All Things Lost

by Josh Aterovis

  Asher and I brought Laura and Gabe up to date on what had been happening in our lives, graduation and deciding to move, and then it was their turn.

  “Well,” Laura said with a dramatic pause, “a lot has been happening with us too.”

  She held out her hand and I noticed a large diamond on her ring finger.

  “Oh my gosh!” I gasped. I leaped up and hugged her and then Gabe. Asher was a little slower on the draw but then he joined in on the congratulations too. Will apparently already knew and just smiled at all of us.

  “And that's not all,” Laura said, and glanced over at Gabe, who nodded encouragingly. “I've decided I'm not going back to school in the fall.”

  For a moment we all sat in stunned silence. It was obvious that this one even caught Will by surprise. Then we all started talking at once.

  Laura raised her hands palm out as if to say stop and we obediently stopped speaking. “I've decided I want to go to police academy.”

  “But aren't you studying criminal justice anyway,” Will's mom asked, “Wouldn't that be useful?”

  “Well yeah, but I've decided I want to do this now. I don't want to wait. And the department will pay for my schooling later if I decide to go back.”

  “It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought.”

  “I have. Gabe and I have talked about it and he supports me one hundred percent. I've already done all the preliminary requirements and I'm starting in the next class.”

  We talked for a while longer about their big news and then moved on to other things. Every once in a while a nurse would come out and tell us how far along Caitlin was and how much longer they thought it would be. It seemed things were moving pretty quickly and it wouldn't be one of those long drawn out labors. It was still quite a long time though, and before long Will's mom fell asleep. Shortly after I noticed Asher had dozed off and I moved closer and pulled him against me where he slept on my shoulder. Gabe was drifting off when the big news finally came.

  “Mr. Keegan?” a nurse asked the room in general.

  “That's me,” Will said jumping up. Gabe started and sat up and Asher blinked drowsily, looking a little like an owl that had been startled awake. Laura leaned over and gently shook Mrs. Keegan.

  The nurse wore a rather grim expression and I had a feeling her news wasn't good. “Mr. Keegan, I'm sorry, there have been some complications.”

  Chapter 2

  “What do you mean complications?” Will asked; his voice tight with fear.

  “The doctor will be out shortly to explain everything,” she said evasively. “So far I believe the baby is alright, but the mother is having a very hard time.”

  “So far? I don't understand. What's going on?”

  Mrs. Keegan stepped forward. “Grace Keegan. I work here at the hospital,” she said by way of introduction. “What exactly are these complications?”

  The nurse gave the rest of us a doubtful glance but did give Mrs. Keegan a quick technical summary of the situation. Then she apologized again and left.

  “What did all that mean?” Will demanded.

  She sighed and sat down before answering. “It's not good.”

  Will sat down heavily with a stunned expression. “The baby…?”

  “I honestly don't know. They will probably take the baby soon, but it's all in God's hands really. It doesn't sound like Caitlin is doing very well at all.”

  We all settled into a tense, watchful silence. No one drifted off to sleep now. We were all on edge as we waited for word. Finally Caitlin's doctor came into the waiting room.

  “What's going on?” Will asked immediately.

  “Well, I have to be honest with you; it's not looking good right now. I believe in being direct with my patients and with their families. I've talked to Caitlin and we've made a decision. We're not at all sure baby and mother will survive. Caitlin has told me that the baby comes first; at all costs I am to save him. So we're going to do an emergency c-section. Once we have the baby safely out of Caitlin we'll…”

  “Doctor,” a nurse interrupted in a pinched voice, “You'd better come now.”

  “Excuse me,” he said and practically ran out the door.

  I looked around the room at everyone's faces. Will's was filled with fear, Laura, Gabe and Asher all looked horrified and helpless, Mrs. Keegan had bowed her head with her eyes closed, obviously praying. It seemed like a good plan to me.

  “I'm going to go find the chapel,” I said.

  “I'll go with you,” Will said quickly.

  The chapel turned out to be just down the hall and it was empty at the moment. Will and I chose a pew and sat down next to each other. We sat for a moment in silence, letting the peaceful atmosphere of the room wash over us.

  “Do you still believe in God,” Will asked quietly after a few minutes.

  I looked over at him; his eyes were fastened to his clasped hands in his lap.

  “Yeah, I do,” I said. “Do you?”

  “Sometimes I don't know anymore.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I mean, after everything that's happened-Dad, Joey, Aidan and now this. If He does exist, where is He right now? Why does He keep allowing all this to happen to me?”

  “I don't know,” I said truthfully. “I don't know a lot of things, especially when it comes to God and the Bible and stuff. You know more than I do. But I do know that I believe in God. I believe He's there. I believe He loves us. I don't know why all this stuff has happened to you, maybe it's for a reason, or maybe it's just random evil. I do believe in evil, too. Maybe you're special in some way and good and evil are fighting over you in some way.”

  “Come to the Dark Side, Luke,” Will muttered.

  “Seriously, it could be like that, except without Darth Vader and Obi Wan.” I was rewarded with a faint smile. “Don't lose your faith now, Will,” I urged gently, “It may be all you have.”

  “Will?” It was Laura at the chapel door, “the doctor is back.”

  We ran down the hall to the waiting room where the doctor was sitting in one of the chairs.

  “Mr. Keegan,” he said, “Congratulations, you have a son.”

  Will collapsed into a seat, his eyes squeezed shut. A tear slipped out and ran down his face.

  “Caitlin?” Mrs. Keegan asked.

  “We still don't know,” the doctor said carefully.

  “But the baby is ok?”

  “The baby is fine, healthy, beautiful, eight pounds, six ounces, ten fingers and ten toes.”

  “Can I see him?” Will asked, opening his eyes.

  “Sure, follow me. We'll get you suited up.”

  Will followed the doctor out the room and the rest of us sat back and looked at each other.

  “That was horrific,” Laura said with feeling.

  “But it's over now,” Asher said, sounding very relieved.

  “No, not yet,” Mrs. Keegan said. “Caitlin isn't out of the woods yet.” She stood up and left the room.

  “I know this sounds awful,” Laura began slowly, “but I really can't muster up a lot of concern over the welfare of Caitlin Stewart. She killed Joey, she killed Aidan and she would have killed Will if she could have.”

  “She's sick,” Gabe said in her defense.

  “So that makes it ok? She's crazy but that doesn't give her a license to kill. Personally I hope she rots in hell.”

  “When did you get so cynical?” Gabe asked.

  Just then a nurse appeared in the door. “If you all would like to see the baby you can come to the nursery window. The father is holding him in there.”

  We followed the nurse to the viewing window and looked in at a room filled with tiny little babies. Will sat in a rocking chair off to one side holding a carefully wrapped bundle. When he saw us at the window he grinned ear to ear and tilted the baby towards the window so we could see his face. He was so tiny.

  We were still gawking through the window when Mrs. Keegan found us. “Caitlin's going to be ok. She listed Will as the fat
her on the birth certificate."

  We gaped at her openmouthed as she turned to face the window. I turned to look at Will as he stared down at the bundle in his arms. His face was so filled with love it almost seemed to glow.

  The baby in question still didn't have a name when we left. He didn't have to go nameless for too long though, he was newly christened when we arrived the next day, Darin Joseph Keegan. Will was again holding him in the nursery feeding him a bottle when we got there. We watched through the large window until a nurse came and gently took the sleeping bundle from his arms and laid him in a bed. Will was all grins as he met us in the waiting room.

  “Can you believe that?” he said, “That baby is mine. My son. It's so hard to believe. He's so beautiful.”

  “We saw your mom on the way up,” Asher said, “She said you'd named him Darin Joseph.”

  “Do you like it? Darin means precious gift,” he said eagerly.

  “It's appropriate,” I said. It was impossible not to grin back at him. It was the happiest I'd seen him in months, since Aidan died. It seemed everything had taken a back seat to the miracle of birth.

  “It's a great name,” Asher added.

  “He's doing really well, eating right and he's so good. They said if he's still doing this well tomorrow he could go home in the afternoon. I know you've been here a lot but do you think you could drive us home? Mom has to work and I don't want to drive.”

  I looked at Asher who just grinned and nodded back. “Sure,” I said, “How is Caitlin doing?”

  Will's face darkened for a second and I instantly regretted the question. “I don't know. I didn't ask," he said brusquely.

  “Will, I'm sorry…” I started to apologize but cut me off with a wave of his hand.

  “It's ok. I'll be fine. I have Darin to take care of now. He needs me.”

  Just then, a young, fresh-faced, uniformed police officer approached us. “Will Keegan?” he asked the three of us in general.

  “I'm Will Keegan,” Will said uncertainly.

  “Ms. Stuart has asked to speak to you. I was sent to find you.”

  Will blanched and his knees seemed to buckle slightly. I reached out a supporting hand to his elbow.

  “Why?” Asher spoke up since Will seemed to be speechless.

  “I don't rightly know, sir, seeing as how I'm pretty much just the errand boy,” the young officer said with a lopsided grin. His easygoing manner seemed to put Will at ease somewhat, or maybe he just recovered himself.

  “Do I have to see her?” he asked the cop, and then to us, “I haven't seen her since…”

  “No, you don't have to do anything. Is that what you want me to tell them?”

  “You know, Will,” I said quickly, “it might not be such a bad idea.” That received me almost identical amazed and somewhat dirty looks from both Asher and Will so I hurried on to explain, “It could be closure for you.”

  Will thought for a moment and then nodded slowly. “There are some things I need to say to her,” he said softly, “Will you go with me?”

  Asher shook his head emphatically but I said yes. I have to admit that besides being moral support for Will, part of me just wanted to see Caitlin again; to see if I could see what I had missed before. Some sign that inside her lay a murderer, someone who could kill four people in cold-blood.

  We followed the officer down the hall and then through a set of swinging door where another police officer stood guard. He nodded at our guide as we passed. He led us down another hall to a door where yet another officer was stationed. He spoke for a minute with this officer who made a few jotted notes on a clipboard and then he opened the door to the room for us.

  Will took a deep breath and clutched my arm in a vise-like grip. Memories of a night a few months ago flooded back to me. Will had held on to me in a similar way as he prepared himself to enter a hospital room that night too, except the room had held his dying father that night. Today he would face the person who had killed his best friend and his lover.

  Will nodded, almost to himself, and stepped forward. Inside the room was one more guard, this one a female officer built like a tank. In the center of the room Caitlin lay propped up in a hospital bed. I would have never recognized her if I hadn't known who it was. Her long blonde hair had been cut off in an unflattering masculine style. Her face was pale and round with the added weight from her pregnancy. She wasn't wearing any make-up and her eyes seemed different somehow, almost empty, or maybe it was just my imagination.

  “Will,” she said, ignoring me. Her voice, at least, was the same, low and slightly husky. “You came. I didn't think you would.”

  “I wouldn't have if Killian hadn't thought I should,” he said. His voice was surprisingly strong. Mentioning my name forced her to acknowledge my presence. She did so with a small nod.

  “I'm glad you did. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was…”

  “Save it, Caitlin,” Will cut her off angrily, “Save it for the courtroom where it might do some good. I'm not interested in how sorry you are. Sorry won't bring Aidan back to me. Sorry won't give us back the life you stole from us. The only reason I'm in here is to say I'm sorry you lived. It would have been better for all of us if you'd died. The only thing you've ever done right is when you gave me the baby.”

  “The baby!” Caitlin latched onto this last word as a huge tear rolled down her already splotchy face. “Take care of the baby, please, Will. The baby is all I ever cared about. I don't even care what happens to me. You're right; I deserve to die. But please take care of my baby. Your baby now.”

  “You don't have to worry about that. I'll raise that baby as if he were my own,” he said in a softer tone.

  She managed a watery smile. I was marveling at how sick she must be to have been able to kill four people when her face suddenly changed and hardened in way that was absolutely chilling. “You'd better take care of him Will Keegan or you'll pay. I'll make sure you pay.”

  Goosebumps jumped up on my skin at the sudden transformation. The cop who had led us to the room motioned to us that it was time to leave and we gladly fled the room.

  I hugged Will back out in the hall but he shook me off.

  “I need some time alone,” he said and walked briskly away down the hall. I wandered off on my own to find Asher. We waited for a while in the waiting room next to the nursery but eventually, when he still hadn't shown up, we left.

  I had told Asher what had happened in Caitlin's room while we waited for Will, but we really didn't talk about it until we were in the car.

  “I can't believe she threatened Will right there in front of two cops,” Asher said.

  “She's nuts,” I said without taking my eyes off the road. “That's all there is to it. She's freaking crazy. It's not like she'll really be able to do anything anyway. I'm sure she's going to be locked up for the rest of her life. She killed four people.”

  “And would have killed Will too if Aidan hadn't distracted her,” Asher added.

  I nodded with a small sigh. I hadn't known Aidan all that well even though he was my cousin. I'd only met him a couple times before he moved down here to go to college, and even then we only saw him a few times before this whole murder thing started. I'd liked him, as had everyone who knew him, but I was only just getting to know him when he was killed. Asher was much closer to Will than I had been to Aidan though, so in many ways the murders had hit him harder than they had me. I sometimes worried that I was becoming hardened to death after being surrounded by it so much in the last few years. I never mentioned my fear to Asher, though; he had enough to deal with without worrying about me.

  We drove to Asher's house and I followed him inside. Both of our families were used to seeing us together by now and had easily accepted our relationship. I think Asher's mom thought of me as her fourth son. Besides Asher, there was his older sister Bethany, who had just shown up on her parents' doorstep six months pregnant, Marcus who had just returned home from his freshman year of college and six-yea
r-old Jamie, who had been adopted when his parents killed themselves in the wake of their oldest son's killing spree. It was quite a full house and I suspected that was what had really spurred Asher into this whole idea of us moving in with each other.

  Jamie plowed into me full force as soon as I was through the door, wrapping himself around my knees and hanging on for dear life. It was a familiar routine and was the equivalent to being rushed by a midget.

  “Killian's here! Killian's here!” he announced gleefully to the rest of the household. He'd liked me ever since the first time I met him when I played Star Wars with him. He was an amazing little kid really. He'd lost his entire family in one way or another and yet he was still so happy and well adjusted.

  “Sure, Killian's here; don't pay any attention to Asher. I just live here,” Asher teased.

  “I know you live here,” Jamie said patiently, “that's why it's not exciting.”

  “He's got a point,” I said with a grin as I allowed myself to be drug off down the hall.

  “What's that supposed to mean?” Asher asked as he followed.

  “Well living with someone does tend to take away some of the magic in a relationship.”

  Asher frowned but we were distracted by Bethany's sudden appearance. She was only six months pregnant, and refused to say who the father was, but she was already huge. She tended to loom these days whenever she made an entrance.

  “You'll never believe who called today,” she said to Asher.

  “Who?” he said impatiently. It seemed he wasn't in the mood for guessing games.

  “Aunt Judy!” Jamie yelled as he hopped up and down.

  “You couldn't let me tell him that?” Bethany said. She ruffled Jamie's hair, which everyone knew he despised, and he ran off to comb it, which was the desired effect.

  “Aunt Judy called?” Asher said as he dropped onto the sofa. I sat next to him and Bethany lowered herself carefully into a chair. We teased her that she would need a crane by the time she was full term.

  Judy was Asher's aunt on his father's side. She lived in California with her two sons, Dash and Jake. Jake had lived here until a year and a half ago. Jamie's real parents, who were actually Jake's aunt and uncle, had raised him. Confused yet? Don't feel bad. It still confuses me sometimes too. Judy was a quite an interesting person. She was some sort of psychic, or at least it seemed that way, although she hated the term and would never say it about herself. She had a creepy way of knowing things that she had no real way of knowing.