by Ali Parker
I sighed, giving up on unpacking the dishes and I pulled out my phone. Scrolling across my contact list, I pulled up Tanner’s phone number. I hadn’t talked to him since we took that horse ride on his ranch. But this was what I had been doing the whole time, pulling up his number and staring at it, as though I was about to push call. But I never did. I scrolled away from his name and pulled up Jenna’s number instead.
“Hey, how is Georgia?” Jenna asked.
“It’s so good to hear your voice. I start the new job tomorrow. I’m nervous about it, though. How are things there?”
“Oh, they are about the same. Work at the salon is the same, all the gossip about town and everything that’s happened over the weekend at the dance hall. You know how it is?”
“Any gossip worth repeating?” I asked.
“No, I haven’t heard anything about Tanner,” she said.
“Guess you know me pretty well.”
“Yes, I do. I also know when you have a little bit of sadness in your voice. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel like home yet.”
“Well of course it doesn’t, you’ve only been there a few days. I’m sure it will get better. Every time you move to a new place it won’t feel like home for a while, that’s normal. It happens to me when I just switch apartments in the same town.”
“Yes, you’re right. I just miss Texas that’s all. I miss breakfast tacos.”
“I can FedEx some to you.”
We both laughed. “And I miss hanging out with you,” I said.
“Me too. But you can call me anytime, and I mean any time. I can also come out and visit, maybe I can take a long weekend.”
“That would be fantastic.”
“And you know any time you have days off and want to come back you can stay with me. It’s a very short flight. Or a long drive, whatever you prefer, but we are not far from each other and you’ll always have a home at my apartment,”
“Thank you, Jenna. That means a lot to me.”
“Of course, just because you moved to another state doesn’t mean we can’t have a really good long-distance friendship. I’ll tell you what, we’ll make a plan for me to come out in like three weeks, and then after that, you come out to see me. We’ll alternate like that, and before you know it, it’ll feel like we see each other constantly. Besides, there aren’t enough men in this town, so I could use a new dating pool. Seen any hotties in Georgia yet?”
“I’ll keep a lookout for you.”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about. Oh, my client just walked in, I’ve got to give her a perm. I’ll talk to you soon, honey.”
“Bye Jenna.”
Jenna was right. I didn’t know why I was acting like Georgia was forever. Of course I could go back and visit her. There were plenty of long weekends and school holidays on a college calendar. That put a little kick to my step and I continue to unpack. The thought of Jenna coming in just three weeks made me happy and I wanted the place to be in order when she arrived.
The next day, I started my new job. When I arrived on campus I realized just how much smaller the school was. The lab building was only half the size of the one I had left behind. That made me a little nervous.
“This is it, this is your new office,” Annabelle Higgins said. She was my boss.
“Oh it’s lovely. Thank you,” I said, walking in to the office that was filled with natural light.
“Yes, it is a lovely office. Everything you need is right here on the desk. There is a guidebook here, and if you pull up your database on the computer you’ll see the schedule. I have emailed you all the documents you need to complete on your first day. You’ll need to go to human resources and fill out the employment and insurance information as well. Other than that, I think you’re all set for today. There won’t be much lab work, but feel free to take as much time in the lab as you like. I don’t have time to walk you through the lab, but I’m sure you’ll know your way around better than I would anyway,” she said.
“Of course. Don’t trouble yourself. I’ll show myself around first thing since it’s just across the hall,” I said, moving behind my desk.
Annabelle looked at her watch. “Uh-oh, I’m going to be late for a meeting with the board if I don’t get a move on, and it’s in another building so I’d better scoot. You have my extension, so just call me if you need anything, or send me an email. I’ll check in with you later.”
“Thank you for everything, Annabelle.”
She closed the door and I had a chance to look around at my office. I was feeling proud. Jenna was right. All I had to do was give this a chance. But as I sat there staring at my beautiful oak desk and lovely office, Tanner’s face flashed into my mind. Including his gorgeous smile and hazel eyes. I shook the image from my head.
“Concentrate Madison. You’re an important lab manager now.”
I turned on my computer. There was a pile of paperwork on my desk, but it wasn’t lab work, it was mostly paperwork to be filled out for my first day on the job, like insurance and benefits, not science work at all. But it needed to be done and I was glad for the distraction. I checked my email and responded to a few. I looked over the schedule, there weren’t many students coming in to work in the lab this week. There weren’t very many experiments going on, either.
Finding coffee down the hall, I poured myself a cup, which only reminded me of Tanner again. I huffed in annoyance at myself. Why couldn’t I shake him from my mind? Everything reminded me of him. It was ridiculous really.
Back to my office, I filled out all the paperwork and took it across campus to the human resources office. When I was done with all of that, I went into the lab. Putting on a lab coat, I looked around, making myself familiar with all the supplies on hand and where they were kept.
There was no one in the lab, no students to oversee, and no one to talk to. This was going to be rough. I needed to stay busy. At least I could continue my own work in this lab, but what was the point of managing a lab if there were no students to manage?
Taking off my lab coat, I went back to my office. I wouldn’t be dealing with students until after 4 p.m. I looked at the clock to find it was only 11:45 in the morning.
“I guess I could take an early lunch,” I said to myself.
Grabbing my bag, I locked my office and walked across the small campus. It was definitely smaller than any campus I had ever studied at. I went to the cafeteria and ate a small salad and drank more coffee, sitting at a table by myself. I didn’t know any of the other faculty members just yet, and I knew because I was so young they’d probably think I was a student anyway.
After lunch I went back to my office. I was starting to feel depressed. I’d wanted this job to be exciting. I needed it to be fulfilling and challenging to justify leaving Texas.
Come on, Madison, calm down. This is just the first day. You’ll feel better once you have some students.
I decided to get started on my own lab work, so I went to the lab and got to work unpacking the shipment I had sent of specimens with the virus. I set up the neem oil experiment again. I’d already had good results with it back in the lab in Texas, but I wanted to keep a longer experiment going. These things took time. I worked on my own experiment until 3 p.m., then cleaned up the lab, putting my stuff aside.
“Hi, I have a lab at 4,” a young woman said, walking in.
“Yes, hello. I’m the new lab manager, Madison. I’ll be overseeing your lab time.” Suddenly, I felt excited as she handed me her lab paperwork. But looking at it, I realized she was a first year freshman and it was a very basic experiment. Still, it was work.
Setting her up with the experiment, I then left her to figure it out while I stood at another counter, making myself available to her if needed, without hovering. I was surprised to see that she was the only student using her lab time, the other two that were signed up didn’t show.
By 5 p.m., she had completed her experiment and left. I really
had nothing to do at that point other than my own work. I went back to my office and called Mr. Phillips.
“Madison, it’s good to hear from you. Are you all settled in?”
“Yes, I have a new apartment not too far from the campus. Today is my first day on the job. I have a lovely office and the lab is great. It is a lot smaller than the one you have there, with fewer resources and machines, but it’s nice.”
“That’s good to hear. I know that you will do a great job, and I personally know your boss Annabelle, she is great to work with. Very accommodating and no pressure whatsoever.”
“Yes, I spoke with her earlier, but haven’t seen her again.”
“Well, she won’t be looking over you the way I did. You will mostly be left to your own devices, you are a manager now. But anyway, what can I do for you? Were you just calling to check in?”
“Actually, I did have a question. I know that I’m a lab manager, but do you know about this lab environment? I really don’t have much to do. I’ve spent the day working on my own experiment and only had one student.”
“Yes, most of it will be paperwork, lots and lots of paperwork. Managing the lab mostly means that you’re not really in the lab, I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true. You’re mostly working with scheduling and ordering supplies and such, you know, keeping the lab running smoothly. But there won’t be a lot of science to it, except for your own experiments. Which will be good for you, since you do have several.”
“Yes, I suppose you’re right. Thank you Mr. Phillips,” I said.
“You are very welcome Madison. Have an excellent first week at your new job. I know you will be great.”
He hung up the phone and I looked around my office and let out a long sigh. Was this what I really wanted? I wasn’t one for paperwork. I still had a lot of energy in me, working on discovering things. I was excited about helping the students and teaching them what I knew, but it didn’t look like there would be very many coming through these lab doors.
Grabbing my bag, I locked the doors. I was done for the day and I felt like I hadn’t accomplished anything. Did I make the right decision coming here? I thought about it as I walked out to my car. The entire drive home I couldn’t shake the idea from my mind. I had made the wrong decision. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything back in Texas, the lab that I had access to, my father, Jenna, and of course Tanner Dawson.
I pulled my car into the parking lot of my new apartment. Grabbing my phone from my bag, I checked it. I didn’t have any missed calls. No text messages. Tanner definitely wasn’t trying to get ahold of me. I didn’t like knowing that. It didn’t feel good.
Once inside my apartment, I turned on the television and turned it up loud. I just wanted to hear voices of people and some energy. Picking up the phone, I ordered a pizza. Looking around, I counted up the boxes, they were still only half unpacked. I wasn’t going to bother with it tonight, it would only make me more depressed.
One hour later I was eating pizza in front of the television watching the news. I picked up my phone, wanting to call Jenna, but I couldn’t call her and complain again. She would just tell me to tough it out and give it a few more days, at least a month. I could hear her going through the whole pep talk in my head. And she would be right. It had only been one day. Would I be feeling so down about my new job if Tanner wasn’t in the picture? I didn’t know. I only knew that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And that he felt extremely far away.
I went to bed feeling lonely, more so than I had felt in a very long time. It was ridiculous, because in Texas I also lived alone, but for some reason having everyone that I cared about so far away was making me feel very, very lonely. And homesick. This was going to be a very tough week. I had to get through it though. I was tougher than this. But I didn’t understand why I had been feeling so emotional lately. Could it just be the business with Tanner?
29
Tanner
“Tanner. Tanner! Get the hell up!” Dylan’s voice was like an alarm clock blaring through my head as he shoved me hard—then harder still.
I sat up and wiped the sleep from my eyes.
“What? Where’s the fire, Dylan? Dang it! What’s going on?” I grumbled.
“Dad wants you at breakfast right now, fucker. We’re all almost done and if coming to wake you up means Wyatt’s going to eat the last buttermilk biscuit, then I’m going to have to punch you hard. Get up! I’m not coming back up here!” he said, as he walked out of my room.
“Err—” I said as I rolled out of bed. I grabbed yesterday’s jeans and snap button shirt and pulled them on. Barefoot, and running a hand through my bedhead hair, I descended the stairs with a yawn and walked into the kitchen.
“There’s the sleeping beauty now,” Connor said, as he sat at the table shoving a piece of bacon into his mouth. The whole family was around the table. I looked at my father who gave me a disappointed look and then pulled up his newspaper to eye level. No words were needed to say that I was in trouble. I already knew it. He was always very hard about getting up at the same time every day and staying on schedule. A ranch depended on strict routine he would say.
“I saved you a plate, Tanner,” Abi said, picking a plate off the counter and setting it down in front of my empty chair at the table.
“Thanks Abi,” I poured a cup of black coffee.
“You finish that stall yesterday?” Wyatt asked.
“No. I’ll get to it later,” I pulled the chair out and joined them.
“That’s what you said three days ago,” Wyatt said, as he stood up. He grabbed his empty plate and rinsed it before placing it in the dishwasher.
“Maybe he’ll do it in his sleep. He’s been doing a lot of that lately,” Connor said.
I elbowed him, annoyed that he felt the need to point that out while our father was listening.
“Ow! Well it’s true.”
“Just pass the salt, will ya,” I said.
The crinkling sound of the newspaper folding alerted all of us. “Y’all let your brother eat. He has a lot of work to catch up on today,” my father said, folding the paper under his arm. He grabbed his cup of coffee and headed to the porch.
Dylan laughed, “Ooh, did you hear the way he said a lot? I think I feel a lecture coming on. Serves you right, cause I don’t need to be your personal alarm clock.”
“Let’s get out there. I need your help with the new stock,” Connor said to Dylan. They both got up from the table, shoving last bites of food into their mouths and taking the plates to the dishwasher.
I swiped a piece of the buttermilk biscuit in the gravy on my plate. It was nice and quiet, finally, but I felt eyes on me. Abi was staring at me from across the table not saying a word.
“What?” I asked, through a mouthful.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing! What do you mean?”
“You’ve been sleeping in a lot lately and that ain’t like you.”
“Ugh, not you too. I’m fine. Let me eat in peace,” I groaned.
“Fine. But I do need your help with the horses when you’re done,” she stood up and cleared the table.
“Yeah, no problem.”
Half an hour later Abi was riding Sunshine, the yellow mare, and I was behind her on Thunder, the white stallion. Abi was chattering away, but I was in a daze, allowing Thunder to follow Sunshine without any work on my part.
“…so then she was like, ‘maybe you should just dance with him. It’s just a dance, Abigail Dawson.’ She always says my full name when she’s giving me a life lesson. But then I said that my brothers have some old beef with that guy. Right Tanner?”
I wondered how Madison was doing in Georgia. Did she already meet someone? She was not the type for intimacy and because of that she would probably easily find a ‘friend with benefits’ I thought.
“Tanner. Tanner!” Abi shouted.
I lifted my head from looking at the ground and saw that Abi was at my side on Sunshine. I re
alized that we were already in the crop rows.
“What! You don’t have to shout at me,” I said annoyed.
“Apparently I do. I’ve been talking my head off and you haven’t acknowledged a single word I’ve said.” She had her hand on her hip while keeping her other on the reins.
“Oh, sorry.”
“Alright, that’s it. I’ve had enough. You are downright depressed these days. I want my brother back dang it!” she said.
“I’m not depressed,” I scowled.
“Do you even know who you’re talking to here? I’m a woman. I know these things and it’s written all over your face. You sleep late. You’re behind on chores, and you’re never listening to anyone… ever. You’re always off in your own head. What’s going on in there? You playing home movies?” she asked.
I sighed. Grabbing Thunder’s reins a little tighter, I nudged him into a trot.
“Oh no, you’re not trotting away from me, mister,” Abi said, moving Sunshine into a trot at my side.
“Did you actually need help exercising the horses or was this a ploy to get me out here for a lecture?” I asked.
“It was a ploy and one I’m not giving up on,” she said.
I pursed my lips together. “Dang it, why can’t ya’ll mind your own business.”
“Cause we care about you, that’s why. Wyatt, Connor, and Dylan might give you shit, but they are actually worried about you, as am I. Now talk to me,” she said.
I gave her a look.
“Please Tanner, it’s me,” she said. Her light blue eyes were pleading with me, and with her long black hair in two braids, it reminded me of when she was a kid and would do this. It always worked.
