Unclaimed Regrets

by Stacy M Wray

  It’s the end of January, and Trey and I are sitting in lunch together, discussing our upcoming weekend plans. We’re both frustrated with winter already, seeing as how we don’t have the freedom of using the back of his truck like we did in the summer time. We have to be very creative to find ways to be together, but it’s hard when our parents are always home when we have each other over.

  “I think I heard that Lambert’s having a party this weekend after the basketball game on Saturday,” Trey says. “We should go, it could be fun.”

  “Don’t his parties end up getting out of hand? I don’t know how he gets away with having them. Are his parents clueless?” I ask, stuffing a bite of pizza in my mouth.

  He shrugs. “Don’t really know but it would give us something to do,” he says.

  Shoving my tray back, I decide that I don’t want any more. Trey slides it over to him and finishes what I don’t eat. I smile at him since he pretty much does this every day.

  I look up just in time to see Amanda pause in front of our table, “Hey, Trey. Did you hear Lambert’s having a party Saturday?”

  “Yeah, we were just talking about it,” he says, glancing at me. I’m obviously invisible, as usual, since she never acknowledges me. I know she does this just to piss me off so I try really hard to pretend I don’t care.

  “Well, I hope to see you there.” She turns and joins her friends a few tables over.

  “When is she ever going to realize that you’re in a relationship? With me!” I say to him fully exasperated.

  “She’s harmless, Addie, don’t let her get to you.” I give him an irritated look and he laughs. “She does it just to get to you, which she undoubtedly has.” He grabs my hand and kisses the top of it. “I only have eyes for you, Snowflake.”

  I scoot over closer to him and say, “Why don’t you try telling her that? Someone apparently needs to inform her.” He just shakes his head like he always does, letting me know he thinks I’m overreacting. I swear I wish just one guy would hit on me repeatedly so he would know how it feels. I just can’t stand that girl.

  The lunch bell rings and we reluctantly get up from the table to put our trays on the conveyor belt. When we get into the hallway, Trey leans over and gives me a chaste kiss. “I’ll see you after school.”

  “Can you drop me off at the library?” I ask him real quick.

  He winks at me, saying, “Sure thing.”

  Turning in the opposite direction, he heads down the hallway to chemistry, while I get to go to Spanish class. Gran!

  I absolutely hate the fact that we only have one class together this year but he has three classes with Amanda.

  I hate that she gets under my skin so easily, and I’m fully aware that I’m the one allowing it to happen. I actually would be really embarrassed if Trey knew just how crazy she makes me. I have to tap it down around him. She just can’t stand the fact that he’s with me and has never given her the time of day.

  The end of the day can’t come quick enough. I meet Trey at my locker, bundling up for the frigid temperatures outside. It takes forever for Trey’s truck to warm up and provide any kind of heat. It just gives us an excuse to sit really close. Like we need an excuse!

  Handing me the keys, he says, “Get in, babe, and start the truck. I’ll start scraping the windows.” He gives me a swat on the butt as I climb in.

  While I sit there shivering in the seat, Trey makes goofy faces at me through the area of the window he’s just scraped. I laugh at him, telling him to hurry.

  He finally climbs in and drags me over to him, using me for my heat. He lowers his lips to mine and instantly I forget about the cold. I will never grow tired of his kisses.

  Pulling away, he says, “Let’s go. We’ve got a little time before you have to be at work.” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down.

  Giving him a questioning look, I wait to see what he has in mind.

  “What? I want to spend some alone time with my girl.”

  I can’t fault him for that and I say, “Okay, but I can’t be late, Trey.”

  Flashing me his gorgeous smile, I realize that I would be late if it means spending time with him.

  Our spot is off limits this time of year since we would get stuck in all the snow that covers it, but Trey is ingenious when it comes to finding hidden spots around town. Picking one close to the library, we make out like the teenagers we are. No one could see a thing if they tried to peek in the windows, a thick layer of steam coats them.

  Stealing a peek at the clock, I abruptly stop mid-kiss and say, “Shit, Trey. I’m already late. We’ve got to go.”

  He chuckles and says, “I’m sorry, Addie. Can’t blame a guy for getting carried away.” He backs out quickly, dropping me off in front of the library. I give him a quick peck, and he promises to call me later on tonight. Trying not to break my neck, I take the steps two at a time.

  *****

  Mom picks me up from work around seven. I actually have a car now since my parents bought me a used one at the beginning of the school year, but since Trey insists on picking me up for school every morning, I don’t use it that often. As soon as I get in the car, Mom says, “Addie, we bought you that car so you could get yourself to and from work.”

  “Sorry, Mom, but Trey dropped me off so I needed a ride home,” I tell her, buckling my seat belt.

  “Well, Trey needs to drop you at home to get your car after school. I was right in the middle of making dinner.”

  She sounds quite annoyed, so I simply answer, “Okay.”

  We get home in no time and I decide I had better help her get dinner on the table to make amends for my inconsiderate behavior.

  Plating the fried chicken, I carry it to the table along with the cornbread and steamed broccoli. I’m starving and put ample helpings on my plate.

  Mom and Dad are discussing about going somewhere on Saturday, and I perk my ears when I hear this. “What about Saturday?” I ask.

  Dad says, “Your Aunt Jill isn’t doing so well, Addie. We’re going to Rutland on Saturday…you know, so we can see her one last time.” He gets a little choked up when he says this.

  I’m upset about Aunt Jill but I’m equally upset that this trip will make me miss going to Lambert’s party with Trey. I really wanted to be there with him.

  “Will we be gone all day?” I ask, trying not to sound insensitive.

  “We aren’t sure, Addie.” Mom answers for Dad.

  After I help Mom clean up after dinner, I go upstairs to start on my homework and wait for Trey to call me. Sometimes we do our homework together on the phone.

  When I hear his familiar ringtone, I dive for my phone. “Hey you!”

  “Hey yourself! You miss me?”

  I pretend to think about this and say, “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Knowing I’m kidding, he says, “Lambert’s party is a definite go. I got a call from Dylan.”

  I’m quiet for a minute and Trey says, “Addie, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I just thought it might be fun.”

  I know my whiney self is about to make an appearance. I tell him, “We have to go see my sick aunt on Saturday, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go.”

  “Really? That’s too bad. I was in the mood to go.” He sounds a little disappointed.

  As much as it pains me to say this, the words fall out of my mouth before I have a chance to think about it. “You can still go, Trey. Maybe if I get back in time I can go for a little bit.” I hate that my stomach is in knots. I don’t want him to go without me, but I won’t admit to that in a million years. I don’t want to be that girl.

  “You really wouldn’t mind?” he asks excited.

  “Why should I?” I ask, hating I have to pretend.

  “You’re the best, you know that?” he says to me serious as hell.

  Now I feel like a phony. I don’t answer him and change the subject. “You need any help with your chemistry homework?”

  We talk for another hour before endin
g our call but I’m in such a funk that I decide to go to bed.

  *****

  Everyone at school is talking about that damn party and by Friday it has taken on a life of its own. It’s getting harder and harder to pretend that I can’t stand the fact that Trey will be there without me. I’ve heard all kinds of stories about what happens at those parties, and Trey and I have never really participated. Why does he want to go so bad? It’s just giving me a sick feeling.

  It doesn’t take much for him to pick up on my mood. The worst thing I can do is to have him go to this party mad at me for being such a baby, so I don’t react when he probes when we’re at my locker after school.

  “What’s your problem this week, Addie? You’ve been really hard to get along with,” he tells me after school.

  I shrug and say, “Must be that time of the month. Sorry.” He shoots me a look like he’s not buying it.

  “You sure that’s all it is? Because I would swear it has something to do with Lambert’s party.” Don’t think I haven’t picked up on the irritation in his voice.

  Pasting a fake smile on my face, I tell him, “I’m sure.”

  He shakes his head at me and says, “You’ve been acting weird all week. Don’t act like you haven’t been.”

  Tears sting at the back of my eyes and I really have no idea why. Maybe it really is that time of the month because this isn’t like me. I hate that Trey is annoyed with me, but I just can’t shake this veil of dread following me around.

  Changing the subject, I ask him, “Want to go to the coffee shop and get some hot chocolate?”

  Stunned by my lack of reaction to his words, he stuns me by saying, “No, I can’t. I’ve got stuff to do at home; my dad’s expecting me.”

  I certainly didn’t see that coming. Maybe I haven’t masked things as well as I’d hoped. Total dread takes over because I know I’m not going to see him anymore until after this damn party. My reaction must be written all over my face and Trey softens his disposition. Taking my hand in his, he says, “Come on, Snowflake, I’ll take you home.”

  The drive to my house is unusually quiet. I know I’ve brought all this crap on myself but I can’t turn off my insecurities just like that – I am a teenage girl after all. I don’t understand why he can’t see things a little more from my perspective. He’d hate it if the situation was reversed but I know better than to point that out to him.

  He pulls in the drive and we sit for a bit, neither one of us says anything. Finally, Trey says, “I hope your aunt is going to pull through. It’s probably good that you guys are going.”

  That’s all it takes and a tear escapes my eye. This is what I heard: “It’s probably good that you won’t be at the party tomorrow.” Well, at least I can pretend the tear is about my aunt so I don’t look like the irrational girlfriend.

  He looks over at me and says, “Come here, baby.” I scoot over to him, letting him wrap his arms around me. Kissing the top of my head, he murmurs, “It’s going to be okay. It’ll all work out.” I’m not sure if he’s talking about the party or my aunt, but I let him hold me for as long as he can before he says he needs to get going.

  Giving me a tender kiss, he tells me, “I love you. You know that, right?”

  I nod, not trusting myself to speak at this point. Sliding back over to my door, I give him one last fake smile before I get out of the truck. I don’t even watch him pull out of the drive.

  *****

  We take off Saturday morning around eleven, making the sort trip to Rutland. My aunt is in a nursing home and that alone is hard enough to take in. I feel so bad for these people sitting around in their wheelchairs.

  Aunt Jill is having an unusually good day though, and it is such a relief to us, especially my dad. This is his only sibling and he’s been really upset about her health.

  The longer we stay here, the more comfortable I become, and I find myself not thinking about the impending evening that’s been looming over my head all week.

  Dad decides we’ll stay and have dinner with Aunt Jill before heading home. I’m fine with this since I can tell my dad’s spirits have been lifted throughout the day.

  After saying our goodbyes, we begin the drive home and I realize that I’ll be able to get to the party after all, even if it is just for a little bit. Now my spirits are lifted as I think about what I’m going to wear. I want to knock the socks off of Trey when he sees me.

  We pull in the driveway and I jump out of the car. My mom yells to my back, “What’s the hurry, Addie?” as she slowly gets out.

  “I have plans with Trey,” I yell back, flying through the door and running up the stairs to my room.

  Putting on the outfit I already had planned in my head, I’m ready in no time. I’m wearing one on Trey’s favorite sweaters, the one that falls off of one shoulder. He once told me I look sexy in it so it was a no-brainer.

  Grabbing my coat from the chair I threw it in, my mom sees me and says, “Isn’t it a bit late to be going out? It’s after ten thirty, Addie.”

  “I know, Mom, but I really want to see Trey.” Please don’t make me stay home!

  She thinks about this for a minute and smiles, saying, “I remember how that is.” I give her a kiss on the cheek and promise I wont’ be late.

  I’m so excited to get there that I probably should’ve waited for my car to defrost a bit more before leaving the driveway, sitting down in my seat to see out the bottom half of my windshield.

  Pulling up to Lambert’s house, there are cars parked everywhere. He lives kind of out so I see why his parties seem to get left alone. I’m a little nervous walking into this party alone. I didn’t tell Trey I was coming since I wanted to surprise him.

  Walking through the door, the stench of beer assaults me and the music is blaring. This is quite some party. Of course, I know most everyone here since our school isn’t all that big.

  I see my friend, Lisa, and ask her, “Have you seen Trey?”

  She gets a funny look on her face and points to the next room.

  I make my way through the sea of people and finally get to the room Lisa pointed to. Scanning the faces of people, I don’t see Trey’s.

  There are people making out everywhere. I had heard about this.

  Feeling weird about watching these people make out, I start to get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, wondering why Trey would even be in here. Maybe Lisa was wrong; her eyes were a little glassy.

  My eyes land on a pair of shoes that I’d recognize anywhere and they move slowly up the legs and land on the blonde bitch that is straddling my boyfriend and kissing him. Rage boils inside of me immediately.

  Approaching them, I notice that Trey’s arms are dead weight at his side but Amada is all over him.

  When I’m right at Trey’s feet, I yell, “What the hell?”

  Amanda whips her head around and smiles the most devious smile I’ve ever witnessed. “Oh, hi, Addie. We didn’t know you were here.”

  I take in Trey’s face – it’s clear he’s wasted. I yell at him, “Trey?”

  He tries focusing on my face, and when he realizes it’s me, he gets a stupid grin on his face, knocking Amanda off his lap trying to get to me. He’s so drunk he can hardly stand. I’ve never been angrier in all of my life.

  “Sno…fwake,” he manages to slur out.

  Without thinking, my hand comes up and slaps him across the face so hard, making him stumble back. Well, in his state of mind he would stumble for no reason.

  His hand immediately goes to his face, which now displays a confused, disoriented look. I point to the slut on the couch, who is loving this by the way, and scream at him, “Is this why you wanted to come to this fucking party so bad? Knowing I wouldn’t be here? Well, fuck you, Trey. Have fun with your new slut because we’re done.”

  Willing my tears to stay put until I’ve reached the safety of my car, I practically plow my classmates over trying to get out of that house. I’m filled with so much anger and humiliation that I
think I could possibly explode. I see Lisa give me an apologetic look, but I ignore her and I’m out the door.

  I’m parked far enough away where no one can see me, so I sit in my car and bawl my eyes out. He doesn’t even try to come after me. In that moment, I hate him. I hate him for publicly humiliating me in front of everyone, but what I most hate him for is that he had to end up with the one person I despise. I wonder if he’s always just acted like he dislikes her but has secretly lusted after her just like every guy in our school has.

  When I’ve calmed down enough to drive, I leave the scene of the worst night of my life and wonder how I’m going to live without him.

  *****

  Waking up to what I hoped had been a nightmare, I quickly realize that it did happen, and I fight the tears at the awareness of what took place the night before.

  I had turned off my cell phone last night and I look at it, wondering if Trey had tried to contact me. Quickly reaching for it, I turn it on and find that there are twenty missed calls and about fifteen texts. I can’t bring myself to read them, my anger resurfacing as I picture that slut sitting on his lap kissing him; those lips belonged to me. He was mine and now he’s not.

  I bury my face in my pillow and cry at the horrid vision in my head, wondering if I’ll ever be able to erase it from my memory.

  I hear a tapping on my door and then my mom. “Addie? Can I come in?”

  I try wiping my tears but it’s no good, they won’t stop. I croak out, “Yeah.”

  She slowly opens my door and approaches the side of my bed. She immediately takes me in her arms and says softly, “I don’t know what happened last night, but your tears and the sullen look on Trey’s face downstairs tells me it wasn’t good.”

  Jerking out of her arms, I ask, “He’s here? Oh, God, Mom! I don’t want to see him.” My tears come harder as she tries to comfort me.

  “Addie, he looks awful…like he hasn’t slept all night.” I’m thinking to myself that’s because he probably has one hell of a hangover, but I don’t think I should be sharing that with her.