“Hush,” I whispered as if he were no more than a frightened child and tried to keep my breathing as shallow as possible to avoid any sharper pain. “I’m right here.”
“I want you desperately.”
My whole body burnt up, back to that living hell at the sound of that whisper, but the pain spreading over my ribs didn’t allow my mind to lose itself in his words.
“I know. And I am yours, remember. My Soul belongs to you, Nyx,” I replied and he seemed to relax just a bit.
“Right now my mind is filled ... with images that I can’t control ... terrible images,” he admitted in a hoarse tone, and I slowly caressed his head, trying to calm him down.
“Don’t look, then. Look at me, instead,” I told him, and tried to make him move so that I could see his face. “Look at me, Nyx!”
He slowly moved his head sideways, resting it on my shoulder, and his violet eyes glowed with that frightening crimson color, his long hair falling over his face, casting dark shadows over his pale skin. I swallowed the lump of fear that clothed my throat for a moment and touched his face, lightly, trying to stop my hand from shaking as he kept very still, staring at me with that deadly gaze.
“Tell me what you see.”
His fingers twitched, sending waves of sharp pain through my ribs, and I bit the inside of my mouth so it wouldn’t show in my face.
“My hands ... stained with your blood,” he spoke smoothly in that voice I loved so much, the words sliding through his motionless lips, and I felt frozen again. “I see me breaking your body ... I hear you screaming in pain ... I see you helplessly trying to fight me, as if you could ever win over me. Because I’ve never desired anything, as I desire you, and it’s something that I can’t control. Even now, knowing that I’m hurting you, smelling the pain and the fear on your skin ... my desire to have you is stronger than my will to let go of you.”
I gently pulled back the long strands of hair that were falling on his face and smiled as I noticed that his dark words had only made me love him even more.
“It’s OK. I don’t mind staying here with you, forever if that’s what you want. In truth, I wouldn’t even mind dying here, in your arms, if I didn’t know how much it would ... hurt you,” I dared guess and he closed his eyes, sighing deeply. His fingers seemed to lose a bit more of their strength and I could breathe more at ease, as I patiently straightened his hair.
“I can’t allow myself to lose you, but, no matter how much I try to understand ... how much I think about it, I just can’t understand what binds me to you. The only thing I know is that it’s so strong and intense that it overpowers everything else ... all my other thoughts and desires. And then everything is mixed up, because the only thing I know that’s like this is the effervescent excitement of trapping someone and ... tearing them to pieces. And I know you don’t understand, but the tearing of flesh, and the breaking of bones, the warmth of the blood, its acid iron smell ...”
I felt my stomach clench and put a hand over his lips, silencing him. I regretted my gesture immediately, but already too late, knowing I’d just reacted like a mere Human, recalling the talk I’d had with Alexander that morning. It was exactly as he’d told me. Gabriel didn’t know anything else besides that world of darkness and his mind tried to place everything else inside the few categories and emotions he’d acquired in there.
I swallowed hard, trying to pull myself together, and faced his eyes that looked coldly and attentively at me.
“You’re saying that ... inside you, your desire for me blends with your desire to kill me?” I had the courage to ask but he didn’t answer. I silently caressed his soft hair and tried to understand what kind of damage that realization had made inside me, but I felt nothing beyond that ice-cold fear piercing my chest.
“You fear me, now? You know you should, don’t you?” he asked, without even waiting for an answer. “You smell of fear.”
I frowned, displeased with his conclusion, and pulled his ear, which tore an expression of surprise from his face.
“Stop making assumptions about what I may or not feel, based on my smell!” I scolded him. “When you do that I always feel like I’m talking to some animal, or something!” He looked dumbfounded for an instant and then laughter rolled off his lips, releasing me from his threatening fingers.
“Really, an animal. Just like you to say something like that in the middle of such a gruesome and serious talk.”
I took a deep breath, relieved for being able to do it again, but the places he’d pressed still hurt, as if needles had remained embedded in my skin. His cold sneer told me he’d noticed, too, and I faced him unwavering.
“Your eyes, when they have that red glow, they scare me,” I confessed. “And it’s not because I’m afraid of you. It’s just that I always feel that, when you look at me like that, you’re not really seeing me, you’re not really you. Almost as if part of you had been taken away. And I know it is you, and that it’s not like your unconscious or anything, but I always get the feeling that it’s not the you you want to be ... like you’re being pushed to do things that you really don’t want to do. And I always feel it must be very painful, and lonely for the real you to be forcibly swept away like that.” He averted his gaze, clearly disturbed by my words. “Of course I know I should fear you. I told myself that same thing over and over again, until I gave up. The same way I can’t just stop feeling the way I do about you, I also can’t start fearing you just because I should. I’m really sorry to disappoint you,” I added with a light smile, and he raised his head, resting it on his hand, so he could look at me.
I stared back at him, his eyes back to its violet color, his black hair falling over his shoulders, pouring over my bed. I was once more lost in the perfection of that image where nothing seemed out of place and raised a hand to touch him. His cold skin sent a tingling sensation through my fingers and he held it gently, placing a kiss on my palm, sending my heart into a crazed race.
“Just be still,” he told me, placing my hand over my chest. “I want to try something.” I looked at him suspiciously and he smiled. “Nothing dangerous, I promise. But I need you to be quiet.”
I nodded like a good girl and he smiled again before closing his eyes.
Even though I knew I should be used to it by now, I was still amazed when his long hair started to get shorter again, the air around us becoming lighter and easier to breathe. Gabriel frowned slightly, as if he was concentrating on something difficult, and his lips murmured soft words that I couldn’t understand. To my surprise, dark lines appeared on his skin, growing and stretching in elegant curves and thorny circles, up his neck, across his face and around his left eye. His forehead took on a glistening look and small droplets of sweat appeared over his skin. But his presence became even lighter until I could hardly feel him, even though he was right there, beside me. For the first time, I was able to stop shaking and shuddering just because we were close to each other. And then I suddenly realized what he was doing and what those dark lines really meant, and my heart jumped into an urgent beat.
“Nyx!” I called him, angry, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, ready to shake him if needed until he opened his eyes, but he just fell heavily on the bed, as if I’d pushed him with all my strength. I turned and squirmed to get under his heavy leg, and sat up to look at him, anxiously. The black lines were still growing, now across his forehead, and I sat on his stomach, shaking him with all my strength. “Stop that! Just stop it! Open your eyes!” I demanded and my sight blurred, a bitter taste filling my mouth. “Can you hear me?!” I shouted and a tear escaped my control, sliding down my face and falling on his neck, burning his pale skin. I immediately dried my tears, frustrated for not being able to stop crying, and my sobs echoed all around us.
“That ... hurts.” His dragged voice silenced all the other sounds. I looked down at him, still in disbelief, tears streaming down my face, and he smiled lightly. “Are you crying, Mariane?” he asked in a weak and strained voice,
raising a hand to touch me, and I quickly swatted it, pushing it away.
“If it hurts don’t touch me!” I complained and rubbed my eyes again, fiercely drying the tears on my sleeves, hoping they would just stop appearing.
“Are you angry?” he asked me, chuckling, and I looked back at him more than angry. And yet, my gaze fell on all those dark lines and the pain was so deep that my vision blurred again, sending new tears sliding down my cheeks. “Mariane.” I was dazed by the sound of my name in his voice and, when I noticed, his cold fingers were already drying my tears. I pushed him hard, pulling away, and used my sleeves again.
“Are you an idiot! What was that for?”
“It’s fine. This is nothing compared with the many marks I left on your skin.” I looked at him astounded and he smiled, although he seemed pensive about something. “Why are you crying? If you’re crying it means your Soul is suffering. I thought it would be easier for you to be close to me like this.
The ingenuity of his words left me even more frustrated, and I took a deep breath trying to at least control my Human feelings.
“You’re really an idiot,” I declared with a sigh and dried my eyes again. “Revert that!” I ordered and he frowned.
“I don’t want to. At least you’re not trembling anymore,” he pointed out, sounding proud of himself. And yes, suddenly being close to him was as easy and natural as being close to any of my schoolmates. Yet the pain inside me wouldn’t go away, nor would the persistent tears that kept flowing down my face.
“Are you a child?” I contested and sighed again as he seemed even more annoyed. “That’s ... painful, right?” I asked and he seemed intrigued. “That Seal, it’s cruel. It doesn’t just restrain your being, it crushes it.”
His eyes glowed dangerously and his hands pulled me by my sweater, making me fall at his side. His fingers wrapped around my neck, his face over mine so close that I could feel his warm breath, making me nervous and unsure, and a bit frightened.
“I’ve told you before, there are certain things you should not say.”
I touched his face, tracing the black lines, and couldn’t help smile at his surprising ignorance.
“Then I’ll tell you another of those things. I know you did this for me,” I said, following the lines down his neck and undid the buttons of his shirt that were in my way. “And yes, being able to touch you like this, not having to constantly tremble, is just ... incredible. But ...” I stopped, my hand in the middle of his chest, over the place where all the lines united in a strange eight-rayed star. “Your pain is my pain, my tears are for you.” He seemed confused, even more so when I locked my other hand at the back of his head and pulled him to me. “So, kiss me, Nyx,” I whispered into his lips and he did, with a soft, gentle kiss, and being able to feel his cold lips, without being constantly assaulted by that disturbing feeling that always reminded me of how different we were, was simply amazing. But even then, the pain persisted.
All I had to do was relax my body and I easily reached that point inside me where the inconstant ocean that were my feelings remained calm and unchanging. The warm wave that washed over me was brief, and the order that vibrated through all my cells, lightly touching my thoughts, was clear. Break the Seal.
Gabriel pulled away from me with a jump, as if I’d just stabbed him in the back, and looked at me with an incredulous expression.
“What the …?” I smiled, happy to see the dark lines on his face receding and disappearing, and the tremors returned as his presence became stronger. As he understood what had just happened, his expression changed and the fury in his eyes made me recoil. “What was that for? After all I told you!”
“It was nothing,” I grunted, looking away.
“Mariane!”
The blast that filled the air was dozens of times scarier than his angry tone, making me cover my ears, my heart jumping inside my chest. When the silence returned I looked at him with a question on my lips, but received a warmer sweater and a coat that he negligently threw at me.
“Get dressed.” His whisper was cold and fierce, his face a mask of ice.
I obeyed automatically, pulling the sweater over the other torn one, and a new blast echoed through the walls, making me cower. It was as if the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the whole house, were about to explode.
“What’s happening?” I managed to ask and he gave me a pair of boots, but didn’t answer me.
“Suileabhan.” His ice cold whisper echoed throughout the entire room and a tall boy with silver eyes appeared out of nowhere. “It’s time. Just like we spoke.”
He nodded in silent agreement and walked over to me, bending to gently grab me by my arm, pulling me up.
“Lea?” I asked, confused, and he smiled gently.
“Everything’s fine, Mari,” he assured me and the deep tone of his gown-up voice, together with his teenager appearance, left me lost for a moment.
“Go.” Gabriel’s whispered voice woke me from my trance, as Lea pulled me, wrapping his arms around me, and I finally understood what was going on.
“No! No way! Let go of me, Lea!” I demanded, pushing him away with all my strength, but he didn’t even budge, his arms around me looking like an iron chain.
“It’s just for a bit, Mari,” he told me delicately and I turned towards Gabriel, stretching my arm as much as I could, trying to reach him.
“I want to stay! It is my wish to stay!” I said in one breath, recalling the strength my wishes had always had, and he just smiled with that gentle expression.
The room around me spun, covering me in darkness. I felt dizzy, and sick to my stomach, and had no other choice but to hold onto Lea, afraid I might fall in the dark precipice bellow my feet.
The cold rain and the sound of strange words, whose melody I’d learned to recognize by now, brought me back from a vertiginous world of dizziness.
I saw something shimmer on the floor, all around us, and a bluish wall rose from the ground and covered us, forming a small dome. I noticed I was in the middle of a huge Magic Circle, and that Lea was with me.
I stood up from where I was unknowingly sitting, my legs still shaky, and fought the dizziness that tried to pull me down once more. I looked around, still astounded, and dried my wet face, noticing that the barrier around us even protected us from the rain that kept falling on the outside.
From what I was able to understand within the dark shadows around us, we were somewhere amongst trees, maybe the small park near my house.
“Mari, are you all right?” Two big, warm hands held me gently, but I instinctively pushed him away.
“Take me back!” I told him and his worried expression was replaced by a deep disappointment.
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“Lea!” I contested and he ran a hand over his wet hair.
“Anyway, it won’t be long.”
“You don’t understand!” I claimed in exasperation. “She doesn’t want to just defeat him! She wants to make him cross his own limits, so that he himself ends up destroying everything, so that there’s nothing left that can keep him here!”
“Master will never do such a thing,” he guaranteed me with absolute certainty and I nodded.
“Exactly. And then what happened the last time will happen again!”
“My Master will never lose to such inferior evocations.”
“And so if he doesn’t? What about Alexander? And Jonathan?” I insisted and he looked away. “I can stop her!” I declared but Lea shook his head in absolute denial.
“Sigweardiel knows well the risks implied on this war. Besides, even if I did want to help you, I can’t. Master told me specifically to keep you in this Circle until everything was over. That’s what we all decided after our last encounter with Telane. I can’t disobey him.”
And that was that, I knew. It was as if the ground below my feet had disappeared. The certainty that Lea would never let me go, and that I had to stay in that place, far from him, drove my mind into dar
kness. Walls that I didn’t know existed rose inside me, closing over me, threatening to crush me. Just like Lea had told me, I knew he would never use his power to defeat Telane, afraid he might destroy everything around him. She probably knew that as well, I realized in terror, and that’s why she was attacking him, even though he was so much stronger than her. But that would mean that he’d be at her mercy, just like what happened eighty years ago, when his Brothers had Sealed him away. And a dark fear took over me when my mind played in front of my eyes all the possible terrible scenarios, until there was only one coherent thought left. I have to go to him.
My own voice resonated through the ocean inside me and echoed back a similar response. It was the second time I could consciously access that point of total harmony and I finally understood what he’d meant when he’d told me about the synchronicity between my Soul and my Human feelings. The heat wave that washed over me left me breathless and a golden light broke through the shadows that had stolen my sight.
With trembling hands I looked inside my sweater for the origin of that glow and held the small, incandescent ring tight in my hand. I recalled his words, when he’d told me how and when I’d be able to activate the powers Sealed inside the Circle and reinforced my own will.
“Mari?!”
I ignored Lea’s worried voice and closed my eyes, squeezing the ring. Inside me there was only one will, only one command. I’d never felt so whole, so complete, so free of any doubts or questions. I took a deep breath and allowed my voice to echo my determination.
“Take me to him!”
Chapter Thirty
LIL
Blood of the Pure (Gaea) Page 68
