Unclaimed Regrets

by Stacy M Wray

  I know my mouth has dropped open - it just seems too much, like some sort of relationship that is much more than friends.

  He says, in a soft voice, “I was there when Jackson was born. I sort of fell in love with the little guy and couldn’t stay away. I know she wanted more, but I couldn’t give her that.”

  I get this sick, nervous feeling in my stomach – I had no idea it was to that caliber. I get up from the table, a little too quickly, and walk to the railing, needing some space.

  “Addie, I - ”

  “Please stop – I can’t listen to any more,” I say, my words stinging, I’m sure. I know I asked for this, but now I’m pissed all over again.

  We both remain silent, only the sound of crickets and owls hooting in the distance can be heard.

  I hear him pick up our dinner plates and go inside. I stay put, trying to digest what he just told me. Damn him for being some kind of knight in shining armor for her. She doesn’t deserve him, and now she’s got him where she wants him because of that adorable little boy. What the hell am I supposed to do with this information?

  I know I have no right to be angry. We weren’t a couple any more and he could do as he well pleased. But it’s Amanda – if it were just anyone else maybe. I don’t know. Then I tell myself, if he’s never gotten with her in all these years then he’s probably telling the truth when he says the reason he stuck around was for the little boy. But Amanda is always scheming, and I’m sure she’s tried to get her claws in him. I saw it on her face when I ran into her outside the diner that one night.

  If Trey and I are to try to make this work, where do they fit in? There’s no way in hell I’m going to be comfortable with him making his visits when he’s in town, that’s just too weird for me. Shit! This is a shit situation.

  I hear the squeak of the screen door as Trey comes back out. He stands there and I still haven’t moved a muscle from the railing. “We’re going to have to find a way to come to terms with this, Addie. I’m not just going to bail on Jackson.”

  I turn around to face him and say, “I know…you need to give me some time. That was a lot to take in. I really don’t think you have any idea of the magnitude those words had on me, Trey.”

  “Well, I do now.” He’s just as frustrated as I am. This is not how I envisioned our first night together. I know…I asked.

  I walk to him and wrap my arms around him, the side of my face pressed to his chest. His arms immediately come up around me and he sighs into my hair. Feeling his heart beating rapidly against my cheek, I say, “We just need to put this on the back burner for now, okay?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “But before we do, will you just answer one question?” I’m wondering if he knows what I’m going to ask.

  “Anything.”

  I muster up the courage to ask the words. “Did you ever sleep with her?”

  He pulls me back and looks into my eyes. “No, Addie, never.”

  I decide not to ask if he was ever tempted since I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I’ve seen Amanda in action and he’s a guy - need I say more? I need to drop it now before I ruin everything.

  He takes my hand and leads me to the chaise lounge chair. He lies on the cushion, spreading his legs, and has me lie down between them, my back against his chest. I lay my head on this shoulder and he encases me with his arms. We lie there forever, both engrossed in our own thoughts.

  Nuzzling the side of his face against my hair, he begins speaking so quietly, “Not one day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you, Addie. I always hoped you were happy, even if I wasn’t the one to do it.” He sighs heavily and adds, “Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life, and I will never take any of our time for granted from here on out.” He squeezes me and kisses me on the side of my head. “I need you in my life, Addie. You’re my other half I can’t live without.”

  Closing my eyes, I take in the words that float in my ears. “I feel the same way, Trey. I was so afraid you had forgotten all about me.”

  “That’s impossible, baby. You took residence inside my head the day I met you.”

  He presses his lips to my neck and it feels too good, giving me chills everywhere. He slowly makes his way up my neck to my ear and whispers in my ear, “I want you, Addie.” I groan when he says this, his hands sliding up to my breasts. It’s been so long since I’ve been touched and I want this just as much as he does.

  He reaches under my shirt and his hands are hot on my skin. I turn my face up to his until our lips meet, his tongue sweeping my lips, gaining access to inside. I forgot how talented that tongue of his is and shivers go all through my body.

  His hands slide up to the bottom of my bra, going under and inside, twisting my nipples between his fingers. My body feels like it’s on fire and I need more. Breaking our kiss, I say to him, panting, “Trey…let’s go inside.”

  He pushes his hardness into my backside, trying to move quickly. We both stumble through the screen door and he leads me to his bedroom.

  I’m standing in front of him and my hands reach for the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head and tossing it aside. Trey stares at me and I’m not sure what he can make out since there is only a small stream of moonlight breaking through the window. From the way his breath hitches, I know he sees enough.

  Slowly reaching around me, he unhooks my bra and slides the straps down my arms, keeping contact with his fingers. When it hits the floor, he reaches for my breasts, gently squeezing. “I have never forgotten how perfect these are.” His voice is thick and raspy, and my body reacts to it like it was just yesterday and not ten years ago. Every fiber of my being remembers him – his touch, his taste, his scent. And every fiber of my being responds like it use to, but at a more heightened awareness, if that’s even possible.

  His hands leave me just long enough to yank his shirt over his head. He pulls me to him, my breasts pushed against his bare, defined chest. A low moan escapes from his throat, as his hands roam up and down my back, then landing on the curve of my behind, groping indecently.

  I’m so consumed by his touch that I’m having a hard time focusing on any one sensation. His lips find mine and his kiss is a precursor for what’s about to take place, his tongue mimicking the moves I know his body is about to perform. Trey was always a master in lovemaking, but this older version of him tells me I’m about to have an experience unlike anything I could ever imagine.

  He stops the kiss, pushing the hair out of my face, and says to me, “I have never stopped thinking about you. It’s always been you, Addie, only you.” Crushing his mouth to mine once more, the awareness of what’s about to take place almost has me in tears. I’ve dreamt about him for so long, it’s hard to sort what’s reality and what’s always been in my head; however, I’ll take the reality any day.

  My hands travel to the front of his jeans, signaling to him that I’m ready to move this along. My body has committed to memory the feeling of Trey inside me, and it doesn’t want to wait another minute.

  Trey takes over, quickly undoing his button and zipper, pushing his jeans down his legs, kicking them off using his feet. I start undoing the top of my jeans and Trey grabs my hands. “Let me do that,” he commands. He deftly removes my pants, squatting to help me step out of them without losing my balance.

  Slowly rising from his squat position, his face grazes the tops of my thighs and my core and I gasp from the contact. He doesn’t stop until he reaches my breasts, taking one in his mouth, my hands wrapping around his head, pulling him closer. His free hand is on my other breast, driving me just as wild. “Trey…” His name falls from my lips without conscious awareness.

  He moans the approval of hearing his name into my breast, the vibration sending shockwaves to my center. I need him to touch me, some kind of friction – anything. I literally grab his hand from my breast and place it between my legs. He straightens up, his face now in front of mine, with a wicked look in his eyes. “Is that what you want, Addie?” I nod my
response. He drops his hand and fixes on my eyes, which are now pleading for him to replace that hand immediately. “Tell me what you want, baby. I want to hear you say it.”

  Hearing a whimper escape me, I swallow and tell him, “Please touch me, Trey. You’re killing me here.”

  That wicked grin returns and he says, “I’ll do everything but kill you, Addie, and that’s a promise.” Having said that, his hand returns and starts slowly sliding up and down my slit, on the outside of my panties. It won’t take much being as that I’m so worked up. He bores into my eyes, pressing on me in that spot that holds the key to my ever-loving bliss. The explosion bursts throughout every extension of my body, my legs giving out, forcing Trey to hold me up.

  Dropping my head to his chest, I try to relax my breathing, coming down from my high. “Did you like that, Addie? Your body remembers me well – very well.” I practically grunt my response and he laughs, placing kisses on the top of my head.

  He holds me, and his hands slide up and down my back, then slowly reaches down inside my panties, kneading my buttocks. He continues to push my panties down all the way to the floor and I step out of them.

  Reaching for the comforter on his bed, he gives it a yank, nodding for me to climb in. Disposing of his briefs, he gets in beside me, pulling me to him. He begins kissing me passionately and I feel his massive hardness up against my stomach, being that we’re both on our sides. He pulls away and says, “I don’t want to use a condom with you, Addie. Please tell me you’re on the pill.” I hesitate a minute, not knowing what his history has been. He quickly adds, “You’ve nothing to be worried about – I’m clean.”

  “I’m on the pill, Trey,” I tell him, giving him permission to continue unsheathed.

  Throwing a leg over his hip, he starts rubbing the tip of him along my entrance, coating himself completely. In one swift movement, I find myself on top of him, straddling his waist. “Is this how you want it, Addie?”

  “Oh, yes, this is how I want it.” I hoist myself up and guide him into me, his fullness overwhelming. As soon as I get use to him, I start to slowly rock, using his chest as leverage. He doesn’t hold back how much he loves this, cursing under his breath. I love that I’m the reason he’s losing all control.

  His hands automatically go to my hips, assisting me in my movements. I feel the pressure building once again, and then all of a sudden he’s flipped us, and I’m on my back, with Trey pumping into me, his hands lifting me for that perfect angle. “Sorry, baby,” he grunts out, “I promise next time will be slower.” He brings me there quickly, my screams waking every night creature out there. Trey doesn’t last any longer and falls onto me, dead weight. Realizing he’s crushing me, he reluctantly rolls off and pulls me as close to him as humanly possible. We are sweaty and sticky, but I couldn’t be more elated.

  Whispering into my ear, he says, “I’ve fantasized about this moment for ten years – it didn’t even hold a candle to the real deal.” Sighing heavily, he adds, “I love you so much, baby.”

  Smiling, I say, “I love you back.”

  The realization is creeping up that there are things I need to share with Trey, but after that fiasco discussion regarding Amanda, I decide it better wait until we are on more stable ground. It’s not lost on me that time is ticking away.

  chapter seventeen

  TREY

  All I hear is the whirring of the fan above and the even kilter of Addie’s breathing, indicating that she’s sound asleep. The sheet only comes up to her waist, exposing her breasts, which move ever so slightly with each subtle rise and fall of her chest.

  Not being able to help myself, I brush my hand underneath the swell of one, relishing its softness. I notice the snowflake that’s wrapped around her neck, and my heart swells knowing she kept it this whole time. How I could ever let her go is beyond me.

  I plop my head back on my pillow and it stirs Addie. I look over at her and she’s rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  A sleepy smile spreads across her face as she lays her head on my chest. “It’s okay,” she says, gliding her fingers up and down my torso. “I’m surprised you’re awake,” she murmurs into my chest.

  “I’m afraid if I fall asleep, you’ll be gone when I wake up, and I’ll think this whole night was a dream,” I say.

  Lifting her head slightly, she looks up at me and asks, “Really?”

  I pause for drama and then say, “No, not really. But it sounded good, didn’t it?”

  She pinches me on my arm pretty good and I place my palm under her jaw, guiding her mouth to mine. Her lips part, waiting for me to claim her, and I waste no time. I have never tasted sweeter, softer lips than Addie’s – we use to kiss forever when we first started dating. I get lost in this kiss, soon realizing we need to come up for air.

  Laying my head back down, and Addie’s still on my chest, I say to her, “Tell me about your job. I’ve only heard bits and pieces from people. I want to hear about it form you.”

  “I design book covers,” she says modestly.

  “I know, but how do you go about knowing what to do?” I want to know so much about her and I hate that I missed out on ten years - it just eats at me.

  She laughs a little. “My clients fill out a questionnaire and tell me what they’re looking for – do they want to play it safe or do they want something a little out-of-the-box. I find out what kind of fonts they like, colors they have in mind, what kind of tone they want to convey.”

  “Do you ever read the books?” I can’t imagine how she would have that kind of time.

  “Absolutely. It gives me a much better feel for the story and where the author is coming from.” I can tell she’s enjoying sharing this with me, and she doesn’t sound near as sleepy as she did.

  “Do you ever critique the work?” I ask.

  “No, that’s not my place,” she says.

  Just out of curiosity, I ask, “Have you ever done a cover for erotica?”

  I can feel her smile against my chest. She answers softly, “Yes.”

  “And so you read the books before you designed the covers?” I know that she knows where I’m going with this.

  “Yes.”

  I lean up and put my face as close to hers without touching and ask softly, “Did you ever touch yourself while reading those books?”

  She nods her head slowly. “I can’t hear you, Addie.”

  “Yes.”

  “And did you ever think of me while you touched yourself?” I ask her, not being able to hide how turned on I am right now.

  There’s a slight pause and then she answers hoarsely, “Always.”

  Her response has me flipping her over on her back and kissing her fiercely. I don’t think we’re going to get any sleep tonight because I can’t get enough of this woman. I’ll be shocked if she can walk tomorrow.

  *****

  Getting out of bed, I know it’s going to be tough making it through the day on little sleep, but I need to be at the worksite. Addie is sprawled out on her stomach, her hair covering her face. I gently push it back so I can see her. I still can’t believe she’s here. I give her a soft kiss on her head and go into the bathroom to take my shower.

  When I get back in the room, I find that she’s still asleep. I don’t really want to leave her without talking to her. I get on my knees on the side of the bed, leaning into the mattress. I rub her cheek with my thumb continually stroking it until she starts to stir. “Addie, wake up.” Her eyes begin to flutter open, fighting what little light there is at this hour. “I have to get to work and I wanted to talk to you.” I don’t even know what kind of mood she’s in when she wakes up – there’s so much to learn again.

  She starts to sit up when she hears I have to leave. “I’m awake,” she says in a groggy voice, “just give me a minute.”

  “You want me to bring you some coffee first?”

  She nods her head.

  “You still like it with a little su
gar and cream?” I ask.

  She smiles that I remember and answers, “Yes.”

  “Be right back.”

  I quickly put a pod in the coffee maker and in no time have her coffee ready. I walk into the room, noticing that Addie’s sitting up against the headboard. Handing her the mug, she thanks me as I sit down on the edge of the bed.

  When I think she’s consumed enough to pay attention, I start talking. “I programmed my cell phone number into your phone last night while you were pouting on the deck…” She shoots me a look as I continue, “I have to be on site today, baby, but I won’t stay longer than I have to, okay?”

  She reaches over and takes my hand, “Trey, you don’t need to babysit me. I’m a big girl who knows how to use GPS. Besides, I have work to do myself.”

  “Okay, then I’ll leave you to it.” I lean in and kiss her softly before standing up to leave. “I love you. Call if you need anything.”

  “I love you back. I’ll be fine,” she tells me.

  I go into the kitchen to grab my phone and keys and I’m out the door. I realize as I’m heading to my truck that I love the look of Addie in my bed – I could really get use to this.

  *****

  Some of the workers have picked up on my unusual good mood and have been teasing me. I’m sure they saw Addie here with me yesterday and are putting two and two together, although they have no idea what she means to me.

  I’m on my way to the trailer to make some phone calls when I see my beautiful girl walking up towards the house. When she gets close enough, she says, “I didn’t come to get in your way,” and then she’s holding up her cell phone, waving it in the air, “but you grabbed the wrong phone when you left this morning.”

  I pull mine out and look at it…it looks like mine. “Sorry about that. I didn’t realize they were exactly the same.”