Unclaimed Regrets

by Stacy M Wray

  I sit back down at the table, sending my parents a quick text to let them know I made it home safely.

  Setting my phone down, my mind goes to Trey, and I wonder what he’s doing right now. Does he know I’m gone? Does he care? I’m glad I came home though since I really needed to distance myself from him. I couldn’t take running into him and Amanda one more time; it just guts me when I see him with her. Seeing Trey holding Jackson’s hand was just as bad, like they were a happy little family. I can’t help but wonder where we would be right now if I hadn’t lost our baby. Tears sting my eyes as I think about our child. I wonder if Trey thinks about our baby as much as I do.

  Not wanting to start crying, I get up and go out to the garage to retrieve my luggage from the car. I decide I’ll start some laundry and then do some cleaning - anything to keep my mind off of Trey.

  *****

  With One Direction’s music blasting through the speakers, I make the familiar trip to Norwalk to meet Wade for dinner. Yes, I’m a lover of boy bands, dating back to Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync. These British boys of One Direction are fun; well, one is actually Irish. I can’t help it though. I love their music.

  When I pull into the diner, I see Wade has arrived before me as usual. I pull in beside his Saab and go in to find him. He’s at our usual booth. This doesn’t surprise me since he’s such a creature of habit.

  He looks up when he sees me approaching, a genuine smile forming on that adorable face. Getting out of the booth, he gives me a big hug. “Hey, it’s good to see you.”

  “You too,” I counter. “Been here long?” I ask, noticing the book on the table as we take our seats in the booth.

  “Yeah, I came early just to sit and read,” he says, “I like to do that sometimes…there’s just something about this place.”

  I smile at him, looking around the diner. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  We just look at each other for a minute, and he finally says, “So spill. I thought you had all of this drama to unload on me.”

  I laugh a little and ask, “Don’t you want to order first?”

  He grabs the menus that are tucked behind the condiments and hands me one. “Sure, have at it.”

  Our waitress approaches the table and takes our drink and dinner order, and now I’m ready to dish. I go over each day as it happened – well, not everything, just the parts that involve Trey. He sits quietly and listens; not giving away any reaction.

  I tell him about the reunion, all about the library and how we would run into each other there, and how I kept seeing him with Amanda and her son. Finally, I have to admit that we never had the conversation, the one main reason I went in the first place. I don’t think I paused at all, except for when our food and drinks arrived.

  He finally says, “First, I don’t understand why you just didn’t sit down and talk. Why was that so difficult?”

  I sigh heavily. “Because we’re both pigheaded, I guess. Either he would get pissed off or I would after just two minutes of talking.”

  He grins at this. “That tells me there’s still something between you at least. If there wasn’t, it wouldn’t have a been a problem.”

  I play with the straw bobbing from the glass and fill him in on my discovery of my birthday being his password on his cell phone. His eyes go wide and he says, “That’s huge, Addie. Does he know that you figured that out?”

  Shaking my head, I reply, “No, I didn’t confront him but it did give me hope.”

  He takes a bite of his omelet and points his fork at me. “Tell me more about this Amanda. I remember you telling me about her before, how she was such a bitch in high school. Do you think they’re really together?”

  I think about his question for a minute and shrug. “To be honest, I really don’t know. I had dinner with a former classmate and he thinks they’re just friends. He was also pretty sure Trey was not the father of her son, which was a huge relief. But, Wade, why would he be such a good friend with the one girl that we both couldn’t stand in high school? I just don’t get it,” I tell him, getting exasperated all over again.

  “You can’t judge people how they were in high school, Addie. It doesn’t count. Everyone is stupid and then they grow up. You can’t hold high school over everyone’s head. Maybe she changed, along with about eighty percent of your class.” Leave it to Wade to see the practical side of everything.

  “Are you seriously taking her side?” I know I sound immature as soon as it leaves my mouth.

  “There are no sides to be taken,” he says, shoving anther bite of his omelet in his mouth. “Do you really think he’s friends with her to get back at you, Addie? That doesn’t make sense since you haven’t even been around to witness it.”

  Thinking about this, I say, “Yeah, you’re probably right, but it still just makes my blood boil seeing them together.”

  He ignores this and asks, “Do you think the kid is his?”

  I lose my appetite just thinking about the possibility of him having slept with her. “He doesn’t look like Trey, and if he were, the rumor mill in town would know about it. So I’m leaning towards no, but I don’t think I’ll be totally convinced until I hear it from his mouth.”

  “So why did you leave without talking to him?” I know he thinks I ran away out of frustration and he would be correct in his assessment.

  I look down at my plate and then back up to his patient eyes. “I guess I needed to regroup.” He doesn’t say anything to this, so I add, “I knew I’d be returning for the new library grand opening, and besides, I had to get back to take care of things at home since I hadn’t even planned on staying as long as I did.”

  He narrows his eyes a bit and asks, “What if he doesn’t go? He may not want to see you since you left without saying anything. He may take that the wrong way and not show up. What then?”

  My eyes wander to the parking lot, watching a family leave the diner. The dad holds the hand of the little boy while the mom carries her daughter in her arms. They represent everything I dream of. My mind immediately goes to an image that I can’t get out of my head…the one that involves Trey, Amanda and her son.

  Knowing Wade is waiting for an answer, I say, “I don’t know, Wade. Part of me is still so hurt by everything and thinks maybe this is it. That we just accept the past for what it is and try to move on. It sure looks like Trey has, and maybe that’s what I need to do too. Besides, my gut says he probably won’t show.”

  He studies me for minute before he says anything. “Wow. That’s it then? You’re throwing in the towel? Frankly, I’m surprised, Addie. I’m not sure I’m buying what you’re selling.”

  I’m not sure about anything anymore. I’m so tired of this roller coaster of emotions I’ve been riding for the past couple of weeks that maybe it’s just time to get off. I shrug off his last comment, saying, “Maybe I’ve been clinging to a mirage this whole time. I think being around him all week has clouded my judgment. The time away from him will help put things back into perspective.” Even I’m wondering if I’m buying all of this, but maybe just saying the words is the first step to believing.

  He raises an eyebrow at me and skepticism is all over his face. But he says nothing, pushing his plate to the edge of the table, signaling to our waitress that he’s finished, in probably more ways than one.

  Deciding it’s time for a subject change, I say to him, “Um, I’ve been receiving calls from Rex’s mom.” He suddenly looks up at me in surprise.

  “And?” he asks.

  “I didn’t exactly talk to her and she didn’t leave a message. I’m so sick of this mess, Wade.” I started this day feeling confident and now I’m feeling a little deflated.

  “Yeah, I know. You need me to do anything, you just let me know, okay?” I love that he always has my back.

  “I know.” Deflecting the discussion away from me, I ask, “How’s Angie?”

  He gets a huge grin on his face and says, “I asked her to marry me and she said yes.”

 
I squeal loud enough that others look over at our booth. “Oh, my God! Why did you wait all this time to tell me?” I feel horrible for hogging the conversation now.

  He shrugs as he says, “You needed to vent.”

  “When did you propose?” I ask, still reeling from his news.

  “Last weekend.” He’s acting like this isn’t a big deal but I think it’s huge.

  “I’ve talked to you since then. Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I wanted to tell you in person so I could see your reaction.” He’s enjoying this.

  I reach across the table and grab his hand. “I’m so happy for you guys. I’ll have to call Angie and congratulate her.” He just beams at me. “What happened to not needing a piece of paper?” I ask, teasing him.

  He shrugs and says, “The moment was just right. I didn’t even have a ring…it just sort of hit me. We immediately went shopping for one though. I couldn’t have her telling people without having a ring on her finger. That would make me look like a Class-A jerk.” He laughs and I can see in his eyes that he’s very happy with his decision. Those two are so perfect for one another. I’m so glad Angie understands our friendship and is so cool with it.

  I sit back and think for a minute, shaking my head in astonishment. “What?” he asks me.

  “I just can’t believe you waited until our plates were cleared to tell me. I could just kick you.” We both laugh, knowing it was such a Wade move.

  We pay our bill and as we leave the diner, I realize I’m in a much better place than when I went in. I’m so thankful for Wade for so many reasons, and I tell him so when I hug him goodbye. “You do the same for me, Addie. We’ve always been a team.” That’s about as mushy as Wade’s going to get.

  We promise to call and climb into our cars, making the journey back to our homes. I always feel a little sad watching him leave in the opposite direction. I miss the days when he was just a short walk from my apartment.

  *****

  The next morning I wake and decide to work on my latest book cover. I quickly shower and get ready for my day, but before I sit down to my computer, I go into my closet and pull down the wooden box off the shelf. Digging around the contents, I pull out what I want. I return the box to its place and walk to my mirror. Holding an end of the chain in each hand, I wrap it around my neck and fasten it. I place my fingers on top of the snowflake, remembering the day Trey gave this to me.

  We had been inseparable since that first day at school. I was completely nuts about him and I knew he was about me too. I think our parents were shocked at how quickly we became a couple, but we couldn’t help it… it was the most natural thing in the world to us.

  We both had our Christmases with our families and had agreed to exchange gifts that night in our spot. I could hardly wait for him to pick me up. It had snowed all day and I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to get together, but it was Vermont, after all, and snow doesn’t faze us or stop us. Trey told me he would pick me up no matter what.

  Sure enough, he pulled in the driveway exactly when he said he would. I called out to my parents that I would be home later and grabbed Trey’s gift. They weren’t too crazy about me going out in that snow but knew Trey’s truck was completely reliable. My dad made sure I had my cell phone in case we got stranded anywhere.

  I tromped through the snow to Trey’s truck just as he was getting out. “I was coming up to get you, Addie,” he said, shaking his head at my impatience. He walked around and opened the door for me.

  I gave him a chaste kiss and said, “I couldn’t wait. Let’s go.” He laughed and shut the door after he made sure I was tucked in. He walked around and got back in. We both leaned into the middle and he gave me a slow, steamy kiss. My body filled with warmth from the pleasure of his lips. He pulled away after a bit, leaning his forehead on mine. “Merry Christmas, Addie.” His voice was raspy after that kiss.

  I told him in a breathy response, “Merry Christmas. I’m so excited to give you your gift.” His gorgeous smile appeared and he pulled back and said, “Well, let’s go then.” He backed out of the driveway and drove to our spot.

  He left the engine running so we would have the much-needed heat. He leaned over, opened his glove compartment and pulled out a small, square gift-wrapped box. “Guess I’ll go first,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

  He handed me the gift and it was almost too pretty to rip open. Almost. I ripped the paper off and saw the box was from the jewelry store in town. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry so I’m wondering what he picked out. I took the lid off slowly, flicking my eyes to his anxious ones.

  Inside the box was the most intricate snowflake that was connected to a beautiful chain on each side. Tears stung my eyes as I slowly pulled it from the box. “Trey, this is the most perfect gift. I absolutely love it,” I told him in a whisper.

  He beamed at my reaction to his gift and said, “Here, let me help you put it on.” He reached around the back of my neck as I held up my hair. It was kind of hard to do with my big coat in the way, but when he was finished, he looked at it and said, “As soon as I saw it I knew I had to get it for you. I worked my ass off for that but you are so worth it.” I reached up and turned his rearview mirror toward me so I could see it on me – it glistened in the moonlight and I swore to myself I would never take it off.

  I placed my fingers on the delicate, silver snowflake. “This is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received. Thank you.” I pulled his face to mine and kissed him, letting him know just how wonderful I thought he was. I quickly ended it though because I could hardly wait for him to open his gift.

  His was in a much bigger box and I sat it on his lap. “Open it,” I told him, watching his eyes as he tore at the giftwrap.

  He lifted the lid off the box and pulled it out. His eyes lit up. “Addie, where did you find this – it’s perfect.”

  I had found his gift online. It was a tool belt made out of the finest leather and was guaranteed to last for years.

  I knew he had borrowed one from one of his bosses when he started out and I wanted him to have one he would be proud of.

  “I found it online. Do you like it?” He crushed his mouth to mine so passionately in response.

  I knew I had fallen in love with him but for some reason didn’t want to be the first one to say it. From the feel of that kiss, I was certain he loved me back and that’s all I needed at that moment.

  When we finally broke apart, he said in between heavy breaths, “I love it. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

  The windows were quite steamed up by the time we headed back home. This was the best Christmas ever and I knew for sure that I loved this boy beside me.

  I smile at the memory – there are so many great ones.

  Determined to stay positive over the next couple of weeks, I decide to not take the necklace off. I want to feel close to Trey but at the same time maybe this is a step towards closure; a symbolic gesture of my past that I can stay connected to in this small way. Or maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment. Either way, I’m hoping it will make me feel better and get me through the next couple of weeks.

  I grab my laptop and get to work; my hand automatically going to my neck every so often without thinking, just like it did all those years ago.

  chapter fifteen

  TREY

  As much as I loved my time in Northfield, it’s great to be back home and back to work. I missed being around my crew and having my hand on the direction of our latest project in Shelburne on beautiful Lake Champlain. This is just one perk of my job; the view is breathtaking.

  Jake, my head contractor, approaches me as I’m finishing my inspection. “Good to see you, boss man.” He slaps me on the back, “How was the reunion?”

  “Interesting,” I give him a look that tells him that’s all he’s going to get. “The place looks great. You did a fine job while I was away.” He hates it when I praise him, being that he’s just that kind of guy. He nods in response and we wa
lk into the house.

  “The owners were here a couple of days ago and were pleased that we’re right on schedule,” he tells me. Jake and I run a tight ship and I never wanted to have a reputation for running behind schedule. Sometimes it can’t be helped when situations arise that are out of our control, but we have a great crew who will pull overtime on weekends to catch up on the work.

  I learned early on that you treat your workers fair and pay them well and you’ll get loyalty and hard work in return. There are a few companies that are always trying to lure my workers away from me and every once in awhile they’ll get one, but they always come back - no questions asked.

  “So where are we at?”

  Jake takes his hat off and scratches his head, looking around. “Well, we’re expecting the kitchen cabinets in today, as well as the cabinets for all of the bathrooms, so that’s first on our agenda. In the meantime, I’ve got guys finishing up the floors in the upstairs bedrooms.”

  I nod, being pleased with where we are. “I take it the owners have all of their appliances picked out and they’ve been ordered as well?”

  “Yep, the day after you left they turned in all of that information.”

  “Okay, I’ll be in the trailer going over the budget if you need me.” I start to head outside.

  “Sure thing, boss man.” Walking away, I hear him taking a call regarding the delivery of the cabinets.

  I remain in the trailer for quite some time when I realize it’s time for some lunch. I go outside and see my crew gathered around on the grass and I walk over to join them.

  “Hey, Trey. Good to see you back, man,” one of the guys calls out.

  “Thanks. It’s good to be back,” I tell him, taking a seat beside Jake so we can discuss the job while we eat.

  “Hey,” Jake says in a lower voice, “my wife and I were at Sully’s the other night and Lacey was in there asking about you.”