by Sam Destiny
“I haven’t taken the time to enjoy the flowers in years. Without Brenda, I just didn’t see a reason. Now, though, I think it might have soothed my soul before, too. After all, she always loved every plant here. I should feel closer to her here than I should anywhere else,” he admitted, taking slow, deliberate steps across his own property as if he had never before seen it.
“The only thing you need to feel close to someone you’ve lost is the memory in your heart, Thomas. No matter where you go, what you’ll do, they’ll be by your side if you keep them inside of you. Every smile, every word you remember makes them more vivid. Only when we start forgetting are they truly gone from us. That, too, is the reason why at night you miss her the most. Your head can’t stop your heart from going down a path you’re too afraid to follow during the day. In dreams, we are unguarded. In dreams, we are free. In dreams, they are alive. Always.” Greg used to say that to her when she worried about forgetting her parents. It was crazy that even now she could recall the words so clearly.
For a long time, Thomas just kept walking in silence, his feet digging into the earth as if he was trying to grow roots, but then he looked up and Aly saw emotions race across the old man’s face like pictures crossed a movie screen without a break.
“You’re a smart, little lady,” he finally commented, and Alessia laughed.
“Greg told me those exact words when I was younger. They just came back to me a few minutes ago, and they’re true. Scary but true.” She shrugged her shoulder and then hugged herself. “I think I’m calm enough now to find some sleep,” she then added, and Thomas nodded, a surprisingly satisfied smile on his lips.
“Sleep tight. I think I’m going to walk a little longer out here under the stars,” he decided, and she kissed his papery cheek.
“Make sure you rub your feet warm before you go back to bed. And I hope you’ll have sweet dreams,” Aly said softly then walked up the porch steps and into the house, making sure to clean her feet on the doormat before walking up the stairs and snatching the phone from the floor. Out of habit, she lit the screen, not expecting anything since it was so late, but to her utter surprise, there was a message from Jam.
Always and a day, Aly. That’s how long I’m yours.
She read the words over and over, her heart becoming much lighter, eventually calming down enough to help her find some sleep.
It was early when Alessia made her way down the stairs. She had decided to make Thomas some breakfast for everything he had done for her, even if he now would send her packing without her being any closer to solving her problem.
The kitchen was huge, all state-of-the-art appliances. It reminded her how much she loved cooking, even though her own kitchen wasn’t half as modern or big. For a few moments, Aly wondered how an old man like Thomas could feel all right living in a house like that all by himself, but then she guessed he simply enjoyed being so far away from a town he equally seemed to hate and love. Aly hoped that one day Townsend would be free of the Karmisons. It was a far-fetched wish, she knew that, but there was nothing worse than giving up.
Opening the fridge and getting out all she considered necessary for a great breakfast, she smiled. Resources were vast, making Aly reconsider what she wanted to cook every ten seconds. Should she go for French toast? Or pancakes? Or maybe bacon and eggs? She literally started drooling as she thought about all the food, so she put on the coffee and then just decided to prepare it all. Pancakes could be eaten cold, too, and Aly sure wouldn’t mind taking something that felt like home when she had to leave the house, searching for other possibilities.
There was no radio in the kitchen, and it struck her as odd since she always had music on, but then she just figured she could hum whatever song she still had stuck in her head. It was a pop song, and most likely, it was the last one she had heard. Not that she was able to name it, but then, it didn’t matter.
Getting lost in the task of cooking, she didn’t even notice she had an audience until a laugh made her jump, causing her to drop a fork. It clattered to the ground, filling the kitchen with noise. She rested one hand on the counter and the other over her heart, trying to calm down the racing in her chest.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Thomas laughed, and Alessia gave him a smile.
“It’s not your fault. Lesso always complains that I forget the world around me when I’m cooking,” she admitted, her heart starting to hurt at the thought of the boy she hadn’t seen in so long. For a mother, it always felt like an eternity when she was away from her child for any amount of time. For her, it was worse, since she didn’t know if she was going to see him again or not.
“I guess he wouldn’t have complained about the smiling faces on the food, though,” Thomas mused, and Aly looked down on her pancakes, bewildered. She hadn’t consciously decided to make them just the way Alessandro loved them.
“I’m so sorry! That wasn’t on purpose,” she mumbled, embarrassed.
“You do realize there’s no way you can get Alessandro back to live with you, right?” Thomas asked, obviously realizing how important Alessandro was to her. She couldn’t even be mad at him for starting the topic she hadn’t known how to approach.
“I needed to try,” she admitted. “Giving up was not an option. If you turn me in, I’ll understand. In fact, I know it’s what you have to do. If you don’t, maybe the next judge will. I’m not gonna stop. I can’t. It’s not only me. This also concerns Jam and Lesso. I’m sorry to have put you on the spot like that.” She meant it, but she was desperate.
“You committed a federal crime, child. One some states consider worthy of the death penalty.” Again, it wasn’t news to Aly. She still waited for Thomas to go on. “Don’t go to other judges. In fact, if things are quiet, you might want to keep them that way. The Karmisons are not people you wanna fight,” Thomas insisted, and Aly looked at him, her vision blurred by tears. Not because he was turning her down, but because he was worried about her nonetheless.
“I don’t care who they are. They have my son, and they ruined Jam. I cannot stand back. They’ll never stop if people don’t stand up to them.” She meant every word yet knew she wasn’t exactly in a fighting position. One word from the Karmisons and she was quicker in prison than she’d be able to pronounce the word.
“Goddammit, child! Are you so willing to lose your life over this?” Thomas screamed, and she reached out to touch his arm.
“They took Alessandro. I have nothing to lose.” Thomas stared at her for a long time and then pushed the manila envelope, which Aly had successfully ignored ever since placing it on the counter upon arrival, back toward her.
“Take that thing away. And either then you can eat with me, or you can hate me forever and leave. It’s your choice,” he challenged, and she took the envelope, putting it into her bag before returning to him. She wouldn’t leave after he had been so nice to her, especially not for turning her down. She had known that his was the biggest possibility, and therefore, would act grown up about it. She’d have time later to break down and consider a new course of action.
“Food is fine. I’m starving. And you need to tell me how you deal with this huge house all by yourself,” she prompted and watched as the old man’s expression softened. After a moment of slight hesitation, he started to tell her about all the crews that came in to help, about poker nights and movie dates with old friends. The tension left soon after, and Aly decided to give herself until after lunch, then she’d leave and think about what best to do next.
Jam had spent most of the night on the floor with a silent Phil next to him, and it was all he had needed. Talking wouldn’t have been an option without hurting people who didn’t deserve it. Now, he had showered and felt halfway human. He badly wanted to talk to Aly and apologize because he had scared the hell out of her, but she wasn’t answering and he decided not to worry. She was a grown woman and maybe she was driving. It had to be something, or at least that’s what he told himself. He had scared her probably more than h
e could imagine, but again, he couldn’t do anything until he heard her voice.
“Hey champ, you look like shit and so does Philomena. Next time, do the manly thing—get drunk with your best friend and spill your worries to him instead of camping out in the hall,” Greg called as soon as he entered the kitchen. Jam knew it was Greg’s way of trying to lighten the mood, but Jam couldn’t even force a smile. Joining Greg at the kitchen counter, he took out a mug and poured himself a black coffee. He most likely would need more than one, but it was at least a start.
“Did she call?” he asked brusquely and knew there was no need to define the woman they talked about.
“You cannot be stupid, man. Aly won’t survive losing you and Alessandro. I know that you’ve been through hell and back, but don’t stop walking when it’s just three more steps to success. She’s trying everything to make this right for you, too, you know? Alessandro needs his dad.”
Alessandro needed more than that, but Jam just didn’t say anything.
“Jam, man, how often do you have moments like last night? And how have I never noticed them?” Greg looked guilty and worried, probably only now realizing that maybe he should have noticed something was wrong.
“It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known,” Jam mumbled, trying hard not to sound annoyed and totally pissed off. He shouldn’t have sat in the hallway, but somehow, that had been as far as his feet had carried him.
“You’ll see your boy later on, Jam. Aren’t you excited?” Greg asked and finally the tight fist around Jam’s heart eased a little. He actually did look forward to seeing him because he already knew that just one tiny smile would remind him of all the good he had in life.
“She’s never gonna leave you alone again, you know that, right?”
Jam knew that it was only half a joke, and finally, he could actually crack a smile. As it was, he was more than aware of the fact that if he ever got Aly and Lesso back the way he hoped he could, she’d watch him like a hawk. He wouldn’t deny that this was something that didn’t bother him at all. After all, she was his woman, and if someone could make him better, it was the little brunette.
“I know. I’m taking that as confirmation that she called you, too,” he then groaned, realizing it meant Aly had probably contacted everyone in the house after he had rather rudely hung up on her.
“It’s incredible how much she knows you really. Phil was the best decision to send to your side since I would have failed. And I won’t lie. You break her heart with a comment like that at any other time, and I’m gonna personally help you over the edge.”
“Not exactly the right thing to say, but yeah, I get it,” Jam replied, clearing his throat and then lowering his gaze. It was weird, unusual really, to have to think of someone else when being in a mood like that. For ten years, it only had been him, and suddenly, he had a family.
The thought made his vision blurry again, and he had to breathe through the tears to keep them from falling. Until that moment, he hadn’t thought of what all this meant, all the implications the other two brought into his life, and frankly enough, it was as if he suddenly saw the light.
They were his family, and he couldn’t think of anything that would make life more worthwhile than that.
Less than twenty miles were between Aly and the Fairchild mansion when she stopped on the side of the road near a field, opening the convertible and sitting down with her feet on the backseat. She tried hard to hold things together, but it was almost impossible. Arriving at Thomas' doorstep, she had been sure that she successfully quenched every last bit of hope that this plan would succeed. Only now, she realized she had been lying to herself. She was devastated Thomas had turned her down; even while she knew she should be glad she was still walking around without cuffs around her wrists and ankles, it hurt. Not wanting to break down, she reached for her handbag on the passenger seat. She needed a new plan, and if she wanted to keep the tears at bay, she needed to focus on what was to come, not dwell on the things that hadn't worked out.
Her fingertips grazed the envelope, and it was as if it felt extra cold against her skin, reminding her that what was inside was evil, illegal. Pulling the papers out, she noticed that the envelope was bigger than before. Earlier, when she had stowed it away, she had been in such a hurry to get it out of Thomas’ sight that she hadn't focused on it. Now, she was in a haste to open it.
A lighter fell out, and she caught it in her hand, then she pulled out a paper that was tinged brown and looked elegant.
It was a letter in a hand that clearly hadn't written more than its name in a long time.
Dear Alessia,
Your dilemma breaks my heart. I hate nothing more out there than the Karmisons, especially since they obviously pulled you into their drama without you being close enough.
As it is, by now I will have given you an ear full about your illegal actions. How could you ... save the life of a child against everything that came with it? You are brave and outstanding and selfless, walking up to a judge like that. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if you hadn’t remembered me. Do you have any idea about how prisons are these days? You can’t because, despite everything, you are an innocent soul.
As I write those lines, I can hear you crying next door. Nothing is worse than hearing someone you consider family cry. Then again, you currently are away from yours, knowing that the devil could do whatever to them. I guess that’s even harder.
I’m never going overcome the awe I feel for you, even though personally I think Jam should have taken different actions. I can see, though, why a boy the age he was when the baby was born wouldn’t see any other chance. I hate what this city has turned into, and I’m glad I’m living so far out that you could come and see me.
As much as I wish I could offer you a place to stay until all this is solved, I can’t. I signed the papers, and it’s better if no one sees you around the house. Not for me, but for you. You want the boy back and even though step one is taken (frankly, as you pointed out during our talk, the hardest step), you and Jamison need patience now.
When you are done reading this letter, burn it. Not because I don’t want you to have it, but because the more proof someone can gather that this wasn’t done the right way, the higher the chances are that you’ll just lose your boy again.
Needless to say, I won’t be there to witness that, but in the end, that doesn’t matter. All you need is the Karmison signature on the paper and then stow it away. Once it’s signed and you have the boy back, I’ll vouch for you any given day—or nighttime. After all, I clearly remember the day Jamison came into my office with Collene, holding the baby boy and telling me that they needed to solve the issue.
You get the drift. Just make sure she signs in the right spot. As soon as you can, get an adoption paper on him. Collene signed all rights over to Jamison, not wanting any participation in the boy’s life. Or at least she will have done so by the time you apply. Once that’s settled, there are even more legal documents making him yours, and if something should happen to the boy’s father, you’ll get him, no matter what. It’s the best way to handle this.
Now, once you have your family back, maybe you’ll have time to visit an old man.
Sincerely,
T. Fairchild.
Aly lowered the lines, her heart squeezing tight as she realized what this meant. With a lump in her throat, she checked the papers—the ones that would change her life for the better—and saw Thomas’ signature at the bottom, perfect ink and his seal making this the most valuable thing in her possession. Her heart thundered against her ribcage, making her hold her breath, but nothing could change the pattern. They were closer, so much closer, and it made her heart light. The talk they had before breakfast was just for show, and if push ever came to shove, he could always deny any involvement. He had to think of himself, and she could always pretend to have stolen his official seal. If they brought her to prison, she didn’t have anything to lose anyway. She couldn�
��t and wouldn’t be mad at him for trying to do her a favor yet save himself.
She hopped out of the car, the lighter heavy in her hand, and walked out onto the empty country road. Looking left and right, she didn’t see anyone so she held out the one page and lit the corner on fire. She wouldn’t ever forget what she read on there, but if she wanted to save her son, those words had to go up in flames. Evidence was bad, that much she knew, and she did not intend to leave any behind. After the wind had blown away the ashes, scattering in all directions of the sun, she got back in the car and started up the rental. She knew she wouldn’t find any good motels on the route, but now, she didn’t care any longer. She could spend a few nights in a bed that wasn’t hers or exactly clean, as long as in the end, she would get to hold her baby again.
Jam couldn’t get out of his funk. The dark was walking around the edges of his consciousness more clearly than it had in years. He didn’t know what had changed, but maybe it was all the memories flooding his mind ever since he had told Aly all he had dared to tell her.
No denying he needed help, but for now, Jam hoped that getting rid of the immense anger he was feeling would be a start.
“Carl.” He greeted the guy from the junkyard. He knew him well, and Carl was already there, a hammer in hand. To Jam’s luck, the place was far out of town, and no one had ever seen him there, meaning he didn’t mind parking his car and spending hours there.
He had seen Alessandro that morning, ringing the doorbell exactly at eleven, not a second later, and then had been allowed to be with his son under supervision for an hour. Even though that time didn’t feel nearly long enough, Jam itched to get away. Lesso had most likely caught on to his mood because the boy had been unnaturally quiet begging for Aly. That was probably what Jam had done most of the time—holding Lesso and trying to soothe him.
