Avoiding Commitment

by craziebabe45

  "The way he fucks me," she cooed, "it's really just better than any other guy I've been with."

  "Oh no need to be so crude, Bek," the mousy girl retorted giggling.

  "I like it," the southern drawl sounded again. "Is he fast and wild? Does he just pound into you? Or is he gentle and smoothing pushing his cock in and out of you forcing you to scream with pleasure?

  "Amber," the mousy girl shrieked, "think about where we are!"

  "I was just wunderin'," she replied her accent getting deep and throaty.

  "I don't mind talking about it since he does all of the above. Last night he just took me fast and wild like you were talking about Amber. He took me as if I was the only person he ever wanted to be with, as if he was claiming me for his own."

  Lexi leaned forward away from the bar feeling all the blood rush to her face as nausea took over her body. This couldn't be happening. Had she been this stupid? Could he have done this to her? She knew the answer was yes. He wasn't exactly strong on keeping his promises. The only exception being that he had never lied to her, and sometimes she wished that he did.

  "Whoa, are you okay?" Ramsey asked wrapping his arm around her shoulders and hauling her back to a standing position.

  "Um, yeah I'm fine," she mumbled putting one hand on her stomach and the other over her mouth.

  "You don't like fine. Chyna look at her," he commanded.

  Chyna pulled herself away from the hot bartender to give Lexi a cursory glance. "Oh, you do look sick. Maybe you should go get her some air," Chyna suggested.

  "That's a great idea," he said supporting her as they began to cross the room towards the open balcony. The farther away she got from Bekah the easier it was to walk and not feel like her stomach was about to erupt. But dwelling on Bekah's words were completely counterproductive to any ease she might have been feeling.

  "Ladies and gentleman, if you will join us over here, we have a bit of a tribute to the birthday boy over the years," Seth announced into the microphone. The crowd began to reassemble in front of a projection display.

  "Will you be okay to watch this? I don't want you to get sick," he said anxious about her well-being.

  Her curiosity stalled the feeling in her stomach. She stepped forward with Ramsey clearing the way for her to pass through. A series of pictures began to flash across the screen in quick succession. The first few she didn't recognize. She figured, from the looks of them, that they were bachelor party pictures. Coveted images that girlfriends were never supposed to see. As the slideshow progressed, Lexi started noticing more and more pictures. Suddenly, the film stopped on a close-up of her and Jack huddled together on the beach. They were showing off their tanned bodies. Lexi could vividly remember them goofing off that afternoon. It was the day before they had made love for the first time.

  She gasped not remembering that there were still pictures out from that time of her life. Another series of photographs shot across the screen of her and Jack along with dozens of other friends. She was as much of a constant through the pictures as he was.

  Her eyes scanned the room and landed on the baby blues that had already located her. The emotion that welled inside of her was completely different than what she had earlier been feeling. She was still angry, but with her past flashing before her eyes all she could see was Jack. Jack had been as much of a constant as she was to him. And they would get through this…whether or not he was currently sleeping with his girlfriend. They had gotten through everything before, and they would get through it now.

  Lexi watched Jack snake an arm around Bekah's waist and pull her in close like she had felt him do to her so many times before. Bekah smiled lovingly up at him, and the same nauseating feeling began to creep over Lexi.

  The only way things could be okay now is if she didn't watch them together like this. She grabbed Ramsey's hand and pulled him back towards the balcony. "Maybe I'm not feeling as well as I thought. I'd rather not be in here," she whispered to him.

  "You don't want to watch the end? I think you're in the end," he told her.

  She shook her head fiercely. "I think I better not."

  "Alright," he said guiding her to the outside.

  This time when she took one glance over her shoulder Jack wasn't there, and he wasn't watching.

  * * *

  My awesome reviewers: Cupid's Psyche, Minzy, 1PitBullGurl, CaliBound, Sure As The Dawn and total romance. Thanks guys!

  K.A. Linde

  Meant To Be

  Tell me what you thought about

  When you were gone and so alone

  The worst is over

  You can have the best of me

  We got older but we're still young

  We never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up

  - The Starting Line "Best of Me"

  * * *

  Chapter 20: December One and A Half Years Ago

  "Shush," Lexi cried for what felt like the hundredth time. "Guys, you have to cut it out and be quiet. He'll be here soon and then you'll just be embarrassing me...again."

  Rachelle gave her a half-smile. She was just happy that Lexi might be able to get the other two to finally quit yapping. Elizabeth's freckled face darkened, but she couldn't keep from giggling. Her red hair was flying as she let her head tilt backwards with the laughter that was overtaking her. Claire, never too far from Elizabeth's state of emotions, ran her fingers through the thin blonde strands that curled under her chin. Her answering giggle only egged Elizabeth on.

  "But I just can't wait for him to get here," Elizabeth muttered just to piss Lexi off.

  Lexi's eyes narrowed. "He's here all the time. There's nothing special about tonight."

  "Ah, ah, ah..." Rachelle interrupted. "Tonight is special. Finals are officially over."

  "And we're going out with you," Claire added her dull grey eyes searching Lexi's face for a reaction.

  "And Jack will be all dressed up," Elizabeth mumbled closing her eyes and imagining him in much less clothing.

  The two girls had been badgering her about Jack since he arrived. Even though they saw him nearly every day for the past couple months, they couldn't stop their endless discussion of him. Lexi was beginning to think they did it just because it had started to get a reaction from her. And they hated that, despite their horrible finals preparation for the past couple weeks, Lexi had been in a state of euphoria.

  Jack and Lexi had held to their word. They were not a couple. They were lovers and most definitely in love. Yet, they weren't together. It was easier that way so far. She was busy with law school and he had been desperately searching for a job where he'd be able to use his degree. With all that, he still had to work as a waiter and sometimes performed with a piano or guitar, whichever struck his fancy that night, and made money to pay the bills that were piling up in the tiny broken-down apartment.

  It just made the time they were afforded together even that much sweeter. And somehow they had formed a different friendship than the one they had ever had before. Now they spent long, late afternoons in Central Park discussing anything that came to mind. In their past, they had been careful with the precious time they were allotted and careful with the time they shared around others. They never wanted to appear too friendly.

  But now they could lounge around their perspective apartments all afternoon. Sometimes hanging with their roommates. Other times they sat alone watching movies or whatever was on TV. But beyond all that, their passion rang through it all. They made love nearly every day. As often as she could afford to put off studying, they would spend all afternoon in his bedroom trying out new positions, volumes, and heightened climaxes. The way things were now, Lexi could live like this forever.

  Well as long as she could get her roommates to shut up.

  A knock sounded from the doorway and Lexi shot her roommates a fierce glare. Elizabeth and Claire giggled into their hands taking a seat next to Rachelle who admonished them with a look of her own. The two girls dropped their hands and tried
to divert their attention from the visitor in their doorway.

  Lexi pushed her hair behind her ears once before opening the door. Lexi gasped and clutched the doorframe for support. She couldn't drag her eyes away from the form in front of her.

  "Clark," she gasped, shock written across her face, "what are you doing here?"

  Her heart was pounding in her chest from surprise and wonderment. Clark had never forgiven her for what she had done to him. And she didn't blame him. If the situations were reversed, she wouldn't have been able to forgive him for his treachery either. He had slandered her name, and forced her out of their circle of friends. It was like she had lost everything in the divorce. The only thing that had kept her going was the knowledge that she would be in New York soon enough away from it all. Which did nothing to explain why he was here on her doorstep.

  Always confident, he didn't even flinch from her direct words. He smiled politely and let his green eyes work their way down her body. She instantly felt self-conscious in her skimpy black dress. The tiny spaghetti strap ended in a v-neck front and the polyester material hugged her curves in all the right places. Lexi hugged her arms across herself only increasing the amount of cleavage visible.

  "I came to see you. You look beautiful," he told her, his voice rich with emotion.

  Lexi gulped hard. She couldn't believe this was happening to her.

  "Can I come in?"

  Lexi bit her lip unsure of whether or not she should let him in. On the one hand, she hadn't seen him in a very, very long time and so it was nice to have him here. On the other hand, Jack would be here any minute. She couldn't even imagine that.

  "I don't know if that's such a good idea," she muttered her eyes on the floor. She could hear whispering behind her back, and knew that her roommates were trying to decipher who the mystery man was.

  Clark downcast his eyes. She could tell his mind was working overtime. "I haven't seen you in a long time. I'm all the way up here. Are you sure I can't come inside?"

  Lexi glanced over her shoulder and saw that, indeed, her roommates were very curious about the man standing before her. She felt like she had just been a spectacle on display for them for the past month. When she looked back up at her ex-boyfriend, her heart skipped a beat. There were so many things wrong with this reaction that she didn't even have time to process them all. "I…I can't let you in. I'm sorry Clark."

  He sighed heavily and nodded. "Well, I guess this was a mistake," he grumbled. "Have a Merry Christmas Lexi."

  Clark turned and began to walk down the hallway from which he came. She stepped one foot over the threshold and watched his slumped form trudge away from her. She hated that she was hurting him. Why did she always have to hurt him? The things that she had done to him within the past year should have been enough. She couldn't let this go on. He was here for a reason, and she owed him at least some of her time.

  "Who was that?" Claire called unable to control her curiosity.

  "Just a friend," Lexi told her before slamming the door behind her. "Clark," she called tip-toeing down the hallway in her stilettos. He stopped before he reached the stairwell and turned to face her. She raced the rest of the way down the hallway. "I'm sorry. I should have let you come inside. I was just…just so surprised."

  "I guess I should have called," he admitted a smile playing across his features.

  "Yeah, I think that would have helped." Her face was flushed and hands trembling. She hadn't been this nervous in someone's presence in a long time, and she was in law school! Mostly, she just didn't know what he wanted, and that terrified her.

  Did he somehow know that she was sort of seeing Jack? Had he come for revenge? Could he have gone to the dark side?

  "Why don't we just talk here?" she gesturing for him to take a seat on the cold stone step.

  His eyebrows furrowed together. "If you'd prefer that. You look freezing," he commented reaching forward to warm her arms.

  She scurried back a step not allowing herself to get in contact with him. That could be bad. She had never had this issue with anyone other than Jack, but then again she had never been in a relationship with Jack…or whatever it was. She breathed out a heavy sigh in an attempt to calm herself.

  There was no need to be like this around Clark. They had their chance, and she had blown it. There was no way they could ever be together again. She didn't want that. She had what she wanted already. With that comforting thought, she took the seat next to him, shoulder to shoulder. He didn't make a move to warm her again, but just allowed her slight shoulder to gently brush against his own.

  "Can I repeat my earlier question?" she asked coyly glancing up at him through her black lashes. "What are you doing here?"

  His strong hands fiddled with the white button on his blue plaid long-sleeve collared shirt. His arms rested on the dark designer-cut jeans where they faded at the knee. Seemingly realizing that she was observing him, he dropped his habitual buttoning and unbuttoning and met her gaze. "I'm here on vacation…" he paused.

  Lexi could tell that there was more to what he wanted to say, but she wasn't sure what it was. He seemed somehow reserved about what he wanted to tell her. She had been with him long enough to know when he was holding something back. She honestly didn't want to push him though. He could tell her whatever part he wanted to tell her. She hoped she could keep herself from prying. Since she would rather die then have him pry and find out about Jack. With his intuition, she knew it would only take a couple questions to come up with that answer.

  "How did you know where to find me?"

  "I called your mom before I left to ask her where you were located on the NYU campus," he admitted cringing at his own snooping abilities.

  "She didn't tell me that," Lexi muttered angrily.

  "I asked her not to tell you, because I didn't know if I would come visit you," he responded quickly. A curly lock fell into his eyes and he reached up and brushed it away. Strong memories of doing just that overwhelmed her. She reached up and swept her own hair behind her ears several times to try and still her thoughts. He smiled at the familiar movement. "Well at least you haven't changed much."

  Lexi couldn't admit how true that sentiment was.

  "Uh…so you didn't think you'd come see me?" she asked trying to keep him on track.

  "We just ended…so abrupt…so wrong," he responded sounding wounded. "And I know part of that was my fault."

  Lexi felt like she had just swallowed a bag of cotton balls her mouth had gone so dry. She didn't want to talk about their break up. Yes, they had broken up, but that had been quite some time ago. Why did he want to talk about that now? "Yes and everything else was my fault," she murmured broken and dejected.

  "Lexi," his voice silky, "the way I treated you was completely uncalled for, and I don't know if there is any semblance of a friendship…of more," he whispered. "But if there is, then I want to find it."

  "Why are you saying this to me?" she cried angrily springing from her seat. "I don't need to hear this from you Clark."

  "Lexi, sweetie, I'm trying to apologize," he said rising alongside her.

  "And I appreciate that, but we can't do…this," she said, the thought sickening her. "How could you even want that after everything that we've been through?"

  "You were always what I wanted. Don't you see that? I was going to give you a second chance after you cheated on me for nearly a year with one of my best friends. Can't you see that you were what I wanted? Then you just threw that in my face."

  "You made me hurt him," she whispered.

  "He deserved to be hurt, and Kate stayed with him anyway. I hear they're still together," he told her in an effort just to piss her off. He took a step towards her.

  She didn't take the bait. Her brain told her that if she announced her secret just then this would quickly turn into an all out shouting match. She didn't need that. "You'll never get over it," she cried angrily pushing him backwards out of her face. "It's been a year Clark, and you're still not o
ver it."

  "God damnit, Lexi! I hadn't even thought about this in such a long time, and now here we are arguing about it again."

  "That's because you won't let this go. You come to see me on your vacation, or so you say, and then bring this shit up?" she cried.

  "Look I am here on my vacation, but I didn't come here to fight with you. I just came to try and make amends. Obviously we're amazing at this," he stated sarcastically. "So can we try and start over even just as friends?" he asked her.

  "I'm not sure how well that would work," a voice called from the stairs below them.

  Lexi stomach turned as the familiar voice hit her ears. She turned slowly and found Jack walking up the stairs towards them. She knew that he had been on his way over, and had hoped to get Clark out of her before he arrived. Somehow they had got to arguing and that just hadn't happened.

  Jack's fiery blue eyes met her own eyes and her heart swooned. She had also forgotten that he was supposed to be dressed up for their evening out in celebration of the end of first semester finals. He looked amazing and she couldn't even break away for long enough to see Clark seething at the sight of Jack.

  "You've got to be fucking kidding me," Clark muttered upon Jack's arrival. "Lexi, tell me you're kidding," he cried reaching out and grasping her arm.

  Jack was there in an instant. "You should let her go," he said enunciating each word clearly. The two met eye-to-eye, Clark only an inch or two taller than Jack, but he released her nonetheless.

  Lexi moved between the two guys in an effort to put distance between them. This was the last thing she had wanted to happen when she had agreed to talk to Clark. "Guys just chill out," Lexi said her voice lacking conviction.

  "I can't believe I even came by," Clark stated glaring menacingly at Jack.

  "Me either," Jack snarled putting his arm protectively around Lexi's shoulders.

  "Can you both just back off please? This is all one big misunderstanding," Lexi muttered frantically.