Bad Rules
Page 11
“Of course, we’re excited to see Derren and Felix,” Patty said warmly. “You know I consider them my other two sons.”
The conversation turned to how Derren and Lix were doing. Apparently the four bandmates had grown up together, in the same cul-de-sac for heaven’s sake. The check arrived, and I fished around my purse for some cash. A hand came to my elbow.
“My parents already paid,” Asher whisper explained.
Oh. During my parents’ visits, which were few and far between, we split the check. They didn’t want to encourage codependency. I slid from my chair. Asher stood as well, tucking me into his side. We said goodbye; the Prices were huggers. Five minutes later, Ash and I were walking the darkened streets of Ibiza. I stumbled a little in my ridiculous heeled shoes. Ash steadied me. “You okay?”
No, I wasn’t. That dinner had me feeling all sorts of feels. Uncomfortable. Embarrassed. Thin skinned. Out of place.
“C’mon.” He tightened his hold on me. We didn’t talk the rest of the way. Back in our room, Asher threw the key on the nightstand. “Sorry about my mom.”
“It’s fine. No big deal.” I couldn’t quite make eye contact with him. Thoughts were churning, picking up speed, a hurricane of doubt about us, about our relationship. How would this ever work? We were from two different worlds. His mother hated me. Though she apologized, I knew she’d already formed an opinion of me. I’d defiled her baby boy’s body. What if I’d worn my normal clothes? We probably wouldn’t have gotten through appetizers. I didn’t like how she made me feel: insecure and unconfident.
I tried to unzip my dress. Unfortunately arms weren’t meant to go behind the back and awkward tugging resulted.
“Here, let me.” His hand brushed my back, undoing the zipper. Goose bumps rose on my skin. I stared into nothing. “I think my parents really like you.”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
“I thought the food was good.”
“Mm.”
“Also, I’ve been wondering if you think a dartboard makes a little ouch sound every time a dart hits it.”
I nodded. “Uh-huh.”
Strong hands turned me. “What’s going on, Lil? I just said some crazy Lix shit, and you didn’t even respond. You’re kind of freaking me out here with the zombie act.”
I scrubbed my face with my hands. Makeup came off on my fingers. I’d kept it light, going for a natural look, the girl next door. Not me again. How to explain this? “I bit my tongue tonight.”
Ash arched a “care to elaborate” brow.
I sighed. In for a penny, in for a pound. The dress slipped from my shoulders. “This isn’t me.” I gestured to the flouncy skirt, the little sandals. Outside, it had started to rain. I should’ve taken it as a sign. A downpour in paradise is always a harbinger of doom. “I dressed up and was way out of my comfort zone tonight.” I let the dress pool at my feet. I stepped out of it and tugged on the outfit I’d discarded before—jean shorts and a tank top. The air in the room grew humid. “It shouldn’t be important to me what your parents thought.” I’m not supposed to care that much.
“So you’re pissed because you wanted my parents to like you.” His eyes widened. “Well shit, sweetheart. I get it now.”
He so obviously didn’t. This was evident by the sarcasm in his voice. “You mentioned marriage.”
He went still. “So?”
My brows jumped. “So, that’s serious shit, Asher.”
His mouth flattened. “And we aren’t serious.” I couldn’t tell if he was asking a question or stating a fact.
I found my purse and hoisted it over my shoulder. “It’s too hot in this room. I’m going to go for a walk, maybe hit up another restaurant.” I didn’t eat enough at dinner, too afraid if his parents saw my voracious appetite they’d grow scared. How many girls had been in my shoes before? Where we ignored our best selves in exchange for the one we wanted the world to see? I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it all.
Ash nodded. “You want me to come with you?”
My smile didn’t reach my eyes. “Um, sure I guess, if you want.”
“Don’t sound too excited.”
“Maybe I should just go by myself. Why don’t you call Derren and Lix, see what they’re up to?”
“Derren and Lix went out with Miss Americana. They’re chasing tail.”
I shrugged. “Oh, well you could still go. Might be good to get out, have some fun…” The unsaid words, without each other, hung in the open air.
“Yeah, sure.” He pulled his cell out and started to flip through the screens. Then his thumbs got busy texting. He repocketed his phone. “The guys are downstairs.”
“Okay, I guess I’ll just catch up with you later.”
His eyes narrowed. “I’m not letting you out of here alone, Lily. I’ll walk you to wherever you want to go. Then when you’re done having your space or whatever the fuck it is, you call me and I’ll come back for you.”
“I’m not some helpless girl, Ash. I can take care of myself.”
He crossed his arms. This was not an argument I was going to win. I let Ash walk me to a restaurant just down the street. We strolled in silence. Rain poured, plastering my hair to my face. At the entrance we stopped. I opened my mouth and shut it again. What was there to say? The distance I was creating wasn’t just physical anymore. It was emotional.
Ash made a frustrated sound low in his throat. “Fuck this,” he muttered.
“Sorry?”
“I said, ‘Fuck. This.’” Then he left. I stayed there for a moment until his body disappeared around a corner. I’d spent a lifetime watching my parents take off. I should’ve been used to watching those I cared about walk away. Ash was right. Fuck. This.
Now
A sea of darkness stretched outside the plane’s windows. By the time we arrived in London, it would be night again. As we flew across time zones, we’d lose a day. I sighed not looking forward to the jet lag.
As there were no other seating options in the room, I had no choice but to share a bed with my arch nemesis. Indents in the carpet led me to believe there had been an armchair or two, but they’d been removed. Sneaky bastards. I made a big deal out of creating a barrier with fluffy pillows. We negotiated territory in the room. Ash had the left side. I had the right. The bathroom was neutral, Switzerland.
I dozed and found Ash in breach of our treaty. My head jerked to the side. “Are you sniffing my hair?”
His laugh was harsh and unconvincing. “Course not. That’d be weird and creepy.”
I gave him my best side-eye. Settling back down, I crossed my arms. “I wish Addy had thrown my phone in with me. I just downloaded a boatload of books.”
Ash snorted, a little annoyed and a lot petulant.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He snorted again.
My hands clenched, resisting the urge to swat him. “Out with it,” I demanded.
“I gave you an electronic reader once.” He’d presented it to me in Germany. After he’d punched the tourist. You don’t know me, I’d said. I could never give up real books. God, I’d been such a twat back then. A literary snob. I’d refused to abandon physical books. I still loved the feeling of a hardbound copy, the way the pages slipped between my fingertips, but I’d also discovered the pure awesomeness of Kindle crack. It really opened up my reading potential. Plus, I could read all the sleazy romance novels I wanted without detection.
“Ash—”
“Whatever. I’m taking a nap. Try to keep it down, yeah?” His eyes closed. Without alcohol, Ash seemed disinclined to do anything.
I heaved a great big fucking sigh, shifting on the bed.
“Quit bouncing around,” Ash said, eyes still closed. Man, he was grumpy.
Reaching into my shirt, I did that move every woman has perfected, the one where you slip your bra out from underneath your shirt. My whole body wept in relief. I’d never done heroin, but if it were anything like the feeling of removing a bra, I’d be hooked.
I watched the television on silent for a while. Not because I didn’t want to wake Ash up. I wasn’t being considerate or anything. Then I realized I was. I grabbed the remote, thumb hovering over the volume-plus button. On the nightstand, his phone chimed. The stewardess had given us a rundown of the plane’s capabilities, one of them being a very strong Wi-Fi signal that allowed for cell service. I hadn’t cared in the slightest, barely registering the information over the freshly baked cookie I was devouring.
I crept from the bed, circling into Ash country. If he woke, I’d feign a trip to the bathroom. The phone dinged again. Better check it for him. With a thumb swipe, the phone lit up. Foolish man didn’t use a pass code. Didn’t when we were in Europe, either. He practically deserved to be snooped on.
Jules: Hey, babe. Call me when you get into London. I’ll be waiting for you.
I know the heart is just an organ and it’s literally impossible for it to break, but I swear I felt mine crack a little more. My stomach contracted as if I’d been pummeled. It kind of felt that way. Someone had stolen my breath. I cursed quietly, set the phone down, then snatched it back up.
My fingers made quick work of selecting all the female names in the phone. And there were plenty. Even three with the same last name, must be sisters. I returned to my previous thoughts. Asher Price was a lowdown dirty pig. I penned messages to Mia, Jules, Esther, Lizzie, Danielle, Chick from New York, Stacey, Blake (not sure if that was a woman or man, but one couldn’t be too careful), and assorted others.
Ash: I hate to tell you this, but I recently figured out I’m in love with my best friend.
I’d never felt self-satisfaction quite like this. With a flick, I silenced Ash’s phone. Then I returned to my seat on the bed to watch the replies roll in. As predicted, the response was overwhelming and immediate.
Mia: ?????
Esther: Is this a joke?
Danielle: You’re kidding, right?
I tapped out another group message.
Ash: Not to be cliché, but he completes me, you know?
More texts.
Chick from New York: You’re gay. No wonder you never slept with me.
Huh, that was interesting. Pleased with my efforts, I decided to keep it going. I was on a roll after all. Time to mend things with Lix. Ash would be ever so grateful. I may even win the Nobel Peace Prize. Beside me, the big man continued to slumber.
Ash: I’m sorry I punched you.
Lix: Don’t worry about it. It’s all good in the hood.
Ash: No it’s not. I’m a jealous, insecure asshole. You’re so much better than me.
Lix: Word.
Ash: The thing is, it wasn’t over Lily. It was all about you.
Lix: I think you should stop talking now.
Ash: You’re so attractive. I want to kiss you.
Lix: WTF
Ash: I mean it. Let’s take our friendship to the next level. This can’t just be one sided.
That done, I turned off Ash’s phone. I shivered. The room was chilly. Like cold in the sense that there is no god. A touch dramatic, but whatever. I’d spied a shower in the bathroom earlier. I’d take a soak, wash all my troubles away in steaming water. Maybe curl up in one of those terry-cloth robes hanging on the back of the door.
A shower was just what I needed. Turns out showers are excellent places to cry. All bathrooms are, really. There’s just something about the enclosed space that brings out the maudlin in me. I let it all out: how much Ash had hurt me, how much I was still hurting. I stripped myself bare, literally and figuratively. Once done, I soaped myself up and squared my shoulders, ready to go toe to toe with Ash for another few hours. Hating someone sure was exhausting.
I’d just wrapped myself up in the robe when the door crashed opened. My spine snapped straight.
“Lily,” Ash hollered. He stomped in, body electric with fury. His eyes were dark. It was clear our truce had come to an end. We’d had a good run. An hour without trading jabs. Addy would be proud.
“What the fuck is this?” he ground out, shoving his cell in my face.
“Oh, that,” I murmured. Sometimes I did things without thinking of the consequences, or not caring. Same diff. I secured the robe, tying it around my waist. Anything to keep my shaky hands busy.
“You sent my cousins some bullshit about me being gay.”
“Cousins?” I stared at him, flabbergasted.
“Mia, Esther, and Danielle.” Oops, guess that accounted for the same last name. And here I’d thought Ash was banging three sisters. Silly me. This made me feel slightly better. But now wasn’t the time to smile.
I regarded him seriously. “Get out.”
Ash turned and slammed the door shut, effectively enclosing us in the space. The bathroom seemed infinitely smaller with him in it.
“I’ll discuss this with you but not in here.” Figuratively, I put my foot down. Ash and I had a history in bathrooms. Best to leave that in the past. Didn’t need a repeat. Still, little tingles began to spread through my body. We were inches from each other. Steam filled the room. Everything seemed hazy, unreal. Dreamlike.
“No. We’ll discuss it now.”
I jutted my chin. Wasn’t going to be much of a talk without me participating. Good luck, buddy. Skirting around Ash, I moved to the vanity. Somebody had stocked it with delicious-smelling lotions, a wood brush, and all sorts of other essential items. I cracked open a bottle of body cream and sniffed it—almond and vanilla.
Ash let loose a derisive laugh. “You know, I thought you didn’t care anymore.”
I dabbed some lotion onto my wrists, smoothing it into the skin. When I looked back up, Ash was close behind me. I felt his breath on my neck. His arms came around me, hands gripping the edge of the counter, knuckles turning white.
“I don’t,” I snapped. “Jealousy has nothing to do with sending those texts.”
“You’re lying.”
“Get. Out.”
He shifted closer. The warmth of him bled through my terry cloth robe. All the nerve endings lit up inside of me like the Fourth of July. Bad body.
“You still want me,” he stated.
I made a big deal out of retying the knot on my robe. It wasn’t coming undone at all. He loomed over me. “Maybe I want you. But it’s in the way an addict wants a drug. Nothing good ever comes of it. Besides, it’s probably because I haven’t been with anyone in a while. I’m sure my response is purely biological.” Prolonged abstinence isn’t good for anyone. For all I knew there were cobwebs in my lady parts.
“How long has it been, Lily?”
I shrugged.
“I haven’t been with anyone else either.”
“Yeah and Picasso was celibate.”
“Don’t know who that is, sweetheart.”
“He was a terrible womanizer but a brilliant artist.” Come to think of it, Asher and Picasso had much in common.
“I don’t usually repeat myself, but I’m going to just this once. I haven’t been with anyone else, and that’s the god’s-honest truth.”
Everything stopped. I’d pressed my bestie once, just once, in a moment that involved weakness and too much tequila, about what Ash had been up to. She’d confessed he’d had a revolving door on his bedroom, that he liked women and whiskey. “Addy said—”
“Despite what you believe, Addy doesn’t know everything.” He dipped a finger into the collar of my robe. “It wasn’t for lack of trying. I wanted to fuck you out of my mind. But it never felt right.”
I wanted to believe him. His light blue eyes roamed my face in the mirror. I fiddled with the lotions and potions on the
counter, lining them up in a straight little row. Lix’s obsessive-compulsive tendencies must be rubbing off on me. “Jules might disagree.” I couldn’t help myself from asking. The text was burned onto the back of my eyelids. Hey, babe. Call me when you get into London. I’ll be waiting for you. Probably some posh English lady who wore fabulous hats and had tea with the queen.
“Jules is a guy who brokers vintage guitars. He’s got a Fender I’m thinking of buying.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh,” he said. His breath tickled my neck.
I bit my cheek. “Why would Addy think that then?” I circled back to my original question. Addy wouldn’t repeat something unless she was one hundred percent certain of it. My friend was no gossip, especially if the information would hurt me.
His lips twitched.
“Asher,” I prompted.
He sighed. The heat drained from his eyes. He shrugged, crossed his arms. “Probably because she saw me with women, bringing them in and out of my hotel room.”
I considered this. “Women in and out of your hotel room? And you didn’t have sex with them?” His chin dipped in the affirmative. “So what did you do with them?”
He looked unsure, uncomfortable. “Does it matter?”
“It matters. I think it matters a lot.”
He mumbled something.
“Sorry?”
“They read to me,” he all but shouted.
My lips parted in surprise.
“Made me think of you with your books and shit. I made every one of them sign an NDA though. You tell anybody, and I’ll deny it.”
Carefully, I replaced the lotion I’d used. Then I spent some time lining up the bottles. Lix would’ve appreciated my attention to detail. “It’s better than being called a man whore.”