More Careless Talk

by David Barry

  A rasping, strangled cry came from deep within Marjorie’s chest. ‘It’s OK,’ the doctor assured her, ‘your baby’s passing a black substance called meconium - which is not so surprising after struggling to get out into the world for the past thirteen hours. I think we ought to assist it.’

  ‘He means a caesarean section,’ the nurse explained, throwing the doctor a sidelong, irritated glance.

  The young Australian grinned back at her. ‘Oh, so that’s what it’s called.’ He glanced at Ted, wondering why the husband seemed so detached, so unemotionally involved. ‘Right! You understand what’s involved, Mrs. Blackburn?’

  Marjorie nodded, relieved now that the pain would soon end and she could sleep, and allow someone else the responsibility. Soon it would be out of her hands.

  ***

  Nicky and Vanessa sat together on the sofa, watching a crime film with a convoluted plot which they both found difficult to follow. Vanessa yawned and glanced at her watch, wondering if she would sleep if she went to bed this early.

  ‘Have you ever done anything bad, something you regret, but can’t do anything to change?’ Nicky asked.

  Vanessa thought about Jason. He’d been Nicky’s boyfriend until she stepped in.

  ‘Have you?’ Nicky persisted.

  Vanessa nodded. ‘Yes, but I’m not in the mood for confessions. What about you?’

  Nicky looked suddenly desperate, and her eyes filled with tears.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ asked Vanessa.

  ‘Oh God! What have I done? I only wanted to get at him. Not at Mum. But she’s the one who’ll suffer.’

  Vanessa sat up excitedly and turned towards Nicky. She found it difficult to suppress the intrigued smile that was spreading across her face. ‘What have you done? Tell me.’

  ‘I did it without even thinking. I found his passport on the floor of the car. It must have dropped out of his jacket pocket when it was draped over the back seat. So I took it.’

  Vanessa looked disappointed. ‘Oh, is that all? Well, they’re not leaving until mid morning tomorrow. You can phone him and tell him you found it here.’

  Nicky’s voice began to tremble and tears ran down her cheeks. ‘No, I can’t. I cut it into bits with a pair of scissors.’

  ‘You did what?’

  Nicky nodded slowly and looked into the distance through a veil of tears. ‘I can’t believe I did it. I was so angry. I cut it into tiny bits and chucked it in the bin.’

  ‘Shit!’ Vanessa said, and there was a degree of admiration in her exclamation. For the first time in ages she almost admired her sister. She herself would never have had the nerve to go that far.

  ***

  Beaming happily, almost as if it was her baby, the auxiliary nurse told Ted he was the proud father of a perfectly healthy girl. ‘We’ll just clean her up and weigh her,’ she said, ‘then you can hold her.’

  He watched while they wrapped and placed the tiny bundle on the scales. She seemed quiet. He had expected there would be much crying and bawling, like he’d seen in films.

  ‘Seven pounds, two ounces,’ the nurse told him. She brought over the bundle for him to hold. He took it carefully, accepting it as one might a precious gift. Then he looked down into his daughter’s vivid blue eyes. She seemed to know who he was. Had he imagined it? Was there a brief glimmer of recognition?

  ‘I’m seeing her before Marjorie, aren’t I?’ he said.

  ‘Yes,’ the nurse replied. ‘Your wife hasn’t come round yet. It’s a shame, but there we are.’

  Ted smiled, a look of triumph in his eyes. He didn’t think it was a shame at all. He was pleased to be seeing his daughter before Marjorie. He gave her a wicked grin.

  ‘Who’s Daddy’s girl, then? he crooned softly.

  His grin widened. He couldn’t wait to share his news with Donald. Soon he would be free to go round to Donald’s place, while Marjorie and his baby were in hospital. And he would be free to indulge himself with both Donald and Bamber. Suddenly he felt no remorse. No guilt. Life was becoming exciting and different.

  Thirty - Three

  Pran blinked the sleep from his eyes as his blurred vision adjusted to the brightness of his surroundings. He felt a swaying sensation as a hand gently but firmly shook him by the shoulder. It took him a moment to get his bearings. He was still in the pub, which was now almost empty.

  ‘Come on, sir,’ said the manager. ‘Time to go home.’

  Pran felt a buzzing sensation in his head, and he stared woozily at the table in front of him. ‘I could have sworn I had a glass of wine.’

  The manager sighed and looked pointedly at his watch. ‘You did have, but you finished it.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Positive. Time you went home.’

  Pran shrugged and tried to get up, but his legs seemed to fail him. Using the table for support, he pulled himself up. The table tilted precariously, and would have toppled but for the manager holding it down. Losing patience, the manager grabbed Pran by the arm and escorted him to the door.

  ‘Goodnight, sir. Thank you so much for your custom.’

  Pran missed the sarcasm of the manager’s tone as the door closed behind him. He staggered and weaved across the pavement, and automatic pilot guided him back to his flat. As soon as he was indoors, he flopped back onto the sofa and fell asleep Alan, who had heard him arriving home, got out of bed and went into the living room. When he saw his partner sleeping fully clothed, mouth wide open and snoring loudly, he looked disgusted.

  ‘That’s it!’ he said. ‘I’ve had it, Pran. I can’t take any more.’

  ***

  Jackie shielded her eyes from the bright morning sunshine as she watched Nigel searching the back of his car. In her stomach she felt fluttering wings of panic. ‘Find it?’ she called.

  Nigel returned to the house, shaking his head. ‘It’s not there.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  Nigel clenched his teeth. God! She could be irritating at times. ‘Of course I’m sure,’ he snapped.

  ‘It might have fallen behind the back seat.’

  ‘What d’you think I’ve bloody well been doing all this time?’

  Tears appeared in her eyes. ‘Nigel!’ she admonished softly, as a child might scold her father.

  ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled, scowling. He slammed the front door shut and strode into the kitchen. Jackie followed, treading softly, her shoulders carrying an invisible weight.

  ‘Now what do we do?’ he said, gesturing helplessly with open palms.

  ‘I think we ought to go over to my place,’ said Jackie.

  Nigel waved his hands about frantically. ‘I left my jacket in the car,’ he explained slowly, as if to a half-wit. ‘My passport was in my jacket pocket. And the jacket didn’t leave the car.’

  ‘Yes! All right!’ Jackie snapped. ‘But one of the girls might have picked it up and taken it indoors.’

  ‘Why on earth would they do that?’

  ‘I don’t know. If you found a passport on the floor, you wouldn’t just leave it there, would you?’

  ‘But you’d tell someone you’d found it, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Well...’ Jackie hesitated. ‘You know what they’re like.’

  Nigel made a downwards sweep with his mouth, an expression Jackie detested. ‘Oh yes,’ he said. ‘Only too well.’

  ‘Well don’t blame them because you’ve lost your passport.’

  ‘I can’t think where else it could be. You’d better go and phone them.’

  ***

  Nicky came tearing out of her room when the telephone rang, crying, ‘Vanessa! Wake up! I bet that’s them.’

  Yawning, bleary-eyed, Vanessa eased open her door, being irritatingly slow. ‘Oh God!’ she complained. ‘I need this like a
hole in the head.’

  ‘But you promised,’ Nicky pleaded. ‘Please, Vanessa.’

  ‘OK, OK, I’m going,’ said Vanessa, regretting that she had reluctantly agreed to deal with the inevitable phone call. It must have been because she still felt guilty about the fling with Jason; either that or because she had wanted to silence her sister’s irritating blubbering in the early hours of the morning. Eventually Vanessa would have agreed to anything just to shut her up.

  As she started down the stairs, Vanessa gave Nicky a wry smile. ‘Wish me luck. This’ll be an Oscar winning performance.’

  ***

  Ted blinked in the bright sunshine as he opened the door. Donald stood framed in the light, the sun seeming to form a halo around him. ‘Are congratulations in order?’ he said, cheerfully.

  Ted rubbed the sleep out of his eyes then noticed the champagne in Donald’s hands. ‘How did you know. Did Bamber tell you?’

  Donald smiled. ‘He did. And he also said something about you agreeing to the three of us...’

  Embarrassed, Ted interrupted hastily. ‘I know, but I’ve been thinking about that, and I don’t know if now is the time ... what I mean to say is ... can I think about it? Put it on hold. Put it on the back burner.’

  Donald laughed. ‘Take a rain check. Know any more clichés, Ted? Or have you been reading very little Shakespeare of late?’

  ‘I’m serious...’ began Ted.

  Donald waved his objection aside. ‘Don’t worry, dear boy. Bamber’s gone to Lewes. He’ll be gone some time. His mother’s in a bad way. It looks as if she’s not long for this world. One leaves as a new one arrives. So don’t keep me in suspense. What did you have?’

  ‘A girl.’

  Donald’s smile broadened. ‘Thank goodness for that. Now I shan’t have to kick a silly ball about. s she beautiful, Ted?’

  Ted nodded enthusiastically. ‘Out of this world.’

  ‘Well, we’d better wet the baby’s head, hadn’t we?’

  Ted stepped aside for Donald to enter, saying, ‘It’s a bit early to be drinking, isn’t it?’

  ‘Special occasion, dear boy. Now why don’t you run yourself a refreshing bath while I open the bubbly, then I’ll bring you up a glass.’

  ***

  Nigel was leaning against the sink, staring at his feet, when Jackie returned to the kitchen. ‘They didn’t find it, did they?’ he muttered.

  Jackie sighed and shook her head.

  ‘Well, I suppose that’s that,’ said Nigel. ‘I hope the insurance will cover loss of passport.’

  ‘Perhaps you lost it in the restaurant, or outside the registry office. We could try ringing round. Someone may have handed it in to the police.’

  Nigel looked at his watch, and made another irritating downward sweep with his mouth. ‘We’re supposed to be at Gatwick in an hour and a half. It’s not going to happen. You can go on your own, if you like.’

  ‘On my own?’

  ‘Why not? I could spend the day at the passport office, sorting out another emergency application, then join you tomorrow or the day after or something.’

  Jackie sank heavily into a chair by the kitchen table. ‘I don’t want to go without you, Nigel.’

  ‘Well,’ he murmured, ‘it was just a thought.’

  Jackie sat upright suddenly, as if the weight had lifted from her shoulders. ‘I’ve just had an idea. We could explain to the travel agent what’s happened. And, as you say, we might be covered by the insurance. We could go somewhere else. Cornwall or Devon. Wales. The Lake District. It’ll be fun just taking off without planning anything. Who knows where we might end up.’

  Nigel beamed at her. ‘What a great idea. And I’ll be able to finish that call centre system proposal before we go. Then I can drive back from wherever we are on Monday, to do an important demo.’

  ‘Darling!’ Jackie said. ‘It’s our honeymoon.’

  The thought suddenly struck her that Nigel might be lying about his passport, pretending to have lost it, so that he could carry on with his work.

  Thirty - Four

  Nicky yawned as she shuffled into the kitchen, scratching her head sleepily. Vanessa was at the breakfast table, noisily slurping the remaining milk from the bottom of her cereal bowl.

  ‘Anything for me?’ Nicky asked, indicating the pile of unopened mail on the table.

  ‘Don’t think so. You expecting anything?’

  ‘Well, no, not really. Maybe a postcard from Mummy.’

  Vanessa smirked. ‘You don’t deserve a card from her, after what you did.’

  Nicky slumped into a chair opposite her sister. ‘Oh, don’t remind me. I’ll always feel guilty about that. Till the day I die.’

  ‘No, you won’t. This time next year you won’t give it another thought..’

  ‘Oh, well,’ Nicky nodded, with a small sigh. ‘You’re probably right. And at least it wasn’t a total disaster. I wonder where they went in the end.’

  Vanessa shrugged, pushed her cereal bowl aside and picked up the mail. ‘Junk mail, bill, bill, junk mail,’ she chanted as she sorted through them. ‘Ah, but this looks like an invitation.’

  ‘Who’s it for?’

  ‘Me!’ Vanessa tore open the envelope and tugged out a gold-edged card. ‘It’s a wedding invitation.’

  ‘I couldn’t face another wedding right now,’ Nicky said.

  Vanessa sniggered. ‘Especially this one.’

  Nicky stared at her sister, frowning hard. ‘What d’you mean?’

  ‘My friend Mariaa’s getting married to Jason.’

  ‘Jason?’

  ‘Yes, you know, that slime-ball you went out with for a while.’

  ‘I didn’t know you knew Jason.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry - I should have told you. bumped into him by accident in the pub one day, and I introduced him to Maria. They started going out together. I should have told you, I suppose. But I thought you’d be upset.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’ve known Jason and your best friend were going out together all this time, but you never said anything.’

  Vanessa shrugged carelessly, then looked her sister straight in the eye and smiled. ‘It’s a small world,’ she said.

  ***

  Ted crept around the house in case he woke the baby, who was sleeping peacefully in the nursery. She seemed to do nothing but sleep. After the birth, it was a sudden gut-wrenching anti-climax. Every so often, he tip-toed into her room to make sure she was all right, and to convince himself she was real, but all she did was sleep.

  Having spent most of the morning getting the house ship-shape, Ted now felt exhausted. Marjorie was upstairs, running herself a bath, and he thought he might indulge in a quiet sit down with a read of The Tempest.

  Marjorie suddenly appeared in the living room doorway, holding up an empty champagne bottle as if it was a urine sample. ‘What’s this?’ she demanded.

  Ted could feel the blood drain from his face. How had he overlooked the bathroom? He’d been shaving and showering in there for the past three days, so how had he missed it? Too much on his mind, probably. What with the baby, seeing Donald, and having to work a late shift. Perhaps it was the tiredness. How on earth had me missed a champagne bottle standing on the edge of the bath. But there it was. Now that Marjorie had confronted him with it, he could see in his mind’s eye the champagne bottle glaring obviously at him from where he and Donald had...

  ‘Well?’ said Marjorie.

  He realised the silence had stretched to an unbelievably unrealistic length while she waited for his explanation.

  ‘I ... um ...’ he began. ‘I just wanted to wet the baby’s head.’

  ‘You drank a whole bottle yourself?’

  Ted nodded silently.

  Marjorie’s lip cur
led triumphantly. ‘Then why are there two glasses in the bathroom?’

  Thirty - Five

  Ted stared at Marjorie, his mind a blank. After a long silence, he said, ‘I’m not with you.’ He realised it was weak, but he continued holding eye contact with her, keeping his face expressionless.

  Marjorie’s eyes narrowed as she repeated her accusation. ‘Why are there two glasses in the bathroom?’

  Ted shrugged and pursed his lips. He suddenly felt sure of himself. ‘I couldn’t drink a whole bottle of champagne in one go. I expect I took another glass up the next day.’

  Marjorie deliberately let her mouth open in a parody of amazement. ‘You lay in the bath two days running and polished off a whole bottle of champagne?’

  ‘Nothing wrong with that, is there?’

  Marjorie sniffed disapprovingly. ‘All that hot water’s costly. What’s wrong with the shower?’

  Ted giggled audaciously. ‘The water gets into the champagne.’

  Marjorie felt she was losing ground. She waved the empty champagne bottle in front of Ted and raised her voice. ‘You’re turning into a right boozer. How much did this set you back?’

  ‘Oh, um, not much. It was on special offer.’

  ‘That’s not what I said. How much exactly?’

  ‘I can’t really remember. It was just under twelve pounds.’

  Marjorie looked as if she had been hit with something cold and wet. ‘Twelve pounds!’

  ‘Well, perhaps not as much as that,’ Ted began, hastily.

  Marjorie glared at the worthless empty bottle. Sadness and longing crept into her voice. ‘You’ve never bought me any champagne. Not once. Not ever. Not even when we got married. You could have waited till I got home.’

  ‘I thought you weren’t supposed to have alcohol.’

  ‘That was before I had her.’

  Ted was struck by a sudden bright idea, a way of changing the subject, once and for all. ‘That’s a point.’

  ‘What?’ Marjorie snapped, her eyes hard and piercing.