Silver Clouds

by Fleur McDonald

  ‘No,’ she muttered. ‘No. He does this all the time.’ Slamming the door shut on her memories, she reached the ladder that was leaning up against the cement tank.

  She swung herself up onto the first rung.

  It fell backwards and she let out an ear-piercing shriek as she fell and landed on her bum. ‘It’s not attached!’

  Ryan looked down from halfway up the windmill and started to laugh. ‘You are so citified. I wish you could see yourself.’

  Heart thumping, Tessa got to her feet and put her hands to her chest for a moment. She took a few deep breaths and then dusted off her shorts. ‘Ouch!’ She looked down at her hands and saw four bindi-eye prickles stuck in one palm. She pulled them out, her eyes smarting.

  ‘You could have told me.’

  ‘Wouldn’t have been as much fun.’

  Ryan made his way to the top of the windmill, checked the oil and started to climb down.

  Tessa stood the ladder up and leaned it back against the tank, carefully putting her foot on the first rung.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Ryan said. ‘I can see it from here. It’s full.’

  ‘Did you just want to see me fall?’ asked Tessa standing with her arms folded as Ryan jumped the last few feet and landed lightly on the ground.

  ‘I’m just catching up on all the brotherly tricks I should have been able to play, when you weren’t here. Don’t be so uptight. Live a little! Laugh a lot.’

  I’ve lived more than you know, Tessa thought as she opened the door to the ute.

  ‘Don’t get back in there. Come and sit in the shade,’ Ryan said as he opened a tucker box. ‘It’s smoko time.’

  ‘You’re not going to light a fire and boil the billy, are you? Surely not today? It’s as hot as Hades! What about fires?’

  ‘We have a new invention called a Thermos,’ Ryan quipped.

  He poured a pannikin of tea and handed it to her. ‘Milk and sugar is here,’ he said, handing her a tube of condensed milk.

  ‘What?’

  ‘That’s the milk and sugar – bloody hell, Tessie, it hasn’t been that long. We did this when we were kids. Saves taking real milk out with us. It would go rotten in the heat. Have you purposely forgotten everything to do with the station?’

  Tessa squeezed the milk into her tea. ‘Possibly,’ she said quietly and took a sip. ‘So you said something earlier about dropped fences and Aunty Spider?’

  Ryan crouched down, resting his pannikin on one knee and scraped the ground with a stick. ‘It’s a bit unclear really. Someone is dropping fences and encouraging stock across into holding yards on the neighbour’s place. It’s happening everywhere out here. Every so often, I go for a nightly drive, just to see what’s what. Especially on moonlit nights, when it’s more likely that whoever’s doing it would be operating. Aunty Spider loved coming with me. There was a mystery to be solved and she wanted to be a part of it. Anyway,’ he flicked his hand, ‘let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about London.’

  ‘Let’s not,’ Tessa said firmly. ‘How’s Marni? I’ve hardly seen her since the funeral.’ She hoped the swift change of subject would deflect any more questions.

  ‘She’s fine. It’s not unusual to not see her around much. She stays in the house a lot.’

  ‘She seems unhappy,’ Tessa ventured.

  ‘Yeah, I think she is.’ Ryan finished off the last of his tea and threw the cup and spoon into the tucker box. They landed with a clang and Tessa figured that was the end of the conversation, so she did the same.

  ‘I’ll tell you a secret,’ Tessa said as they climbed back into the ute. ‘Spider asked me to stay and clean out her house.’

  ‘Like that’s a secret!’ Ryan scoffed. ‘Who else was going to do it?’

  ‘Not me! How on earth did she think I would get time off work to do that? I’m always so . . .’

  ‘Busy, yeah, we know.’

  Tessa threw him a look. ‘I never really gave it any thought, I guess.’

  Ryan started the ute and put it into gear. ‘So, you going to stay and do it or what?’

  ‘I’m not sure I have a choice.’

  ‘Well, if you haven’t got a job, you might as well hang around. You could stay at Spider’s – get out from under the olds. Must be difficult to stay with them when you’ve been living by yourself for a while.’

  Tessa pretended to give it some thought.

  ‘Even if it’s only for a month or two,’ Ryan continued. ‘The Nullarbor Muster is coming up. It’s got to have been seven years since you’ve been to one of them. We used to live for it when we were kids. You’d get to see a few of your old School of the Air friends, too.’

  ‘Well, I guess I could,’ Tessa mused. She thought for a little while then glanced across at Ryan. ‘So are we going to Spider’s?’

  ‘Yeah. Be there in about half an hour. You know, her house was always just far enough away from all the homesteads and yards that it was private for her, but close enough for us kids to walk if we wanted.’

  ‘Yeah. That’s just how she liked it.’ She shivered and noticed Ryan glancing at her. ‘What?’

  ‘You’ll be okay. It’s just a house that holds some memories. Mostly good ones. You’ll probably enjoy seeing it again.’

  Tessa wasn’t so sure.

  Finally, Ryan said: ‘Look over there.’ He pointed to the left. ‘You’ll see the shine of the roof any minute.’

  There it was, the roof glinting in the sun and then the familiar gate. As they drove up the driveway, Tessa tensed automatically in preparation for the pothole that had been there ever since she could remember. They hit it. Her body knew this land, even if her mind didn’t anymore.

  Slowly she got out of the ute and stood, staring, little tickles of emotion running up and down her spine.

  The small stone-walled house looked empty and sad, almost as if it knew its owner had gone. The lawn had started to brown off without water but the geraniums and succulents that Spider had been so fond of were not bothered by her absence or lack of water. The wrought-iron outside table was where it had always been, under the kitchen window, and pots of plants lined the wall of the house and hung from the roof.

  The windows were small. Inside, Tessa knew, the walls were a fresh white and the floors covered with lino instead of carpet – easier to keep clean, Spider said. The furniture had always been minimal, except for her two extravagances, a sapphire-blue rocker that Spider always sat in and a large king-size bed.

  The rocker would be next to a blue Smoker’s Bow chair – it was an antique handed down from who knew where, but it was where all the Claytons grandkids had sat, while she had told them stories. The Story Telling Chair.

  Tessa was aware of Ryan talking to her, as they walked down the dirt path to the front verandah, but she didn’t hear what he was saying. Her memories were too loud, shouting at her, reminding her of times when she’d felt whole.

  Her foot touched the outside mat and she waited a beat, expecting Spider to fling open the door, with a wide smile. But she didn’t.

  Tessa reached for the door handle. She pulled it down and the door swung open. Tessa stood in the entry way. A coldness spread over her. She was here. After all this time, she was back.

  But Aunty Spider wasn’t here.

  Chapter 12

  Adjusting her earplugs, Tessa increased the volume on her iPod and changed up a gear. She’d borrowed her parents’ LandCruiser, only to discover there wasn’t Bluetooth for her iPod, nor a charger to channel the music from her iPod through the FM stations and speakers.

  Ah well, at least she could listen to the smoky voice of Amy Winehouse through her earplugs.

  Her heart beat a little faster with anticipation. It was good to get away from the constraints of her parents for a night. Not that they were difficult to live with, but it had been many, many years since she had been under their roof for this long. It was a fact of life that she and her parents would do and see things differently.

  Three weeks
and two days she’d been there. Waking up every morning without a purpose, after living such a highly geared life in London had been difficult. Hiding her drinking even more so.

  A night at Balladonia would do the trick. It wasn’t exactly the Soho Bar – it was just a roadhouse with a motel, a bar and a camping ground – but it was better than nothing. Even if the likelihood of her knowing anyone was zilch.

  Tessa had decided that one glass of wine wouldn’t hurt – she’d been four days without a drink and she felt good. The second day, she’d woken with a headache that was akin to a hangover. But not having to get up, she’d taken a Panadol and gone back to bed. The next morning, the headache was still there but nowhere near as bad. This morning it had been non-existent.

  Withdrawals? Nah, she wasn’t that hooked on the wine – she’d just proved that to herself.

  Tessa came to the ramp on the boundary of their station and slowly drove across it. She could remember the time she’d driven so fast over it she’d nose-dived the car into the ground. Her father had not been impressed!

  Flicking her blinker, she turned onto the Eyre Highway and headed west. Balladonia was about forty kilometres away.

  A heavily loaded road train passed her. Tessa watched as the back trailers swayed dangerously towards the edge of the road. Holding her breath to see if it hit the gravel, she suddenly felt her own front wheels leave the bitumen. Instinct kicked in and she slowly corrected the steering wheel back to right. ‘Gently does it,’ she muttered. Feeling all four tyres back on the road, she breathed a sigh of relief, then shook her head angrily.

  It was difficult driving into the sinking sun. She slowed down, and pulled the car back a gear. Everything was so different to how she remembered it, which just showed how childhood memories weren’t always right. The country was so wide, so spacious and there was so much nothingness. In London she’d be lucky to find a side alley without people in it. The Nullarbor seemed to have an intense loneliness about it, but Tessa hadn’t worked out if it was just her. Her parents certainly didn’t seem to notice it.

  Still, they had each other and Ryan and Marni. Harrison and Cally seemed to spend a lot of time at Danjar Plains too. They were all seasoned to it, she told herself.

  The silence, for Tessa, was disconcerting at times and the need to do something was strong. After all, during the past few years she’d spent every waking moment hurrying. Answering emails, making phone calls, networking. Socialising. Drinking. Now there was nothing to do. She wasn’t ready for Spider’s house yet.

  Tessa tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, partly out of agitation and partly in time with the music. Spotlights blinded her for a moment as another truck flew by, the trailers rocking from side to side. Despite being such a busy highway, the main link between the west and east, there was just a million miles of nothing. Of emptiness.

  As Tessa peered forward, looking for kangaroos and the lights of the roadhouse, her headlights picked up a dark shape on the road. Instinctively she lifted her foot off the accelerator. A dead roo? A tyre? Neither.

  Slamming on the brakes, she pulled over. She fumbled for her phone but her earbuds tangled, so she yanked them out and tossed them onto the passenger’s seat. Then, checking for traffic, she clambered out of the car. She hadn’t seen a wombat for years! They were elusive creatures and, even though there were many signs on the Eyre Highway saying to watch for them, the only confirmed colony was at Balladonia.

  The sun had slid below the horizon, but the heat rose from the road and she began to sweat. Juggling her phone she found the camera and, keeping her distance, snapped a few photos of the wombat to post on Facebook and Twitter then snarled as she realised she didn’t have mobile range. She would have to get to civilisation to fix that, she realised. Still, she could post them later.

  The grey-haired wombat ignored her clicking and continued to waddle across the road. Halfway across it stopped and shook itself like a dog. White dust drifted from its coat. Then it was on its way again. Tessa watched until it had disappeared into the undergrowth. She heard the grumble of another engine. With one last glance, she got back into the car and went on her way.

  Tessa had to laugh at her antics. There was no way, at the beginning of January, she had thought she would be following a wombat across the Eyre Highway in her London clothes. She presumed she’d stand out in the roadhouse with her halter-neck black top, tight silvery leggings and strappy high-heeled sandals, but at this point, she really didn’t care.

  She ran her hand across her hair. She’d spent some time teasing the curls to make them straight then moussed it all up into spikes before she left. Her hair was longer than when she’d first arrived and she’d thought about getting it cut again but there wasn’t much chance of a cut out here, so she’d have to be content to let it grow.

  Finally, she saw wide beams of light in the distance. Ah, she could almost taste the wine!

  She swung the LandCruiser into a parking spot and killed the engine. Would she know anyone and if so would they recognise her? Did Harrison bring Cally here for a meal he didn’t have to cook? Did Ryan ever bring Marni here on a ‘date’?

  Would Brendan be here? Now that was an interesting thought.

  She walked towards the roadhouse. The plain-looking building was covered in signs and coloured lights. No traveller passing could miss it.

  As she approached the entrance she heard splashing and the high-pitched giggles of children. They must have put in a pool since she’d been here last.

  The door was heavy. Pulling it open, she was hit with the full force of cold air. How lovely! Air-conditioning!

  She looked around. So much had changed. She could see a sign pointing to a museum – parts of Skylab, the American space station, were on display. The history of Balladonia was there, too. In the other direction, was the bar. Without stopping, her feet took her there.

  ‘What can I get you?’ a young man with an English accent asked.

  ‘What sort of white wines do you have?’

  He indicated towards the fridge. ‘You best look in here. What’s on the menu isn’t always in stock.’

  Tessa glanced over. ‘A bottle of unwooded chardonnay if you have it.’

  ‘Sure.’

  Tessa paid him and waited while he poured the drink. She told him her name and watched as he wrote it on the bottle before returning it to the fridge.

  She took a sip – exquisite. She took another sip, and another. Eat something, her head said. Good idea.

  ‘Do you think I could order a snack?’

  ‘Course you can.’ He passed her a menu.

  ‘Just a chicken salad, please.’ No chops tonight!

  She took another sip and found a table near the TV. The tennis was playing, but she didn’t take much notice.

  ‘Well, well, fancy seeing you here,’ a familiar voice said. She turned, wondering who it was. A tall, dark-haired man was standing behind her, beer in hand and a lopsided smile on his face. Oh, the night was just about to get better.

  ‘Hello, Brendan.’ She smiled. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘I could ask you the same thing. You’d be the last person I’d have expected to see!’

  ‘Just needed a night away from the parents,’ Tessa answered. ‘What about you? Here for dinner?’

  ‘Thought I’d get a drink or two. Can I join you?’

  ‘If you like.’ She tried not to sound too keen.

  He pulled out the chair next to her and sat down. ‘So, tell me, what on earth made you come here? Thought Kalgoorlie would have been more your style.’

  ‘There’s the problem of distance and not having a car. Otherwise, yes, I would love to have a weekend there! But here’s the next best thing. Wish I’d known there was a pool though. I would have brought my bathers.’ She stared wistfully through the windows at the kids diving and bombing each other under the lights.

  ‘Think it went in a couple of years ago. Good for the tourists, apparently.’

  ‘Y
es, I imagine it’s a great drawcard.’

  There was a silence, and Tessa started to feel uncomfortable. It was one thing to flirt and share some playful kisses in the shearing shed when you’ve had a few drinks, but to have to hold a conversation with someone she barely knew, was, well, weird. She snuck a glance at him. Brendan seemed anything but awkward, with his arm linked over the back of the chair, looking up at the TV screen.

  ‘Yes!’ He thumped the table, startling Tessa.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Game, set and match to Lleyton Hewitt! You little ripper! Poor bugger, he’s been struggling for a while, so it’s good to see him get up.’ Brendan turned back to her. ‘So . . . how long are you going to be around for? Or are you heading straight back to London?’

  Tessa shook her head. ‘No, I’ll be around for a bit. Aunty Spider wanted me to clean out her house. Not something I’m looking forward to and I’ve got no idea how long it will take.’

  ‘That’s bloody good news!’ He winked at her. ‘Can I get you another drink?’ Wordlessly Tessa held out her glass and tried not to blush as his fingers brushed hers.

  Over the next few hours, the bar and dining room slowly filled. Tessa could tell the travellers from the locals, and it seemed there was a gang of road workers too.

  The laughter and beer were flowing freely. Finally, Tessa began to relax. Brendan introduced her to a couple of his mates. Then Tessa realised that an old School of the Air friend, Jemima, was working in the kitchen. She snuck in to say hello, but in the steamy kitchen, Jemima was red-faced and busy, so Tessa didn’t stay long.

  ‘Challenge you to a game of pool,’ said Brendan, appearing at her side.

  ‘I haven’t played in years!’

  ‘Heads, you break; tails, I do.’ He flicked a twenty-cent piece into the air.

  ‘Tails,’ she called.

  ‘Tails it is.’ Brendan handed her a pool cue. ‘I’ll rack ’em.’

  Tessa rubbed some chalk over the end of her cue as she tried to remember the rules – they didn’t take long to come back. Lining up, she shot the white ball down the centre of the table and into the point of the triangle. Balls went everywhere. An orange one was sunk.