Avoiding Commitment

by craziebabe45

  "I'm not sure what you want me to say."

  "Just the truth."

  "There's nothing going on between me and Jack." She had said the words so often that even she sometimes believed them when they rolled off her tongue.

  "Goddamnit Lexi!" he yelled turning around in place and visibly tensing at her words. He looked as if he were about to throw something across the room. "I already talked to Jack!"

  Lexi froze in place. He had talked to Jack? She couldn't believe it. He had gone to Jack after she left in the morning which is why it had taken him longer to get here. Jack had told him everything to save his own skin. Lexi meant nothing to him. She just wanted to cry. Why wouldn't he have at least warned her that he had spoken to Clark. Unless of course she really did mean nothing to him. Everything he claimed to feel for her had just fallen away when he had been confronted by her angry boyfriend…his angry friend.

  "You talked to Jack?" she whispered.

  "Yes, he told me everything."

  "Everything?" she asked in disbelief.

  "Yes."

  "But nothing happened," she said attempting to stick to her story.

  "Lexi," he began shaking his head. "I already talked to Jack. Don't give me that. Now I don't want to believe him, but I need to hear the truth from you," he said facing her cowering figure. "So tell me what happened between you and Jack."

  Lexi gulped even harder this time fear glistening in her eyes. She realized that she was compulsively threading hair behind her ears from anxiety. She'd never wanted things to turn out this way, but somewhere along the way everything had been flipped upside down. How could she tell Clark what had happened between her and Jack? If she just blurted out the facts, it would make her look bad. Worse than she actually was, but if she left something out that Jack had divulged he would know she was lying and hiding things from him. It was the prisoner's dilemma she had learned about in school. Except there was no winning side to giving away any information. "We slept together."

  "You slept with him?" Clark asked hardly containing his disbelief. She nodded. "When?"

  "May."

  He did the math in his head. "Almost eight months ago?" he cried. "When did you have time? We were together all month."

  She choked back tears before answering him honestly. "It was at the beach house."

  "Are you fucking joking me? While I was asleep in the same house. Has it happened since then?" Lexi sighed heavily and shook her head no. "I don't believe you. You mean to tell me that you fucked eight months ago and it hasn't happened once since then."

  "No, it hasn't. We decided not to."

  "Oh for your own fucking sake," he paced rapidly around the room doing anything to keep from looking at her.

  "It hasn't happened again."

  "How do you expect me to believe that?"

  "Because it's the truth."

  "I don't think you fucking know what that is." Lexi remained silent not wanting to egg on his anger. "Have you done anything else since then?"

  "Yes. We kissed some and I would spend the night at his place."

  "Oh you just kissed a little. You want me to believe that you spent the night and didn't fuck? I told you not to lie to me."

  "We didn't do anything more."

  "What about last night?" he asked cornering her.

  "What about last night? Nothing happened."

  "I wouldn't say nothing! I saw you at Chamber with him all over you."

  Lexi's mouth dropped open. So she hadn't been manic and delusional. Someone actually had been watching her all along. She couldn't believe it. "You were watching me?"

  "Yes and I'm not ashamed of it either. You would have never told me the truth, and I needed to see you guys together for real."

  "I can't believe you would do that."

  "I know, because I'm not the scheming scumbag who goes behind people's backs. That would be you and your little fuck buddy. I can't fucking believe you Lexi. Were you careful? Did he get checked for diseases? How could you sleep with me after you slept with him? How could you even look at me with those beautiful big brown eyes of yours and tell me you love me? When you obviously don't."

  "I do love you," she said quietly.

  "I don't want to hear that from your deceitful, manipulative, lying mouth."

  "I am so sorry Clark," Lexi gasped sucking in deep breaths between tears.

  "I still can't believe you actually slept with him" He crashed back against the bed burying his face into his hands. "You little whore."

  Lexi's glazed eyes stared down at him. Her humiliation was evident. "It wasn't like that."

  "You slept with him while you were with me," he said through clenched teeth. Finally, looking up at her, he said, "That makes you a whore." She brushed her palm against her cheeks forcefully. It did no good the tears kept coming faster. "After all that bullshit you fed me about you guys just being friends. After all the warnings I gave you about him." She couldn't tear her eyes away from him as his anger intensified. "Fuck, Lexi, you told me yourself that you didn't think he had been faithful with one person he'd ever been with. Why would you let this happen? How could you let this happen? Do you think you are special? Do you think he's just going to leave Kate for you? He just wanted to fuck you. And, now he's done that. Try to explain to me how that doesn't make you a whore?" he spat at her.

  She had no answer for him. She had never felt so belittled before in her life, and she knew that she deserved every word. She had made a terrible mistake, and then on top of that she had unsuccessfully attempted to hide her dirty actions. No wonder everyone had told her that she was acting uptight lately. She had been carrying around such a weight on her shoulders since that night in May; it was almost a relief that Clark knew.

  "I just…I need to get out of here and think about this," Clark said standing resolutely. He brushed past her and entered the living room.

  "Clark…" she cried as he pulled the door open. "What does this mean for…for us?"

  "I really don't know Lexi. I just can't look at you right now. I'll just…call you tomorrow after I've had time to think about all this," he said turning away from her and shutting the door.

  Lexi crumpled to the floor and lay like a heap shuddering from the tears raking through her body. She could not believe that had just happened. How had she been so stupid, and let this happen? She was certain that she had just let the best guy she had ever had in her life slip through her fingers. After a minute, Olivia came out of her room and sat on the floor next to Lexi. She scooped her up in her arms and held her as she bawled.

  "Did…did you...h…hear all…of that?" Lexi asked her through her tears.

  "Yeah honey, I heard it. Why didn't you just tell me? You know I would have been there for you. You know I would have kept everything a secret. I can't believe you went through all of this alone," Olivia said brushing aside her bangs. The movement reminded her so much of Jack that it only intensified her tears.

  "I…I don't either. I just…thought…that I could…handle this," she muttered.

  "Alright darling. You have to get up. Take a shower, and then things will look a little brigter."

  Lexi nodded as Olivia ushered her out of the living room. "No!" she cried suddenly.

  "What?"

  "I have to go talk to Jack," Lexi decided.

  "I don't think that's the best thing for you to do right now."

  "Jack told him everything. How could he do that?"

  "I'm almost certain Clark threatened him into it, but that doesn't matter. Seeing that boy while you're in this state is a really really bad idea."

  "No, Livy let me go. I need to go find out why the hell he would tell him everything and then not warn me," she said pulling away from Olivia and running for her keys.

  She was in the car before Olivia could utter another comment about staying home. She drove much too fast over to Jack's house swerving to get around rather slow drivers. She skidded to a halt in his parking lot, and dashed out of the front seat. Burst
ing through the still unlocked door, Lexi darted into Jack's room. She could tell he had gotten up and showered just by looking at him. Her heart melted at the sight. She was furious about what he had done, but her heart still longed for him. She wanted things to go back to the way they were only this morning. She wished with all her being that she didn't have to be angry at him.

  "Lexi what are you doing back already?" Jack asked surprise written on his face. "Are you okay? Have you been crying?" He rushed forward to meet her. She backed away not wanting to feel his hands on her.

  "How could you tell him?" she asked breaking down into tears for the second time that morning.

  * * *

  K.A. Linde

  Come What May

  But this is something you can't disguise

  It's not just me, you feel it too

  'Cause you know I belong with you

  Look at where we're going

  Tell me what can I say

  We're tracing our footsteps

  We're going the same way

  -Hanson "Madeline"

  * * *

  Chapter 13: Present

  "Where are you taking me?" Lexi asked Ramsey for what felt like the hundredth time since they had been driving. She hadn't thought much of it at first, but then as her mind registered the direction the car was taking them she began to get more suspicious.

  For some reason, she had expected them to stay in Buckhead and have dinner at a fancy five star restaurant over candlelight. Perhaps serenade her with live classical music, red wine, and caviar. Show off his wealth to reel her in. She wasn't sure what had triggered that idea beyond just the fact that she'd assumed that all people in Country Clubs went on ridiculously impressive dates. Jennifer, her college dorm mate, had told her many times about extravagant opulence displayed before her by men her parents had set her up on dates with. Lexi had always been wary of those types of stories and wondered if women actually succumbed to such antics. After one too many towels on Lexi's dorm door confirmed that they did actually work as Jennifer proved time and time again. Lexi slowly became adjusted to the fact that lavishness was more like a prerequisite.

  To be honest, she was almost relieved that she didn't have to subject herself to another awkward situation such as what occurred at the Country Club. She hadn't exactly wanted to go on this…outing with Ramsey, but after how well he had treated her she had given in. He had called it a date and she certainly couldn't forget his words. He had smiled so brilliantly at her acceptance that she had almost been duped into believing she had made the right decision by going out with him. But how could she really feel like that? He had so many strikes against him already. Setting aside the kindness he had showed at his party, he was a member of a Country Club, he was related to Bekah, and clearly had no concern for others personal boundaries.

  All in all, she figured this was a huge mistake.

  Her brain was working in overdrive attempting to discern where he was taking her. His forced silence on the subject only made her more curious…and just a little bit tentative. She had really only known this guy for one day, and the only good quality she had recognized besides his charming good looks was that he hadn't slept with her.

  So maybe that was pretty big for guys, but she had blacked out and was entrusted into his care by his sister. Obviously that meant something to him or at least she hoped so.

  "Really Ramsey, where are we going? We're getting pretty close to my parents' house, which I should remind you, is very far away from your place," she told him.

  "We're close to your parents' place?" he asked glancing over at her.

  Lexi twisted her fingers back and forth in her lap uncomfortable at the admission that she had just revealed more information. Not that she was ashamed of her family by any means. In fact, she really got along with her parents and two younger sisters. But after being reminded of the Country Club, expensive Buckhead condominiums, and insane parties that resulted from being surrounded by such wealth, Lexi didn't really feel comfortable explaining middle class to someone who had never had a bank account with less than seven digits. She had never even taken her best friend, Chyna, home, and she loved the girl to death.

  "Uh, I guess. I mean I don't really know where we are," she explained trying to maneuver the conversation back to their destination and farther away from her.

  He obviously picked up on her concern and refrained from commenting on the nearness of her family. Though, he didn't keep it far from his mind. "We're close," he said adding a wink at the end.

  "We're close?" she asked arching an eyebrow.

  "Are you not close? I mean you are sitting right next to me," he commented trying to keep the devilish smirk off of his face.

  She smiled brightly happy that she was still capable of flirtatious banter with someone other than Jack. "Oh yes…in the sense," she said looking at him from under her eyelashes.

  He busted out laughing in a loud boisterous uninhibited manner that she had witnessed at the Country Club before brunch. It had annoyed her the day before even confused her a little, but maybe that was just part of his personality. Perhaps, there was more to him than what met the eye, but she wasn't going to keep her hopes up. She'd be polite and let him take her out to dinner for one night, because that had been his request.

  Fine. She could handle herself for one night. Her last date had been months ago, and only at Chyna's demand. Lexi figured if she just cut back her annoyance for a night she might actually have a good time. Well that is if she ever figured out where she was going.

  "So how close are we?"

  He jerked his head to the side at her husky tone. He had liked her when they had first met, because she had been completely forthright with him. She cared very little for his status, and showed it. He liked her the night before when she had been drunk, unrestrained, and outgoing. Her endearing personality only intensified with the alcohol. But this woman he was with tonight, he seemed to think he liked the best of all. He saw her possess the same strong-willed determination and unblemished character she revealed in the morning and the natural engaging playfulness that resulted from a combination of liquors. He could certainly get used to her surprising personality.

  His eyes roamed her face resting where her bottom lip was caught between her teeth in a thoughtful expression. God, she had tasted so good the night before; he honestly wasn't sure how he had been able to restrain himself. He hadn't told her that she had propositioned him in her drunken stupor. He was almost certain that a woman of her caliber would be mortified that she had been so willing to give herself away. Possibly even more mortified that he had turned her down flat. That he'd had to peal her arms off of him and practically wrestle her under the covers, he had also left out of the story. Still when she had managed to weasel her arms back around him pressing her tiny form against him, he had still found the strength to extract her eager body from him. He remembered just how ready his body had reacted to her.

  He gulped and attempted to force those thoughts out of his head. That would get him nowhere with her now, and he needed to focus on driving so they could officially begin their first date in the first place.

  "Probably only about ten maybe fifteen minutes," he answered her.

  She rested back into his comfortable champagne colored seat and felt her phone buzz next to her in her purse. She extracted the old thing and checked the text message.

  "You busy?"

  Lexi sighed heavily as she stared at the words on her screen. She hadn't exactly been expecting a text message from Jack, and she didn't want to dampen her mood with thoughts of him. She closed the phone and placed it back in its position.

  "What's up?" Ramsey asked curiosity getting the best of him.

  "Um…oh…nothing," she answered not wanting to address the situation with him. So far it seemed that he knew little of what had happened with her and Jack and why she was in Atlanta in the first place. If at all possible, she would really like to keep it that way. Jack had a funny way of ruining eve
ry relationship she'd ever been in. Even though she had no thoughts of that for Ramsey, she wasn't going to risk anything just yet.

  Lexi heard her phone buzz again and annoyed stared down at the message. "Lex?"

  She really did not want to deal with him right now so she quickly shoved the phone deeper in her purse. Hopefully, she wouldn't be able to know if he messaged her again.

  As they neared their destination, they listened to whatever was playing on the radio at that particular time. Neither of them really minding what was coming through the top 40 station at that moment. Realization began to dawn on her as stared out at the horizon, but she shook her head in disbelief.

  No, he couldn't be taking her there. She hadn't been there since she was a kid. Beyond that fact, it wasn't exactly a place to take your date. She had always gone there with family or church groups. More a place for group entertainment, then dating. Not that she was honestly looking for the normal sort of dating from Ramsey. She had only been thinking a short while ago that she was relieved he hadn't taken her to some special five star dinner, but this was really about as far from that as a person could get.

  Ramsey liked the fact that she hadn't instantly complained when he had seen her recognize what lay before them. Any other girl would have crinkled up their nose, and demanded something a bit more extravagant…and bit more expensive. Her only reaction had been surprise. Perhaps, if luck were with him, even pleasant surprise. Generally, he considered himself to be a relatively good judge of character. Though this endeavor had been a risk, he thought she would be worth risking it on. If she hadn't cared about the finer things before, then she certainly wouldn't care about how this planned out. Even if he had pulled out some stops along the way. After all he did have money, so he had planned on using some of it.

  He reached the gate and handed over a wad of cash to the eighty-something year old attendant and breezed his Mercedes into the establishment. They took the winding road past rows and rows of pine trees until they reached a valet parking lot at the front entrance.