Out Of This World

by Annette Mori

I gulped. She turned to leave me to change on my own. I quickly removed the stained shirt and replaced it with her T-shirt. Before I pulled it over my head, I brought the shirt to my nose and sniffed. I didn’t know why I was doing that, because it’s not like it would smell like Sydney after being washed, but the fresh lavender smell was heavenly. I didn’t know what to do with the shirt so it remained clutched in my hands.

  I knew we didn’t have a lot of time, but I hadn’t even showered yet today and I wasn’t about to enter camping land with dirty hair, so I rushed into her bathroom and quickly washed and towel dried my hair. Of course I didn’t have time to use a hair dryer, but at least I didn’t have that itchy head feeling. I opened up her cabinets searching for an unopened toothbrush and got lucky when I found one in the drawer below the sink. I didn’t think Sydney would mind if I helped myself. I wasn’t about to be caught unawares if Sydney decided to bless me with another tongue tangle. I brushed quickly and was thankful for that minty fresh feeling. Even though I wasn’t able to take a full shower, I felt human again. I chuckled to myself. I wondered if Celeste would feel icky not having the opportunity to clean herself, or would she just give herself a quick energy burst later on.

  Sydney was patiently waiting for me when I emerged from her bedroom. I was just in Sydney’s bedroom. Oh my God.

  She took one look at my wet hair and shook her head. “I can’t believe you just washed your hair.”

  “I’ve never gone a whole day without washing my hair. Sorry I had to. I hope you don’t mind that I used the extra toothbrush I found in the drawer.”

  “Of course not. I keep collecting them every time I go to the dentist.”

  We left the cabin, walked over to Celeste, and before we reached the hammock she opened her eyes. “It is time for the next adventure,” she stated.

  “Yes, it certainly is. Can you make it to the Jeep on your own?” I asked.

  Celeste handed me Gizmo and I pulled her close to me, still holding the gruesome shirt. I kissed her nose. “Hello, my little pun’kin. Are you ready to take a little trip with Auntie Celeste and Auntie Sydney?” She responded with a short meow and started purring on cue.

  Celeste climbed into the back of the Jeep leaving me with the usually sought after shotgun spot. I stuffed the stained shirt on the floor of the Jeep. I could decide what I wanted to do with it later.

  We were on our way in a flash and I felt both a sense of excitement along with a healthy dose of trepidation. I’d never been camping before, and I was sure that before the trip was over I would reveal my clumsy, awkward self to both Celeste and Sydney.

  Sydney reached around to the back, pulled out her favorite Seahawks baseball cap, and gently placed it on my head. She grinned as I adjusted my hair, pulling it through the hole in the back. She lifted her fist to me and I bumped it with my own. I was turned sideways and noticed how Celeste watched us carefully, lifting her own fist. Sydney must have seen her in the rear view mirror. Sydney and I both laughed as we both reached around to bump her fist.

  Even though I’d been shot, Hollie was surely going to kick my ass, and eventually I was convinced that Greg would come looking for us again, this was the most fun I’d had in my entire life. Sad, but true. Life was looking up for me.

  Chapter Nine

  The stereo on the Jeep was blaring as Sydney and I sang loudly while Celeste hummed to a wide variety of songs that Sydney had stored on her iPhone. I hadn’t figured her for an oldies fan, but when Magic Carpet Ride filled the air, I smiled and joined in. Who knew?

  Sydney wouldn’t tell us where we were going as we headed in the direction of the mountains. I am directionally challenged, and even though I’d lived in the Pacific Northwest all my life, I had absolutely no idea where to camp. I hoped there was water available to bathe in, that was my only criteria. Sydney assured me that the crystal clear mountain lakes would provide clean water for my bathing needs, but she warned me how cold it might be.

  I was glad that I’d raided Sydney’s freezer because the meat doubled as temporary ice packs. They did an adequate job of keeping the salmon cold until Sydney located a safe place for us to stop and pick up some additional supplies, including fresh water and ice.

  About forty minutes into our trip, Sydney pulled into a deserted lot at this remote mom-and-pop store.

  I gently placed Gizmo on the passenger seat and she curled up into a ball and promptly fell asleep. She was such a good little traveler. We all piled out of the Jeep to check out the store.

  Sydney pulled the weathered door open and a bell tinkled, announcing our presence.

  “Hello, ladies, what can I help you with?” An old man with the stereotypical weathered face, wearing flannel and suspenders, greeted us.

  Sydney glanced around the store and grumbled. “Damn, this is highway robbery.”

  “Um, sorry, we can just look around and I’m sure we’ll find everything we need on our own.” I directed my response to the old man. I smacked Sydney on her arm and pulled her off to the side out of earshot from the old man. “Oh, come on, considering the location, these prices are a bargain. Let’s pick up whatever you think we need and I’ll buy.”

  “Oh shit, I’m sorry, Mabs. I’m being grumpy. I don’t mind covering the costs.” Sydney grimaced. She looked a bit sheepish to me.

  Celeste pulled out her trademark wad of cash, which I assume she’d retrieved from her backpack after I’d graciously set it beside her in the backseat. “Sydney, please let me purchase the necessary supplies.”

  Sydney’s eyes opened wide. “God, Celeste, where did you get all that money. Please tell me you didn’t do any mind manipulation to liberate some poor slob’s hard earned cash.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Celeste is not a criminal.”

  “I didn’t say she was,” Sydney hissed.

  “I am able to perform a bit of alchemy with what you consider useless items. Your planet values gold and diamonds, and in exchange for those items I was presented with this paper currency. Although I have much to learn about your planet, the knowledge of the value of those items, and how to barter, was passed on to me prior to my journey.”

  Sydney blinked twice and nodded. “Okay, moneybags, I suppose it’s your treat then.”

  Sydney grabbed a case of bottled water and three bags of ice. I walked down the junk food aisle and grabbed a couple of bags of Smartfood popcorn, Cheetos, a bag of marshmallows, several Hershey bars, and a box of graham crackers. What self-respecting campfire did not come with s’mores? At the counter, I spied an assortment of gum and candy, so I snatched several packs of Orbit White and tossed them on the pile of junk food. I’d prided myself on having super white teeth, so why not choose that particular brand. I didn’t want my teeth to turn yellow, and now I could combine minty fresh breath with a whitening agent. Brilliant.

  Sydney chuckled as she looked at my bounty. “Good call, Mabs.”

  Celeste was inspecting the Smartfood and Cheetos, and I wondered what crazy question would come out this time.

  “Why did you buy more food for Gizmo?” She pointed to the bag of Cheetos. “Do you allow her to eat this kind of food?”

  I must have look puzzled, so Celeste added, “The bag has a picture of a cat on it. It is what you would call junk food for a cat, is it not?”

  The old man behind the counter laughed.

  I shook my head. “The cheetah is kind of a mascot for the Cheetos, kind of like the Fritos bandit used to be, but Fritos is not exactly the preferred choice of junk food for thieves.”

  I smiled to myself when I remembered being lost in a book one night, eating a bag of Cheetos for dinner and distractedly waving one in the air. Gizmo grabbed it from my errant hand and I let her have it because she’d slobbered all over it already. Maybe Cheetos was a form of cat junk food, because Gizmo sure seemed to like the tasty treat she’d pilfered right out of my hand.

  Celeste giggled to herself and pointed to the Smartfood popcorn. “I suppose that food is not what causes
your increased intelligence.”

  I chucked. “If it were only that simple, I’d be a bona fide genius. I suspect that the amount of junk food I eat may be a disadvantage rather than a boon to my intellect, but I don’t care. This stuff is addictive and if I have to suffer through camping, I want comfort food to tide me over.”

  The old man behind the counter was getting quite a kick out of Celeste. I hoped that the odd interchange would not give away the general direction we were heading for our camping adventure in case anyone happened to question him.

  After Celeste peeled off a few twenties, we headed back out to the Jeep. Sydney showed more of her superior packing ability when she found yet another few cubbyholes to store the items we’d purchased for our adventure.

  †

  Finally, Sydney turned off the main road and proceeded to navigate her way up a gravel road with potholes the size of small lakes. I felt like a kernel of corn in an air popper as I bounced around in the Jeep even though I’d securely buckled myself in on the passenger seat. It reminded me of sitting in the back of the bus as a grade-schooler as we bumped along one of the less maintained roads in our small town. I remembered that as being a lot more fun than traveling along on this remote road.

  Eventually the road turned into a dirt path with twice the number of dips and I felt the jarring all the way to my teeth. I was just about ready to call Uncle, when Sydney turned us into this flat patch of vegetation hidden by massive evergreen trees surrounding the area like quiet sentinels. Through the trees, I saw the most breathtaking lake I’d ever witnessed. The sun was still shining and the reflection of the mountains and various shades of green created a picture worthy of a postcard. I wanted to take off my sneakers and run down to the lake to dip my toes in the water.

  Gizmo was fast asleep in my lap and, although I didn’t want to disturb her, I needed to wake my little pun’kin up and get her acclimated to her temporary residence for the next two weeks.

  “I’m sorry, baby, it’s time to wake up and explore your new territory,” I said.

  “Meow.” Gizmo looked up at me and yawned.

  While Celeste and Sydney were stretching and walking around the campsite, I pulled out Gizmo’s fleece blanket that Sydney had tightly rolled and stuffed into the corner on the floor in the back. Gizmo sniffed the ground and starting walking around like she owned the place, but when I laid out her blanket she sauntered over and curled back up to promptly resume her beauty rest. She’s a cat after all, and God forbid we interrupt nap time.

  I joined Sydney and Celeste who were looking out at the lake through the break in the trees. My eyes were glistening with excitement. “It’s so beautiful.”

  “Yeah, it is, isn’t it? I wanted to share this with you,” Sydney whispered in reverence.

  I was getting hungry again. I glanced at my watch and realized it was almost six o’clock. No wonder I was ready for food.

  “So, can I get out of tent duty if I offer to get dinner started?” I tested.

  “You got yourself a deal, but if we all unload it will take less time,” Sydney answered.

  Celeste had managed to sneak up behind us. “This is almost as beautiful as Rinder’s Plateau.”

  I scrunched up my face in confusion. “Rinder’s Plateau? What is that? I’ve never heard of it.”

  “It is a popular place on my planet to exchange energy,” Celeste responded.

  “So is that like a make out spot?” I was starting to understand Celeste.

  “Make out?” Celeste asked.

  “Yeah, like swap spit, tangle tongues, heavy petting, practice some of the stuff you read in that book that got me in trouble at the café. It’s what our youth do when they want to get amorous with one another in a private place.” I laughed.

  “I think I need to read those books on slang and figures of speech soon so that I will understand what you and Sydney discuss.”

  “I can pull out my Kindle and download a few books for you.” I smacked my head with the palm of my hand. “Oh crap, I forgot, no wireless service in the boonies.”

  “I will be able to pour energy into your reading device to allow you to download the books I require for better understanding of your planet,” Celeste pronounced.

  “Really. You can give us wireless internet access from here?” I pointed to our surroundings.

  “Yes, it is quite simple really. I learned about your wireless system in the hospital from a fellow patient who they claimed was paranoid. He was very enlightening. He explained to me all about the wireless internet and how it was the government’s way of spying on everyone. He was wearing a tin foil hat to attempt to block the wireless energy. I tried to explain that energy is all around us, and his hat was not efficient in preventing an energy signature from coming through. He was quite knowledgeable about this wireless phenomenon, and I was later able to create the correct energy frequency to duplicate the effects. Everything organic and inorganic has an energy signature that can be read and transmitted, including human emotions.”

  I was excited to see if she could produce the energy required for a wireless signature. I clapped my hands. “Well then, let’s get that puppy unloaded, I mean the Jeep.” I glanced at Celeste. “Puppy is just another figure of speech, we won’t exactly be unloading a dog, you know.”

  Working together, we had the Jeep completely unloaded in less than thirty minutes. Of course, Sydney had to be the big tough butch and carry the large cooler all by herself leaving the lighter items for me and Celeste.

  Sydney plopped down on the ground and began pulling out all the items in the tent bag and laying them out. She carefully unfolded the nylon tent concentrating so hard on undoing the shock-corded poles that her tongue was poking out of her mouth. She looked like a little kid concentrating hard on a complicated math problem.

  I decided to wait to play with the Kindle until I had dinner well on its way. I didn’t know a lot about camping, but I did think I could handle building a fire, and directed Celeste to gather kindling and larger hunks of wood. I’d noticed a circle of rocks that Sydney must have arranged on an earlier trip into the mountains. I was sure this was where we would build our fire.

  I grabbed a large knife that was in one of the bags and began to prepare the fish. After chopping off the tail and head, I walked into the heavy vegetation and tossed them both a fair distance away from where Sydney was setting up the tent and where our main living area would be for the next couple of weeks. I hoped that they wouldn’t smell too bad as they rotted. Maybe, if we got lucky, an eagle would swoop down and remove the discarded carcass. The old grill grate that Sydney packed would be perfect to place the fish on after I built a smoldering fire. I’d read a lot of lesbian adventure stories, so I was confident I could build a fire. I mean, how hard could it be?

  Celeste was bringing over her bounty of wood and Sydney stopped what she was doing to cut up some of the larger pieces. She had an ax and knew just how to chop up the wood. She must have gotten hot because she removed her shirt and continued chopping the wood in her tight blue tank top. I watched her bulging muscles as she brought the ax down again and again. The sweat traveled down her chest into the perfect v of her breasts and hypnotized me.

  In no time at all there was a pile of wood that I thought would last at least a few days. Sydney went back to her task of pitching the tent. She only needed to stake it down and add the rain tarp that would provide additional protection from the elements. I felt pretty proud of myself for even knowing the names for each of the tent parts. Who knew you could get a complete education on camping through a lesbian adventure novel.

  I started making a little kindling teepee and then stuffed a bunch of pine needles underneath. I tossed a match into the middle and watched with fascination as the needles burned up quickly. Yeah, my first fire. Unfortunately, after only a few minutes, all the pine needles burned out and none of the kindling had even started to burn.

  “Shit, what happened?” I muttered to myself.

 
Sydney walked over and I could tell she was trying not to laugh, but a semi-snort came out as she was covering her mouth. “Um, let me help you.”

  I pouted. “Why isn’t this blazing already? It worked in the books.”

  “Mabs, it’s a beautiful teepee, but the kindling is a little too high and the flames from the pine needles can’t reach it enough to effectively start the fire. Let’s try a more Lincoln log approach. You still need to ensure there is enough air between the kindling so the fire isn’t smothered, but too much and the wood won’t catch.”

  Sydney rearranged the kindling, grabbed some more pine needles and her fire was blazing in a matter of minutes. Show off.

  While we were playing with the fire, Celeste had pulled out the camping chairs and arranged them around the circle of rocks. She’d found my Kindle and it looked like she was typing on the device with her index fingers, but her fingers were flowing so quickly, I wasn’t sure. The soft purple light that I now associated with Celeste was glowing around her hands.

  “Whatcha doing?” I asked.

  “I found several possible choices of books that will explain slang and figures of speech. I did not wish to purchase those without your consent. I presume this one-click option will create an expense for you. May I offer you cash in exchange for the ability to download these books? I believe I understand your currency enough to be able to adequately compensate you for this electronic information.”

  “Sure, go ahead. Get whatever you want. I’m not worried about the money.”

  “Thank you, Bella. I think I will also procure some additional items that will help my education about this planet.”

  Her fingers flew over the keyboard on the device and she was swiping the pages so quickly that I wondered how much of the information she was retaining, but then I remembered how quickly she appeared to read my lesbian erotica. Considering that she had nearly recited the passages word for word in the café, I knew it wouldn’t take her long to absorb the information.