Darkness at the Edge of Town

by Jennifer Harlow

  He smiled down at me. I had the strongest urge to run my finger across his lips. To pull him down onto the bed, onto me, but he stepped away. “Come on. Your mom’s here too. Don’t you dare leave me alone with her.”

  “Come on. She’s terrified of you now.”

  “She was out of order talking to you like that,” he said.

  “Well, thank you for sticking up for me. Where were you when I was a kid?” I frowned. “It must be getting old. Being my knight in shining armor. You’ve been nothing but since you hit town. I do seem to make a mess of things when you’re not around to rein me in,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Guess you’ll just have to handcuff me to you for the rest of your life,” he said with a smirk.

  “There’s no one I’d rather be shackled to for the rest of my days than you,” I said without thinking. He smiled back at me even though I was visibly taken aback by what I’d said. My mouth kept flopping open and closed, and I couldn’t look at him. “Uh, I’m starving. Don’t want the food to get cold.”

  Mom actually appeared to be in a decent mood at dinner. She’d gotten an appointment and prescription from her therapist, who she would be seeing three times a week until the crisis passed. “It’s gonna be about a grand a month,” Khairo said with his head hung.

  “No problem. I’ll transfer the money to you tonight,” I said, stuffing my face with chicken Alfredo, Luke’s favorite.

  “I can go once a week if—”

  “You go as many times as you need to,” I said. “I may just have to write another damn book to pay for it, but…” I shrugged.

  “Well, you’ve got plenty of material after the past few days, no?” Luke asked.

  “What happened today?” Mom asked.

  “Your daughter bested the bad guy. As always,” Luke said.

  We took turns telling a sanitized version of the day’s events, leaving out the mortal-danger bit and Paul’s accusations. Mom smiled through the tale. “So it’s over. The man’s gone,” Mom said. “He can’t poison Billy’s mind anymore.”

  “He won’t be locked away forever on that alone, but it’s a start,” I said.

  “Billy’s really just staying for the baby?” Grandma asked.

  “I think so,” I said. “Maybe without her grandfather’s influence he’ll have a better chance of convincing Betsy to leave, at least for a while. God willing that’ll be all it takes. A few days away from the madness.”

  I doubted it, but they didn’t need to know that. Betsy knew who the great and powerful Oz truly was and didn’t care that he was just a fraud behind a curtain. Like Helen, he gave her all that a teenage girl could ever desire. No school, friends galore, adventure, power, a handsome guy to love her. I doubted even the Jaws of Life could tear Betsy from her beloved gramps.

  “So what are your plans now?” Grandpa asked us both.

  “I haven’t really thought about it yet,” I said. “We’ve been sidelined, so I can’t go near the investigation at the moment, and I’m sure Luke has to get back to D.C. He’s already missed a day and a half of work, which for him is like missing a year. One time they had to force him to take a week off, he had so many vacation days saved up over the years. How many do you have saved up now?”

  “About four weeks,” he said.

  “After the shitstorm of the last two months you should use them. Go on a cruise or something,” I said. “Especially if you’re starting a new job in Madrid.”

  “You’re moving to Spain?” Mom asked me for some reason.

  “I’m not moving to Spain,” I said with a scoff. “Luke may get a job there.”

  “And you’re not going with him?” Mom asked, genuinely confused. “Why not?”

  “Because…why would I?”

  “I more than likely won’t get the position, especially after today,” Luke said.

  I put down my fork. “What do you mean?” I asked.

  Grandma cleared her throat. “Faye, why don’t you help me clear the plates so we can move on to dessert? I made apple pie. Come on.”

  Mom and Grandma took our plates, leaving my question still in the air. “Luke?” I asked.

  Luke sighed. “If Mathias brings his accusations to the press or the FBI, if he presses charges for trespassing, even if I’m exonerated, I’m tainted. I’ve lost any chance of being selected.”

  “Luke, I…I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t even think about that.”

  He shrugged. “I did.”

  “Maybe Mathias will be too chickenshit to do anything,” I offered.

  Luke sipped his water. “Maybe.” His cellphone rang in his pocket, and after he checked it, he glanced at me. “Iris?”

  “Excuse us,” I said, rising as Luke did.

  “Is it the sheriff?” Grandpa asked.

  “Give us a sec,” I told everyone. Luke and I went into my bedroom. He put it on speaker. “This is Hudson and Ballard.”

  “Hey,” Hancock said less than enthusiastically. My stomach clenched when I heard his tone. “Just left The Temple.”

  “And?” Luke asked.

  “We scoured every inch of both properties. Mathias wasn’t at either, and we looked over every acre, every nook, every cranny.”

  “Shit,” I said. “Think he was hiding?”

  “I don’t know. Probably. The people at The Apex seemed afraid of us, those who weren’t outright hostile. Billy was there. Even Mathias’s partner Ken was. Only he was missing.”

  “And The Temple?” Luke asked.

  “Nobody there but a bunch of kids and a handful of girls barely out of their teens. None had even met Mathias before,” Hancock said.

  “Motherfucker,” I muttered.

  “So what now?” Luke asked.

  “We’ve contacted the surrounding counties and Ohio state police, even the Mounties, and put out a BOLO. We’ll keep surveillance up. Go back tomorrow and the next day and the next. Make a nuisance of ourselves until he surfaces. Not much else we can do. Sorry.”

  “How’d Billy seem?” I asked.

  “He hung in the background. Real nervous like. I didn’t get the chance to talk to him. Sorry.”

  “No, it’s okay,” I said. “Just keep us informed. Thanks.” Luke hung up and I groaned. “Asshole! They were hiding him. Those…fuckers! He’s there. He has to be.”

  “Probably. They rattled his cage at least,” Luke said. “He knows the warrant’s not going away.”

  “What if he ran already?”

  “Without his partner? Without money? He knows the property is probably under surveillance. That every law enforcement agency in two counties is looking for him. No, you’re right—he’s probably there. Stuck.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked. “He’s there. Afraid. Cornered. He—”

  Then Luke did something spectacularly surprising. He pulled me into a hug. We’ve only hugged a handful of times before, yet without hesitation, I hugged him back. It was just what I needed. “They’re being watched. It’ll be okay.”

  I wanted to melt into him. To stay this close until the sun burnt out. But Mom’s voice brought me back to reality. I pulled away and sighed. “Now I have to go out there and tell them. We can’t ever have one nice damn dinner? Prepare for the hysterics.”

  Mom managed not to scream or cry but did excuse herself before finishing her pie. I wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries or pie anymore either. When I didn’t want sugar, I knew the situation was serious. After Mom left I excused myself as well, retreating to my room. I fell on my bed and screamed into a pillow. It should have worked. He should have been there. Arrested. He…I screamed into the pillow some more. Just when I thought I had him…one step forward, and seven steps back. I was beyond tired of the dance. I wanted to punch a wall. Scream the house down. Instead I laced up my sneakers. I needed to go for a walk. I muttered something along those lines to Grandma in the kitchen as I rushed out the door.

  The sun was just beginning to set and there was a nice breeze
, so it wasn’t near as sweltering as before. A few people were returning home from work, happy for the weekend. Lucky bastards. I wanted to go home too. Back to my house, my dog, my stray cats. I wanted to lie in bed, just watching TV and relaxing for a whole week. I wanted it to all be over. I wanted the world, all my responsibilities, to vanish and leave me in peace. But I couldn’t even take a walk in peace. I made it to the end of the block before Luke shouted at me to wait up. I did. His was the only company I could stand.

  “Hey. Are you okay?” he asked when he finally caught up.

  I started walking again. “Yeah. Fine. You know. Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. Fine.”

  “They’ll get him,” Luke said with certainty.

  “I thought the same thing yesterday, and the day before, and the day before…” I shook my head. “I’m out of plays, Luke. I’m out of energy. I’m sick of this place. I’m sick of the mind games. I’m sick of…losing.”

  “You didn’t lose, Iris.”

  “My brother’s still at that farm. With Mathias. Not to mention I now have to add guilt to my emotional roster because I dragged you into this mess and probably ruined your promotion with my fumbling.”

  “You didn’t fumble, Iris. From what I’ve heard, there wasn’t a move you made that I wouldn’t have made myself with the information I had on hand, and especially if my family was in danger. As for my promotion, I knew what I was doing. I knew the consequences. I could have stayed behind. I could have told you to keep me out of the reports. I chose not to because nailing that bastard is a hell of a lot more important than a job I wasn’t even sure I wanted.”

  “You don’t want it? Really?” I asked incredulously. “You? Special Agent Luke ‘if I’m not head of a district by age forty I’ll have to kill myself in shame’ Hudson doesn’t want a promotion?”

  “I’m not the same young buck I was when we first met, Iris.”

  “Pretty sure the last time you said it was just a little over two years ago.”

  “Well, a hell of a lot has happened in those two years. Having my best friend bleed out in my arms? Losing her for two years? Getting shot by a serial killer? Priorities change, Iris. You see what’s important in life. Changing a job title and a little more money seems as important as getting a pedicure. You of all people know this. You gave up your dream job to move to North Carolina with your husband. Did you have doubts? Second thoughts?”

  “I didn’t get the chance.” I shake my head. “But…if I’m being honest…God knows if it would have worked out. I could have quickly come to resent him. To hate him for forcing me to choose.”

  “But you still did it. Because you had faith in him. In your marriage. It was a risk. It was a huge gamble, but you rolled the dice anyway. Because you loved him. Because it was worth that risk.”

  “Oh, God, Luke, don’t use me as an example of making sound life decisions. I’m an adulteress. A murderer. A pill-popping, alcoholic, lying, cold, selfish bitch. Anything I do, do the fucking opposite. In fact, after all this bullshit, I’m starting to think locking myself in my house was the best damn thing I could have done. I hurt people, Luke. I don’t mean to, I don’t, but I still do. Hancock, my brother, my mother, my grandparents, Paul, Helen, you. And for what? What good have I done here?”

  “Would it have been better to do nothing? Let your brother and all those people get slowly sucked of money and life, manipulated into committing acts they wouldn’t normally want to, until the DEA came in and ruined their lives anyway? You tried to open their eyes, and maybe you did. Maybe tomorrow Helen, Paul, hell, even Megan will wake up and realize you were right. You have done everything you humanly could.” He shook his head. “And please stop that pity-party crap. Yeah, you’re…most of those things. Or you were. You’ve done bad things. You’ve made bad decisions. But they don’t define you, not if you don’t let them. We all screw up, Iris. You’re human. And it’s not as if they occurred in a vacuum. If you had been shot in front of me, I would have executed that bastard too. I would have lost my goddamn mind too. I almost did. I screwed every woman up and down the Beltway, sometimes four different women a week, Iris. I drank too much. I had to transfer to Art Theft because I couldn’t see crime scene photos, couldn’t talk to victims without getting nauseous and seeing you, feeling your blood sticking to me from that night. I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds for that first year. I’d only had my head on straight for six months when the Woodsman case began. My father pulled strings with Reggie to get me on it without my knowledge. I didn’t even want the case. I wasn’t sure I was up for it. Still not sure I was. You caught him.”

  “No, we caught him,” I said forcefully. “Our talks, reviewing the evidence together, you backing up most of my crazy theories…He’d still be out there if you hadn’t been by my side. No question. Not to mention you fucking saved my life, Luke, just by showing up.”

  “Yeah, but if I had listened to you before—”

  “I’m not talking about that night, Luke. I’m talking about the first time you saved my life. I’d still be stumbling around my house, slowly killing myself, if you hadn’t come. Hadn’t cared.”

  “And your mother wouldn’t be receiving the help she needs without you. Your brother wouldn’t be a hairsbreadth from leaving that place. You’ve put your reputation, your life on the line for him. You were ready to fight the DEA for the sheriff. So no more of this cold, selfish, useless crap from you. You may wish it were true, but we both know it’s not. You’d chop off your arm for friend or family. You’d lay down your life for strangers. You are clever and funny and giving and honest, and anyone who tells you otherwise has to answer to me, okay?”

  I stared at him, walking by my side, and I swear my love for him took my breath away. “And if anyone calls you anything but a sweet, strong, loyal, brave super FBI agent, I’ll kneecap them.”

  “You forgot ridiculously handsome,” he said with a sideways smirk.

  “And well hung,” I quipped without thinking, “if memory serves.”

  Our smiles faltered a little bit, and we walked in silence. Me and my Freudian slips. We’d walked clear around the block and the house came back into view. Safety. We could go our separate ways, into our own rooms for the night. We could—

  Be brave.

  “I didn’t sleep with Paul. My hand to God, I didn’t.”

  “Did you want to?” Luke asked after a pause.

  “Yes. In the moment, yeah, I did. There hasn’t been anyone since Hayden. Not a kiss. Not a touch. People didn’t even want to shake my hand. Paul was sweet. Sexy. And he adored me, or at least convinced himself he did. He believed he did. So when he kissed me…I wanted to believe too.”

  “But you stopped yourself. Why?”

  “Because…I saw your face. That night on my porch. And it shocked me back to reality. I thought about how, if I continued, I’d be letting myself down. Letting you down. Hell, letting Paul down. How none of us would forgive me. So I stopped.”

  “Then why did you lie to me?”

  “Because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want you to think less of me.”

  “And that’s the only reason?”

  “What…other reason would there be?”

  He stopped walking, and I turned to him. His face was so hard and cold. He was pissed. At me. My stomach lurched again. “What other…” His grimace intensified. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I don’t have the energy to. I don’t want to. The game’s over. I’m calling it. We’ve wasted enough time, enough life on it. So I need you to say it, Iris. You need to say it, Iris. You…need to say it because…” He looked up at the pinks, purples, oranges, and blues of the evening sky and sighed. “Do you know the biggest regret of my life? The only thing that’s kept me up late at night, beating me up for years? Not the cases we couldn’t solve. Not the horrific, degrading stories we had to listen to from the victims. Not covering up Meriwether. Not shooting Shepherd. It’s…why the fuck didn’t I ask out the beautiful, fun
ny, astonishing woman I met that day in Washington?” He stared back at me, still angry and scowling. “I wanted to. The words were in my mouth a dozen times that day, but something kept stopping me. I wasn’t sure she’d say yes. It wasn’t professional. It’d make things uncomfortable at the Academy. And right when I decided fuck it, maybe she was worth it, she was called in. That moment had passed. But I kept telling myself I’d see her again. We’d have months at training to get to know one another. One night it would just happen. It was inevitable. But the next time I saw her, she’d found someone else. So I told myself, okay, I just had to turn up the charm. Make her jealous by dating her roommate. There’s no way in hell that geek was what she wanted. This hard, smart warrior woman can’t want him when I’m here. We get along so well. Better than I think I’ve gotten along with anyone in my life. She doesn’t give a damn who my father is or how good-looking I am. She knows me. She likes me. It’ll run its course. But it didn’t, so…okay. Friends. I can do friends. Life goes on. I can even be her maid of honor even though a deep part of me wants to punch the groom, who despite myself I’d actually grown to like. Friend. It would have to be enough.

  “I don’t know when it happened. It’d been growing for years, that seed planted the day we met, and then one day she touches your hand, she jokingly says, ‘You know you love me,’ and you realize fuck, I do. I must, because the sight of her kissing him, joking with him, talking about children with him, hurts so damn much. So I have to distance myself. Transfer. It takes years, but I’m on the Interstate Task Force; I’m away from her. I’m finally on the ladder to reach all my hopes and dreams. Except there she is again. In the same building. Helping us. Together again. But by some miracle she’s having problems with her husband. It’s happened. They’re over. And she’s kissing me. We’re making love. Finally. And it’s amazing. Deep. Passionate. Everything I knew it would be. But I wake up alone. And when I see her next, she can’t look at me. Can’t be near me. She’s going back to her husband. The only time she talks to me is professionally or to tell me she’s leaving. She can’t have anything to do with me. I lost her.