Gambling on the Bodyguard

by Sarah Ballance

  Like they didn’t.

  It wasn’t until later, after he’d fallen asleep holding her tight in his arms, that her first tear fell.

  And her heart ached, because she knew it wouldn’t be the last.

  Chapter Twelve

  Jax woke before the sun, both arms wrapped solidly around Ellie. She slept with her head on his chest. Strands of her hair tickled his nose, and the way her fingertips curled over his lower belly made his chest ache. Her leg lay across his in quiet possession, her body laying claim to his. And his demanded to do the same.

  Too much. It was too damn much. He needed to breathe. He needed air that didn’t smell sweetly of her. He needed a space that wasn’t hers and a time where he hadn’t known her body. Hadn’t known her. Because lying there next to her had him thinking all kinds of crazy things. Things that had no business in a two-day relationship. Scratch that…a two-day encounter. Because that’s all this was. A couple of days of sex he’d regret for all the wrong reasons. Because in two days, she’d become close to him. As close as family. And when he realized that, he realized something else. The knot of pain he’d carried so long had eased. Seeing Ellie talk about her love for the mountains had changed something in him—made him see things Gracie’s way. She and Ellie would have loved one another.

  Would have. But they never got the chance.

  It wasn’t meant to be. Ellie would be gone soon. Too soon. And if there was one thing he’d learned from losing his sister, it was that he had no more capacity to mourn. He couldn’t fit what Ellie meant to him into a box, but he knew however he defined this thing they had, it had to end. The idea that he couldn’t protect her was more than a stupid supposition.

  He’d proven it.

  He’d failed to use protection. It didn’t get more clear-cut than that.

  From somewhere on the floor, his phone buzzed on vibrate. He was almost relieved. He made every attempt not to disturb Ellie as he eased from the bed. When he found the device, the display revealed it wasn’t LVPD, as he thought, but Focker. Jax quickly stepped into the bathroom and pulled the door closed behind him before he answered. Focker wanted to see him as soon as was convenient. Leave it to Pretty Boy to think that was an appropriate reason to call at that hour. Jax dressed and paused long enough to write a note for Ellie, then he eased from the room.

  And her life.

  Closing the door didn’t bring the relief he thought it should. The soft lighting in the hallway wasn’t enough to ease the shadows from his mind. Or his heart. That she’d gotten in there to leave shadows to begin with tore him up all over again. He was nearly staggering by the time he hit the elevator. The hour, just past four in the morning, was about as close to quiet as Vegas ever got so he had the elevator to himself. He stood there, thinking about kissing her, until the doors slid open on his floor. He tapped out a quick text to Focker—be there in fifteen—and hit the shower. By the time he was dressed in his favored uniform of jeans and a tee, he felt almost human. But not right.

  He’d eliminated her scent from his skin, but not her touch.

  The urge to crawl back into her bed claimed him, but he kept walking toward Focker. Jax thought he’d break from the want of her, but that only fueled his fire. Whether or not she realized it, he’d let her down. He wasn’t lost in the what-ifs. He had proof. Proof that, whatever she needed, he wasn’t the man he should have been. Which meant that no matter how much he wanted to see where they could go, he wasn’t the man for her.

  He’d finally climbed out of that damned dark hole in which he’d lived for so long only to find himself staring at a sheer rock face, no way around. He’d found the sun, but he wasn’t ready to move mountains. Not yet. And until he was, Ellie deserved more.

  At Focker’s door, he texted to let him know he was there before he knocked. The guy had been paranoid as hell from the threats alone. Now that he’d stared down the wrong end of a gun, getting through airport security with a stick of dynamite would prove less of a challenge than getting close to him. Jax didn’t envy whoever worked his next gig.

  Focker’s manager opened the door and stuck his head in the hall, looking both ways before letting in Jax. He didn’t greet him. Just waved him through.

  Focker sat at a table in the suite, drinking a bottle of mineral water or whatever it was he insisted kept his face youthful and complexion clear, but it didn’t keep the worry away. He looked tired, and Jax wondered if he’d slept.

  “Have a seat.” Once Jax settled into the chair across from him, he continued. “I wanted to thank you for what you did out there.”

  “Just doing my job, but you’re welcome.”

  “Not every man would consider that part of his job.” He pushed an envelope across the table. “This is for you. The second half of your fee per our contract, plus a bonus.”

  “I appreciate it,” Jax said. “But at four in the morning?”

  “I’m prepared to offer you a job, Mathis. Full time. Look in the envelope.”

  Jax peeled back the flap until his eyes rested on the amount of the check. It was more than double what he was owed.

  “The check is yours whether you take the job or not, but to be clear I’m offering that much a week, plus all expenses. It’s around the clock while I’m traveling, but even then you’re guaranteed ten hours a day of downtime. When I’m at home, you’ll only have to accompany me to public events. The details will be in the contract, of course.”

  The number swam in front of Jax. He was stunned, and not just because Focker had managed to string together more than ten words in a sentence. A month, maybe two of the gig with Focker would pay Jax’s expenses for a year. It was a hell of an opportunity, and he couldn’t be in a better position to take it. He had nothing keeping him in Vegas, and moving out would be shutting the door on Ellie for good. He’d have to put her out of his mind then.

  But he’d be running.

  And he was done with that.

  He might not be the man Ellie needed, but at least now he knew enough to try.

  He stood, as did Pretty Boy. “Mr. Focker, I’m flattered by your offer, but I’m afraid I’ll have to decline. I have a few things to work out here before I could commit to something of this magnitude.”

  Focker frowned, but reached to shake Jax’s hand. “I understand. If you ever need a job, call me.”

  “I will. And next time you’re in Vegas, feel free to look me up.”

  “I’ll do it. Thank you.”

  Jax nodded to Focker’s manager and left the room. Another door shut at his back. Another resounding click. Two doors closed in one predawn morning.

  He stood in the hall for a long moment. Thinking about Ellie. Thinking about the note he’d left. Second thoughts burned like whiskey, but he held his ground. She deserved more.

  And after the way he’d left her, he deserved whatever he got.

  …

  Something was off. Ellie knew it the moment she opened her eyes, before she officially realized she was alone in the bed. The warmth that had been there all night was gone. Telltale sounds from the bathroom were nil, the door open. By the time she rolled over to see Jax’s clothes were no longer strewn on the floor, she had a knot in her chest as solid as the Rockies.

  You. Did. Not.

  If he were gone…well, then what? Nothing. She’d be back on the plane, just like she would have been anyway. Just as he’d so eloquently pointed out before he’d spent the night effectively ruining her for any other man.

  And then he’d left.

  She fell back against the pillows. Something ruffled on the table beside the bed, catching her eye. She reached over and snatched the paper, knowing before she even looked that he’d just Dear Janed her ass. She spent a long moment looking at his handwriting, learning this new piece of him, not reading what the words read. Not wanting to.

  From the moment I laid eyes on you, I wanted you. Felt like I always had. And I tried, Colorado. I tried to be who you needed, but I can’t protect you. Not even fr
om myself. Especially not from myself.

  She looked up. Blinked back more tears. She wasn’t a crier, and damn him for making her one.

  You deserve more than I have to offer, and God knows if you’re pregnant, so does our child.

  Shocked, she dropped the page. Her mind raced. If you’re pregnant.

  Shit. They hadn’t used protection in the hallway, and she wasn’t on birth control. How had she missed that? Frantic, she scrambled for her phone and pulled up the app that tracked her cycle. Petals. She was right in the middle of petals. What did that mean?

  What the hell had been in that punch?

  She hit a few wrong links before coming up with an explanation for the flower parts clogging up her cycle. Fertility.

  Her hands fell to her stomach. Holy. Shit.

  Stunned and shaken, she picked up Jax’s note.

  I hope you’ll let me know. I hope you’ll let me support you both in the only way I can.

  Money? Was he really dismissing her with an offer to pay up? Did he really think they could create a baby, and he’d just walk away?

  Did he really think she’d let him?

  She picked up her phone. Pulled up his number and hovered over the delete button, but changed her mind. She switched to the picture they’d taken after she’d won the slots. Ignored the pain in her gut, because she was done. If the night before hadn’t convinced him of anything, there was no point in trying.

  She dropped the phone and picked up his note. She painstakingly folded it into a paper airplane, then threw it. It glided gracefully across the room, then hit the window and plummeted.

  Her and Jax in a nutshell. Couldn’t have summed it up any better than that.

  She pushed her hair out of her face and climbed out of bed. Standing proved more difficult than she expected. She was sore. Sore, for heaven’s sake. Moments from the night before flashed, rapid fire. The gunman. Jax diving for the guy like he had nothing to lose. Yelling at him in the hallway, then the most amazing wall sex ever had by anyone. Just the thought sent need ricocheting through her. Despite the unbelievable stupidity of not using a condom and the fact that the man in question was now on her shit list, the memory made her hot. All that anger and frustration had funneled into unbelievable passion—one she’d crave pretty much forever. And the continuation in her room had been incredible. He was everything she could ever want in a lover, and now he was gone.

  Gone.

  And he hadn’t even sent breakfast.

  She glanced at the time. Her flight left in three hours. She wondered if he knew, then decided it didn’t matter. It would take some getting used to. Even if she wasn’t pregnant, he’d be with her for a very long time. She suddenly had a very unique, if shallow, understanding on why he kept Gracie so close. It was probably less of a fear of moving on than a fear of losing her. Already Ellie worried her memories of Jax would slip away, and knowing they’d never make another one only amplified that fear. Clinging to them wouldn’t do anything but make her miserable. Miserable and needy.

  God, how her body ached.

  She thought of little else as she dragged herself to the shower and stood under a hot spray. The pounding water eased some of the soreness, but some of the pain went bone-deep. She lathered the soap and rubbed it against her skin, knowing his mouth had touched every inch. Knowing he’d possessed her like no man ever had. Knowing she’d cry for him like she had no one else.

  And that was when the bottom fell out. Las Vegas was probably under some kind of water shortage—it usually was—but she let the water run until she was out of tears. Then she shut down the shower, wrapped herself in a towel, and applied cold washcloths to her face until she no longer looked like the spawn of the Michelin Man and the Pillsbury Doughboy, if such a thing could exist. By the time she was dressed and packed, she almost felt human. Emphasis on the almost.

  She checked out of her room. She tried not to see the restaurant where they’d shared a table or the bar where he’d gotten all territorial over a Blue Hawaii. She astutely avoided the valet, because she knew where that had led. She averted her eyes from the reflecting pool, because it only reminded her of yet another time he’d been lodged between her thighs, that time on his shoulders so she could see the show. That the moment had been playful didn’t help. Truth be told, just sex would have gone down a lot better.

  She was stuck on the irony of that when, on the sidewalk near the carriage-spewing fountain, she saw him. Jeans and a T-shirt, tribal tattoo peeking from the sleeve. Sunglasses hid the direction of his ice-blue gaze, but she knew it was on her. Knew he watched her as she snagged a cab. She thought about waving like she was over him. Thought harder about sending him a fuck you text because she wasn’t. But in the end, she just left.

  And he let her go.

  Long after her plane left the runway at McCarran and leveled off, en route for Denver, she finally faced the bitter truth.

  What happened in Vegas didn’t stay there.

  Not by a long shot.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Five weeks later

  Vail, Colorado

  Taylor stirred her coffee and leveled her best schoolmarm look on Ellie. The youthful blonde didn’t have a prayer of pulling off the grumpy elder persona, but Ellie appreciated the attempt. Sort of.

  “Call him,” Taylor said. “Text him. Do something.”

  She shook her head and gripped her cup with both hands. Three nights in the desert had made her soft. More than a month after leaving Vegas, she still couldn’t shake the chill. Couldn’t stop seeing fiery sunsets and pale blue eyes. Wanting warmth. “Nope. He made himself clear.”

  “Which is probably why he feels like too much of a jackass to call you,” Taylor shot back. “So you call him.”

  “Because it’s just that easy.”

  “Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, El. And neither does this funk you’ve been in for the past few weeks.” Taylor softened her voice. “He has a right to know.”

  “I think he gave up his right to know anything when he ended things via a note on hotel stationary.”

  Taylor shrugged. “At least he didn’t do it with a text message.”

  Ellie rolled her eyes. “At least. But I’d like to point out the fact that you just killed your whole text him argument. Some things just need to be said out loud.”

  Taylor’s gaze narrowed. “Which kind of kills your argument to not say them.”

  Ellie shook her head and willed away the heat that threatened her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry over him. Not anymore. “You don’t understand. They were said. They were said and said and said. It was just a weekend thing. A crippling, mind blowing, orgasmic weekend thing, and it’s over.”

  “Suit yourself,” Taylor said, though she didn’t sound the least bit convinced. “But two things. First, I’m going to stop listening to this. Like, yesterday.”

  “Kind of makes point number two moot, doesn’t it?”

  Taylor glared. “Nevertheless, point number two. If you don’t talk to him soon, I’m going to fly to Las Vegas and kick his ass until he agrees to come back here to listen to what you have to say.”

  “How very ladylike of you,” Ellie said dryly.

  “Says the woman who got screwed upside down and sideways just a few feet from a crowded ballroom and half the Las Vegas PD.”

  Ellie’s face heated. “Half might be an exaggeration.”

  “Whatever. Call him.”

  She didn’t argue, mostly because there wasn’t much point. Unless Taylor had one. Maybe he was having second thoughts and hadn’t said anything because of the way they’d left things. Because they’d both said all along it was just for the weekend. Or maybe he was just waiting for her.

  “You can keep right on waiting,” she muttered.

  “Talking to yourself?” Taylor’s voice sounded from across the coffee shop.

  Ellie hadn’t noticed her friend had left the table. Maybe it was the thin air. A lack of oxygen had to have an effect on a person, no
t that anyone else seemed all that affected. Sheesh. One weekend in Vegas and weeks later she still hadn’t recovered.

  Her gaze skated around the room. Midafternoon, the place was surprisingly empty. Although for February, the weather was pleasant. Below freezing, but not below zero. It was a great day for skiing, but Ellie was off that day, at least from the slopes. Instead of sitting at home in Minturn, she’d driven to Vail to meet Taylor on her break, and she’d brought along Murphy so he wouldn’t destroy her house in her absence. She watched through the glass as he ran circles around one of the local kids, who laughed and tried to outspin him. Considering the pace at which the leash wrapped around the kid, it looked like the dog had the win.

  “I’ve got to get back to work,” Taylor said. She, too, had turned her attention to the out-of-doors. “Nice day for the slopes. The ER is probably hopping.”

  “You’re so morbid.”

  Taylor smiled sweetly. “I prefer practical. You coming with?”

  “Just to the doors. I can’t take Murphy inside the hospital.”

  The smile disappeared behind a mock scowl. “You need to take him to the loony bin. I swear I’ve never seen that mutt sit still.”

  “Speaking of which,” Ellie said with a grin, “when is your date with the delivery guy?”

  “Friday. Might be awkward, though, seeing as how he’s already heard me passionately yelling over how a body like that had to be smokin’ in bed.”

  Ellie burst out laughing. “You included that in your rant to a dog? One who was cowering?”

  Taylor shrugged. “What can I say? It was an impassioned speech. Besides, it needed to be said.”

  As Taylor spoke, the kid in charge of the dog hit the sidewalk and Murphy pounced. The two rolled in the snow along the edge of the walkway, the kid laughing and the dog’s tongue lolling. “Great,” Ellie said of the kid. “He’s going to be soaked when he gets home. His mom is going to kill me.”

  “No she won’t. You’re the only one crazy enough to babysit for them.”

  Ellie laughed. The family had eight kids, and Taylor had a point. Two for two, not that the one about Jax counted. Ellie sighed and pushed back from the table. She was glad her cup was still full. It wouldn’t stay hot long outside, but it was better than nothing. Something had to keep her warm.