Ill Repute

by Nanette Kinslow

  “We’re nearly at the address,” Joseph said. “Let’s stop here for lunch first.” It was after three and he was starving. They had lost a good part of the day waiting for Yvonne to dress before catching their train.

  “Alright,” she sighed. “I may be much too excited to eat though.”

  They ordered sandwiches and dessert and Joseph ate hearty until he dropped a large spoonful of ice cream on his trousers.

  “Oh heavens, Joseph. We can’t possibly go to the veil shop with you looking like that!” Yvonne gasped.

  “I’ll wash up.” He stood up and walked to the back of the cafe.

  Yvonne huffed in aggravation. She pulled the newspaper clipping from her handbag and asked the waiter how far it was to the shop in the advertisement.

  “It’s right next door,” he told her.

  “When my fiancé comes out will you tell him I’ve gone there?”

  The waiter agreed and Yvonne hurried to the shop.

  She loved the name of the shop, agreeing with all of her friends it was deliciously naughty. Yvonne heard the bell tinkle softly as she stepped inside. She felt as though she had just walked into heaven. The shop was incredible and even smelled divine. There were customers sitting in chairs at little vanities trying on hats and the walls were lined in the most spectacular collection of bonnets she had ever seen. A young woman approached her, wearing a crisp blue dress and a pressed white apron, her hair meticulously arranged.

  “Joseph and I should move into the city,” Yvonne thought. “The people who keep this shop know what real class is.”

  “Good afternoon,” Stephanie greeted her. “Welcome to the Millinery Madam. What dreams can we make come true for you today?”

  Yvonne nearly swooned. She adored shopping more than just about anything in the world and she was sure she had found the perfect place to do it. She had planned on purchasing one bonnet and perhaps looking at a veil. Now she decided several hats would be much better and the veil could wait. She couldn’t bring herself to feel the pressure of a wedding today.

  Stephanie selected a dozen bonnets to try and Alice suddenly came out from her office. She greeted the customers warmly and walked up to Yvonne and smiled. She was beautiful, Alice thought. The kind of a woman that made men turn their heads in any situation.

  Yvonne looked at Alice. “I already have someone to help me,” Yvonne said.

  “Enjoy your visit,” Alice said, and returned to her office.

  Joseph emerged from the back of the café with no further evidence of the ice cream spill and looked around for Yvonne.

  “The young lady asked me to tell you she had gone next door to the new hat shop,” the waiter said. “It’s very popular. I don’t expect you’ll see her for some time.”

  Joseph thanked him and walked out into the street. He looked up at the signs and then the window display and something tugged at his mind. “Millinery Madam,” he said aloud. Joseph shook his head and stepped inside.

  “There’s my fiancé,” Yvonne said to Stephanie, nodding her head towards Joseph as he entered the shop. “He’s very rich but in such a hurry to marry. Can you believe he dropped ice cream all over himself? He can be very sweet though. But, like I said, he’s quite rich so what is a girl to do?” She waved her hand and Joseph walked up to stand behind her. After several minutes she turned to him. “Joseph, please don’t hover. Why don’t you walk around and keep yourself occupied?” Yvonne would never show it but she felt a bit guilty about not buying the veil.

  Joseph wondered how he might occupy himself in the shop and began to roam about. When he walked towards the back of the shop Melissa stepped out suddenly and nearly ran into him.

  “I beg your pardon,” he said kindly.

  Alice stopped writing at her desk and sat up, listening. That voice. It was so familiar. It couldn’t be, she thought. He spoke again. “I think I’m a bit out of place in here. I apologize.” Alice stood up suddenly and opened her office door.

  Then she saw him. Her view was from behind him as he walked away slowly with his fingers laced together at the small of his back. It was Joseph. Alice didn’t know what to do. There were a lot women in the shop. Was one of them with him? Maybe one of them was Yvonne. She thought about ducking back into the office when he turned and saw her. He froze.

  “Alice.” His voice was soft, not even a whisper.

  Her heart pounded and she stepped back.

  Joseph approached her. Alice slipped into her office and he followed her. He looked down at the desk and saw the Amish hat on the stand.

  “Joseph,” Alice said. “I never expected to see you again.” He looked tired, she thought, and maybe a bit sad.

  “You look fantastic,” he said. “You look happy.”

  Alice could not take her eyes from him. She wanted to hold him, to laugh with him and to kiss him. She stood quietly looking into his eyes.

  “I’m with Yvonne,” he said.

  “I met her, I think. Stephanie is helping her. Did you marry?”

  “No,” he said. “She wants to wait. She wants a huge wedding and such. She says she wants to wait.”

  “Oh,” Alice said. “That’s understandable I suppose.” She would rather have told him how much she missed him.

  “I guess her father was happy then, with your discovery.”

  “I guess. I think he’s avoiding me now.”

  “Oh,” Alice said.

  Suddenly neither of them could find words. They shared an awkward silence for a long moment.

  “Your shop is nice. You did all this yourself?” Joseph looked around the room.

  “Yes. It keeps me busy.”

  “That’s good. I miss being busy.”

  “You didn’t reopen your hardware store?”

  “No,” he said.

  “But you have what you wanted right? You and Yvonne will marry. You must be so happy.”

  “I must be,” he said. Joseph looked at her. She looked so pretty and fresh. Her hair tumbled down in soft, fawn-colored curls around her shoulders. He thought he could just step up and lift one and let it fall. Her face looked smooth and touchable and her lips warm and soft.

  He’d thought he could just forget her, just go home to Yvonne. Instead he was overwhelmed with memories of her beside him, soft and warm up against him in the cabin. He thought of her laughing beside the creek and splashing him until they were both soaked. He could see her the day she was bathing in the spring.

  “Have you found someone?” he asked her.

  “A man?”

  “Yes, I know you were missing having one. Did you find anyone?”

  Alice chuckled. “I have found hundreds of men, but I haven’t been with anyone,” she replied.

  “You haven’t?” Joseph tried to suppress his excitement.

  “You still don’t understand, do you? I didn’t want sex, Joseph, I wanted you.”

  Joseph heard Yvonne calling him from the front of the shop. His chest felt tight and his throat was dry. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, that he needed to say to her. But all he did say was, “It was good to see you, Alice.”

  “I’ve decided to come back another time for the veil. I’m just getting hats today. These here,” Yvonne said. A stack of large boxes sat on a chair by the door.

  Joseph turned and saw Alice watching him. He picked up the boxes and left the shop with Yvonne feeling hollow inside.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Alice closed the office door and leaned her back against it. She began to shake uncontrollably and cursed herself for getting so upset. Fighting to compose herself, she closed her books and straightened her desk. She would have to go through the shop to get upstairs or go out the back and completely around the block. Alice told herself she was being ridiculous and straightened her shoulders. She opened the door to her office.

  Stephanie walked up and stood in the doorway casually.

  “You meet all kinds when you have a business, don’t you, Miss Ellis?”
r />   “How so?” Alice was grateful for the distraction.

  “That woman that just bought all of those hats.”

  “She was very beautiful,” Alice remarked.

  “And she certainly knew it. She spent the whole time talking about how rich her fiancé was.

  Alice looked at her and listened.

  “Anyway, she kept saying that her father tried to send him to Alaska to find gold and he went. Can you believe that? Not only did he go but now he’s one of those rich prospectors and he came back worth a fortune. Now she’s in a fix because he’s pressuring her to marry him. I never understood how a man can be with a woman like that and not see how self-centered she is. Can you imagine having a man so much in love with you he would do such a thing?”

  Alice shook her head silently. “I’m feeling a bit tired today, Stephanie. It’s quiet now. You girls can close up when you’re ready.” Alice smiled and left the shop.

  Stephanie thought that Alice was more bothered by her story than she would have expected.

  Alice spent the night pacing her room trying to digest what her salesgirl had said and what she herself had seen. As soon as she had greeted Yvonne she’d seen it, that empty egotistical look. She’d worked with girls like Yvonne and she knew it immediately. They were usually girls who did not last at the brothel and sadly were often the ones most likely abused by the men. They weren’t terrible people, Alice thought. They were simply girls who believed that their beauty entitled them to anything they liked. When the men came around for them, these girls did not try to please them but simply expected the men to feed their own egos, and they needed their egos fed constantly.

  Alice also saw it in Joseph’s eyes. She saw no happiness there and now she understood why. Yvonne was not eager to get her wedding planned. It was all falling into place.

  He was young, and in love. Yvonne was stunningly beautiful and Joseph was completely taken with her. It was cruel of her father to send Joseph on such a quest, but he’d gone eagerly and it served the purpose of ridding Yvonne of him as well. They never expected him to return successful. How long until he saw the truth, Alice thought, or until Yvonne let him know? Then what?

  Alice threw open the doors to her balcony and stepped outside into the darkness. If she thought he’d believe her for even one second she’d go to him. Yet, what would she say to him? Would she say that everything he believed in was a lie? He’d only think it was a ploy to get him in bed with her, she thought.

  “I don’t even know where he is,” she said to herself. “Oh, Joseph Southers why didn’t you just fall in love with me? I would have done everything I could to make you happy. Everything.” Alice slumped down into a chair and sighed.

  What a waste, she thought. A perfect waste.

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Joseph pulled the carriage up in front of the hardware store and Yvonne looked up, puzzled.

  “Why are we stopping here? This looks terrible Joseph, all peeled and all. I would like to get home and show off my new bonnets please.”

  “We need to talk.” He walked around and helped her from the coach.

  “You know I don’t like you talking angry to me like that.” Yvonne was terrified.

  “I know,” he said.

  He directed her into the door of the store and she stopped just outside the threshold. “It’s not proper for me to go in here without a chaperone.”

  “I won’t lay a hand on you. Go ahead.”

  Yvonne frowned and stepped inside. “It’s so dusty in here.”

  “Upstairs,” he pointed to the back. They climbed the stairs to the apartment upstairs and he asked her to sit down.

  “At least it’s not so dusty up here,” Yvonne said.

  “Do you love me?” He lowered himself to the chair across from her and took her hand.

  “Joseph, stop that.”

  “Not until you answer me. You’re stalling at every opportunity. We spent two days going all the way to Philadelphia for your supposed bridal veil and you didn’t even look at them. Yvonne, I don’t think you want to marry me at all.”

  “I can’t see why you would say that. Why have you become so terribly demanding? I’ve told you we’ll marry. What more do you want?”

  “I want you to love me. I’d wait a lifetime to marry if that were the case, but you don’t do you?”

  “You’re frightening me,” she said.

  “Frightening you because I’m about to marry you and I want to know if you love me?”

  “Yes,” she looked up and a huge tear rolled down her cheek. “You’ve even made me cry.”

  “Just tell me, Yvonne. It’s all I ask.”

  “Heaven’s, Joseph. I’m so confused and none of this is fair to me. If I say I love you then you’re going to pressure me even more to marry you. If I say I don’t, then what? Are you going to leave? Don’t threaten me, Joseph.” Yvonne stood up and folded her arms across her chest.

  “Then it’s no. Of course it is,” He put his head in his hands. “I’m a fool, a complete fool.”

  “What on earth are you talking about? You’re the one who traipsed all the way to Alaska. I didn’t believe you would do that. If you had stayed here then it would have been different.”

  Joseph looked up. “Different? Different how?”

  “It would have stayed the same like we were before you left. You were the most handsome man in town and I’m the prettiest girl and everyone loved to see us together. We could have kept going to the dances and all and it would have been fine. But you didn’t stay. You had to find gold. So you left. Do you know, Joseph that you never once asked me how I felt about you leaving?”

  “And so we would have been the beautiful couple? I wanted to make you happy.”

  “I know, but you weren’t here and then one night I kissed Jefferson and he wanted to marry me. Well it just got to be too much.” Yvonne paced the room.

  “You kissed Jefferson? That’s funny, you never once kissed me.”

  “Jefferson is different,” she said.

  “How so?”

  “I don’t know. He just looked so handsome and I wanted to. But then I felt so odd. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “With Jefferson or me?” Joseph stood up.

  “With anyone. Now you’re back and I do have feelings for you. I care for you deeply, but I’m so confused.”

  Joseph stood up and watched her looking at him, a puzzled look on her face. She looked fragile and lost.

  “Let’s get you home,” he said and walked her out to the carriage.

  At the next engagement party, given by Elijah and Miranda, Yvonne was again not ready when Joseph went to fetch her. She finally appeared and Joseph was shocked by her dress. Obviously she had taken his suggestion that she should wear something less concealing and her dress was cut daringly low.

  “What do you think?” Yvonne asked. The gown was a rich velvet, trimmed in white lace and cut in a sweetheart neckline designed to display a woman’s bosoms enticingly. Joseph was shocked.

  “Perhaps you should bring a shawl,” he suggested.

  “No,” she said. I’ve made a decision, Joseph. You’re right. I shouldn’t cover myself up so much. I should be more adventurous. I’ve decided that I don’t want to marry right now at all. I do so want to remain friends with you, like before. But please, can we stop talking about a wedding for now?”

  “You’ve decided to break off the engagement?” he asked.

  “For now, but we can still see one another. I adored going into Philadelphia and shopping with you. Can we still do that?”

  “I bet you did,” Joseph said. He had looked at his books and the amount of money she had spent in just the few weeks he had been back was staggering.

  “That would be fine,” he said and helped her into the coach.

  Joseph was surprised by his feelings. He thought he should be angry with her, confronting her that he had left for her and changed his life for her. Instead he felt strangely at ease. Suddenly
he didn’t want to blame her for anything. He couldn’t say why, but he felt he’d like to thank her.

  At the party Yvonne flirted shamelessly with every man there, both those married and engaged, as well as the single men. It was clear she had a particular fondness for Jefferson Curry, but he seemed a bit put off by her choice of gowns. Joseph stood on the fringe of the party and watched him eye her neckline, obviously distressed. She put her arm into his and toyed with him touching him in a familiar way on the chest. All evening Jefferson hovered, watching Yvonne protectively.

  Joseph studied him. When her flirtations had been directed at him, before he had left, he had been completely captivated by her. She was beautiful and he had been flattered by her attention. He had even believed that he did not deserve her and considered himself very lucky. Now that he watched her tease him he wondered if perhaps Yvonne was in love with Jefferson. For a moment Joseph tried to picture what it would be like to make love to her, although he had always avoided thinking of her that way. Try as he might, he could not imagine her as a passionate lover, at least never with him.

  Alice was right all along. She’d told him that in time he’d grow hungry for a woman, lonely for her touch. He thought back to what she had said to him in the shop. That she didn’t just want a man, she wanted him.

  Joseph recalled the way she would touch him sometimes, how gentle she was when he had been ill. And her flirting. Her constant flirting. He’d say he was cold and she’d wink and offer to warm him up. Joseph chuckled to himself.

  He thought of the time she’d been angry with him. She said he didn’t know her and that just once he should see her for who she really was. He asked himself, who was Alice?

  She said she hadn’t been with any man. He thought she was going crazy without one. She said it wasn’t about sex, it was about him. She was on his mind constantly. In his thoughts. In his dreams. Sometimes he’d think he’d see her and when it wasn’t her he felt hollow inside.