Darkness at the Edge of Town

by Jennifer Harlow

  Mathias waited for me in one of the white rocking chairs on the back porch, enjoying a glass of lemonade and watching his disciples as they carried out his bidding. He gazed up at me with a smile as I approached. “Dr. Ballard. Please have a seat,” he said, gesturing to the rocking chair beside him. “Would you like a glass of lemonade?”

  I sat in the chair. “No.”

  Ken strolled up onto the porch and took position against one of the pillars, folding his arms across his large chest and staring right at me. If he was trying to intimidate me he would have to work a hell of a lot harder.

  “How did it go with your brother?” Mathias asked pleasantly. “Once he got past the anger about your subterfuge at The Temple he was actually excited to see you. He believes he means less to you than total strangers. He’s always hated you for that,” Mathias said, sipping his lemonade as if he’d just told me the pizza had arrived. “Abandoning him. Amongst other crimes.”

  Okay, that was a knife to the heart. Hearing someone you love hates you is almost as painful as getting stabbed. I knew from experience. But I also had experience pushing emotion down while in combat, and though no physical bullets were flying, this was combat nonetheless. “Yes, and I’m sure you’ve done nothing to encourage him to embrace that hate.”

  “All emotions are valid, Dr. Ballard. And that hate must have stemmed from something. It was there long before the universe brought your brother to me.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You do realize we’re alone, right? You can stop that benevolent guru bullshit talk. I’m not one of your vulnerable, desperate marks. The universe has nothing to do with bringing my brother under your heel, and we both know it.”

  “I have no idea what you mean, Dr. Ballard. And I resent the accusation,” he said as if he meant it. Perhaps he did.

  I sat back in my chair. “I do have to admit you’ve got an excellent operation going on here, especially in such a short period of time. I’m kind of impressed. You even have an experienced con artist like Megan at least half-believing in your bullshit. You should give her a raise, by the way. If you’re cutting her in. Not only does she keep the guys coming back by screwing them like you told her to, but apparently she’s branching out to some of the women as well. I’m shocked the girl can even walk.”

  “Are you accusing me of promoting prostitution, Dr. Ballard? Because if you’re accusing me of any crime, this—”

  “Oh, calm down. This is a family matter. You think I want the press to get wind that my brother’s in a cult? The last thing either of us wants is for more people to get involved in this nonsense,” I lied. “Although, what were you thinking when it came to my brother? I assume telling Betsy to get pregnant happened before the Woodsman when Billy was just another rube, but once you knew I still had ties to the FBI and was so high profile, you must’ve realized that unlike the others, Billy became someone who couldn’t just vanish. If I were you, I would have cut bait and run from him as fast as I could.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “The only reason you wouldn’t is money, and not the measly two grand you already fleeced my brother for. That’s what this is all about, right?” I opened my purse and Ken immediately jumped to attention. “Calm down. I’m just getting a paper and pen, asshole.” I removed them, handing them to Mathias. “Write down a number. How much for Billy and Betsy? What does the universe think they’re worth?”

  Mathias stared down at the paper, then glanced at Ken, who just stared back. I could practically see them working out all the angles. Was it a trick? Could it be that easy? Could I be trusted? Of course not. I’d pay the sum, sure, but then I’d have the bastard for extortion. When he came for the cash, I’d have people watching and I’d be wearing a wire. “One of you can come to the bank right now. Half up front, half when I’m convinced Billy’s not coming back here. Just write a number so I can go the fuck back to North Carolina, and we never have to see each other again. Just write it down and let’s get on with this, asshole.”

  Billy told him I was a cold, cynical bitch and I would have hated to disappoint. That was all he saw. He was a businessman. It was just business. Or maybe it wasn’t. He had the pen on the paper, but when he looked back at me his eyes slightly narrowed. He set the pen down and my stomach lurched. He gazed at me like a disappointed father, tilting his head and frowning. “Out of everything you’ve said and done to me and mine these past few days, this is the most offensive, Dr. Ballard. You lie about who you are. You manipulate good people for your own selfish needs. You threaten us. You belittle what we believe. And now you insult me and the brother you claim to love in one fell swoop. Your brother is here of his own free will. Everyone here is. I’ve done nothing illegal, and you cannot prove otherwise, or I am sure you would have contacted the police already. So here is my counteroffer. You honor your bargain. You leave this place and never bother us again. Your brother is happy here. Let him be happy. It would be horrible for him to hear about this conversation, wouldn’t it? How you tried to buy him so you could leave town with a clear conscience, because once again it is all about you?” Mathias leaned in. “He would also hate if the authorities heard what really happened to Sheriff Meriwether.” My mouth went slack. “Your brother and I have had many conversations about his family. I feel as if I know you all. Intimately. Not just that you executed that man in cold blood, but how your boyfriend lied in a federal investigation to cover up your crime. How your grandparents don’t claim their odd jobs when they do their taxes and haven’t for decades. It’d be a shame if the IRS and FBI discovered these horrible crimes, wouldn’t it?”

  I wanted to punch him. To scratch his eyes out. To rip his tongue out. I managed to stop myself but couldn’t stop the literal seething. “You have no proof of any of that because it’s all lies.”

  “Even if it is lies, a few phone calls to the press, the FBI, and the IRS and all your lives become quite difficult. And that’s only if they’re not true. And why would Billy lie?” Mathias’s smiling eyes met mine. “I believe it’s time you vacated my property, Dr. Ballard. And if I hear you’ve been causing trouble to me or mine, there will be dire consequences. Not just for you. This is over. Your brother belongs here. With me. I’m able to provide him something beyond resentment and loathing. Go back to your life, Iris. No one wants you here.” Mathias rose from his chair, still holding my pen and paper. “Can’t wait to read the book.”

  My willpower waned with each sentence, and I was really worried I’d assault him if he said another word. I stood as well. “If you hurt my brother in any way…”

  “Fine words coming from you.”

  I needed to get that fucking pen back to salvage at least some of the clusterfuck. I pulled down my shirt to regain some dignity. “Whatever, asshole. You…” I groaned in frustration. “Give me my fucking pen and pad back.” I grabbed for them, but Mathias took a step back and Ken sprang beside me. “You don’t get one more thing…” I took a deep breath to calm myself. “They’re not yours.”

  Mathias stared at me, eyes slightly narrowing. “Consider them a donation to the Movement.” He picked up his glass as well. He must have suspected my motives. Fucker. “It was illuminating meeting you, Dr. Ballard. May our paths never cross again. For many people’s sakes. Ken?”

  “Time to go. Come on,” the muscle said.

  The man didn’t touch me but didn’t need to. Ken moved close enough that I could smell his BO and sense his anger against my skin as if ants crawled over me. He herded me around the porch. “So what’s your story? You two in this con together or are you just the lover/enforcer?”

  “Shut the fuck up and keep walking.”

  Ken stayed an inch away the entire tense march to my car. He backed away only when I opened the car door. But I couldn’t let the bastard get the last word. I spun around to face him. “You know you’ve built a house of cards, right? Your boss may have fixed me, but one mistake, just one, and your life topples. You go back to prison where you belong. And when that day comes, I’ll be in court. Smiling
smugly as they lead you away in handcuffs.”

  “Threaten us again, bitch, and the only one wearing cuffs will be you, your boyfriend, and your grandparents. Now get the fuck out of here before I make the calls just for shits and giggles.”

  Ken moved in closer, so I had no choice but to get into my car. I honestly wanted nothing more than to be away from him. I barely got inside the car before he slammed the door shut hard enough that the car shook. Glaring at the fucker through the window, I realized my hands were trembling as I turned on the ignition. I felt as if I were about to explode. Spontaneously combust with anger. I drove up to the locked gate, and Ken just strolled up to it as if he were taking a leisurely walk. Another fucking power play. He smirked as he passed by my window. My labored breath came out in short bursts as my anger grew. The moment there was room enough, I peeled out of the compound. But it was as if I could barely see. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I was fury incarnate.

  About a mile down the road, I couldn’t stand it a moment longer. I pulled to the side of the road, got out of the car, and just screamed. I hollered. I kicked my car’s tires like they were part of a gang initiation. I screamed some more until I truly couldn’t breathe. I slumped to the ground, rested against the car, and banged the back of my head on the door.

  It had gone about as bad as it could have. I didn’t have Billy. I had no leverage or new information on Mathias. I didn’t get his fingerprints, his real name, anything. I actually left with less than I had before. He had the upper hand. He’d neutralized me. I had no doubt he’d air all our dirty laundry to the world if I made waves. He’d won. That fact killed me almost as much as the fact that Billy gave him the ammunition to destroy us. How my brother knew about Meriwether I could only guess. I’d told my grandparents and no one else. They must have let it slip. But how could he tell Mathias? I was sure that at the time, Billy didn’t know that’s what he was doing, selling us out. He was baring his soul to someone he trusted. I scoffed. Or he knew exactly what he was doing.

  He hated me. My own brother hated me. I didn’t…The tears started to fall from my eyes, but I pushed the rest back as best I could. My own twin brother. Hearing it from others was one thing, but when it came from the source, seeing that loathing with my own eyes was a trillion times worse. He resented me. He thought I hated him. He thought I believed I was better than him. What had I done to him? What was I supposed to have done? Not go to college? Not pursue my dreams? I couldn’t live his life for him. I couldn’t make him go to college or move out of Grey Mills. Maybe I should have done more. But to hate me? To intentionally hurt me? That wasn’t the brother I’d known.

  As I sat there that hot, humid morning fighting back tears, for one of the first times ever I had no idea what to do next. I couldn’t move because I wasn’t sure where to go. Every direction I looked, all I saw were traps. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t. Me. The woman who’d thwarted Jeremy Shepherd. Stephen Meriwether. Countless other criminals. One conversation and I was back to the hopeless alcoholic hermit I thought I’d buried. Directionless. Hopeless. Unsure.

  I’d failed. I couldn’t save him. I’d been wrong. I was never wrong.

  I rested my head against the car and stared up at the blue sky, finally letting the tears flow.

  Chapter 11

  “What do you mean you’re leaving?” my grandfather asked me.

  I zipped up my suitcase and turned to him. Both he and Grandma stood by the doorway in the spare room, watching me pack. I actually hoped they’d be gone so I could leave with just a note. I was still too raw to handle emotional goodbyes, even after driving for hours to clear my head before returning home. Of course Billy’s universe had to punish me some more.

  “What happened? Where did you go?” Grandma asked.

  “I went…I saw Billy, okay? He’s fine. He’s happy. He wants to stay there. Case closed.”

  “You saw Billy?” Grandma asked. “He’s happy?”

  “He is. He has a new teenage wife, a new baby on the way, a new…family. He’s on cloud fucking nine. We should all be so lucky. My job is done. I’m going home. He’s made his bed. He can lie in it.”

  I put my suitcase on the ground and Grandpa strode toward me. “What the hell is going on, Iris? You go to that place without telling us, you say you saw Billy, now you come back and you’re running away? You’ve never run from a fight in your goddamn life.”

  “And I’m not running now. There’s no fight to be had. I laid it all out for him. I made my case, and he didn’t listen. I can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”

  “Bullshit. Something happened. Did they hurt you? Did they threaten you?” Grandpa asked.

  Grandpa’s brown eyes burrowed into mine. I’d never lied to my grandparents in my life. Growing up, they’d drummed it into my head that they could tolerate anything but lies. It came down to respect and trust, two of the most important tenets in any relationship. That’s why I told them about Meriwether when Grandpa asked me point blank if I’d executed him. That was only one of a handful of times I ever considered lying to them. In that bedroom was another. But with his eyes studying mine, I just couldn’t. He’d see through me.

  “Billy told them what I did to Meriwether.” My grandfather’s jaw clenched. “How Luke lied for me. Billy also told them how you’ve both been getting paid under the table for your crafts and carpentry work ever since you’ve been on disability. Mathias threatened to call the IRS or FBI, or both. And I have absolutely no doubt he will contact the authorities if we keep bothering him.”

  My grandparents exchanged a worried glance. “No. Why would Billy tell him those awful things?” Grandma asked.

  “I don’t know, but he did. So the cold, hard truth of the situation is…it’s us or him. And Billy made it clear he wants to stay with them. So I’m making the call. It’s over. I’ve done what I said I’d do. I saw him. I talked to him. He’s alive and enjoying being one of the lotus eaters. So I’m going home. He’s on his own. Sorry.”

  I grabbed both my suitcases and began wheeling them out of the bedroom. Of course they followed. “Iris, you can’t just…” Grandpa said. “There has to be something else we can do.”

  “What about all those other people? You said this Mathias was making them do horrible things,” Grandma tried. “You said there were children there.”

  I just had to vent the night before. It didn’t matter. I kept walking toward the front door. “The children looked fine. No one was beating or starving them that I saw. That’s better than some kids get.”

  They wouldn’t let up, even following me outside to my car. “There has to be something,” Grandpa insisted.

  I spun around, seething again. “What?” I snapped. “What? What can I do that hasn’t been done? What can I do? I’ve lied, I’ve manipulated, I put myself in danger, I gave up a date with Luke, I came to this fucking hellhole of a town, had my own mother and father and sister belittle me, been threatened, and for what? A brother who apparently hates me. Who blames me for him not amounting to anything in his life. I threw him a life preserver and he chucked it right back into my face. No, he whacked me in the head with it, then kicked us all toward the sharks.”

  “There is no way he knew that is what would happen,” Grandma said.

  “You know, before I came here I’d have agreed with you. But now…” I shrugged. “I’m done. If he’s too stupid, too weak to see what those people are, that’s on him.”

  “He’s lost, Iris,” Grandpa said.

  “Yeah. And until he wants to be found, until he’s tough enough to start walking back to civilization, he’s going to stay that way. I speak from experience.”

  “Yeah, but you had help, Iris,” Grandma pointed out. “And even still, not everyone is as strong as you. Billy needs you. He is your brother. You cannot give up on him. Please.”

  I stared at my teary-eyed grandmother and felt my own tears bubbling to the surface again. I never wanted to make her cry. Ever.
She was so desperate, so scared, and it was all my fault. “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice breaking. “I’m just…sorry. This is the way it has to be. Tell Mom and Khairo I said bye.” I turned my back on them and tossed the suitcases in the trunk. “I love you both.”

  I couldn’t look at them as I climbed into the car. I couldn’t look at their pained, disappointed faces a moment longer. I drove off, and before I even turned the corner, the tears began again. I’d failed them. I’d failed my family. They’d put their faith in me and I blew that trust. I’d failed myself. Billy, Betsy, Helen, Paul, Megan, the children—I couldn’t save them.

  After I left the farm that morning I drove for hours and hours trying to concoct a plan, an angle to salvage the situation. To outplay that fucker Mathias, but nothing came. He had me. He’d out-thought, out-plotted, out-conned me. I’d gone in with all the cards, and he’d still won. He’d taken my power away from me. The only other person who’d done that mutilated me and murdered my husband. And Mathias had the same cold, soulless eyes as that bastard. As Shepherd. He was a sociopath through and through. And I’d left my brother and his pregnant wife at that man’s mercy.

  You’re taught in the FBI that as an agent you’re going to have to make tough calls, calls no person ever wants to make. Do you cut a deal with a killer to bring down a crime organization? Do you put a single mother of four in prison knowing her children will go into foster care? Do you let three people die to save four? It never, ever got easier facing those dilemmas. But the decision to leave, to sacrifice my brother to save the others I loved, was by far the worst. It felt wrong. I’d doubted the decision ever since I made it. My family would hate me forever. I’d hate me forever. But I had no choice.