by Ali Parker
“Oh my God. Here we go with the daddy issues again,” she rolled her eyes.
“Jenna. That’s cruel.”
“I’m just giving you tough love, sweetheart. You can’t keep letting your past run your present. These Dawson boys don’t date. The fact that Tanner wants to means he really likes you, and that is something worth exploring. Doesn’t mean you have to marry the guy, but what would a year-long romance hurt? You know that’s how normal people do it, they have boyfriends and girlfriends. You break up and move on, then you have another boyfriend. It’s called life, Madison. You need to learn to live it.”
“All right, all right. I hear you and your tough love. And life is what is happening, making it all the more confusing. I got a job offer and I don’t know if I should take it or not. I just can’t decide.”
“You did? That is excellent news. You’re not even done with your curriculum yet and you’re already getting hired. You’re a star, in academic terms anyway. Tell me all about it.”
“The position is lab manager. It’s a very important position that most people wait a long time to get. But my work here, the research and everything has helped me make a name for myself.”
“That’s incredible. Congratulations. Why wouldn’t you want to take something like that?”
“Because the job is not here in Safety. It’s not even in Texas. It’s in Georgia.”
“Oh. I see. Well, that is something to think about. But you knew when you got into this field that the job market worked that way, right? There are only so many positions for what you do, and you’d likely have to travel to work your way up.”
“Yes, that’s very true. Some people even change countries for jobs like this. I just worry about my father. I only just got back to this town, but now I’m going to leave it. There’s a lot of unfinished business between us and I was hoping that when it came time to leave that he would be in a better way. Then, this whole thing with Tanner, too. I really do like him. I’m on the verge of giving him a chance, a real chance, but now this job came up, taking me away from here. So you see, I just can’t decide. If the job was in this town I would take it in a heartbeat.”
“That is a very tough decision to make. But you should know that it is your decision, not mine when it comes to the end of the day. But if you want to know what I think. I think you’ve let your father being sick make your decisions for a long time. I don’t think that’s right and I really don’t think that’s what he would want either. You might never be able to fix him, he has to fix himself. As far as Tanner goes, it is amazing that he has wanted to date you and everything. But I wouldn’t base a career decision on a Dawson boy. They have a reputation for being womanizers for a reason, and you’ve got to be careful with that. Have as much fun as you want with the boy, but don’t make this decision based on having a future with him. I’m not saying it’s not a possibility, but it’s not a certainty either.”
“Boy, you really are full of tough love today, aren’t you?” I said, looking at her.
“Hey, that’s what best friends are for. Now—where’s our waitress? I need a damn cheeseburger. This serious life talk makes me hungry.”
I laughed and waved the waitress over. As much as I hated to hear Jenna’s words, there was truth to them. I knew there was and that’s why I had her meet me at the diner for lunch. I knew that she would give it to me straight, she always did. She was always blunt in that way, and though sometimes I hated her for it, most of the time I loved her for it. She always makes me see things clearly. I decided right then and there that I wouldn’t let my romantic involvement with Tanner change my career path, but I was going to give my father one chance. I had told him that I would come to see him, and a part of me hoped that he had fulfilled my request. But as I drove to his house after lunch, I was filled with anxiety and fear. I knew him all too well.
I knocked on the door, and once again there was no answer. I rolled my eyes and walked inside.
“Dad?”
There was no response. He wasn’t lying on the couch in the living room. I walked in the kitchen. He was face down on the table, sleeping. There was a bottle of vodka next to him. My shoulders dropped. I looked around, and the place was not messy. But it hadn’t been very long since I had cleaned it up myself. There weren’t pizza boxes and take out everywhere, so that was a good sign, at least. But it wasn’t a lot.
“Madison? Honey, is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me.” I pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. He lifted his head from the table and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. I could smell the vodka.
“I thought you were coming on Saturday.”
“No Dad, I said I was coming next weekend. I didn’t give a specific day.”
“Look, the place isn’t a mess. I am trying.”
“Yes, I can see that. I am proud of you for that, but it’s not enough. Look at you. It’s barely three in the afternoon and you’re drunk and passed out on the kitchen table. You are not trying hard enough.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Stop drinking. You need help, professional help. There are meetings in town, and you can get a sponsor. Move into a rehab place if you need to. Or have someone come stay with you. Being alone like this only gives you the opportunity to drink. You’re bored and you need purpose. Exchange this addiction to the bottle for an addiction to life. I can’t be the one to do it for you.”
I stood up from the chair. Walking over to him, I gave him a kiss on the forehead.
“I just came to say goodbye. I’m going to start packing and I’ll be taking the job in Georgia.”
I turned around and walked towards the door. He didn’t say anything, not a word. I just kept on walking, there wasn’t much he could say that would have changed my mind anyway.
I held back tears as I drove away from his house. I should be excited. I had earned the opportunity of a lifetime as a lab manager. So why did I feel sad as I drove to the college to inform my senior advisor and make it official?
“Mr. Phillips, I have made a decision,” I said, walking in to his office.
“Hello Madison. I’m glad to hear it. What did you decide?”
“I have decided that I would be very proud to take the position. I’ll be honored to have it.”
“That is excellent news. I’ll inform them immediately. They also know that you are working on a project here and they assured me that you can continue your work on it there so you aren’t rushed. Finish your current reports and hand them into me. Take any specimens that you need to have shipped and pack them for lab transfer. You know the drill.”
“Yes, I do. Thank you. I am still working on the project and will continue to do so in Georgia.”
“Great. Come see me when you have the reports.”
“Thank you Mr. Phillips. And thank you for recommending me for this job.”
I walked out of his office and into the lab. It was very hard to focus, but I had to. I had a lot of work to do. When I walked in, there was a brown envelope waiting for me on the counter. I opened it right away.
“Oh good. I’ve been waiting for you. The analysis of the cleaning product,” I said out loud to myself.
I read down the list of all of the chemicals, oils, and anything else that the analysis department found to be part of the cleaning supply product. Then, something on the list stood out.
“Unbelievable. This is it. This has to be it. Azadirachta indica is the scientific name for neem tree and the cleaning supply has neem oil in it. That’s it!”
I was so excited. There was no doubt in my mind that this is what was causing the reaction. Neem oil was used on plants all the time, usually to stop pest like aphids from eating them. But I knew that it was safe for plants, and it was probably carrying the virus, but the other harsh chemicals were killing it. If I could just isolate the neem oil, then it would be fine. I pulled out my chair from my computer and immediately put in a request to the supply department for pure neem oil. They typicall
y had it on hand, and I would be able to pick it up as soon as the request was processed. But I was so excited, and I knew that there was only one person that I wanted to share this excitement with.
Grabbing the results, I dashed out to my car and drove straight to the Dawson Ranch. But as I drove, the smile began to fade. I realized that the neem oil wasn’t the only news I needed to tell him. I also had to tell him that I’d accepted the job. Would he care? I almost didn’t want to know the answer to that question. Pulling over, I turned the car around and headed back to the lab. I needed a day to process things and figure out what to tell him. I couldn’t deal with it today, not after dealing with my father.
27
Tanner
“Come help me with this fence post,” Connor shouted up at me. I was sitting in the barn loft, letting my legs dangle off the ledge. I was looking at the back forty, remembering how it all started. How I stood there that morning realizing that something was wrong with the crops, and how it all led me to Madison. Looking below me, I saw Connor standing there with his hands on his hips.
“I thought Dylan was helping you with the fence post,” I said to him.
“Just come help me, dang it. Do I have to pull teeth just to get a hand around here,” he said.
“I’ll be right down.”
I swung my legs around and stood up, then made my way to the ladder and climbed down to the ground, meeting Connor in the barn.
“It won’t take long,” he said, handing me a pair of gloves. Pulling them on, I followed him towards the back where he was fixing the fence, a week-long project.
“Just hold this here while I nail in the anchor,” he said.
I did my part, holding the board against the post in the ground while he nailed it in. I was there, but my mind was somewhere else.
“You’re awfully quiet today. Aren’t you going to tease me or make fun of my jokes or criticize my hammering technique?”
“What?” I said, barely realizing that he was saying anything at all.
“Your mind really is somewhere else.”
“Yeah, got a lot on it these days.”
“Does this have anything to do with the fact that Madison might be leaving Texas?” he asked, hammering the nail all the way in. Then he stopped and looked at me.
“How did you know that?” I asked.
“Abi.”
“Of course. Yes, it has everything to do with that. I can’t get my mind off of it.”
“What are you going to do?” he asked.
“I don’t know what to do about it, if I’m able to do anything at all.”
“But you want her to stay?”
“Yes. As selfish as that sounds, yes I do want her to stay. I want to be with her. But I can’t just make her stay because I want her to.”
“Well, what did she say when you told her that?”
“I didn’t.”
He looked at me, confused. “Then what exactly did you say?”
“Nothing really. Just that she should do what she thinks is best for her.”
“You mean to tell me that you didn’t tell this girl you’ve been falling all over for how you feel about her leaving?”
“No. I didn’t.”
“Oh man, you got to tell her how you feel. Otherwise, how would she ever know?”
“I know. I know. But I’m not one for talking about my emotions like that.”
“But you know that I’m right about this, right? You have to tell her.”
“Yeah, I know. You’re right. You’re definitely right.”
“Just then I felt my pocket vibrate. I pulled out my phone. “It’s her. Looks like she wants to come over.”
“Well, alright then. That’s a good sign. Tell her yes, obviously. No, don’t just say yes. Say something like, yes and I look forward to seeing you. No-no. Say, I look forward to seeing your beauty.”
I shook my head from side-to-side, laughing at Connor. I answered the message letting her know that I was home and that she could come over any time. Her response was that she was going to be at the ranch in half an hour.
“Alright, she’s coming over in a bit. And I don’t want you hanging out being nosey and eavesdropping.”
“Fine. But you better tell me what happens, and you better do something romantic. Take her for a horse ride or something, and tell her that it hurts you that she’s leaving.”
Thirty minutes later, I sat on the steps of the porch, watching her car drive up. I walked out to her and opened her door. She stepped out looking beautiful as always.
“I’m glad you came over. I’ve been missing you.”
“I’m glad I came over too. I have so much to tell you. You won’t believe what I discovered in the lab.”
She walked around to the hood of her car with an envelope. Placing it on the hood, she pulled out some documents and handed them to me. “I had the cleaning product analyzed and it turns out there is neem oil in it. I think that’s it—that’s the missing link, the mystery ingredient that’s been helping the plants fight the virus. But the other chemicals were too caustic, causing problems of their own, so when we washed it off, the plants got better. I think that neem oil is the cure.”
“Wow, Madison. This is incredible!” I picked her up and swung her around. I was so happy. She giggled, and we stared into each other’s eyes with big grins on our faces. “To think this whole time the cure was something as basic as neem oil. It’s something I’ve used on the plants before to fight aphids.”
“Yes. Can you believe it? So simple. I have some coming to me in the lab and I’m going to start testing with it. But I think it’s safe to say that you could put it on the plants here. I would say dilute it to one part neem and 10 parts water, then apply it with an industrial sprayer and you should be good.”
“Madison, you are one incredible woman.” I leaned down to kiss her. “You are so smart, so beautiful—”
Her palm on my chest stopped me.
“Tanner, there’s something else. We really need to talk.”
“Well, I need to take the horses out. Will you go for a ride with me? We could talk then,” I said, remembering Connor’s advice.
“All right. A horse ride would be nice and I do love your horses.”
She grabbed the envelope and put it back in her car through the window. Picking up her hand, I held it all the way down to the stables. It was the first time we had held hands like that and I was surprised that she even let me.
Moments later we were riding the horses. I was on Lucky and she was riding Moonshine. We slowly walked them out to the pasture, riding side-by-side.
“Tanner, I have to tell you. I took the job in Georgia.”
“You did? Already—” I was shocked. I knew that she had to make a decision very soon, but I didn’t think it would be this fast. I thought I had more time. Especially since I had just got some brotherly advice that I planned on following. I was going to tell her how I felt and that I wanted her to stay, but that I didn’t want her to stay because of me. But now that she had already accepted the position I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell her how I felt now.
“Yes, Mr. Phillips wanted a decision pretty soon after he told me. I went to visit my father and he’s still a mess. I just really feel like there’s not a lot holding me here, is there?”
She looked at me. There was a long pause between us. This was the moment that I could tell her I would be the reason for her to stay. But I just couldn’t do it.
“I guess you’re right. It is one hell of an opportunity and I wouldn’t want to see you turn it down. It’s a really important position, isn’t it? It could really make your career take off and then you could have the choice of any lab you wanted.”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking.”
I pulled my eyes away from her. I looked straightforward as the horses slowly grazed along the grass. We were quiet. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. She was quiet, and I wondered what she was thinking.
After a
bout 20 minutes I finally spoke. “I guess we should turn these horses around and get them back in.”
“Alright,” she solemnly said.
A few minutes later I was standing beside her at her car. She looked at me and there was sadness in those beautiful blue eyes. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her that I cared for her deeply. I wanted to tell her that I wanted her to stay to see where our relationship could go. What if this was the real deal? She could be the one. Something inside of me told me that she was, but I couldn’t rob her of her career opportunity. I wouldn’t be that guy, that was selfish.
“Well, as I said, use the neem oil, pure neem oil, diluted as I said earlier. Let me know how it works out for you. You have my number,” she said.
“Yes, and let me know how the lab experiment is going. Keep me posted, you have my number,” I responded.
Then she suddenly hugged me. “Thank you Tanner, for everything.”
“Yes, Madison.” I felt my throat get thick, as though I was about to fight back tears. But that wasn’t me, I was a tough cowboy. So what the hell was happening to me? I held her close, pressing her body against mine. I smelled the coconut in her hair. I knew that this was the last time. She was going to leave Safety, Texas. She was going to leave me.
Finally she pulled away and looked me in the eyes. There were no words, and neither of us spoke. Then she turned to her car. I opened the door for her and she got in. I stepped away.
She waved goodbye and started the car, turning around in the driveway and driving away from the ranch. It was the last time that I would ever see her. That thought made me sick to my stomach.
28
Madison
First day in Georgia
Georgia, what could I say about Georgia? All I could say was that it wasn’t Texas. I sat in my new apartment surrounded by boxes. It had been taking me a long time to unpack, I think it was because deep down I didn’t want to. Things had been going well for my career, better than I had ever expected. My neem oil experiment had turned out to be perfect, and it definitely was the cure. It did make me sad because it brought an ending to the experiment and agricultural problem that had brought Tanner into my life in the first place. But my paper was going to be published in an Agricultural Science magazine and that was very exciting. So why wasn’t I happy?
