“As I said, it’s quite something to see them together. I’m sorry you weren’t expecting that.”
With one more fast-forward, Emily fills the screen in a confessional. “Lee is so intense, he overwhelms me with his passion and I just get so lost . . .” Nate clicks again, and a new video springs up. “Hayden is the kind guy you fantasize about, an exciting rule-breaker. He scares me a bit because I think he could break my heart without even trying.” She lets out a little laugh. “He probably leaves a trail of broken-hearted girls begging for more wherever he goes.”
The screen goes black again, and Meredith turns back to me. “I’m sorry to blindside you this way. But really, this is for the best. Think of it this way. It’ll be a great move for your career. And maybe you’ll meet your real match next season! I’ll draw up the papers and send them to your agent.” Defeated, I simply drop my head, my agreement stuck in my throat.
Confessional
“So we’re off to Vegas for fantasy suite dates. Not sure of my odds with Emily at this point, but 50/50 sounds pretty good, I guess. She’s a sweet girl . . . just hope she’s happy with whoever she picks.”
Off camera, Meredith waves her hands, scribbling on a white board. I look at her, shrugging my shoulders. What the fuck else does she want? “LOVE” Meredith’s written, and my heart clenches in my chest a little as I turn back to the camera.
“Oh, do I love her? That’s a really tough question, you know? I mean, love’s got a ton of different meanings, and Emily is pretty loveable. But if you mean in love . . . uh, I don’t know if we’ve had enough time to really fall in love, so no, I don’t think I’m in love with her . . . yet.”
God, I hate being a liar.
Chapter 19
Emily
I spend less than five minutes looking out over the bright lights of Vegas before I turn and give in to my childish impulses, running through the suite I’m in to take a flying flop into the big bed, enjoying its fluffy comfort. It’s like landing in a giant pile of feathers, and as I turn over, I throw my arms and legs up while giggling.
After a few moments, I relax back, questions flooding my head. How in the world did I get here? I mean, I know, but at the same time . . . stuff like this doesn’t happen to girls like me.
And how am I gonna go on camera and pick a happily ever after? Obviously, I’m leaning toward Hayden, but how do I know? Lee doesn’t seem like a bad guy. He’s handsome and sexy in his way, but he’s just not Hayden, who takes heat to a level I didn’t even realize could exist. Lee just can’t compete with that.
Before I can think too much, McKayla and Brad barge in, not even bothering to knock. McKayla seems to be in her element in Vegas—big personality, big hair, and full of bad choices. Hell, here she’s basically calm and conservative by comparison to most folks. “Hey, Chickadee! Time to get you primped up for your date with Hayden tonight. Not that you need primping for that man. He seems to like you just fine, dirty and in the dark.”
I blush, sitting up and trying not to grin guiltily. “Yeah, last night was awesome. We talked for long time, and it seems like I might’ve actually made a real love connection on this crazy game. I didn’t exactly mean it that way, but I accidentally said that last night and he didn’t freak out!”
Brad, who’s setting up his makeup kit, gives me a surprised look. “Uhm, excuse me . . . did you say you mentioned ‘love connection’ and he was okay with that? There’s only two things that means. He’s thinking he might be in love with you too, or he’s thinking, ‘Oh, shit, I just stuck my dick in crazy. Back away slowly and don’t make eye contact.’ It’s a cardinal rule—don’t stick your dick in crazy.”
“And if anyone knows about sticking their dicks in crazy, it’s Brad’s former boyfriends,” McKayla adds. I laugh because they’re both hilarious, although Brad doesn’t seem to be smiling quite so much at the moment.
I can’t help but laugh because it’s funny as hell, but their comments are kind of freaking me out at the same time. I think back. Did he seem nervous after I said that? I don’t think so. We talked about the show, the dates we’ve been on, and some vague hopes and dreams type stuff. But nothing he said made me think he might be nervous or upset.
As McKayla and Brad hover around me like a pair of overly caffeinated bees, I relive every moment of our date by the pond and in the storage room. More than the sex, which was amazing, I think about everything we shared about families, our lives back home, all the little random tidbits that make me feel like I really know him. I analyze every word, every facial expression that might give me some insight as to Hayden’s thoughts about the future.
Future. I pause. He never said anything about us after the show. Is that bad? I can’t worry about that now as Nate comes in, ready to escort me out to the living area for a private dinner. Brad smacks him away, chasing him out of the room. “Don’t you see that she’s hardly dressed for a dinner? Now out! We’ll get her dressed, but until then, this room is us bitches only!”
Nate looks like he wants to argue, but Brad’s having none of it, closing the door and turning around. “Yass, queen, finally! That boy is so annoying.”
“Yeah, well, unless you want the real Queen B in here kicking your skinny ass, let’s get our princess here dressed quickly,” McKayla says, helping me up. “Wardrobe already delivered your dress for tonight, so strip like you’re Supergirl.”
I have to admit that the dress is amazing, a deep red piece with a high collar and piping that hugs my curves and leaves me feeling sexier than ever before. Brad gives my lipgloss a final touchup then stands back, admiring his work. “Honey, you look hot enough that they’re gonna ban you from Vegas. The desert can’t take this much heat!”
“Let’s go, let’s go!” McKayla urges me, pushing me toward the door before whispering in my ear, “Brad’s right. Have fun, babe.”
Nate looks flustered but keeps his mouth shut as he escorts me up one floor to the fantasy suite that we’ll be using tonight, a glamorous suite that’s supposed to have an Asian motif, like my dress, I guess. Stepping in, everything’s in shades of green, red, gold, and black, with lots of natural looking lanterns, wood floors, and paper screens to complete the illusion. Hayden stands when I come in the room, pulling my chair out for me and helping me get seated. “You look beautiful,” he says as he helps my chair in. “Truly beautiful.”
Before I can answer, Meredith interrupts. “Okay, you two. Just chat, romance, just a regular date, and we’ll do a kiss shot in front of the doors and then off for the night. Good?” I notice Meredith give Hayden a pointed look, but she yells, “Action!” and I jump into date-mode.
Like our room, our date has an Asian motif, with teppanyaki grilled meat and vegetables served to us with cups of Japanese sake wine. “I kinda wish we’d have done this at a real restaurant,” I say as our waiter brings us our third course, rice and vegetables. “I’ve been to one place, and the chef was as much theater as he was cook.”
“I’ve been to places like that too,” Hayden says, chuckling. “Last place I went to, the chefs at the two tables worked together, at one point taking this piece of tiger prawn and, using the big barbecue fork he had, he slung it across the room to his partner, who caught it as a ‘taste test’. It was good shrimp, too.”
As the wine and delicious food flows, we talk and laugh, but it doesn’t feel the same. I swear something is off, and I’m not sure what. Hayden just feels a little distant, like he’s got something else on his mind. Numerous times during our conversation, his answers seem hesitant, trailing off when I swear he’s still got something to say. Brad’s words run through my head, making doubts creep in, and I try to assuage them by asking what he plans for after the show. “So . . . after all this is over, what’s on your calendar for the future?”
I’m hoping he’ll say something about us. Instead, Hayden sets down his cup of sake and for the first time looks . . . I don’t know, hurt? “I don’t know what’s after this. I guess I’ll check in with my
agent and see what offers have come in for me. I’ll probably take a trip home to see my mom and dad since I haven’t talked to them since this circus started.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “What about you?”
“I guess, well, I’d like to go see my friends back home. I know Cassie has to be wondering if I fell off the edge of the earth, and I miss the kids. After that, though, it kinda depends. I mean, couples should try and coordinate their lives, you know? And I’m sure they’ll want us to do some sort of publicity for the show.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Hayden says, letting the conversation drop. Dinner finishes with delicious ginger ice creams, and we move to the bedroom door for the kiss shot. He moves toward me, his eyes fastened to my lips and never meeting mine. It’s a good kiss because Hayden is a good kisser, but the fire isn’t there. I bite my lip uncertainly, trying to read him, but Meredith interrupts with another one of her yells. “Cut! Off to bed . . . sweet dreams!”
We slip into the bedroom of the suite and it’s quiet. Too quiet. I’d been looking forward to being nearly slammed against the wall as Hayden overwhelmed me with kisses. For him to say to hell with it, let any hidden cameras watch as he gave me a complete and thorough fucking until my body is nothing but pleasure-filled jelly.
Instead, Hayden goes over to the dresser and shrugs off his jacket without even looking at me. It’s like he doesn’t even want to share the same room as me, and my nervousness ratchets up another notch. I cross the room and put a hand on his shoulder, turning to look him in the eye. “Is everything okay? You seem different. Distant.”
Hayden won’t seem to meet my eyes, and questions start to creep into my brain. What’s changed in the past twenty-four hours? Was Brad right? “Everything is fine. I’m just tired, I guess. This is a lot to process.” He waves his hands around like he’s encompassing everything, and I don’t know if he means the show, me, or us. Either way, I’m scared to ask. I know he’s lying, but about what, I don’t know.
“Well, I think I’ll get changed then,” I whisper, going over to the dresser where wardrobe said they set up my pajamas. I open up the drawer, and to hell with pajamas. They gave me some ‘fuck me’ lingerie, a form-fitting cami with matching panties and nothing else. I should feel sexy, primed for seduction and more, but I don’t, and when I turn around, I see that Hayden’s also changed. He’s got on a pair of black silk pajama pants that make him look sexy as hell, but the coldness in his eyes feels like a punch in the stomach.
We climb into bed, awkward at first as we try and keep some space between us until finally, Hayden moves in closer. I adjust until he’s the big spoon for my little spoon. I snuggle in, wiggling my ass against him teasingly, but he just pulls me tighter, not letting me move. He absently twirls a finger through my curls, wrapping and unwrapping them around his finger. We lie there, the wine and the silence making my body relax until we’re almost asleep and I can’t stand it anymore. “Hayden, I really care about you.”
He replies in a voice that’s barely above a whisper. “I know . . . and it’s okay.”
Before I can ask what the hell he means, I hear him start to softly snore. I want to turn over, to wake him up, but I can’t find the strength to do it. Instead, I lie in the dark, my brain buzzing and swirling with questions.
What was that?
What does that mean?
Is he backing off from me, from us?
Does he understand that I want to tell him the truth, that I want to tell him that he’s the one I want, but that I can’t, simply because I don’t know if we’re being bugged even now? That I want to crawl in his lap and cover his face with kisses? That the only thing stopping me is that I don’t want to throw everyone under the bus who has put so much work into this show?
My mind whirling, I think I’ll never sleep, but held tight in Hayden’s arms, I drift off dreaming of him. It’s a beautiful dream, the two of us in a house a lot like the ones back home, comfortable and cozy. There’s me and Hayden, and my belly is huge with our baby, a little girl that we’ve already decided to name Laetitia. It’s a wonderful dream, even if I’m not too sure where the name comes from.
The next day starts too early, with Nate waking us up and herding us out of the room. I get a chance to look over at Hayden as he pulls a t-shirt and some exercise shorts on, but I can’t say what’s on my mind with Nate buzzing around and practically shoving me out the door. “You’re to spend the day by yourself,” he says as I spare a last glance at Hayden, who’s looking at me with what I swear is heartbreak in his eyes. “Meredith and the producers thought that would give you the best chance to make a decision without being influenced one way or another. We’ve got a few solo scenes scheduled, a little blackjack at the tables, some contemplative shots overlooking the Strip and stuff like that, and interviews, too, you’ll be—”
“What are the guys going to do?”
“Hayden’s going to have a confessional scene to do, and then we’ll be taking him around for his setup shots. You won’t be in the same locations, though, and Lee’s already out doing his thing. Just think of it this way—it’ll let you build the anticipation for your dinner and overnight with Lee.”
Nate keeps buzzing, but I’m not really listening. All I know is that something’s wrong between me and Hayden, and I won’t have a chance to talk with him before my date with Lee. At this point, I don’t even want to go through with it. I don’t know what’s going on with Hayden, but I don’t want to pick Lee when my heart is somewhere else.
Chapter 20
Emily
Confessional
“My fantasy suite date with Hayden was a little unexpected. He seemed a bit distracted but still a gentleman. Of course, we laughed. It’s easy to laugh with Hayden, and the food was delicious. It was just that I always felt like there was this . . . distance. You know, like the bamboo screens that surrounded us, how they have the sheer screens where you can see the outline of whatever’s on the other side, but it’s not clear. That’s kinda how it felt, like it was us, but not as vibrant as before.”
I take a deep breath, biting my lip as I read the comment Meredith writes on her whiteboard, THE BEDROOM? “Well, afterward, of course, we spent the night together, and Hayden is . . . he’s probably one of the best snugglers on the planet. He held me in his arms all night and it felt good to be surrounded by his warmth. I think maybe I’m just reading too much into my worries, because it felt so good to be in his arms. Hayden’s got the kind of arms that you just know are going to be there for you and protect you for as long as you’re with him.”
“Okay, that’s good. Cut,” Meredith says. “Emily, before you head out today for the rest of your shots, I’d like to have a chat with you in the living room. Nate, chase all the vampires out of there for me. This is off camera, okay?”
“Got it, boss,” Nate says, hurrying away. I hear yelling in the next room as McKayla threatens to make Nate her bitch if he talks to her like that again, but within a minute or two, everything is quiet, and Nate comes back. The three of us head into the living room, where I can see that all the cameras, at least temporarily, are turned off.
Meredith takes a seat on one of the chairs while Nate hovers nearby. “Emily, my dear, have a seat. We need to talk through your date.”
I scrunch up my eyebrows, confused. “Isn’t it the same as last night? Dinner and sleepover on camera, just the theme is supposed to be different?”
Meredith nods, glancing at her perfect gel nails before looking up and giving me a pitying expression. “Well, yes. But I more meant the direction the show is heading. Last night was basically painful to watch. Hayden is a great guy, but he’s not pulling through on camera.”
The cameras. Always the cameras. I thought that being on reality TV would be fun, but right about now, I want nothing more than to have a baseball bat and five minutes alone with all the cameras. I shake my head, leaning forward and putting my elbows on my knees. “He said he was tired, maybe distracted last night. But
our other dates have been better. You even said the photo shoot was great.”
Nate inhales audibly, and Meredith cuts her eyes to him. Nate’s eyebrows raise as if he’s asking Meredith a question, but she shakes her head. I don’t know what the silent conversation is about and don’t have a chance to ask as Meredith looks back at me. “Test audiences are loving both Hayden and Lee, but there’s just something about you and Lee onscreen. It’s fireworks and magic. I need to see that on your date.”
I knew there were going to be certain elements of the show where the producers would ‘advise’ me. It was in the contract, and more than once, Meredith has asked me during cuts to save a guy who was on the cusp for one more cut for various reasons. I’ve always gone along with it because I knew he wouldn’t make it in the end, but I assumed the final choice on who wins would be mine. “Uhm, I’m really leaning toward Hayden right now, so I don’t want to do anything too over the top. I mean, Lee’s a nice guy, and sure, there’s a spark with him, but I don’t feel the same way about him that I do about Hayden.”
The silence stretches out for a long time, Meredith looking at me like I’m stupid while Nate shifts from foot to foot like a little boy who needs to pee in church. Finally, Meredith replies. “This isn’t really you picking. This is a whole production team decision that you have a vote in, but ultimately, we’re making TV that sells here. And trust me, Lee and you, that’s good TV.”
“Excuse me?” I ask, stunned. “I was told the choices were mine, especially the final winner. Isn’t what you’re saying, like, illegal or something? At the very least, it’s wrong and misleading.”
Matchmaker Page 14
