Meredith ignores me, looking at Nate, who is obviously ready for orders. “Make a note. We’ve edited Hayden to look good for test audiences, but we’ll show some of the less flattering things he’s said in confessionals for the later episodes to lead up to Emily choosing Lee.”
My jaw drops at her words, and I speak up, getting her attention. “Less flattering things? What are you talking about? What did he say?”
Meredith turns back as Nate pauses his note-taking, obviously eager to be dismissed. She appears to waffle a bit, hesitant. “Hmm, I’m not sure you really want to see those . . .”
The hell I don’t, especially if I’m about to pick him on national TV. I don’t want to look stupid if he’s been playing me. I don’t want to be that naïve. God, I can see the headlines on TMZ now, Matcher’s Flame Burns Out Fast! I don’t have the spit in my mouth to say anything, though, and instead look at her with anguished eyes.
Meredith must see my answer on my face. “If you’re sure, my dear.” She turns to Nate with a smile, “Can you find—”
Nate nods and opens his laptop. With barely a couple of clicks, he has the file queued up and turns the screen toward me.
Hayden pops up on screen. I remember that shirt from one of the earliest days of the show. “Some of the guys are jerks, just out for their fifteen minutes of fame. Lee is a bit sleazy. Not sure what his endgame is, but I don’t think it’s Emily.”
All right, that’s not particularly nice, but not so bad. I mean, everyone’s got opinions, and it was early on in the show. I don’t get what’s so bad about that. “And?”
“Are you sure . . .?” Meredith asks, and I nod once more. Nate clicks a few more times, and a different confessional pops up.
“Off to Vegas. 50/50 odds I guess. No, I don’t think I’m in love with her.”
I gasp, my heart shattering, and Meredith gets up, sitting down next to me before covering my hands with her own. “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t know you were that caught up with him. Hard to hear, I know, but at least now you know where you stand. Go cry a few tears, put on your big girl panties, and get ready. You’ve got a lot of shots to do today. Don’t worry, you can have some fun with it. You’ve got a date with a guy who really likes you and whom you really like too. And that’s all that matters.”
She’s right. I need to cry right now, but I’ll rally. I don’t have a choice.
“So, Emily, how was your day yesterday?” Lee asks me as we sit down in the dining nook of this particular fantasy suite. The theme is European castle, and while to me it’s a little more Cinderella castle than real castle, Lee looks handsome in his tuxedo while I feel regal in the full-length fitted gown that I’m wearing.
“It was . . . more difficult than I thought it’d be,” I admit, sipping the white wine that’s coming with the first course. “How about you?”
Lee smiles softly, and I think for the first time that he looks a little nervous. “To be honest, I spent the whole day racking my brain. You see, I know this is probably the last chance I have to make an impression on you, so this is the time to lay it all out there. I want to make a very good impression.”
“I feel that pressure too. It’s not just you trying to make a good impression, it’s me too. I want to be myself and make the match that feels right, for both of us.” Lee understands, and dinner becomes serious, not a laughing feel-good date, but instead, he asks me deep questions about where I see myself in the future.
“So, you really want to see a revolution in education?”
I nod, chewing the lobster medallion that we’ve been served as our main course. It’s delicate and delicious, and if things keep up like this, I’m going to have to skip breakfasts for the next couple of years to make up for all the rich food on this show. “I do. I’d like to see schools with teachers who are able to be inventive and creative with their lessons, not locked in to teaching to the mandated state tests. A place where the community works together to make sure the students are ready to learn, not hungry and lacking supplies. Where the kids are safe and have mentors in leadership roles to guide them to a bright future.”
Lee nods. “Sounds like a great idea to me.”
As we continue to talk, I don’t even know what I’m saying half the time because my heart isn’t in this at all, but he responds favorably, slowly pulling me out of my shell by holding my hands and urging me to open up to him.
“So, tell me about your past,” I finally say, hoping to not have to think for a little while. “Who was little Lee?”
Lee looks down before replying. “I was the kid who exists in every class, I guess. I was the nerdy kid, the kid who didn’t have a lot of friends. Oh, I had friends, I guess, but their names were Master Chief and Mario and The Blue Eyed White Dragon.”
I recognize two of those but get his point. “You were a loner?”
“And bullied more than a couple of times,” Lee admits. “I just didn’t fit in with any particular group. So I made a place to be myself online, talking to a camera instead of people. It was cool because there are so many people online that I found others like me, and they listened to my opinions about something I love. Slowly, I found a little confidence and it helped me grow. I found a place to fit in online, but that’s sometimes harder still in person. Except with you . . . somehow, I feel like I fit with you.”
When Lee smiles at me, it touches my heart and makes me tear up a little. It’s so sweet, but I have to admit that some of the heat between us has been forced on his end and the show itself. I guess I can understand though. I mean, if I’d gone through his childhood, I’d be hot on the trigger too.
It’s more of that same heat when Meredith directs us for the good night kiss, and as always, he engulfs me with his fire, holding me tightly to his body. It feels like I’m betraying Hayden, but then I remember that he doesn’t appear to see a future for us and this is my chance to see if I can have something positive from this show. So I kiss Lee back, reaching my arms around his neck, and he moans into my mouth. After a moment, he leans back, looking into my eyes. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Cut! Great job, you two,” Meredith calls out, giving me a look like she’s proud of me. We close the door behind us, and Lee moves in close to me, his hands on my hips.
“Emily, you drive me fucking crazy with how sexy you are. Lying with you all night, knowing that there’s probably cameras in here and I can’t go too far, is going to kill me. I’m afraid kissing you all night might be enough to drive me over the edge as it is.” He walks me across the room and looks down at me, and I can see the fire in his eyes.
As his hands move to cup my breasts, I remember . . . cameras. Breathlessly, I whisper in Lee’s ear, “We should probably cool it. I’m not that kind of girl.”
Lee takes a deep, shuddering breath and I can almost see him willing himself to calm, but he nods once. We climb under the covers, him lying on his back, and he pulls me close so I can rest my head on his chest before he shuts off the lights. He lightly brushes up and down my arm with his fingertips and it feels nice. Maybe not what I’ve had with Hayden before yesterday, but apparently, that ship has sailed and he was just using me or he freaked out on me. This could work, I guess. And with that thought, I drift off.
Chapter 21
Emily
Confessional
I clear my throat, still torn over what I’m about to say. It’s not what I thought I’d be saying just two days ago, when I was fully prepared to say some nice things about Lee and buffer them with praise of Hayden. But that was before, and now I’ve got Meredith giving me a look that says ‘Perform, dancing monkey, time to make the crowd happy.’ It’s not what I expected when I signed up for this, and by now, I’m more than ready to never watch reality TV again.
I clear my throat again, then talk to the camera. “If I had to sum it up shortly, my date with Lee was perfect. He was interesting, he opened up to me, and he said some things that really touched my heart. I know that Lee comes off like he’s alway
s been the man, or whatever you want to call it, but hearing about his past, I understand and was moved. Of course, he was intensely passionate, as he’s always been. It feels good that he likes me that much. A line came to me today from a super-old movie that I caught on cable once, Revenge Of The Nerds. ‘All jocks think about is sports. All we ever think about is sex.’ And while that might be a bit crude, if Lee’s kissing is any demonstration, there’s a lot of truth in that line.”
I make my way to the elevator, but before the door can close, Meredith sticks her hand in, forcing her way inside. Nate, as always, is hovering behind her with his clipboard. Just once, I want to see what he’s scribbling on it because I suspect he’s just doodling to look like he’s actually doing something. There’s no way anyone needs to write that much stuff down.
“Meredith, I really—”
As usual, Meredith plows right over me. “All right, production meeting last night was unanimous. You’re matching with Lee. I know you weren’t certain, but surely, after last night, you can tell that’s the way to go. Both for the show and for your heart.”
“I . . . I don’t know. It’s just a lot. Last night was great, but it’s hard to let go of everything I’ve felt with Hayden. I mean, all that you said before makes sense, but I know how I feel.”
Meredith sighs, nodding. “I know, honey. But realistically, you don’t want Hayden to make a fool out of you. When his confessionals air, and then if you choose him . . . well, that just doesn’t look very good for you, does it? Think with your head a bit here. You’re a sweet girl, and viewers are gonna see themselves in you. Don’t let them down by picking the hottie player when you can pick the self-made man who let himself be vulnerable with you and lights up when you come in the room.”
I sigh. Maybe she’s right. It does have a sort of ring to it. Not to mention, I’m going to look stupid being played if I choose Hayden, but it just doesn’t feel right. It’s tearing at my guts and my heart, and the knots in my stomach twist even tighter as I try to sort through my choices. Finally, reluctantly, I agree. “Fine, let’s just do this. I just want it to be over with.”
“Good. Go get yourself some rest, then get prepped. We’re shooting the final elimination at sunset in front of the fountains. You guys can drive off into the sunset that way. It’ll be a great shot, trust me.”
I nod, my head throbbing at her words. It’s not supposed to be like this. I’m not supposed to be riding into the sunset with Lee. A seemingly good man, but a man I don’t really have feelings for. Who I really want to be with . . . I guess it doesn’t matter.
I head back to my room, where I lie down. I wish I could call Cassie. She’d be able to give me some good advice on all of this. She’s as much a reality junkie as I am, and she’s got a good head on her shoulders. But we’re in total communication silence. I can’t even get the damn news, much less a phone call. So instead, I lie back and close my eyes until there’s a knock on the bedroom door and McKayla sticks her head in. “Hey, chica, you ready?”
“For what?” I ask miserably. “I just want this shit to be over with.”
McKayla comes in, her eyes filled with worry. “Honey, come on, now, it’s only a few more hours and then you and your Prince Charming get to climb in that limo and you don’t have to hold back on saying you’ve got feelings for him anymore. Hell, if I had that to look forward to, I’d be jumping up and down and trying to get them to speed the damn timeline up.”
I groan, shaking my head. “It’s not gonna be that.”
“What do you mean . . . oh, shit,” McKayla says, sitting down. “You’re fucking kidding me.”
“What? I had a pretty simple choice, it seemed. On one hand, a guy that I’m falling for but who was totally gaslighting me. And on the other, a guy who’s really into me, but I don’t have feelings for him. At least I don’t look like a fucking idiot choosing the guy who actually likes me.”
McKayla purses her lips and looks around the room. “Listen, how do you know he’s not really into you? I mean, a few days ago you, both looked so goddamn gaga over each other I was ready to go get a diabetes test.”
“I saw some of what he’s said in confessional,” I admit, and McKayla sighs. “What?”
“You don’t think that shit gets edited to angle it a certain way? You know it will. They gotta turn a five-minute confessional into a forty-five-second soundbite. Did you hear all of it?”
“No,” I reply, “but he did say he wasn’t in love with me. And then he virtually ghosted me on our suite date. And just . . . I made my choice.”
“You’d better think more on it!” McKayla says, shutting her mouth when I look at her angrily. “Listen, this whole thing, it touches me, okay? I know, I know, I’m the smart-mouthed bitch who does hair and isn’t supposed to give a fuck, but Em, I like you. And I want you to be happy.”
“I’d like to be happy too,” I admit, sighing. “Now, let’s get down to makeup and get ready, or else Brad’s gonna bitch and Meredith’s gonna bitch even more.”
“Wait,” McKayla says, grabbing my arm. “Seriously, tell me you’re going to think some more on this!”
I look into her eyes, touched by the compassion and the fire burning in them. It’s so fierce, it hurts when I nod, swallowing. “I’ll do the right thing.”
McKayla grins. “Then let’s go make you fucking gorgeous.”
I know I look beautiful. Brad and McKayla really outdid themselves in the prep for the final scene, but there’s no real pep in my step as I shuffle on set, taking the cards from Nate. “Hey, you okay?” Nate asks, looking at me. “Remember, this is the last chance to make a good impression for the audience. We really need you to deliver.”
I nod, and for a moment, I think about what I told McKayla. Do the right thing. But no matter what, there is no right thing. I feel like I’m making the wrong choice either way. Nate looks at me again and turns to say something to Meredith, who I can see is going straight Marie Antoinette on some poor schmuck, but before he can say anything, I reach out and grab his arm. “No. I can do it.”
“Okay.” Nate says, and I force myself to smile, rolling my shoulders back and hoping that the glitter in my eyes doesn’t look too false. I walk onto set, taking my place on the final podium.
“Change of plans,” Meredith says, approaching me. “No limo, the LVPD wasn’t willing to shut down the street to let us get the shot we wanted. Apparently, Celine Dion’s show demands more respect than we do. So after this, we’ll have one more scene after nightfall, you two getting into a helicopter and flying off. Very Fifty Shades, you know.”
“Whatever, I’m good.” I see Hayden and Lee come on set, both of them looking stunning in tailored tuxedos, and my heart clenches in my chest. They look their best, with their hair styled perfectly, their jawlines both looking strong enough to crack granite, and their tuxedos making them look like ten million bucks. But in my heart, I know that what I’m about to do . . . it’s just not right. But my brain is telling me that if I switch my decision, I’m going to be doing the wrong thing, too. Either way, I lose.
Meredith yells, “Action!” and the cameras start to roll. I see her give me a countdown. I’m sure that right now, they’re probably getting voiceover footage for the finale before she waves and points at me. I’m on.
I look between the two men, Lee looking hopeful and sincere and Hayden looking like he’s barely controlling some anger below the surface, although I don’t know why he’s the mad one. Putting on a false smile, I begin to speak. “Talk about a journey. Hayden and Lee, I’ve had such an experience with each of you and will always treasure the dates we’ve had. Hayden, whether it was horseback riding, watching you play football, or our private dates in the hot tub and then in the Asian fantasy suite, you’ve given me memories that will last a lifetime.”
“You, too,” Hayden replies. “Emily, you’re an amazing woman.”
I expect him to say more, but he closes his mouth, and I turn to Lee. “Lee, from that first date,
you’ve been the man who turns up the heat. It took me a while to see the real you, but when you opened yourself up to me, I was touched and moved as well.”
“Emily, I know it took me a while,” Lee says, smiling shyly. “I kept kicking myself after every date we had, saying that I should have opened up more and that I was a fool for being too afraid to do just that. Thank you for the patience you showed me, and I hope that you’ll give me the chance to show you more.”
“Well, now’s the time to find out,” I reply. I pause, feeling my nerves bubbling up inside me. I can see the emotions in both of their eyes, their faces lit up by the lights from the fountain. Meredith hollers at me when I take too long, and I quickly swallow my nerves to get on with this. “Hayden, Lee, please step forward. I’ve thought long and hard about this. So gentlemen, let’s see if we’re a Match. Please . . . turn over your cards.” With a 1-2-3, we turn over, and Lee’s face breaks into a huge grin and he swoops forward, picking me up in a hug before I even have a chance to say anything.
“Match made in heaven, Emily!” he says as he spins me around. He’s obviously happy, and I try to smile, but my eyes meet Hayden’s over Lee’s shoulder and lock. His eyes are blazing, and he looks like he’s about ready to put his foot right up Lee’s ass. He’s obviously angry but trying desperately to hide it. Finally, he steps forward and shakes Lee’s hand.
“Congratulations, Lee. She’s a great woman.”
“Thank you. That she is,” Lee says. Hayden turns to me, and I see not just anger but something else in his eyes as he gives me a little side hug before turning to walk off-set without even a congratulations or a goodbye.
What the fuck was that? I don’t understand what happened to him. We were doing so well and I thought we really had something till he went cold fish on our suite date. Am I really that blind or stupid or both? Apparently so. “Hay—”
Matchmaker Page 15
