by K. C. Mills
“What are we doing, Pretty?” I asked before positioning my body against her dresser and leaning back.
My hands were placed next to me, gripping the edge, like I needed something to focus my energy on.
“We, are not doing anything. I meant what I said.”
“What’s that?” I questioned, already knowing the answer.
“You can just stay out of my life, and I’ll stay out of yours.”
I chuckled at how serious she was trying to be. She was speaking the words, but they had no confidence behind them.
“You want me to stay outta your life, Nonie?”
“Yes, I do. It's too complicated. You have too much going on. You don't know what you want, and that doesn't work for me. I can't deal with that. I need for things to be simple.”
“What’s simple, Zenovia? Ain't shit about life or love simple.”
She burst out laughing. “Love? You don't know anything about love, Siah, so you wouldn't know if it was simple or not. Either way, I need more than you are capable of giving. I tried. I pretended that at some point you’d figure it out, but I can see now, that’s not going to happen.”
“How you coming at me like that when you hid this shit for damn near a year? All because you were scared to hurt that nigga’s feelings, but now you wanna act like it’s all on me. The fuck outta here with that bullshit,” I snapped. Yeah, I wasn't perfect, but this shit was on both of us.
“Why would I tell him, or anybody for that matter? So that I could be embarrassed when I was dumb enough to claim you and then everybody catches you out with the next bitch? Yeah, it was about him, but not all about him. Even if I told him, were you gonna just be with me, Yosiah?”
I sat there processing, but didn't say anything.
“Exactly what I thought. You’re quick to throw that in my face, but maybe if I felt like you were gonna be down for me, and just me, then I wouldn't have cared so much about how Royce or anyone else felt about us. Everybody knows you, Siah, you’re not a one-woman kind of guy. I was the only one dumb enough to think that maybe one day—”
“Everybody knows me, huh? The bigger question is do you? Do you know me, Zenovia?”
“Honestly, I can't say. I know what you show me, I know what you tell me, but maybe that’s not the real you, so...” She shrugged and looked me dead in my eyes, not breaking her stare.
“You don't know me, Pretty?” I questioned.
“I haven't seen or talked to you in two weeks, why is that?” she asked, ignoring my question.
“I’ve been busy. You know how that shit goes. Besides, I knew you weren't fucking with me anyway.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re always busy, Siah, that don't mean shit. So, basically you stayed away because I was mad at you? Why is this time any different? I’m always mad at you for one reason or another, because you’re always doing some dumb shit, so why did stay away from me? I get mad, so you fill in my time with somebody who doesn't question you or have expectations?”
“That’s just how shit goes with us. It's always been that way, and you never really complained.”
“Not because I didn't want to. I didn't complain because it wasn't going to change anything. You’ll do anything for me, give me anything, and I know that, but when it comes to the one thing I really want, you just shut me down. That’s not good enough anymore. I just want to be happy, Yosiah.”
Hearing her say that made think about Senior and I laughed, which I knew probably wasn't the best thing to do, but I couldn't help it.
“So this is funny to you?”
“Nah, it's not.” I walked over to her and sat on the bed near where she was. “What do you want, Nonie?”
She rolled her eyes and sucked her damn teeth, which had me clenching my fist. I hated when she did that shit.
“What do you mean what do I want, Siah?” she asked.
“You said I give you everything except the one thing you really want, what is that?”
“It doesn't matter because it’s not gonna happen.”
“Man, chill with that fucking attitude and let me decide whether that shit will happen or not. So tell me, Pretty, what do you really want?”
She stared at me like she was thinking, wearing the cutest expression. It was like she couldn't control the thoughts that were spilling onto her face.
“I want you to be with me, just me.” She folded her arms and tilted her head to the side like she was doing something with her words, which made me smile.
“Okay, you can get that,” I said.
Her lips turned up and moved to one side while her eyes narrowed a little more. “Stop playing, I’m serious.”
“Why the fuck I gotta be playing? I’m serious too. If that’s what you want, then you can get that,” I said, yanking her arms away from her chest and pulling her forward. Once she was close enough, I grabbed her around the waist and turned her enough to force her onto her back before I covered her body with mine. “You want me to just be with you, then I’ll just be with you.”
I moved her hair out of her face and just looked into her eyes, waiting for her to respond. She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and studied my face for a minute before she let it go and smiled.
“Just me, no other females. That means no afternoon quickies or head in your office, and no dipping into private rooms at strip clubs,” she said with a serious expression.
“Now I didn't say all that. I still get that shit, but it just means you need to bring your ass on when I call,” I joked.
“You know what I mean, dumb ass.” She balled up her face and peered at me.
I chuckled. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Calm all that down. I won't be fucking nobody but your stingy ass.”
“I’m not stingy,” she frowned.
“You trying to cut the world off from this dick, Pretty. That’s stingy.”
“See, why can't you just be serious for once?”
“Shit, I am. I meant that, but we good, though. I just hope you can hang, ’cause if I ain’t getting it nowhere but right here, then you gotta put work in.” I slid my hand between her legs and caressed her center. And just like I thought, she rolled her damn eyes again.
“You know what?”
“Yeah, I do know what, I cut her off. Go brush your damn teeth so I can slide up in this shit right now, that’s what.”
I lifted my hand and playfully mushed her in the head before I got up. Again, she rolled her damn eyes at me but did like I asked and marched her little ass right into her bathroom. I didn't know how this shit was about to play out, but I had to figure it out because I had just made shit official, whatever the fuck that meant. I just prayed that I did the right thing and hadn’t just fucked myself and ruined things for us.
Before all this, she couldn’t get mad about me fucking around because I made it clear that’s who I was, but as of now, I was giving her a the right to have a say in what I did. That was a first, and I knew I was about to regret that shit, but it was too late. I had already put it out there and there was no going back.
Nonie
“So, you ready to kill him yet, or you loving this shackin’ up thing?” I asked when I walked in Kizzie’s office and plopped down on her sofa.
“Well, this morning I wanted to kill him, but last night he was killing me. Sooooo, how about somewhere in the middle?”
“Your nasty ass. I didn't ask you for all that,” I said with a frown.
“I know you’re not talking. I'm pretty sure you had your legs wide open and in the air last night because when Siah called this morning, he told Jock he was leaving your house, boo.”
Kizzie looked up from the budget forms that she was working on with a smirk on her face before she focused on them again.
“Just because he was there doesn’t…”
“Don’t even play yourself by opening your mouth to tell that lie, heifer,” Kizzie said, cutting me off.
It made me laugh because she was right, and I was still feeling i
t. I guess Siah felt like he had something to prove after our little conversation because I swear he was trying to see just how much I could take.
I lifted my hand and shot Kizzie a bird. “So, I guess we’re both in relationships now, huh?”
“Girl no, I’m not in no damn relationship. Just as soon as I can find me a new house, I’m leaving his,” Kizzie said, totally ignoring the fact that I had mentioned being in a relationship, but only for a second. “Wait, relationship? What I miss?” Her head snapped back and she narrowed her eyes at me.
I shrugged. “We’re official,” I said like it was nothing.
“Woah, heifer! You don't just say we’re official like you’re saying I had coffee with my breakfast. Nonie, spill.”
Kizzie was so hype I wanted to slap her over dramatic ass. “It's nothing, we talked last night and he claims that he’s going to step up. I still don't believe it because Siah is Siah, but he swears it’s just me and him now.”
I was beaming on the inside because I really wanted it to work, but just in case it didn't, I decided to play it cool.
“Aww babes, I’m so happy for you. So where did all that come from?” Kizzie was grinning like a little kid, which forced me to as well.
“I don't know. He just showed up last night with that we need to talk thing going on, and that’s what came up.” I shrugged again.
It took Kizzie a minute but she suddenly got serious. “Do you believe him? I mean, I swear I hope he means it because you two deserve each other but it's Siah, Nonie. Do you really think he can be what you need?”
“I hope so, because if he can't, then I'm done. I'm not going to keep doing this back and forth and feeling like I'm incomplete. It's too hard. But enough about me, let's talk about you and your lying ass.”
Kizzie’s eyebrows raised as she peered at me. “What I lie about?” she quizzed.
“Umm, let's start with the fact that you claim you’re about to leave Jock's house as soon as you find a new one.”
“I am. The last thing I need is to be all up in his house, giving him total control over my life. We’re in a good place, and I want to stay there.”
“Control, girl stop. Jock don't want to control your stupid ass, he just wants you to act right. He handled Red for you and you still acting confused. What the hell, Kizz?” I announced through a laugh. She was going to mess around and make Jock handle her if she kept it up.
“I’m sacred, Nonie. Dealing with a man like Jock is new for me. It was different when I knew I had someone else to fall back on, but now it's just us. He’s so aggressive with how he feels, and he knows what he wants. What if I mess that up? Lord knows I’m confused as hell. I’m a work in progress, boo.” Kizzie offered up a devilish grin.
“You won't mess it up. Jock knows you and he knows that you're a work in progress, fool. Even after everything you’ve done, he’s still rocking with you, so why would you trip off that? He’s about the only one who knows what he wants, so if I were you, I’d be setting up shop at his crib and making it my own. How many men you know will check their kid’s mom for a woman that’s not even his girl. He had you up in her house, told that hoe to hand his son over to you, and then dared her to say anything about it. Jock don't play ’bout his Kiz, so you can kill all that I’m confused crap and grow up.”
My girl sucked her teeth and then rolled her eyes. “So that means you gonna grow up too.”
“Girl, I been grown. Siah is the one that was playing games,” I stated with confidence.
“Yep, ’cause he was the one who was hiding things because he didn't want to hurt Royce’s feelings, right?”
“That’s different and you know it,” I pouted.
“What I know is we both better get our shit together, but right now we need to figure out this budget for this fashion show we’re supposed to be planning.” Kizzie frowned looking down at the papers on her desk.
“So what’s the deal with that?” I asked. I was more creative and usually put together the visuals and Kizzie liked to handle the money end. We both had our things, and it worked.
“The place that she wants is booked, but I found another that’s better. It just cost a little more and will take more money to bring her ideas to life there because it’s plain. I’m trying to figure out what we can cut to make it work, but still make it fly and classy.”
“How much more?” I knew that I could find a way to cut corners without losing style, but I needed to know what I was dealing with.
“Five grand.”
“Shit, that’s a lot. We promised to make it work with the budget we had. This is important. There are going to be a lot of people in the fashion industry there. A lot of people with money, real money, Kiz. If we can pull this off, it will really help us grow.”
“I know. I have a few other ideas, so don't sweat it just yet.”
“I’ll work on menus and set up. I have a few sketches already, but either way, we’re going to make this work.” I stood and walked over to Kizzie, holding my hand up to deliver a high five, which she met with hers.
“We got this.” Kizzie nodded confidently just before I left her office.
I really wanted this to work. It was one of the first real events that we’d planned that wasn't coming from street money. It was a fashion show for an up and coming designer. She promised more business if we could pull the event off and it met her approval.
She also made it clear that she was taking a chance with us and we needed to deliver. Like us, she was new and working with a budget, but she also promised that we’d grow together if the event was a success. She had a lot of high dollar clients coming to her event, which meant exposure for us. Problem was, it was either going to be good exposure if we had our shit together, or bad, if we fucked it up. We were talking about established people who were already in the industry and had a lot more money than she did, and for that reason, we needed this to work. We were going to make it work.
*****
“Why you frowning like that, Pretty?” Siah asked as soon as he walked into his living room.
I wasn't thrilled about being all the way out here at his house, but he claimed that Senior had invited us to join him for dinner. I didn't mind because I loved spending time with Senior, but I knew the real reason was that he didn't want me at my house alone.
“Because I’m trying to figure out what I can do to make this work. We’re already over budget, and I still have so much more to figure out.” I was sitting in the center of the floor surrounded by my sketch pads and samples. Basically sitting in the center of a sea of black and silver chaos.
“Why you stressing about money, Pretty. If you need more than you have, just ask. You know I got you.”
I exhaled and laid back, covering my face with my hands. “That’s not the point, Siah. I don't need your money. I need to figure out how to make it work with what we have. If I can't do my job, then I need to find a new one. We promised to make this work with the budget we have, and that’s what I’m going to do. I just can't figure out how.”
I heard this fool laugh and then felt him next to me on the floor. His hand gripped my thigh. “You’re stubborn as fuck, but I feel you. Stop stressing, though, you’ll figure it out. But if you can't, just let me know what you need, and I got you.”
I knocked his hand off my leg and rolled my eyes. “You don't get it. I swear, you just don’t get it.”
“Chill with the damn attitude. I get it, Nonie. I do this shit every day. Don't forget I do more than just push shit in the streets, so I understand. I’m just saying sometimes you need help, and when you do, that’s where I step up. I’m not trying to say you can't handle shit on your own because clearly you can, but I also know this shit is important to you. Hell, you been crying about it all damn day, so it's my job to pick up the slack when you can't. I’m not gon’ sit back and watch you struggle when you don't have to, so if you need anything, I got you. If you can make that shit work then do it, either way you gon’ be good, so stop stressing
.”
I smiled because my face was covered with my arms and he couldn't see it. He could be such an asshole at times, but then flip the switch and be the sweetest thing ever. Siah always had my head spinning because I never knew what to expect with him.
“The fuck you over there grinning for, with your goofy ass?”
“I’m not.” I lied, making my smile grow wider.
“Yeah, aight. Get your cheesing ass up so we can get ready to go.”
Siah’s heavy handed ass slapped my thigh and then he jumped up because he knew it hurt.
“Why you hit me like that, dumb ass? That hurt, man.” I sat up and frowned at him while rubbing the spot where his hand had connected with my leg, but he winked at me and kept moving.
An hour later, we were walking through Senior’s front door, and the smell of Ana’s cooking hit me like a ton of bricks. She was always throwing down in the kitchen because like Siah, Senior loved to eat.
“There she is. My beautiful girl.”
Senior stood from where he was sitting in the kitchen the second he laid eyes on us. He made his way over to me and pulled me into his chest, kissing my forehead and then my cheek before he let go and tucked my hair behind my ear. His romantic ass was just like Siah. They were both slick with things that made you feel like you were the only woman alive.
“Hey, Senior, I missed you too,” I said with a grin before I walked over to hug Ana, who had just removed plates from the cabinet and placed them on the counter.
“The fuck I tell you about hitting on my girl, with your old ass? You gon’ make me embarrass you in front of Ana, Pops. Chill with all that player shit,” Siah said after he shared a hug with his father.
“Don't let him disrupt your home, Nonie,” Ana winked at me before she hugged Siah.
“He ain't disrupting shit, ’cause she don't want his old ass.” Siah walked past his father and purposely bumped into him.
Senior just chuckled and then slapped Siah upside the head, which made me and Ana both laugh. I set my purse on one of the stools that lined the counter before I washed my hands and then grabbed the plates that Ana had set down on the counter.
