Veritas

by Anne Laughlin

  “Layoffs? Of whom? We’re at a barely functioning level as it is. And who told you this?”

  “I’ll not reveal my source, Beth. She’d lose her job. Just understand that she’s in a position to know.”

  “Know what, exactly?”

  “He’s laying off all assistant administrative department heads and all non-tenure-track teachers. Unless we do something quick to get Katie into Barrow’s position, she’ll be gone.”

  Beth sat hard on the porch railing. “How can this be true? He’s going to ruin this school.”

  “No shit.” Delilah crossed her arms over her flat chest. She was big in all ways but one.

  Beth stood and started for the door. “I’m not going to discuss this until I get more information.”

  Delilah followed her into the house. “How can you not be screaming right now? You know who is going to have to handle the layoffs, don’t you? It’s going to be you. There’s no way that miserable excuse for an academic leader will pull the plug on these people himself.”

  “Just shut up, Dee. See if you can keep something to yourself for once. I’m not going to do or say anything until I confirm this, and as your dean I’m ordering you to not say anything to anyone about it.”

  “You’re ordering me?”

  “That’s right.”

  Delilah came right up to Beth’s face. They were standing off to the side of the foyer, now empty of passersby. She put one pudgy finger on the front of Beth’s shoulder and pressed it. “There is not a single scenario I can imagine in which you get to order me around. Not even in my wildest fantasies and certainly not in the present circumstances.”

  The door opened and Sally walked in. She paused a moment and then moved directly over to them as Delilah removed her finger and relaxed her stance.

  “Chief, so glad you could join us. I know I don’t need to introduce you to Dean Ellis.”

  “No, I know the dean.” Sally looked Beth in the eye. “Everything okay here?”

  Delilah clapped her hands and let out a whoop. “Oh, that’s precious. I just knew you had your eye on her, Chief, and the protective butch act is adorable.”

  Beth raised her hand. “Hello? I’m right here, fully grown and blessed with the gift of hearing.” She turned to Sally and threaded her arm through hers. “Come on. I’ll take you into the den of iniquity. Dee was just delivering some bad news with her usual verve.”

  Delilah called after her. “We have to meet about this, Beth. We can’t sit back and do nothing.” Then she moved away to greet more people at the door as Beth led Sally into the double parlor. The room was crowded, the men in corduroy and tweed, as if they came from central casting. The women wore more varied garb, from the all-black, post-Goth chic of Andi Vancaro the librarian, to the tailored pantsuit and Hermès scarf of Monica Trant of Modern Languages, to the pleated khaki trousers and Lands’ End blazer of Dorothy Stanmeyer, wife of Don Stanmeyer of Psychology. The crowd was bunched around the sideboard and the dining table, both piled high with a mélange of food. Those who finished loading food on their paper plates turned around and moved away with their elbows tucked in, the gap left behind instantly filled.

  Beth and Sally stood in a corner of the room, opposite the food tables. Beth remained silent, trying to wrap her mind around the idea of layoffs. Sally touched her arm.

  “I hate to sound like I’m always asking if you’re okay, but are you okay?”

  Beth shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

  “How bad was the news that Delilah gave you?”

  “Pretty bad, though it’s hard to rank it in the cavalcade of bad news I’ve had recently.” Beth took a deep breath and turned to smile at Sally. “But I don’t want to sound like I’m always in the middle of a crisis, even though that’s exactly where I have been ever since I met you.”

  “I hope that’s just coincidence,” Sally said.

  “Yes, I assure you, it’s just coincidence. You’ve been a little pocket of sanity for me.”

  Beth thought Sally looked pleased at that. And it was true that Beth felt calmer, a little more on top of things, when Sally was around, despite the alarming physical reaction she had to her. It felt surprisingly sexy to her, and not in any way she associated sexiness with before. It was almost as if Sally’s solidness was what made Beth’s heart beat a little faster when she saw her, not her tall, lean body or her beautiful smile or the fact that she wore a uniform and a gun. Sally seemed to hear her, understand her, care for her, without any of the games or flirtations that usually would occur before Beth wanted to fall in bed with someone. That was definitely sexy.

  Sally was speaking as Beth’s mind whipped through these thoughts. “I really didn’t know how to dress for the occasion.”

  She was wearing dark gray moleskin pants and a blue button-down oxford shirt. The sleeves were rolled halfway up her forearm, showing a band of pale skin on her left wrist where her large watch usually lay. In its place was a woven dark brown leather bracelet. Beth found this almost unbearably sexy—the muscular forearm, the crisp shirt, the bracelet she brought out for the party. Did she put that on for me?

  “I think you look fantastic,” Beth said. “You chose well.”

  Sally blushed, which Beth could see caused her agony.

  “Not so well as you, I think. You look beautiful.”

  Beth was wearing skinny black pants and a gauzy, skirt-length top that she felt hid a multitude of sins. She held back her usual self-deprecating comment and just felt the awkwardness of the moment. They were both noticing each other’s bodies, feeling out the possibilities, weighing the desire against the shyness in the face of something this new and intense. Should she connect the dots out loud? Ask Sally if she’d like to see how she looked without these clothes? Beth was not shy about getting someone in bed, but she suspected Sally was. She also knew that this was a much different situation than with the women she’d taken to bed before. The stakes felt much higher—a wrong move could lead to a loss she would feel keenly.

  Sally looked past Beth and toward the front door.

  “Oh, boy,” she said.

  Beth turned around to see Katie standing at the front door, enduring a hug from Delilah. Katie’s arms hung limply at her sides, her face contorted in a grimace that Delilah could not see but Beth and Sally clearly could.

  “Katie didn’t bring Mel with her, thank goodness,” Beth murmured.

  “Looks like Katie hasn’t told Delilah yet that she’s breaking up with her to be with the town’s sex machine.” Sally sounded like she was talking about the weather. No judgment, just the facts as she’d heard them.

  Beth whirled back to face Sally. “What?”

  “If I were a gossip,” Sally said, “this would be the best town ever to live in. But I’m not.”

  “No, that’s not fair. You can’t drop a nugget of gossip, especially one that includes the words ‘sex machine,’ and then announce that you’re not a gossip.”

  Sally seemed to consider this for a moment. She kept an eye on Delilah and Katie, who were in deep conference in the foyer.

  “You’re right, Beth. It was wrong of me to say anything at all.”

  Beth was not mollified. “You’re not a priest. You are allowed to talk about what you see and hear. And I want to know what you meant by sex machine.”

  “You know I’m talking about Mel,” Sally said mildly. “Katie was with her last night, which means that Mel’s truck was parked in Katie’s driveway, just as it’s been parked in your driveway and the driveways of half the women in this town, married or otherwise.”

  “I can’t quite tell if you’re judging Mel or the women she visits, myself included. Or is it that you simply envy Mel?”

  “I don’t envy Mel. And I’m not judging anyone either.”

  “Oh, please,” Beth snorted. “You may be in luck, however. It seems Mel and Katie might keep each other occupied for a little while, at least. Maybe you can take over her route.”

  Sally’s posture be
came stiff, her lips pursed as if she were holding back something. “I’m sorry, Beth. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “That’s okay. I shouldn’t have been sarcastic. It’s just that you keep bringing Mel up and I don’t know if I’m supposed to be apologizing for knowing her, explaining her actions, or what.” Beth was concerned Sally was going to bolt. “Let’s start over, shall we?”

  Sally looked around the room. “Actually, my purpose in coming here was to mingle a bit and pick up what I could from the faculty about John Barrow. Maybe I’ll catch up with you a little later.”

  Sally stepped away, leaving Beth feeling the conversation had completely gotten away from her. One reason she came to the party was to get a little more from Sally, some idea whether they were both on the same beam, whether there was a mutual attraction or not. She’d been certain there was, and now she wasn’t, and that was what she hated about the whole relationship thing. If Sally were someone Beth just wanted to sleep with, she wouldn’t be feeling bereft right now. Just horny, perhaps. Was there really a higher reward for this greater risk? There must be some hope within everyone that there was, for Beth found herself wanting to let Sally know that the casual sex she had with Mel was not what she wanted with her. There was something more going on, God help her. She realized that she had long lived in a state of sheltering her heart, of not exposing it to another and therefore not being disappointed or hurt. But through some sort of stealth attack, Sally had entered her heart, and there was no sheltering left to be done. She would be disappointed or hurt if nothing came to be with Sally; she might as well go for it, find out if something was there.

  Just before opening the door, Beth turned back to see if Sally might be following her. She knew she shouldn’t look, because then Sally would know Beth wanted her to follow her out. Sally was picking up a plate at the far end of the table and standing in line for some food, chatting with the couple in front of her. Beth left without saying good-bye to anyone. She wasn’t going to jump right into Sally’s arms. She was going to need some kind of sign from her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  When Beth got back to her house she went straight for the kitchen and made a stiff gin and tonic. Her brain felt like it was going to explode.

  The drink was half gone and Beth was still standing in the kitchen when her mother walked in.

  “Can I join you in one?”

  “Sure. But I’m going to have more than one, I can tell you that.”

  Mae went about fixing a drink, pulling a bottle of Scotch from a cupboard and adding some ice. “What else can you tell me?”

  “You don’t want to know about the college. You’ve already said how ridiculous all the drama sounds.”

  “Did I say that? I don’t recall that I did. I think I said that it seemed ridiculous to murder someone over tenure, and if you don’t agree with that, I have more to worry about than I thought.”

  Beth fixed another drink and moved into the living room. Mae followed and sat next to her on the sofa.

  “I’ve always thought the craziest, most upsetting thing in my life was being raised in a whorehouse. Now I think there is some serious competition.”

  “I really, really wish you wouldn’t call Liaisons Fantastique a whorehouse. It makes it sound so sordid.”

  Beth was incredulous. “I don’t know how you’ve managed to live in such a dream world, Mother. Legal or not, a house of prostitution is a whorehouse is a bordello is whatever you want to call it and always the same thing. It’s not going to be mistaken for anything else.”

  “No, it’s not the same thing. A whorehouse is what I used to work in. A call-girl ring is what I used to operate—both back in New York, during that time you never want to talk about. Being illegal meant no protection for myself or the women who worked for me. You can try to be careful, you can pay off cops, but in that world there are too many variables. Being illegal meant that at any time I could be busted, and because I was operating a business, that meant jail time. Once I had you to take care of, that wasn’t an option for me.”

  Beth took another drink. “You’ve told me all of this before.”

  “Many times. And I know that one day you’ll actually hear me. We all have times when hard decisions have to be made, when we realize that life as we’ve been living it no longer serves us. For me, that meant leaving a city I loved, a life that was the only one I knew, to move to godforsaken Nevada. I’ve never regretted it.”

  They both drank for a bit, the silence strangely comfortable for Beth. It was normally the part of the conversation when she would become agitated and argumentative.

  “For some reason, I don’t hate you as much as I usually do,” she said.

  “We’re making progress, then.” Mae patted Beth on the hand and went into the kitchen to put some dinner together.

  After they ate in front of the TV, both fell asleep on the sofa, inches apart from one another. Beth woke with a start, having dreamed that she left her position as dean of Grafton College to work the front desk of Liaisons Fantastique. In the dream she was happy, which was a nightmare. Her mother still slept beside her, gently snoring. Beth put the sofa blanket over her and left the house for a walk. The dream was still uncomfortably with her, just starting to be chased away by thoughts of the campus crises and Sally. She felt exhausted and agitated and a little short of breath.

  She headed up and across campus, turning left at Old Main to head down into town, then circle around toward home. On Main Street a police car headed slowly toward her. Beth wondered why it was that she’d barely seen Sally in the two years since she became chief of police, and now she seemed to run into her all the time. She wasn’t sure she wanted to see her now.

  “Can I give you a lift?” Sally asked, leaning toward the passenger side to look up at Beth.

  “No, thank you. I’m enjoying the walk.”

  Sally put the car in park. “Can I join you for your walk, then? There’s something I want to say.”

  Beth wanted to make Sally work a little. It was a passive-aggressive tendency of hers that she was starting to hate.

  “I’d prefer to walk alone, thanks.”

  “That sounds a little sad,” Sally said. “The truth is, I’m not comfortable with you walking alone. There’s a murderer out there, you know.”

  “So you don’t have something to say to me?” Beth asked.

  “I do. In fact, I have a number of reasons for wanting to talk to you.”

  Beth leaned down and looked into the car. “I guess you better walk with me, then.”

  Sally locked the car and joined Beth on the sidewalk. She was back in uniform, her gun on her hip. Beth had to admit it was a turn-on, though that gun would have to be pointed at her head before she’d admit it. Why are a uniform and gun sexy? It was far too much for her relentlessly curious brain to explore at the moment, but clearly it was sexy. Beth was having a hard time remembering she was supposed to be a little mad at Sally for ditching her at the party.

  “Are you on duty?” Beth asked.

  “Pretty much all the time while we’re investigating this murder. I changed at the station after Delilah’s party.”

  They walked for a bit. “How’s your mother?” Sally started off.

  “She’s fine, thank you. However, I don’t want to talk about my mother. I want to hear your multitude of reasons for wanting to talk to me.”

  “I’m not sure ‘multitude’ is accurate. Let’s say I have a few.”

  They were walking now along Main Street, the stores closed up on a Sunday evening, the traffic very light. Beth zipped her jacket against the growing coolness while Sally seemed comfortable in her shirtsleeves.

  “The first thing is that I want to apologize if I offended you earlier.”

  “Offended me?”

  “With what I said about yours being one of the driveways I’ve seen Mel’s truck in. I have no way of knowing what she’s doing there. And it’s none of my business, anyway.”

  “Why did
you say it?” Beth picked up her pace and crossed the street, heading toward the municipal park. Sally trotted to catch up and then matched her stride.

  “I’m not the best at analyzing why I do or say things, but I guess it doesn’t take a genius to see that I was jealous. And jealous people tend to act like asses. The truth is that I want it to be my truck parked in your driveway.”

  Beth stopped and turned to Sally, amazed that she’d said something so frank. The elephant in the room was the growing attraction between them, and Sally had just mentioned the elephant for the first time. But Beth needed more.

  “How do you mean jealous? Jealous of Mel having a lot of girlfriends?”

  “Hell, no. That’s not for me.”

  “Then what?”

  “Somehow I thought you’d make this easier for me.” Sally took in some air and blew it out slowly. “I was jealous at the thought of Mel sleeping with you. I’m worried that you have feelings for her. I’m scared to death right now that you are going to blow me off or laugh in my face.”

  Beth turned and started walking again, heading into the park. To the right was the Little League baseball field, to the left a large playground. Beth turned right.

  “Tell me what went on at the party after I left,” Beth said. Sally looked crestfallen at the change in subject. It was enough for Beth. She could see that Sally really was making herself vulnerable.

  Sally reported as requested. “The word was all over Delilah’s party that there are going to be layoffs at the college, so I imagine you’ve got that on your mind. Also, Katie hasn’t broken up with Delilah, it seems. Delilah was dragging Katie around by the hand from group to group at the party, telling everyone they were going public with the relationship now that the tenure vote was not an issue. Katie looked like death warmed over.”

  “I didn’t even know they were seeing each other. It’s not like Delilah to keep that sort of thing quiet. Katie’s probably dreading having to tell Dee the truth.”

  Sally fell quiet and Beth led her over to one of the dugouts on the field. It was nearly dark, and when they sat in the three-sided structure the dark deepened. Beth moved a little closer to Sally, who was sitting hunched forward, her forearms on her thighs, her hands clasped between her knees, her face pointed straight toward the field. She looked ready to pick up a bat and drive in the winning run. She was clearly struggling to stay still.