by Toni Aleo
“Doesn’t matter who that is,” I hear Kirby say as I rock Celeste, giving her the rest of the bottle Kirby left on the dresser so she’ll calm down. I want to advise Kirby that it isn’t good to get into it with Lilly. That he needs to ignore her. But I need to be with Celeste.
Because I don’t think I can ignore Lilly if I go back out there.
I don’t even know her, and I despise her. How could anyone not want to be a mother to this beautiful angel? She isn’t even my blood, and I want her. I run my knuckles along her sweet cheek, admiring her, and I find myself wanting to be there for every major life accomplishment. First steps, first birthday, and all the rest. I want to be in her life, and I want to give her a strong female presence.
I want to be her mom.
“It does matter if she’s around my child,” Lilly throws back, and Kirby laughs.
“I don’t have to give you the same courtesy when you didn’t give it to me. When you got that new boyfriend and I asked to meet him before you brought him around Celeste, you ignored me. Shit, you had sex with him, with my daughter lying in the bed with you two.”
“Oh Jesus, Kirby. I knew you were going to bring it up. Let it go. Celeste was sleeping.”
What. A. Fucking. Cunt.
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t appreciate it. I didn’t know who he was, and he’s fucking you with my baby beside him. That’s disgusting.”
“You’re just jealous!”
He laughs. “For me to be jealous, I would have to want you. That hasn’t been the case in a very long time.”
“Which is why I had to go elsewhere to get attention.”
“No, you went elsewhere because you like to sleep around.”
“Oh, you were too. Don’t deny it.”
“Never. I tried to make what we had work for Celeste’s sake. You did not.”
“Whatever. We both know she came between us. You were so hung up on her, you didn’t want me. I wasn’t good enough. No one ruined this but you!” I know that’s going to fuck with Kirby’s head. He doesn’t like to fail. I don’t think what she said is true, though. From what Kirby told me, Lilly was always cheating on him. I know I’m hard to forget, but he wouldn’t have given up on them. Because of Celeste. He wants his daughter to have a family.
Am I standing in the way of that?
“Leave her out of this,” Kirby demands, his voice full of emotion. “You didn’t want me or Celeste. But really, Lil, none of this matters.”
Why does it bother me that he called her Lil? It’s a nickname. Who cares? But it seems intimate to me. I look down at Celeste as she falls asleep, thankfully unaware of the fact that her parents are arguing over her.
“It does matter. It’s bullshit. We could be a family!”
My shoulders fall as I close my eyes, pressing my nose against Celeste’s forehead, taking in her sweet smell. Kirby is outraged as he yells, “Lilly, no. You’re being insane, and I don’t get it. You have a life somewhere else. You don’t belong in this home with me and my family. Go. We have nothing else to discuss here. I’ll see you next Thursday in court.”
“No. I want to try again!”
Really? What. The. Fuck.
“Absolutely not. Where is your boyfriend? Did he dump you? Or wait, did you cheat on him? Because if you thought you could come back and live here, you’ve got another thing coming!”
“Where am I supposed to stay?”
“Don’t know, don’t care. Just not here.”
“You told me you’d put me up.”
“No. I said I would pay your way here. That’s it.”
“That’s not fair.”
“No. What’s not fair is that you’ve put me through hell with court fees and lawyer retainers. What’s not fair is that you haven’t been there for Celeste! That you cheated on me over and over again and made me feel worthless. That’s what’s not fair. So please, go fuck yourself and get the hell off my property.”
When I hear the door slam, my heart starts to kick up in speed. Celeste somehow fell asleep in the middle of Kirby’s yelling, so I lift her and carefully carry her to the crib. I place the bottle on the side of the bed and lay her on her back. When she becomes a bit restless, I put her pacifier in her mouth, and she settles quickly. I make sure she is free of toys, pushing them to the end of the bed before turning to find Kirby in the doorway.
“Is she okay?”
I nod. “Fine.”
He moves out of the way as I step out, shutting the door behind me. I walk past him, feeling his gaze on me as I head into the kitchen, grabbing my wine. My heart is still beating uncontrollably in my chest, and I am so confused.
“Sorry about that.”
I shrug. “It’s not like you knew she was coming.”
I turn to face him, and he looks like he just came out of a battle. “I hate dealing with her.”
“I can tell.”
“You’re acting weird,” he says, calling it as he sees it. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I say, waving my hands around. “I mean, her saying she wants to be back in your life and wants Celeste really rocked me. I thought we didn’t have to deal with her.”
“Who’re you telling? I can’t stand her, and I don’t know who she thinks she is, wanting to come back.”
Our gazes lock, and I don’t see this going well. It’s one thing to be with someone who doesn’t have baby mama drama. But now that he does, can we survive her? She sounds pretty crazy.
He tilts his head. “What’s wrong?”
Of course we would survive; look how tuned in he is to me. “Do you think maybe you should give her another chance? For Celeste’s sake?” I ask, even though it physically hurts me to do so. I don’t want him to, but I don’t want to stand in the way of a family being together.
“The fuck? No, Jaylin. I do not. I tried that, and it didn’t work. I refuse to be unhappy so my daughter can have both parents in her daily life. I don’t like that woman, not even a bit. I can’t even find it in me to find love for her because she gave me Celeste.”
I take his words and think them over. I was pretty sure he would say something like that.
“Wait. Are you trying to get out of this?”
I look up at him, appalled by what I think he just said. “Excuse me?”
“Using Lilly as a way out of this relationship with me.”
“Excuse me again, but what the fuck? Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know,” he says, his voice getting louder, emotion clouding his features. “I thought we were good, I thought we were solid. I love you, but you asking me if I want another chance with her—what is that? I don’t want her. I want you. So, what are you playing at?”
“I’m not playing at fucking anything, Kirby. I don’t want to stand in the way of a family being together!”
“You are my fucking family!” he yells back, his eyes wild.
I swallow thickly, tears burning my eyes as I hold up my hands. “Our emotions are high.”
“I’d say so,” he says, shaking his head before covering his face with his hands.
I lean into the island, letting out a long sigh. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest, and I can’t believe we are arguing over Lilly. She doesn’t matter. Only we do. He blows out a breath through his hands just as my phone starts to ring. It’s Aviva’s tone.
I glance at the clock, seeing it’s almost midnight. Shit, is she okay? I reach for my phone, answering quickly. “Hey? You good?”
“Yes and no. My water broke, and I’m freaking the fuck out.” Oh God. I love Aviva, but this is the last thing I need right now. “Jay, I’m not nine months.”
“It’s okay. You’re like three weeks shy, no big deal,” I say as steadily as I can. “You are fine. We’re fine. How’s Nico?”
“He hasn’t spoken since my water broke. I think he’s in shock.”
Calmly, so I don’t work her up, I ask, “Okay, are you on your way to the hospital?”
“Yes.�
��
“I’ll meet you there.”
“Okay, I love you.”
My heart explodes in my chest. “Oh, Aviva, I love you.”
I hang up and tuck my phone into my back pocket as Kirby looks over at me. “Aviva’s water broke. I need to get to the hospital.”
“It could be hours before she has the baby, and we aren’t done talk—”
“We are,” I say firmly. “My best friend needs me. I am aware it could be hours before she has the baby, but I don’t care. I need to be there for her, and all this will have to wait.”
His eyes are stony as his shoulders rise and fall rapidly. “So, you’re leaving,” he says, not as a question but a statement.
“I’m leaving,” I say, walking past him without stopping for a kiss or anything. I need to get out of here. I need to breathe and think before I see Aviva. Once I’m out the door, I know I need to gather my wits about me on my way to the hospital. When it comes to Kirby, I can’t ever find them.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Jaylin
* * *
Oh, Nico is a mess.
I feel so bad for him. With every little cry of pain that Aviva makes, he’s basically shaking as he tries to soothe her. He hasn’t left her side, and I don’t think he will. When I arrived, it was to find out Aviva was already dilated to five centimeters. Apparently, she had been having contractions at the game and not even realizing it. Easy to say, we were all surprised. Problem is, we don’t know if Callie will make it in time. I’ve called and texted her, but I’m pretty sure she is sleeping, which keeps me from buying her a plane ticket until I know she would make it to the airport to get here.
Aviva squeezes my hand, groaning loudly as she fights off a contraction. “She’s going to be so upset.”
I rub her arm. “It’s okay. She’ll understand. It’s not like this is controllable, Veev.”
“Jay is right, my love. Callie will just be excited to meet the little person,” Nico says in agreement with me, which is surprising. He likes to disagree with me at every turn. “It’s okay. I promise.”
She cries out, holding our hands, and I hate that she’s in pain. I stand, stroking my fingers under her eyes to catch her tears. When she opens her eyes again, she looks at me and I smile. “You’re so strong, Veev. Look at you go.”
She swallows thickly as she nods. “It hurts.”
“I’m sure it does,” I say, rubbing her cheek.
“I’m sorry, Aviva,” Nico says, and I smile over at him as Aviva brings his fist to her lips.
“No. It’s not your fault—though, it is your sperm that knocked me up. But it’s fine. We’re fine. Everything is fine.”
“Yes, you’re absolutely right,” I say, trying to console her as she takes in deep breaths.
When the doctor enters, I back away, still holding her hand, so he has room. Before, I would have been checking out the doctor. I even told Aviva when she turned up pregnant that I was excited for her sexy doctor, but no one can hold a candle to Kirby. Ugh, my heart. I hate the way I left things. I hate that I’m so in my head about this.
I honestly don’t want to be a good person. I don’t want to give Lilly the chance to hurt Kirby and Celeste again, but if they have the chance to be a family, a real, blood family, then who am I to stand in the way?
I’m so distraught by how upset Kirby was when I left. I hated the look on his face, the way he stared at me like I had just kicked him square in the balls. I didn’t want to cause that, I didn’t want to be the one to hurt him, but I can’t shake the feeling that I need to step away. I am so in love with him. So much so that I’m changing. I am missing work; I’m moving my life around to bring him and Celeste into it. I want to banish all my fears to be in a bed with him, in his house, and it all scares me so much. I promised I would never give myself over like that, but here I am, doing exactly that.
And then what about Lilly? I know he’s upset with her, and for good reason. But even with her being overseas, she still sent all kinds of hell his way. What will happen if she’s involved in Celeste’s life? The thought of sharing Celeste gives me such a headache. I don’t want Lilly teaching her bad habits or talking about Kirby and me in a negative way. I don’t want the constant pull of what we know is right and her wanting to play mommy. Her actions speak volumes, and I don’t want to deal with her.
But the alternative terrifies me.
All these reasons for not being with him don’t change the fact that I am completely in love with him. I am head over heels for him and Celeste. I don’t know how to have a life outside of them. I don’t want that life. But it’s all so complicated now. It was easy before—we were in love, we were happy. But now that Lilly is here, I know she will cause nothing but problems. Put us through pure hell, and I worry what that will do to us.
Once the doctor leaves, after telling us things are progressing perfectly, I go back to my spot before grabbing Aviva some ice chips to feed her. She opens her mouth and smiles a thanks as she chews and sucks on the ice. “I don’t know how you chew ice. Makes my teeth hurt,” I say, trying anything to distract her.
She laughs lightly. “I love it, and I’m currently imagining that it’s a big juicy cheeseburger.”
Nico smiles at her. “I got you after this. I’ll buy you all the cheeseburgers.”
“That’s why I’m marrying you.”
They share an adoring look, and I love it. I love them. I wanted so much to have what they have, and I found it. Maybe even something better. “When is this wedding of Nico and Aviva?”
He leans in, kissing her jaw before she looks over at me. “We’re thinking New Year’s Day.”
“Wow,” I say, grinning at her. “That will be fun.”
“Yeah, we’ll see,” she says, letting out a long breath, and then she cringes. Nico and I have become a little team, and together we help Aviva get through this contraction. I’m super thankful that I went to some of her birthing classes. Otherwise, I would be lost. As the pain subsides, she exhales hard and says, “The baby will be okay.”
“It’s fine,” I promise, and Nico nods.
“They’ll be perfect.”
She nods, but I don’t think she’s convinced. She seems so scared, so unsure. I can’t imagine what she is thinking. I’m scared for her, and it isn’t even my body going through all this. It’s not my child. Because if it were, I would be just as much of a mess as Aviva is. But she’s so strong, and that makes me stay positive.
But then she looks at me, her knowing eyes burning into mine. “What’s going on? You’ve been quiet and weird since you got here.”
“What? I have not.”
“You have,” she accuses, holding my gaze. “Tell me. Distract me, please.” I hold her gaze, and she gives me a very stern look. “I can tell something is up. Please. I got like three minutes before another one hits. Come on, spill.”
I glance at Nico, and he’s watching me. I feel a little on the spot, but when have I ever held back when Aviva asks? “I was going to stay with Kirby tonight, had a bag packed and everything—”
“Oh! I’m so sorry—”
“No,” I say, stopping her. “It wasn’t you who ruined it. Lilly showed up.”
Nico gawks at me as Aviva blinks. “No way,” she says, and I nod.
“What the hell did she want?”
I shrug. “To see Celeste? I don’t know. It was crazy. She just assumed she was staying with Kirby and even brought up getting back together with him.”
Aviva is speechless as Nico says, “What a dumb bitch! Kirby would never.”
I clear my throat. “But maybe shouldn’t he, for Celeste?”
He shakes his head quickly. “Fuck no. That woman is shit. She doesn’t deserve Kirby or Celeste.”
“What he said,” Aviva says, hooking her thumb toward her future husband. “Wait. Did you suggest that he should try?”
She knows me so well. “I did,” I say, and when she lets out a scream, I’m glad I’m confident in
the fact that she’s having a contraction and not getting pissed at me.
Though, she may also be mad at me since she is squeezing my hand harder than ever. I cringe with her, trying to soothe her and ignore the pain in my fingers. When the contraction ends, she sets me with a look. “Jaylin Renee, that is absolutely insane. You know good and well he loves you and only you. He wants to be with you. He wants to build a family with you. Do not get in your feelings, in your head, and start trying to ruin this because you’re scared.”
Best friends. Can’t live without them, even when they’re putting you in your place. “It’s not that I’m in my feelings or even scared. It’s that Lilly isn’t going away. She is going to cause issues, and that makes me nervous.”
“Why?” Nico asks. “Who the hell cares what she thinks? Are her opinion or her actions going to make you love Kirby or Celeste any less?”
I don’t have to think that over to know the answer. “No, not at all.”
“Then she doesn’t matter. And let’s be real, she’ll probably lose custody of Celeste and be out of her life anyway.”
“But shouldn’t he try if she wants to be a family?” I ask once more.
“No, because she isn’t his family. You are,” Aviva says confidently. “Jaylin, I’ve never seen you this happy, this in love, or even this complete. He completes you, as you do for him. You two are meant for each other.”
My heart skips a beat, and I know she’s right. “I know, but I feel like I’m losing myself.”
She gives me an incredulous look. “You’re not. You’re finding yourself. This is who you are. An incredible, loving, supportive woman. And a strong female for that little girl and for Kirby. I swear—” When her words break off and she grunts out a cry, I hold her hand close, kissing the back of her fist. “Just listen to me. Don’t fuck this up!”
I smile against her fist as I nod. When I look at Nico, he’s staring at me with fear and a little excitement in his eyes. He never meets my gaze, so I’m frozen in place. “Here is the thing, Jaylin. Independence is both a gift and a curse. The gift being you know how to live alone and enjoy life. A curse in that you don’t know how to let go of that. You got used to it, and I get it. I do. I was beyond independent. I didn’t think a woman would want me or want to deal with my issues. Enter Aviva, slamming her car into mine—”
