by Aileen Fish
He wrapped his strong arm around her waist then pulled her against his chest, causing her heart to flutter. “I have you now.”
The warmth of his breath teased her ear as he whispered the words. Heavens, she wanted him. She turned in his arms to face him. “And now that you have me…” She wet her lips. “What will you do with me?”
“I’m not entirely sure.” He stared deep into her eyes as if he were searching for something.
Breaking their connection, she trailed her gaze across the lines of his jaw before settling it on his lips. She ached for a proper kiss, to have his lips pressed to hers, his hands exploring her body. She cupped his cheek with one hand. His warmth seeped through her glove and spread through her. “Kiss me.”
Without a word, he lowered his mouth to hers. She met his lips, hungry for whatever he had to give. She boldly rubbed her thumb across the contour of his cheek and angled her head so he could deepen their kiss.
He held her tighter against his hard chest and nipped at her bottom lip, sending a thrill straight through her. She parted her lips for him as he deepened the kiss. When their tongues met, her knees threatened to buckle. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, clinging to him with all her strength.
She lost herself in the feelings he aroused. Nothing mattered but them in this moment. His lips pressed to hers. Their arms wrapped around one another. Two people swept away on a wave of passion, desperate to hang on to one another.
Chapter 6
Henry could not help himself. When Lady Akford spoke her breathy plea, ‘kiss me,’ all logic fled his mind. He lowered his lips to hers as if he had no control, no say in the matter at all. When he felt her silky flesh against his and she rubbed his cheek with her delicate thumb, he lost all notion of right or wrong.
His body ached for her as he continued to kiss her. The taste of her drove him mad when he swept his tongue into the honeyed sweetness of her mouth. He could feel her heart beating against his chest. The softness of her breasts smashed against him sent white-hot passion spiraling through him. Encouraged by her responses, he deepened the kiss, losing himself in her.
“Henry,” she gasped against his lips.
The breathy sigh of his name drove him mad. He tugged her closer, aching to posses her in every way.
The neigh of a horse broke through the fog enshrouding his good sense. This was Lady Akford. The last woman in all of England he should dare to hold. He pulled away, turning his back to her. Bloody hell, what had he done? What was it about this lady that caused him to act so out of character? Once he regained some composure, he faced her.
She stared back at him, green eyes wide, tender lips swollen from his kisses. Desire clenched at his stomach and he worked hard to ignore the longing. “I should not have--”
“Don’t you dare. Do not say another word,” she cried.
“I am afraid I lost myself for a moment.”
He reached for her hand, but she jerked it away. Her anger was palpable, but the hot embers of passion stilled burned in her eyes. Henry swallowed hard. “It will not happen again.”
“Even if that is not my wish?” She took a step toward him.
The mixture of emotions seated in her gaze challenged him. He wanted to pull her back into his arms and run away from her all at the same time.
He could not have her. After what she had done in the past, he could not trust that she wanted him. It was not long ago she declared her love for the Marquess of Luvington. He refused to be the catalyst that made it possible for her to hurt Sarah, the Marchioness of Luvington, again. “Lady Akford--”
“Claudia.” She placed her hands on her hips. “I detest being addressed by that brute’s name.”
His heart fractured but he forced himself to continue all the same. “I would like for us to forget what happened. I should not have--”
She held her head high. “If it is truly your wish, I will forget what we shared here, but do not insult me with apologies. I am not sorry, Henry, I would do it all over again.”
The sound of his given name on her lips tugged at his heart. If he was being honest, he was not sorry either. He only regretted that he could never allow himself to kiss her again. “Very well. Let us return to the house.” He proffered his arm.
She breezed past him, ignoring his offer.
“At the least, allow me to help you up.” He moved to stand beside her horse.
Without a word, she grabbed the saddle and lifted one booted foot for him. She took up the reins the moment she was able and left him standing by the bridge, watching after her.
A new heaviness settled in his heart at the knowledge he had hurt her. If only he could trust her motives, he would be first in line to court her. As it was, he did not trust her and could not allow himself to.
He mounted his horse and set it into motion. Even if she were no longer interested in Luvington, a courtship with her would likely upset his friendship with Sarah. Something he was not willing to do. Sarah had helped him through his upset after the now, Duchess of Goldstone, tossed him over for the duke. He liked to think he helped her as well. At the least, he played a role in convincing her to give Luvington a chance. He cherished their friendship far too much to risk damaging it.
The late evening air lashed at him as he broke from the forest trail onto open land. He spotted Claudia a good distance ahead, her curls blowing in the wind. By the time he reached the stables, she’d be safely inside the house. He fought the urge to catch her. It was for the best they did not speak again this evening. He needed some time alone to process his emotions, to build his resolve.
Finally reaching the stable, he dismounted and handed the reins off to a stable boy. Most nights he took care of his own horse, but right now, he longed for a drink. “See that he is properly rubbed down.”
“Yes, my lord.” The lad bowed.
As he assumed, Lady Akford had already disappeared into the house. He walked with long strides toward the door. Once inside, he handed his gloves and hat to the butler before going to the smoking room. He was in no mood for company but he would suffer through it for a glass of port. Besides, company could not be avoided when one was at a house party.
After walking down a maze of halls, he turned into the smoking room. Going straight to the sideboard, he poured a snifter of port. The amber liquid slid down his throat and he relished the comforting warmth it unleashed. He swirled the liquor in his glass before drinking what remained.
If only he could drink enough to erase the memory of Lady Akford, no, Claudia, from his mind. Alas, Lady Wexil had a musical planned for tonight and he could not very well attend foxed. He refused to embarrass his hosts or himself.
Those morals were what got him involved with Claudia in the first place. He clenched his jaw. He wagered she would make an appearance tonight, for where else would she go? He should take the opportunity to explain himself to her. Make her understand why he could not kiss her again.
First, a change of clothes was in order.
***
Claudia sat at the vanity table dreading the idea of seeing Henry after making such a cake of herself. Tossing herself at a man who did not want her. Asking for his kiss, then begging him not to apologize. Could she be more bird-witted?
She trailed her fingers over her lips as memories of Henry’s kiss still burned within her. Had she imagined the passion they shared? Or did he ravage every lady he kissed in the same way? Her mind flashed to their earlier encounters. She recalled his awkwardness around her. The way he had tripped over his chair that day in the breakfast room, then spilled his water. The time he nearly toppled them both to the ground in the garden betrayed his experience. She did not believe he had kissed many ladies. He had wanted her as much as she had desired him. Nevertheless, where did that leave her? And what had caused him to pull away?
The bloody scandals. She was not to blame for the scandal of her youth. However, she could not deny her later actions. She had gone to Julian and made quite a scene. That p
articular morsel was not ton knowledge, but Henry clearly knew of it. The Luvingtons must have shared the tale with him. Did he still believe she wished to use him in order to get to Julian, or worse, hurt Lady Luvington? She never intended on causing anyone pain. She had not even known about Lady Luvington when she went to Julian’s townhouse that day.
When Henry had escorted her outside the night they met, she had no inclination of who he was or his relationship with the Luvingtons. Even if she still harbored hope for herself and Julian, which she most certainly did not, the idea of using Henry had never crossed her mind. In truth, she had romanticized her past relationship and clung to it over the years. Harboring hope for a future with Julian had given her strength when Akford was at his worst. Whatever love she and Julian had shared belonged firmly seated in the past.
What difference did it any of it make? There was no way to prove herself to Lord Shillington or her peers. Leastwise, not that she could think of at present. She picked up her fan and moved to the door. She was to play the pianoforte while her cousin sang to open the nights entertaining. Vivian would be overset if she did not arrive in the music room on time.
With her head high, Claudia stepped into the hall and made her way toward the stairs. She would not allow Henry to upset her further. Nor would she become London’s newest ladybird. Instead, she would remove him from her mind, give up the idea of taking a lover, and focus on her new life. She was finished tossing herself at gentlemen who did not return her affection.
“Lady Akford.”
Claudia stilled and looked behind her. “Your Grace.” She offered Duchess Abernathy a curtsey.
The duchess smiled and moved to her side. “It seems Lord Shillington has taken an interest in you, my dear.”
Claudia fell into step with Duchess Abernathy as they continued down the hall. “Appearances are often deceiving,” she said, tartly.
“Are you quite certain?” the duchess pressed.
“Indeed.” Claudia fidgeted with her fan wishing they could talk about anything else.
“More’s the pity. He is a fine catch. A gentleman and in line for an earldom. He will make some lady a splendid husband.”
“I will give that lady my best regards.” Claudia nearly choked on the words. What was wrong with her? She had no wish to marry him or anyone, and yet jealousy gripped her deep inside. The very idea of Henry wed to another pulled at her heart.
“I do not blame you. I never remarried after my dear husband passed. Mind you, I would if the right gentleman came along, but I have not sought out a match.” The duchess started down the grand staircase.
Claudia followed with a newfound desire to seat herself behind the pianoforte. Leastwise, her playing would provide a small escape.
The duchess offered a consoling smile. “One can hardly blame you for not wanting to remarry after what you endured. All the same, I must caution you to keep the possibility open. Marriage is a wonderful thing when love is involved.”
“Perhaps, for some.” Claudia walked beside the duchess as they started down the long corridor leading to the music room. She believed in love, but she did not believe the flighty emotion had the power to last. It did not signify at any rate. Even if she were to marry for love, she would still find herself under the control of a man and that would never do.
No, she would not remarry. Not to anyone. Not even for love.
Chapter 7
A sennight had passed since Henry stood at the back of the music room, his attention trained on Claudia. Minutes had trickled into hours that night, and the opportunity to approach her never arose. It seemed the lady had purposely avoided him and still did all these days later. He should be pleased. Having her near only complicated his life. Still, he could not stop his mind from conjuring memories of her, nor could he stop his body’s traitorous reaction every time he saw her. She caused his blood to race and his heart to ache. More than once, he saw hurt and anger in her eyes. The knowledge that he had put it there weighed heavy on him.
Now, with the house party almost at an end, he felt more compelled than ever to speak with her. He could not return to London without explaining himself and repairing the damage caused by his hasty kisses. Claudia deserved to know why he refused her. He simply could not leave things as they were.
Most of the party was out this morning hunting or enjoying other activities. This would be the perfect opportunity for him to find himself in Claudia’s company. He made his way to the parlor where a servant had informed him he might find Lady Wexil and Duchess Abernathy. Claudia spent a great deal of time with the ladies, making it likely she too would appear in the room. And if she did not…
“Henry,” Jane called from behind.
He turned to find her rushing after him. The last thing he needed at this particular moment was to have his sister waylaying his plans. He looked back toward the parlor, anxious to be on his way.
Jane came to a stop next to him. “I have been searching all over for you. I was just about to cease looking when I spotted you.”
“And what is the emergency?” He arched a brow, pretending nonchalance.
“It is only that we will be returning to London soon and you have yet to take me riding into the village. I thought perhaps we could go now. That is if I could find you and it seems I have.” She implored him with a sweet, sisterly grin.
He glanced back down the hall not at all sure how to proceed. It would be his luck that Jane had also stayed in, and he had indeed promised to take her shopping. He could not very well tell her he was on his way to see Claudia. Doing so would unleash a barrage of unpleasantness. He settled his attention back on Jane. “Oh, very well. Go change then, meet me in the entry hall.”
“I will not be long.”
He waited for her to disappear around the corner before continuing to the parlor.
Lady Wexil was seated upon a wingback chair when he entered the room. He glanced from her to her companion, the duchess. Duchess Abernathy was an old friend, she would forgive him for being forward, but would Lady Wexil? He steeled himself before clearing his throat and offering a bow. “Your Grace, Lady Wexil.”
“Lord Shillington, do come have a seat.” The duchess sat her cross-stitching aside and faced him with a pleasant countenance. “Whatever are you doing here when all of the other gentlemen are out shooting?”
He settled onto a nearby brocade-covered chaise. “I returned early and was rather hoping for a moment of Lady Wexil’s time.” Would she refuse to assist him? What if she did? His throat tightened. Perhaps she would find his request vulgar. After all, he had no right to be alone with Claudia. The very notion was scandalous, a fact he well understood.
Lady Wexil turned to face him more fully. “Go on. You have my attention.”
“It is a lovely day.” He attempted small talk as he searched for the courage to break convention.
The duchess waved her fan, a knowing glint in her eyes. “Surely you did not seek our hostess out to discuss the weather.”
“You are quite right. I came to discuss…to ask...” Why did he find it so bloody difficult to get the words out? His palms became sweaty and his cravat seemed to be growing tighter by the second. He glanced at his boots not sure how to proceed.
“Do go on,” Lady Wexil prodded.
“I was hoping you might be convinced to--”
“Good day, Your Grace. Vivian.”
He jerked his head up at the interruption.
Claudia offered a curtsy, then strolled into the room without as much as a nod to acknowledge his presence. She clearly remained cross with him. He swallowed back his unease and studied her from her auburn curls to the hem of her yellow skirts. A rosy stain tinted her cheeks and her green eyes sparkled.
“Lady Akford, what a pleasant surprise.” He stood, offering a deep bow.
She glanced at him. “Thank you, my lord.” She offered an amicable smile, seating herself near Lady Wexil.
Henry could not take his eyes from her. This was the clo
sest he had managed to get to her since the day they had kissed. His first chance to explain, but he could not very well speak openly in the presence of the other ladies. The consequences of their kiss were too great. Claudia would likely be ruined for the second time if he dared to address what they had shared.
Duchess Abernathy stood, she looked at him, a mischievous twinkle lighting her eyes before she turned to Lady Wexil. “Would you care to join me in a stroll through the gardens, Lady Wexil?”
Claudia’s attention snapped to the duchess before she looked to her cousin. His breath hitched at the desperation he saw cross her lovely face. He had seen snared animals that appeared more comfortable.
Lady Wexil stood. “I would be delighted to. Claudia--”
“I would like to discuss a private matter with you,” the duchess interjected. She looked at him and offered a little nod before taking her leave with Lady Wexil in tow.
How had she guessed? Or was it mere happenstance?
“If you will excuse me, my lord.” Claudia rose to her feet.
“Please, stay.” He was not above pleading after waiting so long to speak with her.
She straightened, her green eyes flashing. “Whatever for?”
“I would like to explain myself. I do not wish to leave things between us as they are.” He stood, then moved to her and took her hands in his. “You once asked the same of me and I obliged. Grant me the same courtesy, Claudia.”
Her eyes softened. “Very well, so long as you do not intend to apologize.”
“I am not sorry for our kiss, but there are other things.” He began to lead her toward the chaise. “Come, sit and let us talk.”
He sat beside her, his body angled toward hers. She held her shoulders back, head high, and face turned toward the floor length window. He wished she were looking at him, but perhaps having her stare at the window rather than at him would make what he had to say easier. He drew in a steadying breath. “I enjoy spending time with you and have come to value your friendship. You are a wonderful, caring, and beautiful woman. I regret we cannot be more to each other.”
