I try to make decisions as fast as I can as I clean. I pick up an item, evaluate it for a few seconds, then decide what to do with it. This keeps me moving at a fairly decent clip, so I can't dwell. It isn't until I pull a box into my lap, and look down into it that I stop. This box has been shoved to the back of the closet for more than a year now. I forgot it was even there. Now as I look down into it, I'm nearly overcome with memories. I pick up a matchbook. I remember Christian taking it from the nightstand at the No Tell Motel. He was delighted by the irony that all of the rooms were non-smoking, yet stocked with matchbooks.
Tossing the matchbook back into the box, I pick up a menu. This we got from the bar, Secrets, before leaving. Christian had even somehow managed to get the waitress Trudy to sign it for us. I look through each item in the box. Our faces smile up at me from the pictures we snapped during those two weeks. We look so happy. It's only been a year, but I know both of us have changed so much since then. My walk down memory lane is drawing to a close when I notice a piece of paper tucked up against the side of the box. It's folded twice, and my name is written across it in handwriting that isn't my own. I realize it's Christian’s handwriting.
My hands tremble slightly as I unfold the paper and look down at the writing inside. This is the note he told me he wrote months ago. I hadn't seen it because I shoved it into this box with everything else the morning I realized he was gone. It feels like my heart has shattered in in my chest. This is tangible proof he didn't just walk away from me. He wanted more from our relationship, even then. I know he's told me about this note and explained himself over and over, but somehow holding it in my hands and seeing the words hits me far harder. The handwriting inside the note is slightly shaky, and I can only imagine the emotions he was feeling while he wrote them. I see his number scrawled at the bottom, and I want to dial it, but I stop myself.
Even though I know he didn't only want to be with me because of the baby, I can't bring myself to call him. My temper and I have taken it too far this time. I've ruined anything there might have been between us. I love him but I can't bear what our relationship has become. I'm not the same person he met in the Atlanta airport. The pain and misery cutting through me now reinforces that. Before I met Christian, I never entertained the idea of having a family, but he changed me. We transformed each other. For the first time in my life, I understand what it is to let someone into my heart. Now that I realize what I had, it might not even be an option anymore. I feel like my life has crumbled around me, and I don't even know how to move forward anymore. I made a huge mistake leaving Cambria without talking to him. Even if he wants to end our marriage, I need to hear it from him. Otherwise, I don’t know if I'll ever be able to move on.
The note sits on my bedside table another two days, and I feel like it's taunting me. I want nothing more than to reach out to Christian, but every time I think about it, the sting of the conversation I overheard comes back. It takes Aurora to make me pick up my phone and send him a message. It doesn't have any words, only a short video of her lying on her belly, and pushing herself up, raising her little chest from the carpet. It's something she's been trying to do for more than a week now, and she finally looks confident in her new skill.
As soon as I send the message, I toss my phone on my bed, and walk away.
* * *
Christian
I'm incredibly tired of flying into this airport in a state of emotional confusion and uncertainty. It's been three days since I received the video message from Piper. Seeing the video of Aurora cut my heart deeply. I miss her so much. Fuck. If I’m being honest, I miss both of them. I don't know what made Piper run, but I feel like a piece of me has been missing since she left. After the first day, I stopped calling her. She turned her phone off or blocked my number, making it clear that she didn't want to hear from me. So, I've been doing my best to respect her wishes and give her the space she needs to figure this all out. Whatever this is. Seeing the video of my baby, though, ended those convictions.
It was hard enough to be away from Piper last year when I thought I would never see her again. This time not only did Piper disappear from my life, but Aurora as well. She's taken my child from me, and I am struggling to function without them. I tried to follow the advice of my mother, who told me I need to understand the incredible sacrifices Piper made for me, and give her time and space to cope with her new life. I've tried to tell myself that I can't force a place for me in her life right now, and that all I can do is hope that we'll find our way back to each other. I can't do that anymore.
Piper and Aurora are mine and I'm not going to let them go.
When I show up at Piper's house, it's quiet. Her car isn’t in the driveway, and the house itself seems still compared to normal. No lights are on either. In a panic, I run up to the porch and cup my hands around my eyes to look into the window. I should be seeing her living room with the plush floral couch and loveseat crowded into a space too small for the furniture. Instead, the welcoming, comfortable room is bare. I angle my hands and eyes to turn my attention deeper into the house. From what I can see, the rest of the house is empty, as well.
I pull out my phone from my pocket and call the number that sent the message. It goes immediately to voicemail. I leave a message as I rush back to the car. I have to find her. I don't even know where I should look, but I'm not stopping until I talk to Piper.
An hour later, I pull into the bar where I met several of her friends when I first visited here. They had mentioned then that this was where they spent most of their free time. It's the only thing I can think of. I've driven around the city. I've stopped at every place she showed me, hoping Piper might have decided to go on another historic tour of Westover. I don't know where Tabitha lives, or where I would find the few living relatives she had mentioned back then. This is my only shot.
I walk into the bar and head toward the back where we had sat at a large, raised corner booth. I see people sitting there as I approach, and one of them glances over her shoulder at me. I immediately recognized her but don't remember her name. She was there the night I met Piper's friends, sitting in the exact same place she is now. By the glower she shoots in my direction, I can tell she remembers me.
"What are you doing here?" she hisses before I can even get to her side of the table.
"I'm looking for Piper," I say. "Do you know where she is?"
"I might," the woman says defiantly.
"Lucy, don't be that way," a man sitting at the table scolds.
"Don't be what way?" Lucy asks. "You've seen what this man did to Piper. He broke her heart."
"I didn't mean to break her heart," I say. "I don't even know what I did to make her leave."
"You ruined her life," Lucy says. "Just leave her the fuck alone."
"Don't tell him that," another woman interjects. "That isn’t your decision to make."
"We promised we'd protect her," Lucy says. "You saw how brokenhearted she was when she got back here. The last thing she needs is to see him again. He needs to leave before he causes any more damage."
"I don't want to cause Piper any more damage," I say. "I didn't want to do that to begin with. I love her and our daughter. I came here to find both of them, so we can start our life together. If she'll have me. I'm not going to stop until she listens to what I have to say. But I can't find her. I've been to her house, and it's empty. I've called her, and it goes straight to voicemail."
"Let me try to call her," the girl says. She pulls out her phone, presses a few commands, and waits. After a few seconds, she shakes her head. "It went straight to voicemail for me, too."
"So, what am I going to do?"
"Did you stop by her new house?" she asks.
"Her new house?" I ask.
She nods.
"She moved. Well, she's actually still in the process of moving. If you can't find her at her old house, you should look at the new one. She just signed her lease on it yesterday, so she's probably over there trying to get thi
ngs ready to move in. I can give you the address."
"Yes," I say. "Thank you..."
I hesitate, and she smiles warmly at me.
"Karina," she says.
"Thank you, Karina. I really appreciate this."
She scribbles something on the back of an order form we grab from a passing waitress, and hands it to me. I glance down at it and recognize the name of the street as one I've already driven down today. I hurry out of the bar, climbing into my car and head in the direction of the street. When I arrive at the number written on the form, I still don't see Piper's car. I notice the corner of a garage peeking out from behind the house, though, and wonder if she could have parked there. Climbing out of my car, I walk up to the front door and ring the bell.
A few seconds later the door opens, and Piper stares out at me.
"You weren't expecting pizza, were you?" I ask.
I mean it playfully, but Piper doesn't smile.
"What are you doing here?" she asks.
"I came to talk to you," I say. "You send me that video but nothing else? Nothing? You can't even pick up a phone call?"
Just as she did the last time I surprised her by showing up at her house, Piper steps out of the way to allow me to enter. A strong smell of fresh paint hits me.
"I couldn't pick up my phone calls," she says.
"Why not?"
"Because I ruined my phone."
"What did you do to it?"
“I tried to be one of those super moms and breastfeed while I painted the walls of the living room. I dropped my phone in a can of paint.”
My lips tingle and I try to fight it, but a laugh bubbles up my throat and pours out of my mouth. As the laughter runs through me, I hear Piper begin to chuckle, then laugh as well. Finally, I get control of myself and reach out for her hands. She offers them to me, and I draw her in close.
"It's all right now," I say. "I'm here, and no matter how many cans of paint you throw your phone into, I'm not going anywhere."
Piper steps away from me.
"Christian, I heard you talking to Frederik. That's why I left."
"Heard me talking to Frederik? What do you mean?"
"I heard the two of you talking about ending our marriage at the end of the ninety-day requirement. He told you we couldn’t get an annulment because if we did, Aurora will lose her position in the royal family. Were you not talking about that?"
"No, I was. And then we talked about divorce, and the procedure for that, and how that would impact Aurora, and you."
I see all the color drain out of Piper's face, and I reach for her hands again.
"If that's true, Christian, why are you here? There is still time before we have to start the process."
"Piper, listen to me. I didn't ask Frederik how to dissolve our marriage, or how it was going to impact all of us because I don't want to be with you. I love you."
"You seriously expect me to believe that?" she asks. "How many times have you heard of someone saying 'oh, honey, I love you so much let's get divorced'?"
My eyes narrow. "I never said that, and I’m not going to. I’m not lying to you, Piper. All that matters to me is my family; you and Aurora."
"If that’s not it, then what did you ask Frederik?"
"I didn't go to him because I don't love you, or because I don't want to be married to you. I sought his advice because I wanted to give you a choice."
"A choice?" she asks.
"Yes," I say. "It doesn't escape me that you were essentially tricked into all of this. From the second I upgraded you into that first-class seat, you weren’t really making your own decisions. I don't want that for you. I've known since the day we got married that you might decide to not continue with the marriage. If that was going to be the case, I wanted to be absolutely prepared for it, and for whatever it would mean for me, and my relationship with my daughter."
* * *
Piper
"You were going to leave the decision on whether to end our marriage or not up to me?" I ask incredulously.
"Yes," Christian says. "Like I said, I want this to be your choice. No matter how much I love you, I don’t want you to be with me if you feel like you were tricked into it. It should be your decision.”
"What would you have done if I hadn’t left Cambria, but came to you at the end of the ninety days and told you I didn't want to stay married to you? How would you have reacted if I said I wanted to go ahead with a divorce? Would you have just let me walk away?"
"I would have let you go, but I would have done everything my power to convince you that you were wrong. I would have accepted your decision, but I would have fought for you. I know that we are supposed to be together. But you are your own person, Piper. You can make your own decisions. It doesn’t matter what I want, if you don’t want the same."
His answer makes my heart flutter and my thighs tingle, but it's not quite enough. There's something missing, but I don't know what it is.
"What do you want from me?" I ask.
"You know what I want."
I shake my head.
"I need to hear it, Christian. I need you to tell me what you want. What actually matters to you."
Christian takes a step toward me, closing the space between us until we’re only inches apart. I feel goosebumps raising on my arms.
"I want you," he says in a calm, even voice. “What matters to me is you and Aurora. What I care about, more than anything in this damn world, is the family I created with you, and the future that we can have together. I want you to be my wife, Piper. Not just temporarily, but for the rest of my life. But if you don't want to be married, or can't imagine yourself being part of the royal family, I'll leave it behind. I'm willing to give up my right to succession if that's what it takes to keep my family together. As much as I want to serve my country, and continue my family's legacy, not only for my brother but myself, I love you too much to throw this away. I walked away from you for them once before, but I’m not going to do it again. I want us to be a family. Whatever it takes.”
"I'd never ask you to do that," I say. "I'd never ask you to abdicate the throne or give up your family for me. That’s not what I want."
Before I can tell Christian what it is I want, he raises one hand to silence me.
"Don't answer yet," he says. "Think about it for a couple of days."
"I don't need to think about it, Christian."
"Do it anyway," he says. "This is something I want you to really think through. It’s an incredibly difficult decision to make. I want to make sure you feel confident that you are making the right one. For all of us.”
His response strikes me as extremely strange. Normally, Christian would have wanted my answer immediately. He never would have told me to wait a few days. But I don't argue with him. I'm trying to get better at controlling my temper.
Chapter Eighteen
Christian
When I came to find Piper, I knew I wanted to give her an experience she deserves but didn't get to have. I'm not sure of the details, but I know the first step I need to take is to talk to her grandfather. I didn't get to meet him the first time I was in Massachusetts, but she spoke of him fondly. As her oldest living male relative, he's the one I know I rightfully need to talk to, and I can only hope he's willing to talk to me.
Somehow, I expect the senior living home where Grant Ashcroft has lived for the past 15 years to be dark and foreboding. I feel guilty for my assumption as I approach the building and realize it's welcoming and cheerful. That the atrium is bright and inviting when I step inside, and so is the broad smile of the man coming toward me. Even though I've never met Piper's grandfather, I immediately know this must be him. There's something about him that reminds me of her, though it's hard to pick out exactly what it is. He walks toward me with his hands extended, and clasps mine between them as soon as he's close enough. This man seems vibrant and almost youthful, and I can understand why Piper would want to spend more time with him then she's been able to dur
ing her long trips.
"You must be Christian," he says.
His accent is heavy, and it makes me smile. Piper has almost no accent, and I can imagine she's trained it out of herself, so she can easily communicate with the people she helps around the world. I suddenly become very aware of my own muted Cambrian accent, also faded from years of travel abroad, though admittedly with far more partying than Piper's.
"Yes," I say. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Ashcroft."
"Please," he says, "Grant. All that Mr. Ashcroft business makes me sound old."
I laugh, and he gestures for me to follow him. We make our way through the atrium and down a long hallway away from the recreational rooms, and toward the residential portion of the building. He pauses at a door and uses a key to open it. I'm not sure what to expect when we go inside, but beyond the door is what looks like a small, cluttered, but clean apartment.
"Come on in," he says. "Make yourself at home. You might have to find your way around a few knick-knacks. My wife always used to say they were ridiculous and didn't go with anything. But I just told her they went with each other. Sort of like us. Neither one of us ever fit in with anybody else, but we matched up perfectly, so we stuck together. That's why I can't bear the thought of getting rid of my collection. I don't have her anymore, but at least they can still have each other."
He's just rambling, but I'm touched by the sentiment behind his words. I carefully move a pair of odd-looking flamingo statues off a chair and sit down.
"I really appreciate you letting me come here and talk to you," I say.
"Anytime," Grant says. "I never get to see Piper anymore. She's always off saving the world. I'm proud of her, don't get me wrong. I show off pictures of her with the best of them, but it would be nice to be able to see her more often. It seems like when she comes to town, she just breezes through. She's always promising to come back and spend more time, but it doesn't seem to ever happen. But I guess you took care of that for us, didn't you?"
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