Marty Pants 2

by Mark Parisi

  “You’re going to the dentist!” she insists.

  My mom has a way of getting appointments right away.

  I have to go to Dr. Distal’s office straight after school.

  I loathe the idea. I’ve never enjoyed having dentistry inflicted on me.

  But now that I think about it, this could be the solution I’m looking for!

  I can instruct the dentist to pull out all my teeth. That way, when I turn into a werewolf, I’ll be harmless!

  Yes. That makes perfect sense. Unlike my sister.

  She hasn’t been making much sense at all lately. She’s completely consumed with fear about what her little brother is about to become, and she’s talking crazy gibberish.

  CHAPTER 25

  gut feeling

  How many days before I turn into a werewolf? It’s about time I checked.

  “Parker,” I ask casually, “do you know when the next full moon is?”

  “Saturday,” she says.

  “You didn’t even have to look it up?”

  “Nope,” she says. “That’s when the Full Moon Festival is.”

  “The what?”

  Parker hands me a flyer.

  This is the dumbest flyer I’ve ever seen.

  “Didn’t Simon give you one?” she asks.

  “Nope.”

  “Well, there are plenty hanging up on the walls.”

  I look around. She’s right.

  “Want to go with me?” Parker says with a big smile.

  “Go with you?” I ask.

  “Yes.”

  “You and me together?”

  “Together.”

  “To an event.”

  “Right.”

  “You and me going to an event together?”

  “You got it!”

  I think she’s asking me out.

  But she’s still under the impression that I’m not a werewolf. I haven’t told her I actually AM a werewolf after all. Maybe it’s better this way. It’s my burden to bear.

  And I loathe the idea of Parker being scared of me. “No, thank you,” I say.

  “No?”

  “No,” I repeat.

  “You don’t want to go with me?”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Parker.”

  “Oh. Okay then.”

  Parker looks hurt, but she’s certainly not as hurt as she’d be if I’d said yes. The last place I should be during a full moon is a gymnasium full of people!

  Especially if one of those people is Parker.

  She walks away, devastated I’m sure.

  She gets over it quickly, though, because I hear her laughing.

  “Parker, want to go to the Full Moon Festival with me?” I overhear Simon say.

  “Let me think about it,” Parker answers. She glances over at me. I look away.

  “I thought about it,” she says to Simon. “I’ll go!”

  “Great! My dad can drive us!”

  “Great!” Parker says as she heads off to class.

  Simon looks over at me, then proceeds to do his annoying victory dance.

  This time with lyrics.

  Meanwhile, my chest is starting to hurt. I wonder if this is another symptom of becoming a werewolf.

  CHAPTER 26

  toothiness

  “Take them all out,” I tell Dr. Distal.

  “No need for that,” she says. “I’ll just fill that nasty cavity.”

  “I’m the customer,” I remind her.

  “You sure are,” she replies. “And I’ll do my best to make you happy.”

  “That’s what I like to hear.”

  She looks inside my mouth.

  “How much candy do you eat, Marty?”

  “The recommended daily amount,” I say.

  “How about you cut down a little?”

  “I guess I’ll have to,” I say. “It’ll be hard to eat candy without any teeth.”

  “My point exactly,” she says.

  Dr. Distal talks a big game, but when I leave her office, I check my reflection in the grocery store window.

  I still have all my teeth!

  She put plenty of dangerous-looking instruments in my mouth, but all she ultimately did was give me one big filling.

  Then, right before my eyes, I see my face begin to change.

  I’m transforming! Already?!

  Wait. That’s not a reflection … there’s an actual canine on the other side of the glass.

  Dewey!

  The store employees chase him around and bump into each other. Dewey even manages to grab a few snacks while he dodges everyone.

  He’s very entertaining. I can see why Parker likes him so much.

  A woman enters the store, and Dewey takes the opportunity to escape.

  He darts left, right, left, then behind the building. I think about chasing him, but he’s too crafty.

  When I get home, my mom is packing for another business trip.

  “How’d it go at the dentist?” she asks.

  “Wi wink ik wenk wine bu wi shill hab aw my deef,” I say, waiting for the numbness to wear off.

  CHAPTER 27

  game on

  The full moon is only two days away!

  I’ve been brainstorming all week but haven’t come up with a solution.

  I have to find a way to stop myself from transforming!

  I invite Roongrat to play video games after school.

  I need a break to clear my head.

  He brings a new game he’s dying to try out.

  As you may have guessed from the title, the object of the game is to eat the dragon before it eats you.

  “How come you’re not going to the Full Moon Festival?” Roongrat asks. “Everyone’s going. Even Jasmine. And Jasmine doesn’t go to anything.”

  “Health reasons,” I say.

  “Simon is going with Parker, you know.”

  “I’m well aware of that!”

  “It’s due to Simon’s artistic abilities,” Roongrat says. “It’s a fact. His influential art skills convinced everyone to attend.”

  “Not me!” I remind him.

  “Simon’s talent stems from his eyelids,” Roongrat adds. “Droopy eyelids indicate an advanced creativity center in the cerebellum section of the brain matter. It’s a fact.”

  Ugh. I can’t listen to this anymore.

  “Let’s play Dragon Eater!” I say.

  It turns out my predatory instincts are an advantage in this game. I’m doing very well. In fact, I’m flying through the levels!

  “Have you played this before, Marty?” Roongrat asks.

  “No. I guess I’m just a natural.”

  I did it! I ate the entire dragon!

  There’s a burp sound effect, then another screen pops up.

  “Hey, you ate me!” Roongrat whines.

  “Sorry. I didn’t even know that was possible.”

  “Well, don’t do it again!”

  “Unfortunately, Roonie, that’s a promise I can’t make.”

  Roongrat grabs his game and heads home in a huff. I kick back in my beanbag of solitude and think.

  It won’t be safe for anyone to go out during the full moon. I need to prevent all the kids from going to the Full Moon Festival.

  But how?

  What I need is another epiphany.

  Bang. Got one.

  CHAPTER 28

  flyer away

  Throughout history, great art has always had a way of changing minds.

  That means all I have to do is make a flyer that’s superior to Simon’s and convince Parker to stay home! I mean, convince everyone to stay home!

  It’s so simple—why didn’t I think of this before? Dueling flyers.

  May the best flyer win. (Mine, of course.)

  Simon’s flyer is so lame that this should be a cakewalk.

  I grab a clean sheet of paper and get to work.

  After a couple of hours, I add the finishing touches. It’s to the point, but is it powerful enough t
o cancel out Simon’s flyer?

  Is it a mind changer?

  I decide it’s awesome, but now I worry it gives away too much.

  I don’t want to give anyone any clues that I’m about to become a crazed werewolf. That could cause a nationwide panic.

  I need a second opinion. My door flies open.

  “Perfect timing!” I say. “Come here and tell me what you think. I trust your opinion.”

  Jerome obediently leaps over to me. “What do you think of this, little buddy?”

  Jerome rolls around on my flyer, nibbles the corner, does a somersault, lands in my lap, and rubs against my face, purring.

  That’s what I call a rave review!

  Sure, one might assume Jerome’s wacky behavior is due to the catnip that’s hidden in Erica’s backpack, but I can tell he’s under the influence of something even more powerful.

  Brilliant art.

  CHAPTER 29

  should you stay or should you go

  I get to school early and head straight to the office.

  “Ms. Ortiz, can I make some copies?”

  “Sure, Marty! What do you have there?”

  “A flyer for the Full Moon Festival,” I reply honestly.

  “Oooooh, exciting! Can I see?”

  “I want it to be a surprise!” I say, just as honestly.

  “Of course, Marty. The copier’s right there.”

  Ms. Ortiz may be the only adult at the school who regularly encourages my artistic abilities. I hope I don’t get her in trouble!

  I work fast and manage to get out of the office right before Principal Cricklewood shows up.

  On the way to class, I run into Parker in the hall.

  “Marty,” she says. “Simon asked me to go to the Full Moon Festival with him.”

  “Yes, I’m very aware!”

  “I’m having second thoughts, though. What do you think I should do?”

  What a perfect setup. I hand her one of my persuasive flyers.

  Parker reads it, obviously appreciating the artistic way the message is being conveyed.

  She looks back up at me.

  “Great flyer, Marty,” she says. “You just changed my mind.”

  Yes! Success!*

  Throughout the day, I hand out the flyers and hang them in the hall next to Simon’s flyers.

  I get maximum coverage.

  Kids come up to me throughout the day to compliment my antifestival flyer.

  But not Simon. He knows I got the best of him. When the full moon comes, all the kids will remain safe in their homes while I am out doing dangerous werewolf stuff.

  I want everyone to be safe. Except maybe Simon.

  I don’t really mind if he wanders out tomorrow night.

  Before I leave class, McPhee calls me to his desk. “Principal Cricklewood wants to see you in her office, Marty.”

  Uh-oh. I knew this was coming.

  She saw my flyer and is upset I convinced everyone to avoid the Full Moon Festival.

  Principal Cricklewood isn’t exactly a fan of my work.

  It all started a couple of years ago when I was called into her office for an art-related misunderstanding.

  I got caught doodling on my desk during a particularly boring class.

  I remember that Cricklewood sat me down and gave me a major lecture. It was longer than most movies I’ve seen. Before she was finished, she had to leave her office for some minor emergency.

  I got bored waiting for her to come back, so, naturally, I looked around for some paper to draw on.

  Unfortunately, my elbow hit her deceptively labeled mug.

  Coffee spilled all over her family picture!

  I grabbed some tissues and wiped it off, but for some reason, there was no protective glass over the photo. As a result, things didn’t go as expected.

  I managed to fix everything by the time Cricklewood came back, but she showed me absolutely no appreciation whatsoever.

  Apparently, some people have no respect for quality art.

  So, here I am on my way to get lectured by Cricklewood once again.

  When I arrive at the office, Ms. Ortiz gives me the thumbs-up.

  Cricklewood gives me a smile. This seems like a trick.

  “I just want to say you did a superb job on the flyers for the Full Moon Festival!” the person who looks like Principal Cricklewood says to me.

  “I did?” I say, more than a little confused.

  “You really showed your school spirit, Marty! I’m so proud of you!”

  “Thanks?” I say.

  I leave the office unsure of what just happened. I walk over to one of the flyers posted on the wall.

  The DON’T is gone!

  The DON’T was the most important part of the entire message!

  What happened to the DON’T?

  I pull out the original drawing from my backpack, the one I used to make all the copies.

  The DON’T has been chewed off! How did I not notice this?!

  How did this even happen?!

  Wait.

  I bet I know where that DON’T ended up.

  CHAPTER 30

  bad moon rising

  I try to stay calm, but Erica is freaking out.

  She knows I’ll be transforming soon so she’s listing all the people she wants to warn.

  I can tell my sister hasn’t told our mom or dad yet because they are much more relaxed than she is.

  I guess Erica realizes news like this would break their hearts.

  I need to do something, but I don’t know what! And I’m running out of time!

  The full moon is tonight.

  The good news is my family will be safe.

  •Jerome will be secure hiding under my bed.

  •My mom will be away on another business trip.

  •My dad will be with Erica at the History Trivia Contest in another city. They’re staying overnight.

  Now I understand why Erica signed up for the contest in the first place. She wants everyone to be away when I become a brutish, bloodthirsty beast.

  I’ll have returned to fully human form by the time everyone gets back.

  I admire her plan. The problem is I’m supposed to sleep over Roongrat’s tonight.

  That complicates things.

  My mom comes downstairs with her suitcase and says her good-byes.

  “Good luck in the contest!” she says to Erica.

  “Stop destroying the couch!” she says to Jerome.

  “We need a new couch!” she says to my dad.

  “Have fun with Roongrat!” she says to me.

  I hug her for a long time and extra tightly. Must be my superhuman strength.

  Once she’s gone, I ask my dad why I can’t stay home by myself for one night. One night!

  “We thought it would be better this way,” he answers vaguely.

  “Worried I’ll rip the house apart?” I ask.

  “Well, um . . . Erica, let’s go!” he says. “Marty, I’ll drop you off at Roongrat’s.”

  “I’ll bike over,” I tell him. “Leave me some dignity.”

  “Fine. Just remember to lock up when you leave.”

  “I will,” I promise. “And Erica. Try to stay calm. Everything will be all right.”

  “Thanks, Marty,” she says. I see her smile for the first time in a long time.

  I give them a thumbs-up as they drive off.

  I lock up the house, as promised, and get on my bike.

  But I’m not going to Roongrat’s.

  CHAPTER 31

  everybody’s got something to hide

  I have no money for zoo admission.*

  But I do have a plan. I tell the guy at the window I’m doing an article for the school paper.

  I’m waved in.

  It’s like a secret password that gets me into almost anywhere.

  I watch the monkeys for a while. They look hungry. I’m not sure if they eat pinecones, but I think they do, so I give them some.

  As fun as mo
nkey watching is, it’s not why I’m here. I march to the zookeeper’s office and knock on the door.

  “Come in!”

  I obey. And there’s the zookeeper.

  “Hi,” I say. “Marty Pants, school reporter. I have a few questions.”

  “Hi. Emily Xing, zookeeper. Ask away.”

  “Do you have any empty cages I could spend the night in?”

  “If it were up to me, sure, but they don’t allow us to put humans in zoo cages.”

  “What about werewolves? Can you put werewolves in cages?”

  “Depends. Would this werewolf be a werewolf one hundred percent of the time?”

  “Well, a human most of the time. That’s how werewolfism works.”

  “Again, we’re not allowed to keep humans in zoo cages.”

  “But it would only be for tonight. The night of the full moon. Can’t you bend the rules?”

  “Too much paperwork.”

  “But . . .”

  “Tell you what. Write your congressional representative. If Congress passes a law allowing us to put humans or partial humans in zoo cages, come back and we’ll talk.”

  “Who’s my congressional representative?” I ask.

  Zookeeper Xing types on her computer.

  “There we go,” she says. “Representative Penelope P. Plunket.”

  She turns the computer to show me the screen. I see a web page with a smiling woman.

  Zookeeper Xing gets a phone call and has to leave her office suddenly for a “zoo-mergency.”

  I notice a Contact Me link on the web page and click it. Then I see a big open space and the words, “Write your message here.”

  I start typing.

  Subject: IMPORTANT!

  Dear Congressional Representative Penelope P. Plunket,

  I’m going to let you in on a secret. I’m about to turn into a werewolf. If you could pass a law right now giving the zoo permission to lock me in a cage tonight, I’d appreciate it. So would society.