Avoiding Commitment

by craziebabe45

  "Oh Jack," she breathed. Bringing his head up to look at her, she noticed his breath was coming in short puffs. She teasingly wiggled her hips first from side-to-side and then in small circles watching as he groaned on top of her.

  "You're so mean."

  "Really? I thought I was being really nice," she replied twirling her hips in a figure eight.

  "A little too nice." He sighed closing his eyes as she ran her tongue along his earlobe. "You've found my weakness," he moaned grabbing her arms in his hands and pushing them above her head forcing her back against the bed.

  "Well if I found your weakness, then you shouldn't pull me away." Her eyes were smoldering. One thought and only one thought fill her head; she did not want to be away from him. A cute flirtatious smile crossed her face. She glanced from his baby blues to his pouty lips and back not sure which she preferred more at that moment.

  "I don't want to pull away, but I'm going to take advantage of you if you keep doing that," he said rolling over to the other side of the bed.

  Lexi flipped her leg as he rolled, straddling his body. "I haven't even gotten a kiss," she said leaning in close to him, "so I don't feel as if I'm in much danger of being taken advantage of."

  "You are the most amazing girl I've ever met," he said brushing his fingers across her cheek.

  Her lips landed lightly on his. Tasting his sweet lips, she knew instantly she wanted more. Just as he began to react, his pocked vibrated making Lexi jump backwards in exasperation. He swore under his breath. "I'll be right back," he said yanking out the phone as he casually adjusted his erection. She watched him exit the room and turn towards the back door out of earshot.

  Falling back against the bed, she sighed heavily. She couldn't tell if she was being too forward. Even though they had only been hanging out for a short while, she could tell he was really into her. She was unbelievably ready for his lips to be on her. Normally, when she was in this position, guys were absolutely dying to get in her pants. It's not that Jack hadn't acted like he wanted to kiss her; do more than kiss her. He just hadn't, hadn't even tried. She respected that he respected her, but enough was enough. She yanked her shirt back into place and sat up straight-backed against the black headboard folding her arms across her knees.

  "Sorry about that," he apologized as he came around the corner.

  "It's alright." Her smile had lost its fire. "How about that movie?"

  They retreated back to the living room; both attempting to forget that they have been so close to ravishing each other's bodies only a few short minutes earlier. As time went by, their encounters continued each with as much or more intensity as the last. Then, they would stop, always just a little bit farther than the last time, but never far enough for Lexi. He captivated her every thought, and was even beginning to make his way into her dreams. The previous night, her dream had felt so real. When she had woken up to find herself in her dorm room, rather than wrapped in Jack's arms, she had been so exacerbated she'd actually woken Jennifer up. It was safe to say neither girl had been pleased.

  The next day, Lexi forced herself to survive her three classes before driving over to Jack's house. She knew that Jack had the day off, and was anxious to see him. After the exceedingly vivid dream, she could hardly concentrate without images of him pressed against her skin to skin. She knocked on the door to announce her presence. Then, she pushed it open without waiting for a response. Jack was standing in the living room talking on his cell phone. He glanced over at the door as she entered and held up a finger as if to tell her he'd just be a minute. He moved into the bedroom and cracked the door as she sat down on the couch to wait.

  Lexi had gotten dressed with extra special care today hoping to make an even more vivacious impression than usual. Even Jennifer, who's endorsement was practically nonexistent, had approved when she had chosen a short purple dress that buttoned around the neck with a key hole revealing a portion of her breasts that would make Hugh Hefner blush. She had paired it with black leggings and thigh-high black suede Steve Madden boots. She slid her grey pea coat off, and deposited it on the couch armrest.

  He wandered into the room and she eagerly hopped up from her seat to greet him. The smile he returned to her was weak and he held up his hand. "Lexi," he said her name as if reprimanding her. She couldn't help it; she radiated with energy. Her curls bounced in her face as she backed away obediently. She looked at him concerned, her eyebrows furrowed into a confused v.

  "Sorry," she said smiling playfully trying to play off the seriousness of his appearance.

  "No, Lex, it's fine. I just need to talk to you about some stuff," he said averting his eyes. Lexi paused in her excitement and took a good hard look at him. Large black circles ringed his eyes as if he hadn't slept the night before for several days even. Obviously, he hadn't been having the same dreams as her. His clothes, which were normally in pristine condition, hung off him wrought with wrinkles. He hadn't even given her a hug when she had walked in. Something serious was going on. "Oh ok. Well go ahead. I'm all ears," she said pretending to stay upbeat despite the awful feeling forming in the pit of her stomach.

  He sighed heavily finally meeting her eyes. "I have a girlfriend."

  "You what?" she practically screamed at him, shock evident on her now very pale face.

  His head fell to his chest and he wouldn't meet her gaze. "She doesn't live here. That's how you haven't come across her. We've been dating since high school," he added the last part in an almost whisper, his voice breaking.

  "You've got to be kidding me," she shrieked, tears unintentionally springing to her eyes. "Don't you stand there and tell me that everything we have is a lie." She pushed past him and into the kitchen running her hands against the sides of the cool countertop in an attempt to calm herself. It didn't work.

  "It's not a lie."

  She glared at him fiercely her jaw locked tight. "How?" Lexi asked through her teeth, smacking the countertop with the palms of her hands.

  "Lex, I can explain."

  "Oh, can you?" she asked turning to face him. "How can you possibly explain?"

  He paused achingly watching the tears stream down her cheeks. "Look, I'm sorry."

  "Oh you're sorry?" she retorted, throwing her hands in the air. "What good does that do? How does this solve anything? I don't need your apology, and anyways you still haven't given me an explanation." She stood straight-backed in front of him nostrils flaring staring him down. "You said you could explain. Well try. Please try to explain to me how any of this can possibly be okay. How could you lie and deceive me like this? All those things that you said," she cried running her fingers through her tangled curls. "God, did you mean anything you said?"

  "Please don't cry. We weren't even really together." She shot him a look of death. "I know we spent a lot of time together," he said throwing his hands up in defense.

  "Enough time that the fact that you had a girlfriend might have come up, don't you think?"

  "Yes. I wanted to tell you so many times."

  "Don't give me that bullshit, Jack. If you wanted to tell me, then you would have. Obviously, you didn't want me to know. You wanted to double dip."

  "Oh, stop with that," he said taking her shoulders in his hands. "I stopped what we were doing before anything serious happened."

  "Before anything serious happened. Are you serious?" she asked venom apparent in her tone.

  "Lex...I..."

  She cut him off not really wanting to hear his definition of what serious was. "Is that what all those phone calls were? All those weekends at home? You were visiting your...girlfriend." He nodded solemnly. "You let me go through all of this, let me feel like we were working towards something, while the whole time you were parading around with your girlfriend?" she asked weakly, her voice cracking. "What kind of person does that?"

  "Lexi, please."

  She couldn't listen to him pleading with her. She just couldn't do it. Suddenly, her voice shifted from despair to anger. "So tell me what
did your girlfriend say when you told her that you had let some other girl sleep in your bed? What did she say when you told her that you would trail kisses across that same girl's face and down her neck with countless promises for more? Hmm?" she asked forcefully pushing him away from her. "What did she say when you told her how beautiful you thought I was, and how much you had never met any other girl as amazing as me? Was she happy? Wait, let me guess, you didn't tell her," she spoke fiercely accusing him. "Of course not, because had you told her, then she would be the one crying right now. Not me."

  Jack brushed his hair back from his eyes and paced away from her. "Please Lexi, God; I didn't want this to happen."

  "You didn't want this to happen?" Lexi asked in disbelief. "God, are you blind? Why did you even ask me out in the first place, if you were so set on not letting this happen?" she threw the question at him angrily. "You didn't have to. I was walking away. You could have and should have just left it at that. Just answer me that; since you can't seem to answer anything else."

  "I hesitated," he started lamely. "I wasn't going to ask you out, but I thought that I could hold you back. That we could just be good friends and maybe, you could even meet Danielle. Then we started hanging out, and I was in deep over my head after the first time we hung out. You were...are," he corrected himself, "amazing. I didn't want to stop what we had, and I never wanted to hurt you like this. But, by the time I realized I should tell you about Danielle, it was too late."

  "You're right. It is too late. Good-bye Jack," she said shoving him against the pantry door, snatching her jacket off the couch, and marching towards the exit.

  "Lexi," he called rushing after her. He latched on to her elbow and spun her around. "I told you because I want us to still be friends. I didn't want to hurt you."

  "Don't feed me that," she quipped struggling to yank her arm free. He held on tight, not letting her loose. "Let me go," she cried warningly.

  He ignored her command. "I'm not feeding you anything. The time isn't right for us, but I don't think that means there won't be a time for us," he said his blue eyes pleading. "Please Lex."

  "You tell me you have a girlfriend. A serious girlfriend of what two or three years?" He nodded. "Then you tell me that the time isn't right for us, but you think you might want to be with me in the future? How can you even ask that of me? How much more selfish and pigheaded can you possibly be?"

  He winced as she berated him. "I'm not asking for you to wait for me."

  "Good, because that's never happening," she said under her breath.

  He forged onward. "I just mean, don't give up on this. We haven't even begun, and I don't want us to be over."

  "You're right. We haven't begun, and we never will. Thank God, this was over before I let you fool me any longer, before I actually acquired feelings for you." He winced again. She was saying these things just to hurt him now, and it was working. "Now, let. Me. Go," she demanded indicating with her forehead that he was still tightly holding onto her elbow.

  "I really am sorry, Lex," he said finally releasing her.

  "Save it," she said cutting off any further retorts. "Just do me one thing, Jack." She yanked open the front door.

  "Anything," he volunteered eagerly.

  "If I ever speak to you again, don't ever lie to me," she said as she slammed the door behind her.

  * * *

  K.A. Linde

  That Old Familiar Feeling

  But when you touch me like this

  And you hold me like that

  I just have to admit

  That it's all coming back to me

  - Celine Dion "It's All Coming Back To Me Now"

  * * *

  Chapter 3: Present

  Open the door.

  Don't open the door.

  Open the door.

  Lexi hovered in front of the plain black door with the silver handle resting in her palm, indecision distorting her features. The lock had already been clicked to an open status with the tiny metal key still sticking out from the hole. Bright purple Betsy Johnson luggage lay against the blue and cream patterned carpet. She had made it this far. There was no turning back. Taking a deep breath, Lexi twisted the handle and shoved the door open revealing Jack's apartment.

  Adjusting her black laptop sleeve with teal glitter Coach C's, Lexi hoisted her carry-on to her shoulder and threw her black purse on top of it. Grabbing a hold of the extended arm from her rolling suitcase, she pushed through the open door, down the hallway, and into the living room. She smiled to herself noting the remarkable differences between their residences. She knew that despite his apartment being twice the size of hers, she probably paid way more between the two of them. She recognized the brown suede furniture he had owned in college which was comforting to know some things don't change. The furniture was facing a mounted Sony flat screen, XBOX 360, Playstation 3, and surround sound hooked into a killer receiver. Two black bookshelves sat on either side of the TV each overflowing with DVDs. An assortment of famous vinyl records covered one wall with an original copy of the Beatles White album proudly showcased at the center. Glass sliding doors opened to a petite balcony exposing the Atlanta skyline below. To the left was a stainless steel kitchen with black marble countertops and a breakfast bar where three red cushioned stools sat. Lexi peeped into the adjoining room and found a small dining room with four high backed chairs tucked into a rectangular wooden table.

  Lexi ventured down the right hallway after leaving her bags resting against the loveseat. She chose the door on the left first and entered into the large master suite. Each piece of furniture was in pristine condition and appeared as if it had been directly relocated from an Ashley's Furniture store. The deep walnut collection looked exquisite against the caramel coated walls. Lexi paused in the doorway. She didn't want to overstep her bounds and being in his room made her feel as if she might be invading Jack's privacy.

  Quickly closing the door, she turned and faced the adjacent one. She assumed this would be the guest bedroom Jack had mentioned. Her breath caught at the sight as she passed through the frame. She felt as if she had just traveled through time. The room had been laid out in exact replication of his college apartment. She blinked a few times wondering if she was hallucinating, but it didn't go away. Detailed memories flooded her vision, and she took a steadying breath. She was sure that it must be by chance that he had designed it this way. After all, we're all creatures of habit. If he liked it one way once, then she was sure that he must have just arranged it in this fashion subconsciously. Not sure if she enjoyed having memories rush her mind about that room...that bed, she raced back into the living room, snatched up her luggage, and distributed it in the bedroom. Recovering her state of composure, she quickly stripped down into a red satin tank top and black Soffee cheerleading shorts.

  Despite the fact that she had taken a late flight into the city and she had worked for nearly fifteen straight hours the day before, Lexi couldn't even imagine falling asleep just yet. Jack was away on business until the next morning so he had offered her his guest bedroom instead of having her take a cab forty-five minutes out of town to her parents' place. She had been wary at first; even more wary now that she was actually situated in his apartment with all the familiar sights and smells surrounding her. But she had eventually accepted. The convenience of the arrangement had drawn her in. She was beginning to regret her moment of weakness.

  "Hola chica," Lexi uttered into her cell phone. She made her way back to the kitchen to search for something to get her mind off the fact that she was in Jack's apartment. Rummaging through his cabinets, she zeroed in on the box of Shark Bites. After fishing out a pack, she pulled out a Coca-Cola from the refrigerator and set it onto the counter.

  "Alexa!" Chyna yelled through the blaring background noise.

  "Where are you?"

  "What?" Chyna screamed into the phone. A giggle broke through the line.

  "Chyna, where are you?"

  "Hold on. Gimme a second." Lexi
pulled the phone from her ear to cancel out the obnoxious techno vibes blasting through the wireless. A short minute later, the noise started to fade. Then, it turned into just a buzz in the background. "Alexa, I'm so sorry," she slurred slightly into the receiver, clearly inebriated.

  Lexi laughed. "You're drunk." She should have guessed that Chyna would be in this condition on a Saturday night. She had know her for a long time, and this was pretty much par for the course.

  "Psh, I'm just a liiiiiitle tipsy. It's my natural state of being, but you know that. What's up?"

  "Just wanted some other human being to know that I landed fine."

  "Oh fantastic," she said another giggle filtering through the line.

  "You don't sound concerned," Lexi said feigning hurt feelings.

  "Why would I be concerned? Flying is way safer than driving," she said nonchalantly. "Stop, stop," she squealed obviously flirting with some random guy.

  "Do I know your man of choice for tonight?" Lexi asked popping open the soda and taking a long swig.

  "I have no idea what you are talking about," she feigned innocence.

  "Sure…right."

  "Ohhhh…"

  "Are you moaning into the phone? Are you fucking serious Chyna? Can you chill out for one second to talk to your best friend who just traveled a thousand miles away from home?"

  "You're from Atlanta so it's like going to your home away from home. So…no, I'm not concerned." Lexi heard her shoo her boy nonetheless.

  "I'm locked up in my sorta-non-ex-boyfriend's apartment, and you're not concerned?."

  "Is that how you refer to me?" a voice questioned from behind her.

  Lexi whipped around in surprise. Her mouth dropped open and the phone slipped from her hand hitting the tile floor, and shattering into several pieces. This didn't phase her at all. She was borderline comatose.