Falling Forward

by Dawn Robertson

  “I think that is a little personal to be asking, don’t you? I mean, I don’t ask you about your income, or how much money Kent makes!” I snap back. This dinner is about to end on a pretty bad note if the subject doesn’t change quickly.

  “I think that is different, Luna. His family has money. I know mom and dad didn’t leave much behind. I’ve seen their wills. I just find it odd that you could come here and buy a million-dollar house. It’s not like you were some top producing realtor.” Now I’m pissed.

  “You’re serious right now?” I say to her. I busted my ass to be one of the top agents within my firm before I quit. I worked years in a shitty job, to be able to have a name people would recognize in real estate, and this is what my own sister has to say? I’ve got nothing. Seriously, how do you even reply to something like that? This is why, I had no interest in this dinner.

  I throw some twenties onto the table, and start to stand up. Violet tries to stop me by holding onto my arm for a second, until she realizes by the death glare I shoot in her direction, that I am over this.

  “I don’t know who you think you are, saying something like that to me, but we are done here. It was a lovely dinner, and a reminder of why I will always keep you at an arm’s length. I don’t know what the fuck happened to you over the years, but mom and dad would be ashamed of the person you’ve become. I hope you are happy with yourself,” I let it all out. I let my feelings be known, for the first time in my entire life, when it comes to my snotty ass older sister, Lucy.

  “I’ll see you back at the hotel, please take your time,” I say to Violet, push in my chair and make my way to the exit. My heart is hammering against my chest, flying off adrenaline. I start walking down the street to a safe distance, before I cue up an Uber and make my way back to the hotel. I’m desperately trying not to cry, but her words just cut me to my soul. You would think after losing everything we have in the world, we would all come together? No, instead Lucy has gone off the deep end, and Violet has turned into our mother, trying to keep the peace between us all. It’s stupid. It’s all fucking stupid! I hit the brick wall next to me with my fist, hard enough to sting, but not enough to do any real damage.

  “You know, you’re gonna hurt yourself if you do that again.” I turn and Violet is standing there, hands on her hips with her black purse slung over her shoulder. Her bright purple hair pulled up into a messy knot on top of her head, with a black sun dress on. If she wasn’t my little sister, I’d probably pick a fight with her. I’m just that fucking mad.

  “I can’t believe her!” I scream. People in the distance start to stare in our direction, so I try to calm myself down. I don’t even realize it, but I am pacing back and forth on the sidewalk.

  “Luna, she’s grieving in her own way. She doesn't mean that, she's just worried.” Violet tries to make an excuse for it.

  “Just don’t. You know she was out of line,” I say. We both know it, but she is just trying to be Switzerland.

  “I know Lu, but we are all dealing with things in the way it works for us. She’s miserable. Her husband is a fucking twat and she’s trapped. Can’t you see that?” she starts to cry as the words come out of her mouth. “She hates herself, she hates her life. You should know how that feels. I know she said some bitchy shit, but she is just trying to make herself feel better,” Violet adds. My Uber pulls up in front of us and I walk towards the car.

  “Are you coming?” I ask her, and she gets in with me. I thought for sure she was going to go back to The Olde Pink House and finish whatever was left of dinner with Lucy. I always feel like the sister that ends up alone. They would always side together, mom and dad stood up for me and now apparently no one will.

  “Let’s go to Club One,” Violet says with a spreading smile. She’s trying to change the mood, cheer me up, and she obviously knows I’m completely into Liam. You can see it between us. I’m not sure if I want to bring her to meet Christopher and Edward though. It could shed more light into the odd background that Liam has.

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I say.

  “Excuse me? Sir… can we change our destination to Club One?” Violet asks, and the Uber driver quickly re-routes before I have the option to say anything. I’m secretly excited to go and see Liam, but I also don’t want to seem stalker-ish. But, it may be good to meet some of the people affiliated with the youth center, since I would like to jump right in.

  The car comes to a stop in front of a tall brick building, with a rainbow flag proudly hanging from the front. A line wraps around the side of the building, up the stairs to the second floor LGBT club. The atmosphere is positive, and loving. Instantly my mood begins to change, just from the good vibes of the people around us. The line moves quickly and soon we are at the door. I pay the cover charge for both of us and we make our way towards the bar on the far wall. There is a stage to the right. Apparently, they are famous for their weekend drag shows.

  I can see Liam in the distance, all the way by the stage, standing with Christopher and Edward. I don’t want to run in his direction though. Violet and I continue to make our way to the bar, ordering two Malibu Bay Breeze’s, and waiting for the queen behind the counter to make the drinks. I love it. I love everything about the people here, the staff, the good time. I’ve found my tribe. I’ve found the place I want to go hang out on the weekends.

  “I definitely want to come to a drag show here,” I say to Violet as the bartender comes back with our drinks.

  “Oh honey! You sure do!” she says in the sassiest tone ever. Turning around we start to make our way in the direction of Liam, when I spot Hunter out of the corner of my eye, coming out of the bathrooms not far from the bar.

  “Come this way first,” I say to Violet as she trails along behind me. “There is someone I want to say hi to.” This is the second time in two days I have run into him and haven’t said anything. I’ve been extremely rude.

  “Hey,” I say, as our eyes meet a couple feet apart. “I just wanted to apologize for not texting you back, and for last night and stuff. I feel really bad.” I shrug, and definitely feel embarrassed. I’m not in high school anymore. I should have given him a little more courtesy.

  “Oh, no big deal. I figured you were busy with your house and stuff. How do you know Liam?” Wait? He knows Liam? I introduced them last night, but from the sounds of it they have crossed paths more than just through me. I guess I shouldn't give myself that much credit. They’ve both lived in Savannah far longer than I have.

  “We met through Edward. He knew my mother, and we ran into each other the first night I was in town,” I answer honestly. “How do you know him?” I ask.

  “We know each other through the LGBT community,” he replies. “It’s a tight knit community,” he adds. My mind starts to wander back to the other night when we ran into each other at Wet Willies, and why Liam wouldn’t say anything to me about it right then and there, or in the minutes after it took place. I space out picking the situation apart in my mind, as Violet and Hunter chat. Coming back to planet Earth, I pick back up in the conversation, trying not to let them know I spaced out.

  “Well, it was nice chatting,” I say, but I want to make my way over to Liam and start some shit with him. First Lucy, and now Liam, on a day that was supposed to be happy for me. I should have known better than to think my life was actually starting to come together. Happiness just isn’t for me apparently.

  “If you’ll excuse me, I need to grab Liam for a minute.” I leave Violet chatting with Hunter, and make my way in the direction of Liam. It’s a short walk, but I don’t think he saw me coming. I tap him on the shoulder and he turns with a huge smile on his face. His arms wrap around my body, and I use this opportunity to whisper into his ear.

  “We need to talk.” My eyes look up to meet his, and I think he can tell I’m not the happiest camper. His smile fades, and he leans down and whispers into my ear.

  “Is everything okay?” I just shake my head no, and start walking to the
back corner full of little cocktail tables with no one sitting at them. He looks concerned and he should be, he wasn’t honest with me. I feel like I’ve been betrayed, but then again maybe I am completely overreacting.

  “What’s wrong, Luna?” Liam asks, reaching across the table to take my hands in his.

  “You know Hunter. You let me introduce the two of you and didn't say a thing!” I’m practically yelling, but the venue is so loud no one could possibly hear me.

  “That’s what this is about?” Liam laughs and shrugs it off. “Luna, By the time we got back to the hotel, and then smoked I completely forget we even ran into him. Yeah, I know him. We have a bit of a history. I didn’t want to get into it with you last night though. It’s long, and deep, and personal and I didn’t want to ruin our night with ex-relationship bullshit. I just wanted to enjoy the time I got to spend with you. I cherish it.” I start to talk myself down because his explanation makes sense, but I am not sure if I am happy about the way he handled it. Everything else has been so upfront. It’s just off to me.

  “If you would really like to talk about this, we can leave and go somewhere?” he offers, but I don’t want to take him away from the event and all these people. In fact, I start to think that I shouldn’t have come here to begin with. I know Violet dragged me, but I just feel so uncomfortable now.

  “No, that’s okay. We can text later on. I don’t want to take you away from the event for something stupid.” I try and shrug it off like it’s not important to me. I’ll live, I just may not be happy right at this moment.

  “You sure?” He presses me, because I think he can read my poker face already.

  “Yeah, its fine. Why don’t you introduce me to some of the people here?” Changing the subject, and putting on a smile. It may be fake, but sometimes that’s the only thing that you can do to protect your heart.

  Chapter 10

  In the Blink of an Eye

  In the blink of an eye and entire month has passed by. My sister, Violet, has retreated back to Florida for a couple weeks, leaving me alone with the men in my life. Yes, I said men. After the scene I made in Club One that night, Liam and I had a long talk about his past, and exactly how he knows Hunter. They certainly have a colorful past for sharing women, and each other. I was surprised at first, because he didn’t make it seem like he still had to socially see anyone that he had been involved with in the past, but I guess that is true when you live in a small community.

  Thankfully for me, the women are long gone but Hunter and Liam… well, the entire past month of my life has been the two of them trying to rope me into a poly-relationship with them. Liam and I have continued the hook up we already started, while falling into the usual relationship type stuff. Date night, dinner out, helping me picket artwork for my house, a day trip to the beach… shit couples do. While Hunter and I have taken things a lot slower. We’ve texted a lot, but in the back of my mind I still feel like I am doing something wrong, even though Liam is pushing it.

  I’m not mad, or uncomfortable. It’s just different. The first time Hunter and I kissed, Liam was standing behind me with his hands on my ass and his lips on my neck. I’d be lying to say that I’m not over the moon at the possibilities of having two men who dote on me, but I fear that I won’t be enough for the two of them. I guess it’s just a normal self-conscious reaction, because I’ve had it over the years when it comes to just having one man in my life.

  But despite the advances in our relationship, Liam and I are the only ones who have remained in hook up mode. We’ve been easing Hunter into the rhythm we built on our own. Liam has spent several nights in my new house with me. I’ve stayed at his apartment a few times, which I’ve really fallen in love with as well. It’s surprisingly spacious for being above the City Market, and the original exposed brick is downright gorgeous.

  I started volunteering two days a week at the Savannah Youth LGBT center, which is only a few blocks from my house, as well as made a sizable donation in memorial of my late mother. I’ve been working on moving forward with life, even though her loss has been so hard on me. I’ve broken down a lot less often, but having Violet downstairs has been helpful. I’ve been able to use her as my own personal therapist. Then there is Lucy. She’s still Lucy, but per Violet, it sounds like she is getting ready to file for divorce from her asshole of a husband. I’ll believe it when I see it. Until then, I am going to stay in my little bubble, putting my own life back together.

  I finish putting a couple things in my overnight bag, and toss in my phone charger before zipping it up. Liam and Hunter should be here in about twenty minutes and we are going to be packing up my car for a two-day vacation in Atlanta, for a Coldplay concert and what I can only assume is going to be our first threesome. I mean, as a chick that is what I am totally prepared for. I shaved everything under the sun. I grab the bag and head downstairs to grab the tickets off my fridge where they’ve been sitting since I bought tickets for the three of us to go. Hunter was able to sell the pair he had on StubHub, and made his money back. Looking out the back-porch windows, I see the pair walk through my back gate a couple minutes early.

  “Ready for our road trip?” Liam says when they come through the backdoor. I’m standing in the kitchen with my hair up in a messy bun, yoga pants, a baggy t-shirt, and flip flops. Totally ready for a four-hour road trip.

  “I’m guessing no,” Hunter says looking at me.

  “Oh, love, I am all about comfort when it comes to being in the car for more than an hour.” I wink at him and press a kiss on his cheek, as Liam gives my ass a smack. I grab the tickets and my bag, and we make our way to the door and down to the car. It’s a bitch getting out of the city today, the traffic is not fun, but I am sure it’ll be nothing compared to the traffic we are going to hit once we get close to Atlanta. The traffic is horrendous, which is another one of the reasons I never went to visit Lucy. From where we lived in Florida it was a seven-hour drive, add another hour or two with traffic, and you have a nightmare of epic proportions.

  Can you tell I am not the biggest fan of traveling in the car? Typically, anything under four hours, and with me driving is the only way I do a long car ride. The car ride passes quickly as we crank Coldplay, and sing along for the bulk of the drive. Music is essential to any good road trip, well that and Mountain Dew. It isn’t long before we are pulling into the Ritz Carlton in downtown Atlanta.

  “All I want is a hot shower,” I say as the valet takes the car and Liam heads ahead of us to check in to the hotel. Hunter wraps his arms around my waist, as the bell hop pushes the cart into the hotel, following Liam in the direction of the front desk. We take this little moment to be alone because we are still so new to each other. I look up into his dark blue eyes as he leans in for a kiss. I find myself comparing the styles between the two men often. Not in a bad way, but just noticing the unique way they touch me from how they touch each other. Nothing is sexier than watching the two of them share a kiss. Hot damn!

  “Pardon me,” Liam laughs as he interrupts from inside the sliding glass doors of the hotel. We break our kiss in a laugh and follow him to the elevators.

  “Remember, we have plans tonight. No starting something we can’t finish before we have to leave for the concert,” Liam teases.

  “Oh, there is no way you two are keeping me from Chris Martin,” I say with the utmost honesty. No matter what men come and go out of my life, the Coldplay front man will always be my number one. I’m overly excited for the concert tonight. It will be the second time I see Coldplay live and they put on the best live show, hands down.

  “We have to be on our way to eat by six. It’s okay if we miss a little bit of the opening acts anyway.” Hunter keeps track of our plans for the night. I used to be good at watching the time when I was working, but now I need alarms to remind me for everything so I don’t miss shit.

  The hotel is impressive, I’ve never stayed at a Ritz Carlton before. Lots of Holiday Inn’s over the years with family vacations. I let
out a little laugh thinking about the shitty family vacations that meant the world to us when we were growing up. Opening up the door to our suite is definitely impressive. I drop my bag right by the door and start exploring. The far windows lookout over the city, from the high floor we are on you can see for miles.

  I wander into the bathroom connected to the master bedroom suite and there is a huge jacuzzi tub. I want to jump into it immediately, so I start the water to fill up its giant size. Liam and Hunter look into the bathroom both cocking their heads to the side.

  “I’m gonna need some bubbles!” I yell with a big smile on my face. They both bust out laughing at me.

  “Is there any room for us in there?” Liam asks, and I’m shocked. It’s the first time he has suggested anything with the three of us. Is it something I want to do before we go have a good time for the night? Shit! Why am I the one on the spot?

  “You wish!” I sass him back and shoo them away.

  “You’ll have me all night after the concert. Isn’t that enough for the two of you?” I joke. I’ve been running this over a million times in my mind for the last couple weeks, since everything started coming together. The bath tub fills and I turn on the jets, making the bubbles I already put in even bigger, before getting naked and lower myself into the hot water.

  I close my eyes and rest my head on the built-in pillow at the edge, thinking about everything that has happened. It took me a good week to talk to Liam about his relationship with Hunter. I kept wanting to avoid the topic. The night I finally agreed to have the talk, he showed up with Hunter at my house. They told me about Jennifer who was the woman they shared. She was a little younger than me, and a school teacher. She ended up leaving their relationship about six months into it, because she felt like it would come back to bite her in her career field. She couldn’t bring one and not the other to events, in her mind. From what the two of them told me, she made it more complicated than either of them wanted it to be.