The Armchair Detective The Early Years (Special Editions)

by Ian Shimwell

  TRENCH: Very observant, Debsy – my old friend will be impressed. Well done.

  DEBSY: Thank-you, Trench.

  LORD REAVES: Ah, Mavis – you have done us proud.

  (MAVIS places the refreshments on a spacious table.)

  MAVIS: Me feel good.

  TRENCH: But does Rhonda’s marital status have any bearing on the pocket watch situation?

  LORD REAVES: Perhaps more than you think, Trench… Now, who’s for scones?

  (Mysterious music merges into ever-louder ticking, changes the scene.)

  TRENCH: That cake was awful.

  OLD TOM: What was wrong with it?

  TRENCH: It was far too fresh!

  OLD TOM: Trench, is there something bothering you? I detect a twinge of aggression in your manner.

  TRENCH: Debsy has agreed to go on a date with that Richard. They’re probably in the middle of their dinner as we speak.

  OLD TOM: I see. I assume this is the second date?

  TRENCH: No – first.

  OLD TOM: Strange – Richard asks her out on a Friday for the following Tuesday – today. Advanced planning?

  TRENCH: Or is he simply a busy fellow?

  OLD TOM: Pocket watch please.

  TRENCH: There’s the old timer, old timer.

  (TRENCH passes the pocket watch to OLD TOM.)

  OLD TOM: Hah – very droll. (He flicks the back open.) And according to the inscription on the concealed rear of the watch – this is an old timer. The manufacturer, ‘London Watchsmiths’ dates its origins to the early part of the last century, as the company folded in the nineteen twenties.

  TRENCH: Interesting…

  OLD TOM: At least it appears to be working correctly now. The watch face is proudly displaying the right time.

  TRENCH: Yes, but oddly the pocket watch stopped again this afternoon at four o’clock before correcting itself after around twenty minutes.

  OLD TOM: How odd. Has it done that on any other days?

  TRENCH; Yes, it did it yesterday as well – and stopped at eleven. But it ran perfectly all through Sunday – I’m not sure about the other days though. Perhaps it’s a stopwatch!

  OLD TOM: (Says irritably:) Yes. (Then normally:) And Lord Reaves did not venture anymore information on the timepiece.

  TRENCH: Frustratingly no – he raised more questions than answers. But we can deduce that Rhonda’s late father was Lord Reaves’ brother.

  OLD TOM: Obviously. There are just so many things that don’t quite add up in this case.

  TRENCH: I know. A watch that stops; Richard’s odd dating behaviour – and the watch ending up in Richard’s attic.

  OLD TOM: A more than valuable pocket watch; a strange message in the Stokeham Herald – and an even stranger remark about the significance of Rhonda’s ex-marital status. What does it all mean – and is there a connection?

  TRENCH: Maybe we should start reading in-between the lines, Old Tom?

  OLD TOM: Correction, Trench. Like the mantle clock before us, we need to look between the tick and the tock, to solve the mystery of this most perplexing pocket watch.

  (A longer piece of mystery music indicates the end of Act Two.)

  Act Three

  TRENCH: Well, I suppose I’d better make a start on next weeks’ features.

  (TRENCH begins typing away, but stops when the office door is flung open.)

  DEBSY: (Says guiltily:) Good morning, Trench.

  TRENCH: Good afternoon, Debsy – you’re late. What’s wrong – had a late night?

  DEBSY: Not particularly – I just had a problem with the alarm clock.

  TRENCH: Go on, let’s hear it then – this should be good.

  DEBSY: All right. The clock had ticked itself off my bedside table thingy, but instead of falling onto the floor, it fell into a drawer I’d left open. When the alarm clock happily went off this morning, the clothes in the drawer muffled the sound and, hence, I didn’t hear the thing and slept on.

  TRENCH: Can I write that down? It’s a brilliant excuse, I mean reason. It could only happen to you though, Debs.

  DEBSY: Err… thanks – I think.

  TRENCH: At least my pocket watch seems more reliable than your alarm clock. (He opens the pocket watch.) Oh no it isn’t – it’s stuck on eleven o’clock again.

  DEBSY: But it’s a quarter past eleven.

  TRENCH: Tell me about it. And how did your ‘date’ go with ravishing Richard?

  DEBSY: So, so – average meal and like the cheap champagne, his conversation wasn’t exactly sparkling.

  TRENCH: (Says trying his best to sound sincere:) I am sorry it didn’t seem to work out – what went wrong?

  DEBSY: Oh, he seemed more interested that I included a message in the paper before today’s deadline – you know, concerning that silly pocket watch.

  TRENCH: What message?

  DEBSY: Now where did I put that slip of paper he made me swear to look after? Hah, here it is. ‘Not much time left, but come forward at the appointed hour.’ What does that mean?

  TRENCH: I’m not really sure, but Rhonda Abbot telephoned the office with an equally bizarre message for print: ‘Learn from ignorance to uncover the secret of the pocket watch. Be late.’

  DEBSY: Odd, really odd. Maybe the best thing to do is simply ask them what they mean.

  TRENCH: Good thinking Debs – but who shall we visit first?

  DEBSY: Richard. Err, I mean, he’s nearest – isn’t he?

  TRENCH: I thought you were going to say him, for some reason…

  DEBSY: And we’d better make sure those mysterious messages are included in tomorrow’s edition…

  (Mysterious ticking sounds change the scene.)

  (DEBSY rings the doorbell. They wait a few moments.)

  DEBSY: No answer – Richard must be out.

  TRENCH: Brilliant deduction, Debs.

  DEBSY: Yes, I know – thank you so much.

  TRENCH: Come on, I’ll take you for a coffee in town. Then we’ll try again.

  DEBSY: Or visit ravishing Rhonda?

  TRENCH: Something like that.

  DEBSY: It’s a date then.

  (A steady ticking moves things on.)

  DEBSY: I love these outdoor style coffee shops – you know with tables and chairs outside.

  TRENCH: Even when it’s cold?

  DEBSY: I don’t believe it. Look, there’s Richard drinking a coffee.

  TRENCH: And sat by the table next to him is none other than Rhonda.

  DEBSY: It’s so strange – they seem to be looking at each other longingly, but not at the same time.

  TRENCH: Funny, they’re both reading the Stokeham Herald. Come on, let’s have a word with them.

  DEBSY: Bagsy me on Richard’s table – and don’t say you knew I was going to say that!

  TRENCH: Wouldn’t dream of it.

  (They walk over to the separate couple.)

  DEBSY: Richard.

  TRENCH: And Rhonda. Do you mind if we..?

  (They sit down with the question hanging in the air.)

  TRENCH: Rhonda, this is Richard and visa-versa.

  (There is a moment of total silence.)

  TRENCH: Fine, you don’t want to speak to each other. This is an amazing coincidence really.

  DEBSY: I know, present and previous owners of the pocket watch sat in the same coffee shop almost next to each other – and both drinking café lattes!

  RICHARD: It is as you said, simply a coincidence.

  DEBSY: Is it really, Richard? Fancy going on another date sometime soon?

  RICHARD: I don’t think that would be a good idea.

  DEBSY: Oh… right.

  TRENCH: Rhonda, that message you left me – which is in the very paper you are reading – uncover what secret of the pocket watch? What does it mean?

  RHONDA: Nothing more than we all want to unlock what the watch is hiding, don’t we?

  TRENCH: Do we?

  DEBSY: Richard, you’ll tell me what your message means, won’t you?
<
br />   RICHARD: Certainly, it means – there’s not much time left, but come forward at the appointed hour.

  DEBSY: I see – it says what it means. Thank you very much.

  TRENCH: Well, we’re going to see Lord Reaves.

  (There is a slight but sharp intake of breath from RHONDA at the mention of this name.)

  DEBSY: Yes, maybe he can make more sense than you two put together.

  (TRENCH and DEBSY get up to leave. Mysterious music ends this scene.)

  (TRENCH and DEBSY are walking.)

  DEBSY: This is all becoming distinctly odder by the minute.

  TRENCH: Richard and Rhonda certainly weren’t talking.

  DEBSY: Especially to each other…

  TRENCH: We’re nearly at the Reaves’ residence.

  DEBSY: Yes, what do you think of his house?

  TRENCH: Luxurious… but modest. I thought he would have lived in something grander than a town house.

  DEBSY: I agree – here we are.

  (A steady ticking sound moves things along.)

  LORD REAVES: Debsy, Trench – it’s nearly four o’clock. You are just in time for afternoon tea! Mavis, be a dear and make the necessary arrangements.

  MAVIS: Me cut extra cakes, and make extra tea, my lord.

  LORD REAVES: Good girl. Now, I suppose you youngsters want to know more about the pocket watch?

  DEBSY: Yes please.

  TRENCH: We’d be obliged, Lord Reaves.

  LORD REAVES: My father originally had it made as a special commission from London Watchsmiths for my sixteenth birthday. (He chuckles slightly.) My father had a wicked sense of humour.

  DEBSY: At least now, we know its actual origins.

  TRENCH: And you eventually gave it to your late younger brother?

  LORD REAVES: Yes, who bequeathed it to his daughter, Rhonda.

  DEBSY: So, mystery solved then.

  TRENCH: Yes… but no. There are still many unanswered questions. I mean, Richard and Rhonda have been behaving very strangely.

  DEBSY: Yes, what’s Richard’s connection?

  TRENCH: What is all this about, Lord Reaves?

  LORD REAVES: Let me enlighten you. It concerns the reading of my will tomorrow morning at eleven o’clock.

  DEBSY: You’re… you’re going to die?

  LORD REAVES: I hope not child! I am the kind of man that wants to distribute his worldly goods, before his death. And tomorrow, the remainder of my family – I had no children of my own, you understand – and friends will discover who inherits what and how much.

  TRENCH: And is all that somehow connected to this pocket watch?

  LORD REAVES: Yes, that most special of timepieces is vital to the proceedings… There is a safe behind that painting.

  DEBSY: And Richard’s connection?

  LORD REAVES: All right Debsy, I will tell you…

  (Intriguing music changes the scene.)

  OLD TOM: So, Richard is Rhonda’s brother. Now that changes things – and explains a lot.

  TRENCH: Does it? That tea was cold.

  OLD TOM: Thank-you.

  TRENCH: I mean, who’s playing what game and why, Old Tom? And why is the pocket watch so important?

  OLD TOM: I suspect the pocket watch holds the key…

  TRENCH: Oh come on – now you’re speaking in riddles.

  OLD TOM: This watch has helped us to reveal most of the clues.

  TRENCH: I suppose it has kind of sent us on a journey from Richard to Rhonda – and to Lord Reaves.

  OLD TOM: And to the secret perhaps that the watch so proudly hides.

  TRENCH: Please explain – the reading of the so-called will is in barely an hour, to which me and Debsy have been invited.

  OLD TOM: I will attempt to point you in the right direction, so you achieve the correct time, so to speak.

  TRENCH: Yes, time – that commodity is starting to run out so please get on with it.

  OLD TOM: Here goes then. The pocket watch holds a secret that siblings Richard and Rhonda wish to unlock. They can’t manage that themselves, but using the pretence of discovering the watch’s origins, enlist your help at the Stokeham Herald.

  TRENCH: Sounds plausible, I suppose…

  OLD TOM: There seems to be a reason why Lord Reaves wants to impose obstacles in the way of them inheriting his fortune.

  TRENCH: Yes..?

  OLD TOM: Come on, think Trench think.

  TRENCH: They communicate somehow, but don’t talk…

  OLD TOM: Rhonda’s marriage failed – and Richard wasn’t exactly interested in Debsy, was he?

  TRENCH: Which suggests a rather disturbing motive for the extraordinary lengths Lord Reaves is going – to make things awkward for his niece and nephew…

  OLD TOM: And now is the appointed time to go, Trench – and discover the final secret…

  TRENCH: Right, I’m going then.

  (TRENCH gets up to leave.)

  OLD TOM: (Who raises his voice.) And Trench.

  (TRENCH comes back in.)

  TRENCH: Yes?

  OLD TOM: Don’t forget the pocket watch, will you?

  (Sombre music filled with hectic ticking changes the scene.)

  LORD REAVES: I bid you all good morning. Richard and Rhonda.

  RICHARD: Thank you, uncle.

  LORD REAVES: Invited witnesses, Trench and Debsy.

  DEBSY: ‘morning.

  LORD REAVES: And my constant companion, Mavis.

  MAVIS: Me go make elevenses.

  LORD REAVES: No, no. For once, Mavis elevenses can wait. What I am about to say here, concerns you also.

  MAVIS: Me stay, my lord.

  LORD REAVES: So, to business. The following will remain unchanged, whatever happens here this morning. Mavis, you will receive a small monthly allowance from this day forward. Richard, Rhonda – a regular modest allowance will be yours from now on.

  RHONDA: What about your estate?

  RICHARD: And your vast fortune, uncle?

  LORD REAVES: I am coming to that. Now, Richard and Rhonda, in order to have a chance of inheriting, you agreed to not directly see or speak to each other for a year. Have you succeeded in achieving that – except today of course?

  RHONDA: As promised, we have never spoken.

  RICHARD: Or even looked at each other in the eye.

  LORD REAVES: And I believe you have… just – because, I believe, you wouldn’t have dared to break the agreement. The wall safe, over there…

  DEBSY: He’s taken the picture down.

  TRENCH: I know, I can see.

  DEBSY: Sorry.

  LORD REAVES: …contains the deeds to this house; my other estates and the rights to the bulk of my monies, stocks and shares. As you know, my nephew/niece, you simply need to input a four-digit code and my fortune is all yours.

  TRENCH: Can I just ask where the pocket watch comes into all this?

  LORD REAVES: Yes, you may. To help out dear Richard and Rhonda here, I gave them my pocket watch and told them it holds a vital clue… which is…

  RICHARD: Tell us.

  DEBSY: I’d quite like to know too.

  LORD REAVES: The pocket watch holds a clue to the four-digit code.

  RICHARD: Where is it?

  LORD REAVES: I decree that you only have until eleven o’clock to open the safe, Richard and Rhonda.

  RICHARD: But that’s only two minutes away!

  LORD REAVES: Failure to do so will result in Mavis here inheriting the lot.

  RICHARD: Trench, you’ve had the pocket watch – what’s the code?

  TRENCH: I… I don’t know.

  RHONDA: Richard, get the damned watch – there may still be time.

  TRENCH: Debsy, here pass the pocket watch to Richard, will you?

  DEBSY: All right.

  (TRENCH passes DEBSY the watch.)

  RICHARD: Debsy, what are you waiting for? We can dine out again, if you like, whenever you want. (He starts screaming.) Pass me the watch, now!

  DEBSY: Oops, I’ve drop
ped it. (We hear it drop, and then a crunching sound.) And I’ve trod on it – and completely smashed the thing.

  RICHARD: You fool!

  RHONDA: I’ll try the safe – any combination!

  (We hear RHONDA furiously turn and twist the safe dial, but to no avail.)

  LORD REAVES: You are out of time, I’m afraid.

  RHONDA: Damn.

  RICHARD: Debsy, why did you break the watch?

  DEBSY: I don’t know… I don’t like being used, I suppose. And I’ve just realised – those messages, ‘learn from ignorance’ – you meant me! The cheek of it.

  TRENCH: I’m awfully sorry, Lord Reaves. Your pocket watch was very valuable…

  LORD REAVES: Don’t be – the face will now forever display one of my favourite times of the day: eleven o’clock.

  MAVIS: Me fetch elevenses? Oh, and err… thank-you, my lord.

  LORD REAVES: Thank you, Mavis. And now to put everyone out of their misery…

  DEBSY: Except Richard and Rhonda, of course…

  LORD REAVES: …and reveal the secret code…

  (Mysterious music ends the scene.)

  TRENCH: Can I drink my tea, Old Tom?

  OLD TOM: It’s not time yet – just give it a few more minutes…

  TRENCH: So, what made you suspicious of Richard?

  OLD TOM: I suspected something was wrong from the beginning. No normal person would leave such a valuable timepiece with relative strangers.

  TRENCH: Are you saying you wouldn’t trust me and Debsy?

  OLD TOM: You know very well what I am saying. The pawnbroker incident was simply far too convenient.

  TRENCH; Yes, leaving that customer book on the counter now does seem rather contrived…

  OLD TOM: And the wholesale jewellery magazine you found at Richard’s home probably indicates he owns or runs the pawnbrokers, which made it very easy to set you up with Rhonda’s address. Also, the pocket watch in a charity box story seemed strained.

  TRENCH: Which we swallowed, nonetheless.

  OLD TOM: Richard and Rhonda then unsuccessfully hoped you would somehow uncover and disclose the pocket watch’s secret. They also used you to correspond via cryptic messages in the Stokeham Herald, to communicate with each other whilst observing the strict no-talking rule from Lord Reaves. Remember you or Debsy only saw Richard on a Tuesday at his request, so you would place his message for Rhonda on a Wednesday for Thursday’s edition.

  TRENCH: Brilliant – and, of course – one of the messages: be late – that meant latte, meet for coffee! Well, almost meet for coffee. And Richard’s ‘stay focussed on the pocket watch, and we will wind up’ – add ‘together’ and you have a clear message for Rhonda.