My wrist burnt painfully and I sobbed, feeling as I was being torn into pieces. Everything in me was pain, and anguish, and despair and another voice, equally torn, rose inside me.
You cannot lose him! Call him to you! she commanded, but I didn’t know how to call him if I couldn’t even speak.
And then I could see it, as clear as day, the page from where I’d read the Magic Spell that had released him and, in fact, there was only one word, one word that really mattered, and I wondered how I’d never seen it before.
‘Ishanyx!!’
It was as if a bomb had exploded right next to my ears and I fell helplessly on the floor, coughing and gasping for air.
His terrifying presence reached me way before I could even hear the clashing sound of metal against metal, and I urgently dried my eyes, trying to see what had happened.
Michael averted Gabriel’s spear that hit one of the benches instead, rendering it into small wooden splinters and dust, and immediately disappeared, appearing on the far side of the church, his breath heavy and labored.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out there destroying your own kind?” Michael asked, straightening his back, recovering from Gabriel’s surprise attack, and Gabriel kicked the pieces of wood at his feet, and they flew like sharp daggers towards Michael’s head, forcing him to quickly slide out of the way. “You have nothing to do with Mari! And that damn Contract is invalid!” Michael shouted and Gabriel smiled coldly, pointing his spear at Michael’s chest.
“You dumb, stupid Merifri!” Gabriel sneered in his most cold and cruel tone. “That Human evoked me and offered me her blood. Her Soul belongs to me and it’s mine to do as I please. And this Contract that you so much insist in nullifying, and that you stupidly just fulfilled, is the agreement we reached and the only way she’ll be able to keep her Soul. I really advise you to stop interfering, before I decide to claim what it’s rightfully mine. As we now stand, the only thing she owes me is a long night of hot and passionate sex!” he added dryly and I couldn’t help feel humiliated before his cold, cruel words.
Michael, on the other hand, was burning in anger and, with a loud roar that made the ground shake, jumped forward as two beautiful white wings sprung from his back.
The deafening sound that filled the air when they clashed midair echoed in the high chamber, and from then on I could hardly see them, as they jumped and flew from one place to another, using the walls and ceiling the same way they used the floor to propel themselves through the air.
I cowered where I sat, protecting my head with my arms as pieces of wood and stone flew around, almost as if I were sitting in the middle of a cataclysm.
The sound of a barrier vibrating made me open my eyes to peer into that war zone, and I blinked in astonishment as I noticed the pile of debris amounted all around me.
“Mari? Are you all right?” I looked at Alexander, crouching beside me, and understood that the barrier protecting me was his doing. “Listen carefully!” he went on with a serious expression, not even waiting for my answer. “Izrail is going to destroy him. He himself told me that he’d do it if he had to interfere, and that’s why he asked me to go instead of him. He didn’t want you to watch him as he destroyed your Guardian. But now that things reached this point, it’s unavoidable. So, just come with me!”
I blinked once again, trying to make his words sink in, and looked at the two amazing creatures fiercely fighting each other; Michael with his white wings and golden hair, Gabriel like a dark shadow with pale face and black hair.
Foolishly enough I remembered seeing them standing side by side, at school, shaking hands, exchanging greetings and even smiles. It all felt out of place, as if right then, that church, couldn’t possibly be my reality. And then it suddenly came to me, and I knew I’d been in that same place many times before, the floor below me feeling much harder and cold. I’d dreamt of that, time and time again, and my dream always ended ...
The thunder-like sound that filled the air was much stronger than the ones before, cutting off my thoughts, and the wall behind me cracked and opened from top to bottom. With my heart beating against my chest, I saw Michael slide down over it until he hit the floor, just a few steps from where I sat, as if he’d been thrown against it by some brute force. There was blood on his clothes and the sword he held onto shuddered in his hand as he tried to raise it, but his strength failed him.
And then Gabriel was there too, soundlessly landing over a pile of debris as if he could float, his eyes glowing red as he raised his spear pointing it at Michael’s chest. Michael tried again, clenching his teeth, his face angry and frustrated, but his arm just wouldn’t obey, and Gabriel smiled, towering over him like a predator who knew he’d just cornered his prey.
Panicking I knew that Michael would never be able to defend himself from his next attack, and I tried to stand up, wanting to reach them, wanting to stop Gabriel’s hand as he pulled his spear back to stab him, but my aching legs didn’t obey. And all I could do was close my eyes and scream when Gabriel thrust his spear forward, and my will was suddenly one again.
Something burnt my chest and warm tears slid down my face. I just couldn’t lose any of them, not like this.
I opened my eyes, not really knowing if I was dead or alive, and saw Gabriel’s spear, pointing at my chest, turn into ashes, his expression of horror locked on me. I knew that he’d done it so he wouldn’t pierce me with it, and I lowered my arms as relief washed over me when I realized I’d been able to stop him.
“So, this is it.” His cold whisper startled me and yet I couldn’t react in time to avoid his cold hands, as he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pushed me violently against the wall. I was dizzy again, at how fast we’d moved, and my aching body protested painfully. “So, you’re protecting him now?” he went on, accusing me in that raging tone, and I looked at him stunned, trying to blink away the tears that stubbornly blurred my vision. “Are you crying because of me?” he shouted and I cringed, reflexively, as the wall on my back trembled and cracked some more.
“Izrail! Stop it!” I heard Alexander’s angry voice, but he didn’t even look at him.
“Stay out of this, Sigweardiel!”
“You’re hurting her!”
“I said, stay out of this!” he shouted again and this time even the floor cracked opened, swallowing pieces of wood, as if we were in the middle of an earthquake. “So? Is he your choice?” he asked me in a tone that would never admit denial and I trembled before his immeasurable presence.
My desperate will reached for the power of the Circle around my neck and his thoughts reached me like agonizing whispers that made me cry.
“Why ... are you lying?” I mumbled in my hoarse voice and raised a hand to touch his cold, pale face. “Why all these questions when you know all the answers?”
He held my face between his hard fingers and leaned over me, the scent of his skin leaving a bitter taste in my mouth as his thoughts told me exactly what would follow.
“It was him you protected. For him, you placed your life in danger. Because it was him you chose,” he whispered cruelly in my ear, as if his words were a Magic Spell meant to mold my mind to his will, and I sobbed before his insistence.
“And yet you’ve already decided ... to leave me because it’s the best for me, because now I have my Guardian Angel to look over me and I don’t need you anymore,” I echoed his own thoughts and he pulled the chain from my neck, stealing his thoughts from me.
“That’s what your mind tells you,” he declared and looked down at Michael with scorn. “If you want to belong to him, feel free to do so! As he said, I declare our Contract invalid,” he announced in a cold, unfeeling voice and, although I wanted to scream, and argue, and beg, all I could do was sob. He looked back at me and his cold fingers gently caressed my face, insensible to the burns that my tears left on his skin. “In return, I’ll claim what is rightfully mine and, once your life is over, I’ll come back to take your Soul,” he told
me and, with a fast move, held my chin, making me raise my head, and all I could see was the dark, crackled ceiling.
His lips touched my chest in a cold kiss that pierced me like a blazing dagger. And, even so, I raised a trembling hand to caress his dark hair, loving, for the last time, the pain he gave me.
“Goodbye ... Mariane …”
His cold voice echoed in my ears and I fell. I didn’t feel the impact against the hard floor, but the cold stone seemed to invite me to sleep. The damage done to my being was just too deep, too vast to even consider trying to fix it. Contrary to what had happened before, I didn’t fight the cold chains that dragged me down, towards the deep darkness, plunging into it by my own free will; wishing I could sink as fast as possible and simply forget...
Epilogue
I stare at the point of my pen that, without my consent, stopped its writing. Drops fall on the paper, smudging and deforming the small dark letters imprinted on it, the same letters I just wrote on that once white surface. Perplexed, I take a hand to my face and find it wet, and I almost smile at the tears that blur my vision, certain of how rare they are, to the point I’d even forgotten I was able to cry at all.
Am I alive ... or am I dead?
Maybe my life ended when I fell on that cold, stone floor; the fog that paved my path belonging to a shadowy world inhabited only by lost spirits. And yet, the warm tears that my eyes insist to shed seem to challenge that theory. After all, in my limited Human belief, death should be unfeeling and cold.
Somewhere from deep inside my mind, pieces of days I don’t recall living emerge. Days that, unnoticed, have gone by me, as if they never existed. Maybe they’re just pieces of dreams from a lost spirit, but, in all of them, an angel with golden hair and bright green eyes stares at me, his expression filled with pain and compassion. In these strange lost dreams he is always present, fulfilling the everyday tasks that, in truth, were mine to fulfill. His warm, gentle hands treat me like I’m a porcelain doll, precious but inanimate, dressing me, combing my hair, feeding me and forcing me to walk. With fake, frail smiles he leaves me sitting somewhere filled with people I can’t recognize, and there I stay, deaf and dumb, until he comes back to get me. His warm voice reads me letters from people I don’t recall, and replies to them in my place. Sometimes he wraps his arms around me, holding me in despair, but, although his body is warm and soft, I keep frozen and dead on the inside, unable of words or thoughts, and completely empty of feelings.
The wind that blows is cold, pulling my mind away from questions I cannot answer and, lost, I look around me.
The faraway landscape is a horizon painted in fire and gold, and it’s beautiful, as I have the honor to be present at the time of death of yet another day ... and what a magnificent death it is!
And yet, I can’t seem to recall how I got there, or if I’ve ever been there. The pain that pierces through my chest surprises me as much as the tears from before. I turn back, startled and blinking in disbelief at the shadow that keeps watch over me. For an instant I can’t hear anything, not even the constant roar of the wind that quickly freezes my skin. And, unconsciously, I squeeze the notebook still lost in my hands.
In truth ... In truth I’ve been to this place before and, with an agonizing pain that steals my breath away, I recall those same tiles covered with a luxurious green carpet in which small, delicate white flowers bloomed. I feel like I’m at the brink of madness as images burst into my mind all at once, leaving me with the sensation that my eyes are on fire, my brain slowly melting down. I see him standing right there, in front of me. I feel his fingers touch me, ever so lightly, and I hear his voice whispering in my ear, his cold soft lips over my skin, his insanely burning kiss over my chest.
And suddenly everything goes quiet again.
My breath fills the air, too fast, too labored, and yet I’m not sure it really belongs to me. That I’m really alive, and not dead. And that the pungent pain that tortures me is, in fact, proof that my heart keeps beating.
My eyes get blurry again and I cry in all my pain. I raise my gaze but the shadow is no longer there and, in deep agony, I know that, in truth, he was never there.
A stronger blast of wind makes me shiver, reminding me of his cold touch and I hear his voice in a whisper, tearing my being into pieces, destroying it completely. ‘I declare our Contract as invalid. In return, I’ll claim what it’s rightfully mine ... and, once your life is over, I’ll come back to take your Soul.’
I turn back, startled again, knowing beforehand that the only thing I can really hear is the wind, and the flaming horizon captures my attention.
I’m suddenly calm. Not numb, or insensible, or apathetic. It’s as if I could be many people at once, each one with its own voice and, suddenly, everyone said the same, in a complete mutual agreement.
I take a step forward and climb on the ledge. I see myself sitting there, right beside my feet, laughing as I take packets of cookies from inside a bag. My expression seems to glow ... my smile is real ... and I know that that girl is me, and yet I can’t recognize her at all.
I raise my head and take a deep breath, the cold air hurting my lungs. I hug my notebook even tighter, my one and only treasure, filled with enchantments, rituals and evocations that never worked, the same ones I tried night after night, every time I could get a glimpse of sanity ... all for nothing ... all of them useless.
I smile. In the end there’s nothing left, and so there’s nothing to lose.
“Ishanyx, this Soul that belongs to you, you can come and claim it now,” I whisper to the merciless, roaring wind and simply ... let myself fall ...
Glossary
Adamah: One of the three dimensions of Assiah. Inhabited by Humans.
Assiah: One and the most important dimension of Gaea. The material dimension. It’s divided in three sub-dimensions - Yashar, Aven and Adamah.
Aven: One of the three dimensions of Assiah. Inhabited by Deiwos.
Deiwos: Those who inhabit the sub-dimension Aven. Humans call them demons. Their function is balancing Merifri’s teachings, but from long ago, they’ve began looking for ways to go around the Law at every chance they get. They’re divided in four castes - Shedim, Mazzikin, Se’irim and Ruhim.
Gaal: One of the Merifri castes. The Humans that chose to remain on Earth becoming Merifri.
Gaalgha: Name given to Humans that, after several lives on Gaea, reach a certain evolutionary state. Gaalgha are those who, instead of choosing to be a Gaal, are living their last incarnations before traveling to other points of evolution in the Universe. Usually they incarnate to fulfill special missions, normally of service to all Humanity, and are always accompanied by a Guardian (an Iaidon).
Gaea: Planet Earth. Gaea is a living being in itself and, as such, is made of different organs – Gaea’s dimensions.
Iaida: One of the Merifri castes. The pure blood, born from the trees.
Iaidon: One of the Merifri castes. The ones chosen to protect special Human Beings, the Gaalgha. Humans normally call them Guardian Angels.
Lex Regis: The Supreme Divine Law that rules over all of Gaea’s dimensions.
Mazzikin: One of the Deiwos castes. Corrupted Merifris that fell from grace.
Merifri: Those who inhabit the sub-dimension Yashar. Humans call them angels. Their function is to guarantee that Gaea’s visitors (Human Beings) fulfill their main purpose in coming here – the Soul’s evolution. They rigorously abide by the Law. They’re divided in four castes - Iaida, Iaidon, Gaal and Micaloz.
Micaloz: One of the Merifri castes. The incorporeal ones, born from the accumulated energy that originates from the positive desires and thoughts of Human Beings. Since they’re not recognized and true Merifri, they serve as food for Iaida and Iaidon, as a way to help them increase their power.
Ruhim: One of the Deiwos castes. The incorporeal ones, born from the accumulated energy that originates from the negative desires and thoughts of Human Beings.
Se’irim: One of the Deiwos
castes. Corrupted Humans that have lost their right to integrate the cycles of death and rebirth.
Shedim: One of the Deiwos castes. The pure blood. Because Deiwos’ trees withered away, they are born from other Shedim. The sins of the sinners. The females can only give birth to one child, dying right after the birth.
Yashar: One of the three dimensions of Assiah. Inhabited by Merifri.
1 In: Crowley, A. (1998). The Vision & the Voice (Liber 418) – Calls of the Æthyr
Future Titles
* Light of the Shadow
“Of course she was afraid of him, who in his right mind wouldn’t be? It was good that she was afraid, since there were more than a few reasons to justify her fear. Sure he’d saved her from a slow, painful death at the hands of the shadowy figure that had awaited her by the restaurant door. But who would save her from him?
It’s past time we put an end to this mess!, he told himself as he watched the dark figures, even darker than the night itself, that were closing up outside his front door.
He would fulfill his promise and protect her, and that would be the last time he saw her, that he interfered with her life. Should she be hunted again well, that had nothing to do with him anymore. And one less Human Being in the planet could only be a good thing. Her death was nothing compared to the consequences of his continuous meddling and he knew he wouldn’t be the only one having to pay for it. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, drag anyone else into his problems just because he felt somehow strangely attracted to that woman.”
* Blood of the Condemned
“I woke up drowning in pain and instinctively wished I could have stayed asleep for all eternity. I didn’t move... I didn’t dare even think about it. I just clenched my teeth and forced myself to breathe. Even my heart hurt with each new beat.
Blood of the Pure (Gaea) Page 72
