Hidden Mercies

by Serena B. Miller

  A male voice joined with hers for the last line,

  that I had never loved you more.

  “Tom!” She whirled around. “I didn’t know you where here.”

  “Do it like we practiced, Tom,” Amy instructed.

  “Who am I to disobey a professional poet?” Tom said. He got down on one knee. “Is this right?” he inquired of Amy.

  “Yes, but now you have to take her hand in yours.”

  “Like this?”

  “And gaze into her eyes.”

  He smiled up at Claire. “Like this?”

  “That’s good.”

  “Now . . .”

  “I think I can take it from here, Amy.” Tom stood back up and took both of Claire’s hands in his own. “I have loved you silently for the first forty-four years of my life. Would you do me the honor of marrying me so that I can show my love openly for the next forty-four?”

  “Does that mean you are going to stop loving me when we’re eighty-eight?”

  “You’re spoiling it again, Claire,” Amy warned.

  “Are you saying that you’re willing to put up with my strange hours, and my pager going off in the middle of the night?”

  “I am so proud of what you do, Claire,” he said. “I’ll never stand in your way and I’ll help you in any way I can.”

  “This is a noisy, busy family for a bachelor to move into, Tom. Daniel does not yet always sleep through the night. Albert has recently taken up the harmonica. Jesse got his hands on some firecrackers last week and scared us to death. Maddy goes around singing praise songs most of the time.”

  “I can handle it.”

  “Maybe, but it doesn’t stop there. Elizabeth is still living in Levi’s apartment and she likes to drop in for coffee every morning.”

  “I don’t have a problem with that.”

  “At four o’clock in the morning. If I’m not awake, she’ll make it herself.”

  “That could be a problem. What about Grace and Levi? Are they doing any better?”

  “A little. They’ve found a church. The minister and his wife have a background similar to theirs. They’ve been getting together and talking. It seems to be helping. All I know is that my son and daughter-in-law aren’t nearly as loud as they used to be. I’m warning you, though. Things could still blow up over there again.”

  “I’ve survived mortar attacks, Claire,” Tom said. “I’ve survived suicide bombers. Surely I can survive any noise your family can make.”

  “If we marry, it won’t be ‘my’ family, it will be ‘ours.’ Are you willing to take on that sort of responsibility, Tom?”

  “Come over here and sit down on the swing with me,” he said. “Amy, would you mind going into the house for a bit?”

  “Well . . .” Amy looked from one to the other. “I guess my work here is done . . . for now.”

  She left, and he and Claire seated themselves on the swing.

  “You are concerned about whether or not I’m willing to take on the responsibilities of a family,” he said. “You need to know that I already have begun to do so.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “How would you like to have Rose as a neighbor?” he said.

  “I would love it. Why do you ask?”

  “I’ve asked her and Henry to live in and work my father’s farm in return for help caring for him. I’ll move Daed into Grandpa’s old Daadi Haus, but as you know, it connects directly through the kitchen. Rose will be able to care for him, and I plan to help her with him a great deal.”

  “She and Henry agreed?” she asked.

  “You should have seen Rose’s eyes light up when I talked to her about it. She wants a chance to talk to Henry first, but I’ll be surprised if they don’t jump at it. It’s a good deal, for everyone. Including my father.”

  “Thank you, Tom,” she said with a break in her voice. “That is one of the most generous things I’ve ever heard of—with the exception of you buying the farm from your sister and brother-in-law in the first place.

  “But . . . I just want to make absolutely sure I’m clear on something—you know we cannot marry unless you become Old Order Amish.”

  “That kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it, Claire? Of course I know that. I intend to go see Bishop Schrock this week.”

  “You do realize that means you’ll have to give up your flying, right? Are you sure you can do that? You have spent a lifetime honing that skill and you love it so.”

  “I’ll miss it,” Tom said. “I’ll miss it greatly, but some things are worth sacrificing for. Flying will not get me to heaven. Flying will not keep me warm at night. Flying is exhilarating, but it does not feed my soul. And flying will keep me from having you.

  “There’s one other thing we need to discuss. Until Saturday, I was a wealthy man. Now, not so much. I’ll need to get a job to supplement my retirement pay.”

  “What do you have in mind?” she asked.

  “There is a flight training school a couple hours from here. I’ve already called. Once they learned about my credentials, they jumped at the chance for me to teach the basics. I won’t be flying, but I can teach others some of what I know. I’ll only be going there two days a week, but I’ll be teaching back-to-back classes on those days.”

  “Do you think your students will be ready for an Amish teacher? They might not take you seriously.”

  “They’ll take me seriously. Remember, I’m an Amish teacher who once flew the president. If they’re smart, they’ll listen to me. The pay isn’t bad. I’ll be able to help support you and the children.”

  “You do realize I haven’t said yes yet,” Claire said. “Right?”

  He waved a dismissive hand. “A technicality,” he said. “What woman could resist a love poem written by Amy and me?”

  “Not me. I was ready to marry you after the first line.” She laughed. “Tom, I knew I was in love with you the night I saw you go in after Maddy even though you were barely strong enough to climb those stairs.”

  “So it’s a yes, then?” he asked.

  “Well, I hate to disappoint Amy.”

  He heard a sound behind them, and they turned to see several pairs of eyes and noses pressed against the window.

  “I think we’re their entertainment for tonight,” she said.

  “Then let’s give them something entertaining.” He tipped her face up for a kiss.

  The moment their lips touched, they heard a discordant “eww” from Albert and Jesse, and a romantic sigh from Amy and Sarah. Daniel pounded on the window with his hand and started to cry for his mother.

  “And so it begins,” Claire said. “You can back out now and I won’t hold it against you.”

  Tom laughed with the sheer joy of a man who can hardly believe his dreams are coming true. “Claire, I have been waiting for this my whole life.”

  A Howard Reading Group Guide

  Hidden Mercies

  Serena B. Miller

  When Tom Miller returns to his hometown of Mt. Hope, Ohio, after a twenty-seven-year absence, he discovers that nothing—and everything—has changed. He is still in love with Claire Shetler, his dead brother Matthew’s widow, and still estranged from his father because of his part in the accident that led to Matthew’s death. But Tom—formerly Tobias Troyer—is able to join the life of the town without revealing his identity because of war wounds he suffered during one of his tours as a Marine in Afghanistan. Tom rents a room from Claire and slowly becomes an integral part of her family life. As Claire and Tom begin to fall in love, Tom learns the true definition of homecoming and what it means to receive God’s unconditional love.

  Discussion Questions

  1. “Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to your mercy, remember thou me for thy goodness’ sake, Oh Lord” (Psalm 25:7, KJV). How does this epigraph serve as a summary for the story? Consider the ways in which the characters in the novel are both sinners and saints, using Tom, Claire, Jeremiah, and Maddy as exampl
es.

  2. At the beginning of the story we learn of Matthew’s death. Initially, Claire cannot believe that her soon-to-be-husband has died, and she insists that her cousin is playing a trick on her with the news. “I have worked too hard on this wedding for you to spoil it with your tricks!” (6) insists Claire, and only later does she realize that the news of Matthew’s death is no joke. Do you think Claire’s reaction is a type of defense mechanism? In what ways does Claire experience the stages of grief upon hearing of Matthew’s death? Have you had a similar reaction to horrible news?

  3. Discuss the significance of Claire’s vocation. How is helping to bring new life to the world reflective of God’s love? Why do you think Abraham, Claire’s deceased husband, did not allow Claire to practice this vocation? Compare Claire’s vocation to Tom’s. How are they alike? How are they different?

  4. In what way or ways is Tom an outsider? Consider both his life as Tobias Troyer and his life as Tom Miller in your response. Does this outsider status contribute to Tom’s life choices? How?

  5. “There are only two things that matter in life—those you love and those who love you. Nothing else, except the good Lord, Himself, is worth a hill of beans” (66). This quote, said by Elizabeth to Tom, captures Elizabeth’s spirit. Reflect on the ways in which Elizabeth acts as the voice of reason in the novel, especially for those characters most in need of guidance like Tom, Levi, and Grace. What advice does Elizabeth share with each of them?

  6. Why do you think Grace and Levi have so many disagreements in their marriage? Do you think their differences stem largely from a difference in culture and religion, or are their problems common in any marriage?

  7. When Tom initially confronts Jeremiah about his missing son Tobias, Jeremiah says, “I have no son named Tobias” (106). Later, Jeremiah admits that he is waiting for his son to come home and that he even sets a place for his lost son each night at the dinner table. Why do you think Jeremiah initially told Tom he had no son? Do you think that Tom’s presence softened Jeremiah’s heart? Why or why not?

  8. A possible theme of the novel emerges when Claire tells Tom, “Without forgiveness, love cannot exist. Not with God, not with a family, not with a church.” Do you agree? Can you think of an example from the novel where love was not possible without forgiveness? Why do you think the two emotions are so closely connected?

  9. Discuss Tom and Claire’s relationship. What, besides their shared history, do the two have in common? What attracts Tom to Claire, and vice versa? Do you think Claire had a relationship in mind when she rented the room to Tom, or was she merely thinking of finances?

  10. Revisit the scene when Rocky comes into Tom’s life. What does the dog symbolize for Tom? What does adopting Rocky reveal about Tom’s character? In what way(s) is Rocky’s homecoming like Tom’s?

  11. What do you think was Maddy’s motivation for attending the dangerous party? Was she simply acting like a normal teenager? If Tom had not been there, what might have happened? Discuss how Maddy’s decision to attend the party affected Maddy, Tom, and Claire. What changed for each character afterward?

  12. How does Tom’s moment of revelation to Claire act as a catharsis for both characters? Were you surprised at Claire’s reaction? Why or why not?

  13. In the end Tom decides to marry Claire and rejoin his childhood faith. Do you think that Tom and Claire live happily ever after?

  Additional Activities: Ways of Enhancing Your Book Club

  1. So many moments in Hidden Mercies have at their center Amish food: what’s being eaten, canned, baked, and preserved. Tom longs for the food of his childhood, “comfort food—Holmes County soul food. Homemade egg noodles. Slow-roasted chicken. A custard pie with a crust so light it would melt in your mouth.” Throw an Amish dinner party with your book club and use the food described in the novel as inspiration for your menu. Over dinner, chat with your book club about the importance of food in the story. What does this food symbolize for Tom? Share the comfort food from your childhood and culture. What is it that you like to eat and why? What type of comfort does this type of food bring?

  2. Continue to delve into the world of the Amish tradition. Have your book club read Serena Miller’s first Amish novel, Love Finds You in Sugarcreek, Ohio (Summerside, 2010). After reading, discuss with your book club the ways in which the Amish culture is presented in both novels. What similarities can you find between the two stories? What are the differences? Share with your group something that each of these novels taught you about faith and love for one’s neighbor.

  3. Tom asks Claire during the middle of an intimate conversation, “What do you want out of life?” Claire is quick to respond that what she ultimately wants, above all else, is peace. If you had to answer Tom’s question, what would you say? Is there one thing you want above all else? Share your answers with your group.

  4. For Tom, Claire, and Grace, their calling in life is very clear. All three characters feel very strongly that they have a God-given talent and are called to share that talent with the world. For Tom, that talent is flying helicopters. For Claire, it is working as a midwife. And for Grace, her vocation is to work as a nurse. Vocations do not always have to be career choices, however, and sometimes our vocation is to listen to a friend in need or to be a good parent or sibling. Spend time with your group in prayer or meditation. Ask yourself the question, “Who am I called to be?” After a few minutes of silence, share your answers. To what vocation has God called you? How do you know?

  Questions for Serena B. Miller

  1. You live in Minford, Ohio, near an Amish community, and though you are not Amish, you have many strong ties to the community. Describe what it is like to write about a community from the outside. Did you face any problems in your research? Did you make any surprising discoveries?

  The biggest problem I’ve run into from the outside is my own personal struggle with trying to portray the Amish community honestly but without doing any harm. It is hard to write a book like Hidden Mercies, which deals with a darker side of the Amish religion, without worrying that our friendship will be damaged. I try to balance things by also portraying the valuable things I see in their culture, many of which I believe we would benefit from by emulating. I did approach the leader of a support group of former Amish to see if any former Swartzentruber Amish would talk with me about their experience. They politely refused. I respect their reasons why. They don’t know me, and they have no reason to trust me with what is a painful, personal journey. My biggest surprise has been discovering the Amish sense of humor. I have never laughed so hard as when sitting around a kerosene-lit kitchen table sharing stories with some of my Amish friends.

  2. The point of view of the novel shifts from Claire to Tom frequently. In your opinion, whose story is Hidden Mercies? Why did you decide to tell the story from both points of view?

  I think the story tends to be Tom’s. He is a man who has accomplished a great deal in his life, but coming home is such a mixed bag of emotions because it throws him back to a time when he was just a teenage boy making stupid decisions. He’s extremely emotionally vulnerable in the beginning of the story because of his physical and emotional scars. Claire’s story is strong too, though, which is why I chose to tell the story from both points of view. As a writer, I find spending time in both characters’ heads, looking out at the world through their eyes, helps keep the writing fresh for both the reader and myself.

  3. What would you name as the major theme(s) of the novel? Would you agree that this is a story about homecoming, forgiveness, and unconditional love?

  All of the above, but it is also about dealing with shame. Everyone does stupid things when they’re young. Pressing on without getting stuck in the past is a major theme not only of this book but also of the Bible.

  4. Were any of the characters based on people you’ve known in real life? On yourself? Which character do you relate to the most, and why?

  My Tom character came about after I read of a Swartzentruber Am
ish youth who joined the Marines, made a career of it, and then rejoined the Amish church and eventually became a bishop. One of my Amish friends is a midwife who helped me with Claire’s everyday life and work. As far as which character I relate to most? Elizabeth. She’s an observer, she’s passionate about her family, and she’s way too opinionated.

  5. This novel depicts a part of our community that we don’t often see; that is, the Amish community living among us. How important was it to you to give a voice to this community? Were you hoping to break any stereotypes with the novel?

  Unless you’ve actually spent a lot of time with the Amish, it is easy to fall into quite a lot of media-driven stereotypes. I’ve had some disturbing conversations with non-Amish people. A woman once told me quite seriously that all Amish are dirty, dishonest, and run puppy mills. I couldn’t help but compare her description with the Amish home I had just stayed that was clean and welcoming, the children well-cared for and happy, and the animals loved and treated like part of the family. I have actually been asked on two different Christian radio interviews if the Amish believe in Jesus. Considering the in-depth spiritual and biblical discussions I’ve had with my Amish friends, I’m astonished that these ideas exist. So yes, I was hoping to break some stereotypes with this novel. A couple of my Amish friends have expressed the wish that outsiders would realize that they are dealing with problems and struggles just like everyone else.

  6. How did you come to be a writer? Do you feel called by God to write, as Claire is called by God to work as a midwife?

  I absolutely feel called by God to write. That belief is validated every time someone tells me that they have been touched or strengthened by one of my stories. I wanted to be a writer my whole life, but I never knew a writer personally and I assumed they were people who were set apart somehow and were a whole lot smarter than me. Eventually I got the courage to join a professional writers’ group and found the encouragement and tools I needed.