, I don’t want to die,” the woman said, her voice shaky, but measured. “I’m not like you. I don’t want to be sick. Don’t you understand?”

  Tessa struggled to keep her can level. It suddenly felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. “I have to do this,” she said. “We all have to be saved. That’s what Father Moran says.”

  “But I don’t want to be saved,” the woman said. “Please, just go. Let me live.”

  “But…but we all have to be saved, otherwise the temple won’t be open to us.”

  The woman flung her arms out to her sides and cried, “What does that mean?”

  Tessa opened her mouth, then blinked hard. “It means…” She struggled to find the words, but they weren’t there. She didn’t know what to say. When Father Moran described it, it made so much sense. She could see the angels and the throne and the beautiful colors. She could hear the singing, the laughter, the prayer. She could see her little brother healthy, running to meet her, arms wide, and she was hugging him without fear. But she couldn’t form the words herself, couldn’t make them come together in her brain. She swallowed hard, then said the only words she could find. “God wouldn’t have made us sick if He didn’t have a reason to.”

  The woman looked down at the floor, blinking hard, then looked back up and said, “Well then, shouldn’t you let God make me sick? I mean, who are you to make decisions for God?”

  Tessa knew the answer to that one. “Oh, we’re doing the work of the angels.”

  “Did they tell you to do that work? Did the angels tell you personally?”

  Tessa blinked hard. “No… I…” The can’s weight doubled, and she struggled to keep it from slipping from her fingers.

  * * * *

  This was it. This was her opportunity. Kathleen looked over at the locker again. She would just tuck her hand inside her sleeve, Mace the girl, and then throw the sweater away as soon as she got home. She started inching slowly toward the locker.

  The girl suddenly looked up, her eyes filled with tears, and raised the can. “I have to do this,” she said through clenched teeth. “I have to.”

  Kathleen froze, throat tight, the locker within arm’s reach. “No, you don’t.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Why?” she asked, still clinging to the faint hope that she could talk some sense into the girl and make it out of there without a death sentence. “I mean, why do you believe them when they say you’re saved?”

  “Because…because God wouldn’t have made us sick if He didn’t have a reason to.”

  “You already said that.”

  “I… I know.”

  The girl’s expression was troubled, but her gaze was locked on Kathleen. Damn it. She should have gone for the Mace more quickly. She swallowed hard, trying to calm her churning belly, as her brain raced through several different things to try and say next. Her instincts screamed for her to beg, but her rational mind reminded her that hadn’t worked before. “Why… She took a steadying breath. “Why do you think God is responsible?”

  “Because He’s all-powerful. He wouldn’t let this happen without a reason. Don’t you believe in God?”

  Kathleen opened her mouth and closed it again. She hadn’t thought about her faith in years
. She wasn’t sure if she’d lost it, or just forgotten it. “Maybe…maybe God brought this plague down to punish us, or test us. Or maybe the devil brought it to tempt people like you to kill people in the name of God.”

  “No!” the girl screamed, and Kathleen threw her arms protectively over her face, breath stopped in her throat, waiting for the hiss of the spray.

  And then she heard the sobbing.

  She slowly lowered her arms, gaping, as the girl unabashedly wept, her disease-laden tears and snot coursing down her face. “God did this,” she hiccupped. “G—God killed my parents and my little brother. They were good people. He was such a good little boy.” She slid down the wall, knees tucked tightly against her chest, the spray can falling to the floor and rolling under the sink.

  Suddenly, the girl looked so young. Younger than the students here. Younger than anyone Kathleen had seen in at least a year. About the same age as one of the nieces she’d buried. “I’m sorry about your family,” she whispered.

  “He had a reason,” the girl said, turning her tear-streaked face to look up at Kathleen. “God wanted my little brother for a reason. He was such a good boy. There…there had to be a reason. There had to be. Oh God, I miss them!” She curled up on her side on the marble floor, sobs tearing from her throat, and she looked so young, so vulnerable.

  Kathleen watched the girl and felt tired down to her bones. Tired of the constant fear. Tired of the distance people put between each other. Tired of the numbness that had replaced emotion. Tired of the bleak future she tried not to let herself imagine. Tired of waiting for her turn to come. She turned to look in the mirror, at the hair gone far too gray. It wasn’t worth living like this. This wasn’t life.

  She pulled the ring from inside her sweater, clutched it tightly in her bare hand, and cursed what she was about to do.

  * * * *

  Tessa wanted to die. She wanted the earth to swallow her up. She wanted the virus to boil in her veins and bleed her out from the inside. Oh God, she couldn’t live anymore. She couldn’t bear it. She cried until her insides felt raw and then she cried some more, the void inside her filled with nothing but endless pain.

  And then she felt gentle hands pulling her up, tucking her head in the crook of a neck, arms wrapping around her in a comforting embrace. She sank into it, grateful for the comfort, for the soft warm skin against her face, then a lightning jolt hit her belly and she reared back. “No! Oh God, I’m so sorry!”

  “Shh, come back,” the woman said. “It’s probably too late already.” She held her arms out, and Tessa ached to fall back into them again.

  “But why?” she whispered.

  The woman shot her a wan smile. “Because you’re right. I’m saved this way.”

  “But…but you’re dead! What if Father Moran’s wrong?”

  “No, it’s not about that. I’m saved from being afraid of getting sick.” She laughed, a harsh, barking sound, and held her arms out again. “I don’t have to be afraid of the virus anymore.”

  Tessa’s voice cracked as she said, “No, now you need to be more afraid.”

  The woman sighed through her nose, looking down at the floor, then said, “But not for long.” She looked back up at Tessa with a steady, calm gaze.

  Tessa sniffed loudly, another sob building in her belly, and she finally accepted the invitation of the woman’s arms, curling up into her, into her warmth, her comfort.

  She was going to die before she turned seventeen, but at least she’d only be taking one person with her. And that was something she could live with.

  * * * *

  Notes on “For the Plague Thereof Was Exceeding Great”

  I very distinctly remember the impetus for this story. I was reading about an AIDS conference in the paper, and walked away feeling both enraged at how little we were doing to help people with the disease, and despondent at the suffering of current and future victims. I tried to imagine what would happen if the disease got out of hand in the first world, and this was my nightmare scenario. To get the title, I flipped through the book of Revelation until something jumped out. Revelation is a great place to go for the scary quotes. And for the scary future possibilities of the disease, including new ways of spreading it, I pumped a pathologist friend of mine (Dr. Kristin Fiebelkorn) for details. There is nothing like watching a pathologist get into a “what if?” medical frenzy.

  This story was also my first professional sale.

  When I originally submitted this to Strange Horizons, the story had news clips as scene breaks. Strange Horizons asked me to revise them out and instead work the information from the clips into the narrative itself. And while I don’t regret making the edits to make the sale, I was always sad to see the news clips go. So here they are in all their dated glory.

  The Boston Globe, December 1, 2010

  Today is World AIDS Day. There is still no vaccine for HIV-6 or HIV-7, nor is there effective treatment to slow the progress of either virus once it enters a person’s bloodstream. Unlike pre-2004 HIV strains, HIV-6 and HIV-7 can be transmitted via saliva, sweat, tears, feces, and urine, and can live outside a human body for up to an hour. Readers are reminded to take all standard prevention measures. These include the use of surgical masks, surgical gloves, and protective eyewear, refraining from physical contact with strangers, limited physical contact with close friends and relatives, and regular HIV tests.

  The cash-strapped MBTA is considering restricting subway service even further. The plan calls for the subway to run only during daylight hours, with limited service mid-day. It would also reduce bus service by 50% and eliminate the commuter rail. Communities surrounding Boston, which already have lost substantial service, are protesting the move, but it is expected to pass and go into effect in early 2011.

  The Seventh Angel appears to be making an effort to establish themselves outside of the city of Boston. Seventh Angel posters have appeared on lampposts in Belmont, and several Cambridge citizens have told police that they believe they’ve seen members of the cult near the Somerville border. Cambridge’s chief of police commented, “We don’t have the resources to track down phantom leads. If anyone can give us solid information on where to find them, we’ll move on it.”

  For the fourth year running, all major AIDS organizations have declared that, in the interest of public safety, there will be no rallies or public vigils to commemorate World AIDS Day. Instead, they ask that people observe a minute of silence at 9:15 a.m. EST. The FBI urges all Americans to take extra caution when leaving their homes, as they expect The Seventh Angel to step up their terrorist campaign today.

  In a video press conference yesterday, President Gephardt affirmed his decision to maintain a state of martial law in Washington, DC. “It is vital to national security that our remaining lawmakers be kept safe,” he said. President Gephardt took office back in March of 2008 when then-President Kerry was assassinated by radical AIDS activists and it was revealed that Vice President Pelosi was too sick with AIDS to take office.

  Current U.S. AIDS statistics: infected: 50% (estimated), dead: 100,000,000 (estimated). According to the CDC, official numbers are underreported, especially in cities and towns that no longer have functioning infrastructures.

  The Cambridge AIDS Hospice is reporting a massive outbreak of antibiotic-resistant staphylococcus aureus, better known as staph infection. The outbreak was first discovered on Sunday, and seventeen patients have already died, with another forty-one currently infected. Officials still urge those who are newly infected with HIV to move to the hospice for the sake of public health.

  Boston Mayor Maureen Feeney has announced that the Boston public school system will close after the winter break. She cited declining attendance and teacher fears as the reasons behind the decision. Said the mayor, “Parents are afraid to send their children to school, and teachers are afraid to potentially expose themselves HIV. With the majority of parents choosing to homeschool their children, it no longer makes economic sense to keep the school
s open. And from a public safety standpoint, this is something we should have done at least a year ago, if not more.”

  Healthy residents are fleeing Baltimore as it becomes increasingly clear that it is a city on the verge of collapse. The city has been without police or a fire department for seven months, and the last remaining hospital closed two weeks ago. It has no functioning airport, and most companies have stopped running deliveries in by road. Several other major cities, including Los Angeles and Miami, have already collapsed completely.

  The residents of the gated community of New Salem committed group suicide last Thursday. A CDC team discovered this after being called in to investigate when nearby farmers reported that the residents had stopped ordering produce shipments. New Salem, which was located in Bolton, was a religious community that believed that HIV-6 and HIV-7 were signs of the end times. Unlike Seventh Angel, they did not embrace the disease, and instead gated themselves off in an attempt to remain healthy. The CDC reports finding one hundred and seventy-three dead of poisoning inside their walls. One additional man was found dead from crucifixion, and tests have revealed that he was HIV+.

  Researchers in France say that they will have a vaccine ready for testing next spring. The infection rate in Western Europe is estimated at 40%, Eastern Europe at 60%. There has been no reliable news out of sub-Saharan Africa in eight months. The last known infection rate was close to 80%. Just last month, the disease reached all seven continents when a researcher at McMurdo Station, Antarctica was diagnosed with HIV-6.

  Big Sister/Little Sister

  “WHAT’S WITH THE BLACK DRESS? You look like you were just at a funeral.”

  She drained her whisky sour and set the glass down on the bar. Pitching her voice just loud enough to be heard over the din of the other patrons, she said, “I was. My mother died.”