The Euclidian: When Worlds Collide (uncut)

by Jay Cannon

  “Fine. Have a seat and I will go over everything with you.”

  Calvin sat down on the couch next to Uan.

  “I come from a planet far from your galaxy. I work as an assassin on the Andrea, a resource extraction vessel. A prisoner on the vessel escaped to this planet and I am here to retrieve him. He is with the boy in the image on my device. Let me show you.”

  Uan pulled out his device and widened the display with the image of Morgan so that Pico, riding in the quiver, could be seen more clearly.

  “How did you make it grow like that?” exclaimed Calvin.

  “It is technology you would not understand. To continue, my race of people can use our minds to make us invisible to other beings. When I bit you I injected enzymes in your system that blocks the effects of my mental stimulus. And because I come from a much larger planet than yours, I am relatively stronger here.”

  “So those markings on your skin are just what you look like?”

  “Yes, and I have a ridge on my head that I can use as a weapon.”

  “I thought it was just a faux mohawk hairstyle like some young guys wear.”

  “Any other questions? If not, I need you to find the Dr. Turner that Louie mentioned.”

  “Sure. Let me ask around. I’ll find out which hospital had Bookhead in the morgue and that will probably be where she works.”

  “Okay, go do that and hurry back. I will eat, wash up, and rest.”

  “I should be back in about an hour,” said Calvin as he walked out the door. “I’ll get you some makeup while I’m out.”

  Uan found some raw steak in the refrigerator and ate it with delight, washing it down with a carton of juice. He placed his clothes in the washer and headed to the bathroom to relieve himself on the toilet. He thought it was funny that humans hid in a room to defecate. Afterward, he took a steaming hot bath. He enjoyed immersing himself in the water. It reminded him of the steam pools of his home. He soaked until the water was cold, then placed his clothes in the dryer and lay on the couch to rest.

  Uan dozed and daydreamed of his homeland. He remembered killing one of the forest animals and taking it to a women of his tribe. He was fond of her. He had taken her a few times in the past and she eventually bore his son. If he had stayed home he would probably be teaching his child to fight and hunt.

  Just as Uan was getting up, Calvin walked in the door and was startled to see Uan naked on the couch. He looked very human, down to his genitalia, though he had neither nipples nor scrotum.

  “Hey, Uan, I got the information you needed.”

  “What happened to your face?”

  “I had a run-in with a couple of guys and they worked me over. They want to move in on Bo Sam’s turf and were pumping me for information.”

  “Are they dead?”

  “No, they were bigger than me and there were two of them.”

  “Then you should have died trying to kill them.”

  “I don’t want to die.”

  “Everyone dies. That is one eventuality you cannot escape. They made you die early.”

  “How so? I’m right here.”

  “Yes, but you are not living the life you want to live because of them. The life you wanted before they came along is gone, dead.”

  “What life is that?”

  “A life without fear. A life where you did not acquiesce to their whims.”

  “So I should have died trying to kill you?”

  “That is different. We came to an understanding. I offered you an experience you would not ordinarily have in exchange for your guidance on this planet. And now I am going to show you how to get your life back.”

  “How so?”

  “Let me get some clothes on and I will show you.” Uan dressed in his clothes from the dryer and returned to the living room.

  “Stand up,” he said. “Observe. I take my spear and place it beneath the back of my sweater, with the handle in my pants pocket. I reach back, pull the spear around, and jab it into the chest of the person in front me. Now you try it. Go slowly at first to get the move down.”

  Calvin took the spear from Uan and clumsily attempted the move a few times. Uan showed him how to smooth out his movements and eventually Calvin was able to perform the move quite well.

  “Now do that move a hundred times.”

  “You’re joking, right?”

  “I do not make jokes. I do not laugh. It is a waste of emotions. I only want to kill or prepare to kill.”

  Calvin relented. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  “Count off,” commanded Uan. “Focus on precision, not speed.”

  Calvin started to count: “One, two, three…one hundred. Man, that was tiring.”

  Uan took the spear from Calvin. “Now rest while I show you another move. After you stab one opponent in front of you, another one will probably come at you. If he is coming from your left, step to the right while pulling out the spear, spin to the right, and slice through his neck. If he is coming from your right, turn to your right as you step back, and pull the spear back with your right arm, then lunge forward and push the spear through his chest.”

  “Okay, let me try those moves,” said Calvin. He took the spear and went through the motions.

  “Good form. Now do it a hundred times, visualizing the attacker coming from your left. Then do it another hundred times, visualizing the attacker on your right.”

  “You’re kidding, right? Never mind. I’m sure you don’t kid, either. One two three…one hundred. One two three…one hundred.”

  “Very good. Now rest for fifteen minutes then go down and kill those two men.”

  “I can’t just kill them on the street like that.”

  “Then coax them into an alley and kill them there.”

  “Even if I could get them into an alley, I would just freeze up with fear.”

  “You do not think about fear. You do not think about failure. You do not think about anything but execution. You push everything out of your mind until you get your opponents in position and you execute. It is just like pulling the trigger of a gun or shooting a basketball. Now go out there and get your life back from those two that took it.”

  Calvin stood up and shook off his fear. While he believed that Uan had a rather dispassionate view of people’s weaknesses, he felt there was some truth to the statement about those bullies taking his life. Calvin hid Uan’s spear under his jacket and walked out to remove the two bastards that had caused him mental scars.

  Uan was surprised at the weakness of most humans. While Calvin might only be a victim of his DNA, Uan could not trust him if he could be cowed so easily into doing something against his will. Someone could eventually force Calvin to betray him. He would have to keep an eye on Calvin and take him out if he continued to show signs of weakness.

  Calvin found the two men who had attacked him in the same place, down the street observing Bo Sam’s place.

  “Look fellas, I don’t want trouble. I have some of the money you wanted, and jewelry. Let’s step away from prying eyes so I can show you what I have.”

  Calvin walked into a nearby alley with the two men close behind.

  “So show us something that will keep us from beating the crap out of you again,” said one with a smirk.

  Calvin reached into his back pocket. “Here you go,” he said. He pulled Uan’s spear from under his jacket and held it over the man in front of him. He wanted to stab the man the way Uan had showed him, but found himself frozen in place. He didn’t know if it was from fear or morals or distraction by the fear in the man’s face. The other man wasn’t frozen or afraid. He reached into his pants waist for his gun but as he pointed it at Calvin, his head suddenly swung to the right with a snapping sound. Then Uan came into view as he snapped the neck of the other man.

  “Just could not do it, could you, Calvin? All that training went to waste. I guess it is just not in you.”

  Calvin hugged Uan. “Thanks for saving me.”

  Uan shoved Calvin to
the ground. “Why are you thanking me? Helping each other is what we are supposed to do. And do not ever hug me. That is for women or attacking someone. Next time I will assume you are attacking me and slit your throat.”

  “Sorry,” replied Calvin. “I just wanted to show my gratitude.”

  “If you want to show your gratitude, help me find that escaped alien.”

  “According to a nurse at the hospital, the doctor won’t be back until tomorrow morning. Until then, let me get something to help you cover your markings. I can buy you a drink later if you like.”

  “Fine, just try not get beat up this time. And give me back my spear before you go.”

  “Sure,” said Calvin, handing the spear to Uan. “See you soon.”

  CHAPTER 29

  UAN TAKES A DRINK

  Calvin arrived at the apartment about a half an hour later with a bag of cosmetics.

  “Uan, it would be great if you could take off your hoodie, shirt, and glasses, and sit in this chair.” He pointed to a chair at the dining room table.

  Uan complied and sat down in the chair. Calvin emptied the cosmetics onto the table and got a bowl to mix them together to get the right shade. He then placed a foundation on Uan, beginning at his neck.

  “Where did you learn to do this?” asked Uan.

  “My mother used to work in a beauty parlor. I helped her put makeup on clients after they got their hair done.”

  “That does not sound like something a man should be doing.”

  “On Earth, men do lots of things that might be considered woman’s work. It doesn’t make them any less manly. If I didn’t have that experience, I wouldn’t be able to help you now.”

  “Maybe you have a point.”

  “Did anyone ever tell you that you smell like musky coriander?”

  “No what’s that?”

  “It’s a spice that is used on food. I can’t say it’s bad, it’s just different.”

  Calvin continued working on Uan, covering his neck then moving to his face. He was doing a good job masking Uan’s skin coloration. When he got to the side of his face where a black band continued across Uan’s eyes, he jumped back, startled. He could see Uan’s eye looking at him.

  “How are you doing that with your eyes?”

  “I do not have eyeballs. I have a collection of visual cells that can move across the length of the black band. They give me just over a hundred and eighty degrees of vision.”

  “I guess I shouldn’t put any makeup on them. I’ll work around. Keep your glasses on, and if anyone asks, just say it’s a fancy tattoo.”

  Calvin finished the rest of Uan’s face. He dyed the surface of his head black to simulate hair, and placed a goatee around Uan’s lips to mask their black color.

  “I think that should do it,” Calvin said at last. “You almost look human.”

  Uan looked in a mirror and was not totally pleased. “I do not like what you have done to my face, but I guess it will help me blend in better among your people.”

  “Great, let’s go get a drink and see how your new look does in public. I know a real nice bar down the street with pool tables. Maybe we can shoot a game or two.”

  “Sure, we can do that.”

  Uan and Calvin left the apartment and walked to the Laughing Lizard, a rustic bar down the street. They sat in the back by the pool tables. Uan watched the people playing and decided to give it a try. His amazing eyesight made him a natural. It took a few games to get the technique down, but after that he was winning games and taking money. Eventually Calvin pulled him from the tables.

  “We should probably take it easy,” said Calvin. “We’re starting to attract attention, and it’s not like we need the money.”

  “Good point. Let me try some of that booze you keep telling me about.”

  Calvin signaled to the waitress. “Sheryl, how about a couple of gin shots of Hendricks and two Samuel Adams. Make those Hendricks shots while you’re at it. No reason why we can’t celebrate your wins tonight.”

  “Drinking booze is how one celebrates here?” asked Uan.

  “Yes, that’s one way to celebrate. People also go out to fancy dinners or a show, maybe even go on a vacation somewhere.”

  The waitress soon returned with their drinks.

  “The way you drink these is by downing the shot and following it with a swig of beer. First we clink the glasses, as part of a tradition when you start a session of drinking together.” Calvin lifted his glass towards Uan. “Cheers.” Uan clinked Calvin’s glass and the two downed their shots then sipped their beer.

  “I like the gin a lot,” said Uan, admiring the shot glass. “It was very smooth. The beer tastes like animal urine. Wow, what is wrong with my head?”

  “You know, I forgot to ask if this stuff might harm you, being that you are not from around here and all.”

  “I do not think it will harm me. My head feels a little strange, is all.” Uan spoke to a nearby bar patron. “Is that fish on your plate? You are obviously holding that for your wife. A real man would not eat fish.”

  “Just mind your own business, fella, and let us eat,” the man replied

  “Uan, what are you doing?” asked Calvin, concerned about the direction Uan’s teasing might take. “We don’t want to cause a scene here.”

  “Do not worry, Calvin. I am just trying to understand your culture better. Your friend is eating fish as well,” Uan said, continuing his banter with the patron. “You two must be dating. This planet is such a funny place.”

  “You have the nerve to harass us, with all that makeup you’re wearing? You look like someone swallowed a bottle of foundation and shit it on your face.”

  “And your lips look like you’ve been kissing gorillas all day,” the other one chimed in. The crowd around them laughed at the insults.

  “Are you insulting me?” inquired Uan.

  “You’re too stupid to know when someone’s making fun of you. Maybe you should stay at home and continue breast feeding from your mother until you learn how to handle your liquor.”

  “Look, you two,” said Calvin, “my friend is just visiting from Scotland and his English is not that good.”

  “Calvin, my English is just fine. I know I have a problem with contractions, but other than that I understand them just fine. Maybe this blootert boaby does not understand that I could rip his arm off, shove it up his ass, and beat up his boyfriend with the hand that is dangling out of it.”

  “Okay, I’ve had enough of your crap, you puny excuse for a man,” said the first patron. He came at Uan.

  Calvin jumped between them. “Look, he’s just had too much to drink. Why don’t I pay for your food, we can call it even, and enjoy the rest of our evening?”

  “I have a better idea. Why don’t we rip off your friend’s head and go bowling with it?”

  “Enough!” shouted Uan. “Now you die!” He stood up to go after the man and fell flat on his face.

  The two men began to kick the crap out of Uan. Calvin grabbed a pool cue from a rack on the wall and whacked them across the head, sending them to the floor. He lifted Uan off the floor and tried to drag him out of the bar, but was blocked by a large man in a cowboy hat.

  “You think you’re going to beat on my cousins with a pool cue and just walk out of here, boy?”

  Calvin dropped Uan and put his hand on the man’s chest. “I don’t want any more trouble. I just want to get my drunken friend home.”

  “You should have thought of that before you wailed on my cousins.”

  Unnoticed by the crowd in the bar, Uan cloaked himself. He reached up and grabbed the breast of a woman sitting next to the cowboy, causing her to shriek.

  “Jimmy, that man just grabbed my breast!” said the woman to the biker sitting at the table with her.

  “Hey, buddy, what’s your problem, grabbing my wife’s tit like that?” said the biker to the cowboy.

  “Shut the fuck up, biker boy,” said the cowboy. “I never touched her. Hell, I thou
ght it was your twin brother. You’re both wearing those stupid biker leather vests, dumb scarves on your heads, and your man boobs are bigger than hers.”

  Jimmy rose from his seat. “Boy, you just called up a shit storm and it’s about to rain down knuckle sandwiches across your face.” His wife pulled out a small knife and stabbed the cowboy in the thigh as her husband tackled him to the ground. In the confusion, Calvin was able to grab Uan and drag him out of the bar. He hailed a cab and got Uan home safe and sound.

  CHAPTER 30

  MORGAN PARTIES WITH BIFFLE

  Morgan arrived at the sports club in a state of confusion. He wanted to help Denise and her brother, and letting her know about Pico might even help him treat his mother. Pico wasn’t a doctor or even very familiar with human physiology. Maybe he was killing too many cells and causing his mother more harm in the long run. Maybe he was causing other problems by killing the tumor that way. He didn’t want to lose his mother. But what if she was meant to die anyway and then he lost Pico by letting Denise know who he really was? Fear, fame, and fortune could be strong motivators for someone who captured Pico.

  Biffle sat down next to him on a bench by the tennis courts. “What are you dreaming about?”

  “Nothing,” said Morgan wearily. “I’m just worried about my mother.”

  “Do you want me to ask my dad if he can find some sort of specialist to look at her?”

  “Naw, she has a good doctor. It’s just that people usually don’t survive brain cancer and I hate to see her in a coma and not be able to talk to her.”

  “Come on,” Biffle urged, “let’s play some tennis. It will take your mind off everything.”

  “Okay. You’re probably right. Kicking your ass always makes me feel better,” Morgan said with a laugh.

  “Not today, buddy. I’ve been practicing. You’ve done a lot for my game, mentally and athletically. I can’t believe I was such a jerk to you.”

  “You can be nice to me all you want. I’m still going to kick your ass.”

  They both laughed.

  Since Pico converted his brain back to normal, Morgan wasn’t as good as he had been that first time he beat Biffle, but he still played a mean game of tennis. He continued to learn a lot by studying players’ form and the effect of their movements on ball placement.