The Mysteries of Bell & Whitehouse: Books 1-3 (The Mysteries of Bell & Whitehouse Box Sets)

by Nic Saint

  “It seems like yesterday.”

  “You smeared your boogers all over me.”

  “A sign of my affection.”

  “Oh, God, Virgil,” she groaned. “Now you’re telling me?”

  Timing had never been the policeman’s most distinguishing feature. And just when he was about to launch into a declaration of love, the sound of a chopper drew near, and before long speech was rendered impossible by the roar of the helicopter rotors. It touched down right beside them on the platform.

  A tall, dark figure hopped from the chopper, and Felicity squinted against the buffeting winds to discern who it was. To her surprise, she found herself staring at the handsome figure of Reece Hudson.

  Chapter 41

  “Don’t you Pet Bandits make yourselves too comfortable,” the chief sneered. “You’re going before Judge Lockhart in a few hours, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he threw the book at you.”

  Jerry directed a baleful look at the police chief. He’d never been fond of cops, disliking their annoying habit of stifling free enterprise. Just now that their business was turning a nice profit, up popped this meddling copper.

  “We’re not the Pet Bandits,” he returned acerbically. “We’re two hairdressers specializing in pet grooming.”

  The chief snorted derisively. “Grooming pets, huh? So that gag you pulled about extorting a hundred grand was just a sideline then?”

  “I’m sure I don’t know what the heck you’re talking about,” he muttered. Then he raised his head. “I demand to see my lawyer.”

  “I’ll just bet you do. Son, you ain’t seeing a lawyer until I say so. You’re in Happy Bays now, and you’ll find that we do things a mite different than in the Big Apple.” And with these ominous words he strode from the cell block, leaving Jerry and Johnny to stew in their own soup.

  “I told you we should have kept going,” he said dejectedly. “We would be in Brooklyn by now if it hadn’t been for you.”

  “That damn bird sure as heck proved to be a tough adversary,” Johnny lamented. “And to think I almost had him, if not for all those wires. I mean, who does he think he is? Jigsaw? Who does that?”

  “Ted MacDonald, that’s who. I’m telling you, Johnny, this whole town is filled with loonies top to bottom. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times: we were nuts ever to come back here.”

  “The only thing they’ve got going for them is that nice Bell girl.”

  Jerry’s face cleared at the mention of Felicity Bell. “Yah, she’s the one redeeming factor. Those scones.”

  “Those croissants.”

  “Those cakes!”

  “Those blueberry muffins!”

  Both men were silent for a beat, as they reminisced about the happy days passed in Bell’s Bakery & Tea Room, the only decent place in Happy Bays. Then they sunk into their slough of despond once again. Their future was bleak, and their Pet Bandit days were over.

  “We should have left well enough alone,” Jerry said. “We were doing so well in Manhattan, raking in the big bucks. Why did we ever let that guy Roke talk us into coming back to this hellhole?”

  “Hundred grand, that’s why.”

  They’d met Glenn Roke only a few shorts weeks ago, when the man had tipped them off about a Long Island mayor so fond of his parrot he would pay through the nose if the bird was ever abducted.

  Roke had also revealed that Moe was an easy target. All they had to do was walk into Town Hall, snatch the bird and collect the money. Happy Bays was one of those places where people still left their back doors unlocked, and where neighbor helped neighbor. Cops were an alien concept down there. The prospect had proven so appealing that Jerry and Johnny had left a perfectly nice poodle belonging to Mayor de Blasio untouched and were on their way to Happy Bays to check out this manna from heaven for themselves.

  At this moment a reedy voice sounded from the next cell. It belonged to an old guy of dreary aspect, though the wide smile on his gaunt face made up for his bedraggled appearance.

  “Hey there, fellas. What are you in for?”

  “Stealing the mayor’s parrot,” replied Johnny, before receiving a slap from Jerry.

  “Never confess!” Jerry hissed. “Who knows where they’ve hidden the cameras and the microphones!”

  “Oh, sorry. Didn’t think about that,” said Johnny, then amended his statement to, “Cutting the mayor’s parrot.”

  “His hair—cutting the mayor’s parrot’s hair!” added Jerry.

  Their neighbor seemed interested in the topic. “Parrots ain’t got no hair.”

  “They don’t?” asked Jerry, surprised. This was the first he heard of this strange phenomenon.

  “You mean you know Moe?” the man continued, his face working.

  “Intimately,” muttered Johnny, who clearly wished he didn’t.

  “But we never harmed a hair—or whatever he got—on the little guy’s head,” added Jerry, enunciating clearly for the microphones he just knew were there.

  The old guy looked upset. “But that’s impossible. I killed Moe and then I ate him. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!” He narrowed his eyes, his white beard waggling dangerously. “Who are you guys? Did the chief send you in here to spy on me? Huh? I’m lawyering up, you hear me? Lawyering up big time!”

  Christ, thought Jerry. Another nutcase. Of course, what did he expect? This was Happy Bays. Fruitcake capital of the world.

  Chapter 42

  Meanwhile, on the roof of cooling tower two, Alice watched the arrival of her ex-boyfriend with mixed emotions. On the one hand she was glad someone had arrived on the scene with an intimate knowledge of the kind of daredevil tactics it would surely take to save both themselves and the rest of the town from a nuclear holocaust. On the other…this was still the man who had broken her heart.

  “Reece,” she said curtly as he walked up, an enigmatic smile on his lips, rotor wash whipping his curly brown hair about his handsome face.

  “Hello, Alice,” he said by way of greeting, then kneeled down to address himself to her ropes. “What’s all this, then?” Apparently he’d only now become aware of the fact that his loved one was tied up like a sausage.

  “We were taken by a madman who wants to blow up this nuclear plant,” Rick was quick to apprise the movie star of their predicament.

  “Hot potato! Blow up this nuclear plant, huh?!” said Reece with a steely glint in his eye. This was right up his alley. “You know, I was in a similar situation in Crunch Time 1. Locked up in an underground bunker with nothing but a rubber band and a spoon for company.”

  “So what did you do?” asked Rick, who hadn’t seen that particular movie.

  Reece shrugged. “I dug my way out with the spoon and disarmed the bomb with the rubber band, of course. And then I proceeded to take out fifty-six terrorists, made sure the main baddie died a gruesome death, kissed the girl and got a commendation from the president.”

  “Could we please return to reality?” Felicity asked. “Can you get us out of here?”

  “Oh, sure, sure,” he said, and disentangled Alice from the ropes.

  She massaged her wrists, directing a baleful glance at the actor. “What are you doing here?” she snapped. “And how did you find us?”

  Reece eyed her contritely. “Honey, first of all, I want to clear up this whole misunderstanding about Dorothy Valour. I had nothing to do with that email she sent you.”

  “She sent me? No, you sent me. That email came from you.” She shook her head. “I should have known. I should never have gotten involved with you, Reece. You want glamour, you want class, you want…”

  “You!” He took her by the shoulders. “All I want is you!”

  She blinked, then frowned. “So what about that email, huh? It said very clearly that you were getting back together with Dorothy.”

  “Because that’s what she wanted you to think!” he insisted. “She had my password, so she sent you that email, making you believe we were getting back
together while nothing could be further from the truth. Here, let me prove it to you. Where’s your phone?” He took it and pointed to the timer. Ten minutes to go and counting. “Just keep a close eye on that and all will be explained to you.”

  Alice folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. She didn’t believe a word the man was saying, and frankly didn’t care. Well, that wasn’t exactly true, perhaps. She did care, but that didn’t give him the right to play games. She would simply not be lured into this.

  “Um, could you perhaps…” Rick held up his still tied hands. “…take care of this? Just if you have a moment to spare, of course.”

  “Sure thing, buddy,” said Reece, and quickly began to untie Rick.

  “Alice? Honey?” asked Felicity. “Would you mind?”

  Without a word, and still ruminating about Reece’s words, Alice started removing her friend’s ties. “What do you think?” she whispered. “Is he for real?”

  “I would give him another chance if I were you,” whispered Felicity.

  “I’ll give him his ten minutes,” decided Alice. “But if he’s playing me for a fool again that’s the end of Reece Hudson as far as I’m concerned.”

  “And the end of us all!” cried Virgil. “Am I the only one with a thread of common sense here? This place is gonna blow to smithereens and all you can think about is getting back together with Mr. Hunk?”

  There was a hint of peeve in Virgil’s voice, perhaps due to the arrival on the scene of Reece, effectively upstaging the policeman’s surprise declaration of love.

  Reece frowned, and stood erect, planting his hands on his hips. “Where’s the bomb?” he asked, all business now.

  “How the hell should I know?” cried Virgil, still tied up. He wriggled his hands. “Could anyone please untie me?! Anyone?!”

  As Rick occupied himself with this task, Reece walked the platform, and leaned over the edge to inspect the outer husk of the tower. “I don’t see a bomb!” he called out. “Maybe the guy was kidding!”

  “Of course not!” cried Virgil, rubbing his wrists. “Do you really think this maniac is going to put a bomb in plain view? He probably rigged the foundations or something.” He pointed to the helicopter. “Can’t you fly us out of here?”

  Reece, jogging back to the group, wiped his hands. “Let’s go.”

  “And radio the National Guard,” urged Virgil. “They need to get on this as soon as possible—start the evacuation procedure.”

  Alice, assuming that the cop was displaying this sense of urgency as a bid to win her affection, placed a soothing hand on the man’s arm. “It’s all right, Virgil. If Reece says there’s no bomb, I’m sure there’s no bomb. He knows about these things.”

  Virgil’s eyes bulged. “He’s a frickin’ actor!”

  “And a very good one,” commented Rick. “But just in case Virgil is right, perhaps we better skedaddle.”

  It seemed like the prudent thing to do, though Alice still felt ill-disposed to ride in the same chopper as the man who had betrayed her trust. Nevertheless, they all filed in, Reece took his place behind the stick, and before long the chopper was airborne and circling the skies over Happy Bays, the nuclear plant disappearing on the horizon.

  Morning had broken, and the sun cast its hesitant rays over a world that was waking up to a new day. Hopefully, Alice thought, Reece was right and Glenn Roke was a fantasist. She let her eyes drift across Reece’s back. He looked incredibly sexy in his bomber jacket and aviator sunglasses. But then that was neither here nor there, of course.

  Chapter 43

  “So, what do you think?” The mayor was doling out food to the boys and girls in blue, as was his habit every spring. “Good chow, huh?”

  Louise, who was on the receiving end of the mayor’s ladle, grimaced. Though it was a tradition that the mayor and his wife took over the police cafeteria once a year to honor Happy Bays’s finest, she wasn’t in agreement with the couple’s choice of breakfast foods. But instead of voicing these thoughts she smiled and said, “Thanks, Mr. Mayor.”

  She stared down at her portion of meatballs drowned in heavy-duty gravy, a sizable dump of mashed potatoes, and steamed veggies, and thought harsh thoughts about Eve MacDonald, who was in charge of the menu.

  She plunked down next to Officer Victor Wilson, her big, bluff, and blond colleague. “What’s up, Wilson?”

  “Hey, did you hear about those parrotnappers?”

  “The chief sure caught them in the act, huh?” Which was probably why Ted and Eve MacDonald looked so chipper, she thought.

  “He sure did,” said Wilson with enthusiasm as he speared a piece of meatball. “Only they say they weren’t trying to abduct Moe. All they wanted to do was finish that haircut they started before they were so rudely interrupted by the real kidnappers. You think they’d be lying about something like that? I mean, it’s easy to catch them in the lie, don’t you think? Just give them some hair to cut—or feather in this case—and they’ll soon be revealed as a couple of amateurs.”

  It was an idea, Louise conceded. Though she doubted whether the judge would go for it. Judge Lockhart was of the old-fashioned opinion that criminals should be made to pay for their crimes. Hard time for hard crime. And these bozos were obviously guilty. What kind of hairdresser breaks into a house in the middle of the night to deliver a haircut? Not even the most conscientious stylist would go to such lengths.

  Just then, the alarm sounded, and they all looked up, as did the mayor. The police chief suddenly came charging into the cafeteria. The man looked the worse for wear, Louise thought. But then he’d been up all night, apparently, first dealing with a break-in in Town Hall, and then that mess at the mayor’s house.

  “Listen up, people!” the chief yelled. “Officer Scattering just informed me that the nuclear power plant has been rigged. I repeat: the nuclear power plant has been rigged with explosives! We’re evacuating all of Happy Bays and we’re doing it NOW!”

  Louise practically spat out her breakfast. “What the hell?”

  Wilson reluctantly left his meatballs on the table as all personnel evacuated the cafeteria, Ted and Eve joining them as well. If they were going to save lives today, it would have to happen quickly and efficiently. And as they were filing out, Louise heard the sound of chopper blades churning the morning air. She looked out and saw a helicopter setting down on the parking lot out in front, and Reece Hudson, of all people, hopping out, ducking his handsome head.

  “What the heck is going on?!” cried Louise. Nuclear plants about to blow, Hollywood stars hopping from helicopters? Had she just landed herself a part on Armageddon 2?

  The entire Happy Bays police force—all twenty officers—hurried out of the station house, and stood gaping at the helicopter, Reece Hudson walking toward them with long strides, looking as gorgeous as in his Crunch Time movies. Hot potato! He walked straight up to Chief Whitehouse, took his aviator glasses from his nose, and said in his sonorous voice, “Sir, I’m at your service. Just tell me what you need.”

  Behind him, Louise now saw Virgil Scattering seated in the chopper, along with the chief’s daughter, Fee Bell, and Rick Dawson, that reporter guy Fee was dating. What was going on?

  “What do you know, son?” the chief asked seriously.

  “Some guy called Glenn Roke seems to be behind this, sir. According to Virgil—Officer Scattering—he’s threatened to blow up the plant.”

  The chief frowned. “Glenn Roke? Wasn’t he in Medical Hospital?”

  Reece’s face cleared. “That’s right! Au revoir, mes enfants. I loved that guy. He always cracked me up.” But then he caught the chief’s eye, and he added quickly, “This time he’s gone too far, though, sir.”

  A cry sounded behind Louise, and the mayor now walked to the fore. “Did you just say that Glenn Roke is behind this, Reece?”

  The movie star nodded, clenching his impressive jawline. “That’s right, Mr. Mayor. Glenn Roke claims to have rigged the cooling towers with explosives. I d
id a spot check and couldn’t find any sign of the alleged devices, but I could be mistaken, of course.”

  Louise felt that if Chuck MacLachlan said there were no explosives to be found he was probably right, but then again, Chuck MacLachlan was a fictional character, and Reece an actor, not a demolitions expert.

  “Glenn Roke…” The mayor exchanged a worried glance with the chief of police. “If this is true, why hasn’t he been in touch? It must be me he’s after. He still blames me for the incident…” His voice broke off when his phone chimed, right on cue. He raised his eyes, then brought the phone to his ear. The moment his correspondent identified himself, he nodded to the others. It was the terrorist. He closed his eyes, pained.

  “Roke, what have you done?”

  Chapter 44

  Inside the helicopter Alice watched Reece run to the police station, and discuss matters with her father. She hoped they were on time. Then her phone dinged, and she looked down. The countdown clock had reached zero, and once more Dorothy Valour’s Facebook page popped up. She frowned, this reminder of Reece’s infidelity not doing much to improve her mood.

  Nevertheless, she glanced at the page. Suddenly an announcement appeared. Dorothy was retiring, the message said. She’d given the world so much, and the world had given her so much in return, that she felt it was time to allow other people to enjoy the privileges she had been blessed with over the last couple of years. And the person chosen to take her place, was…

  Alice’s jaw dropped when her own face appeared on the screen. Dorothy was making space for Alice Whitehouse, Reece Hudson’s new fiancée, to take her place in the limelight. A short biography of Alice mentioned that she worked at her uncle’s gun store, and another uncle’s funeral home, and that she was the love of Reece Hudson’s life. There were pictures of the two of them together, and then a message from Reece himself. That he’d fallen for Alice the first moment they met, and that he was the luckiest man in the world to have found his soulmate.