by Megan Kelly
“What?” Jimmy asked.
“Can’t tell you.” He stood, hoping to distract them.
Lily tugged on his hand. “Tell us, Daddy, tell us.”
“Well, just a little hint wouldn’t hurt. You can’t have crying faces. And that’s all I’m saying.”
They hurried through the meal and the cleanup afterward.
“Tell us now, Daddy,” Lily said. For the first time since he’d known her, his baby spoke in an almost normal tone. Dylan’s eyes filled with tears, and he blinked rapidly so the children wouldn’t see. He had Tara to thank for this progress. He had her to thank for so many things. A grin entered his mind as he considered how he’d like to show his gratitude. A kiss would only be the start.
“Yeah, Daddy,” Jimmy said, “tell us.”
Dylan turned his gaze to the precious boy at his other side. Daddy? His chest ached with the truth of it, but he doubted Tara would approve. So he showed them his camera instead of commenting or correcting the boy.
“Pictures?” Jimmy asked. “I thought we was going to play a game.”
“You thought we were going to play. But this will be fun, too. I can make the images appear on the monitor, and we can make them look funny for your mom’s birthday.”
“Funny?” Lily scrunched up her nose, and Dylan shot a photo of her. He showed them the image on his digital camera.
“Like this?” Jimmy stuck fingers in either side of his mouth and pulled in opposite directions, crossing his eyes. Dylan laughed and shot that, too.
After several goofy shots of each, he had them pose together and smile sweetly. “Okay, you two. I’ll finish by the time the big hand gets to the top.” He pointed to the analog clock. “Give me fifteen minutes.”
They ran down the hall to their rooms, and Dylan loaded his camera onto his hard drive. The pictures flew across the screen. He saved them and clicked open the appropriate program for manipulation. Centering the sweet shot of the kids together, he softened the edges then overlaid different sizes of the goofy pictures around the border.
The soft patter—which was a misnomer if ever he’d heard one—of their feet sounded in the hallway just as time expired.
“Well?” they demanded in unison.
“Voila.” He watched their faces. They both started laughing.
“You did it, Daddy!” Lily hugged his arm.
“Now, I’m going to make these my screensaver.”
“What’s that mean?” Lily asked as Dylan clicked the appropriate keys, impeding his progress in her attempt to see the changes to the screen.
“I hate to repeat myself, but voila again.” He waved a hand at the monitor where the goofy images rotated around the stationary sweet one.
“That’s so cool,” Jimmy breathed in awe.
A tremor ran through Dylan. He’d do anything to keep these kids safe and happy. His plan had to work.
By the time Tara returned, he had the kids bathed and in their pajamas, waiting for her to tuck them in. He watched as she gathered the kids in a hug and led them down the hall to their rooms. While she changed clothes, he kissed each child good-night. Why had parenting ever scared him?
“Don’t show Mom the thing we did,” Jimmy urged in a whisper. “I want to tell her about it, how we made the funny faces and stuff.”
“I’ll wait.”
Dylan paced the living room, hoping she’d come out so they could talk. He’d drag her from her room if need be, since he didn’t want to have this discussion where the kids might overhear.
“How’d it go?” He pounced the moment she walked into the room.
“Fine.” Tara slid onto the couch, curling herself into a shell. “They wanted to talk about us all going to Germany for Christmas. I told them we needed to stay home and establish traditions for the kids.”
He opened his mouth, then changed his mind. She’d be here through the holidays. He couldn’t imagine how they would have made it through Christmas without her, and he would have missed Jimmy.
Her decision only made him more certain of his next words, the words he’d waited a long time to say. “I want to ask you a favor. It’s big.”
A smile touched her lips. “Bigger than marriage?”
“Almost.”
“What is it?”
His heart ached, remembering the day not so long ago when she’d have said, “Sure, anything.” Hopefully, he could find that woman again. He needed her.
He’d fallen in love with her.
“Come to my room.” When he saw the objection form on her lips, he expanded his request. “I have something in my desk to show you.”
She followed him down the hall, sitting on the couch he hadn’t converted into a bed yet for the night. The bed he wanted to make love to her on.
He cleared his throat. “You remember I had an appointment with my attorney the day your ex showed up?”
She nodded, eyes huge and face tight.
Dylan hesitated. “What’s the matter?”
Tara swallowed, hard, her throat tight with dread. Did he want out of the marriage? She’d suspected him of this before, but now he had cause. She’d frozen him out with her unforgiving attitude. It had been panic over Jimmy. And, she’d admit, a remix of Jay’s betrayal four years past making her unable to trust a man she cared for. A man she loved.
Now that he knew why Lily had feared him, he could deal with her better on his own. Not that there seemed to be much of a problem left. Lily had started to thaw toward Dylan when he’d helped Bethany after her fall. She’d come to trust him, to the point where she could admit why she’d feared him in the first place.
She rose. “I’d like to sign those papers, Dylan, but I can’t.”
His forehead creased in a frown. “Why not? Wait a minute. What do you think this is?”
She couldn’t look at him and wished she could flee, but pride held her still. “Our annulment papers.”
“What makes you think I’m leaving you?”
His remark arrowed in on her most basic fear like a rifle scope magnifying a trophy buck.
“I’m not going to run off to Portugal, Tara.”
Her face went cold. She realized she’d been holding on to her fear of abandonment all this time. Not dating. Not totally trusting Dylan. Holding up her parents’ rejection and Jay’s desertion as the behavior to expect from anyone who claimed to love her.
His silence drew her gaze.
“Don’t you think it’s a little soon for an annulment?” he asked. “You promised to stay until Lily was settled in kindergarten. Five minutes ago, you said you’d stay through the holidays.”
“I can’t sign them anyway.”
He stepped closer and tipped up her chin, the warmth of his fingers burning her skin. Or was that guilt? “Why not?”
“Because we had sex. We can’t get an annulment now.”
Dylan’s hand fell away. “Is that the only reason you won’t sign them?”
She shook her head.
His grin took away her breath. Blue-gray light shone from his eyes, confusing her. “What’s the other reason?”
“We didn’t use protection.”
He stepped back.
“I never should have come to your room,” she rushed on. “Either time. Naturally you thought I’d be on birth control, making advances like that.”
“You told me you hadn’t had sex since you brought Jimmy home. I had no reason to assume you’d be on birth control.”
She shrugged. “True, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t on the pill for some medical reason. And I wasn’t. I could be pregnant now.”
Tara forced herself not to lay a hand over her abdomen. Chances were slim, right? “I’m sorry.”
“You weren’t alone in your actions, you know.”
“But you weren’t thinking straight. I took advantage of you.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “True. Still, I’d like you to sign these papers.”
“Dylan, I can’t. I know we’ve lied abou
t our marriage, but I can’t lie anymore.”
She turned to leave the room, but he caught her arm.
“Then will you agree to be Lily’s guardian?”
Her mouth dropped open. She searched his face as her heart raced. He looked serious. “What?”
“If something happens to me, I want you to raise Lily. She feels safe with you.”
“But, Dylan—I mean, of course I’ll take care of her, but shouldn’t you ask Adam and Anne or your mom or Rosemary’s mom?”
“Lily loves you, and I know you’ll do right by her.”
“This is unbelievable.” She laughed, her earlier sadness swept away. Lily’s mom? No, don’t get carried away. Just her guardian. Not much different than what she was doing now. “I’d be glad to, of course. Well, not glad,” she amended, “as it would mean something had happened to you.”
He grinned. “Gee, thanks.”
“I love her. You know I’ll take good care of her.”
“My lawyer’s been bugging me about making a will to provide for Lily, but I couldn’t see asking anyone else, and I wasn’t sure you’d do it.”
“Why wouldn’t I? Because I’m not a relative? Or…because our marriage is temporary?”
“What if it wasn’t?”
Tara inhaled, spearing him with her gaze. Had she heard correctly? She shook her head, unable to believe her ears.
“Don’t say no until you think about it. We work well as a couple. Lily needs a mother,” he continued, “and she already loves you. I love Jimmy, and he needs a dad.”
“Dylan.” She ran her hands into her hair and pulled. “This isn’t something you can fix with logic.” I want more. I want your love.
He frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“I know you. You think everything has a logical answer. That’s why you’re so good at your job.”
He laughed. “You think staying married to you is logical?”
That stung and she couldn’t hide her flinch.
“It’s not at all logical,” he said, “but it’s something I want. We have chemistry. The other night proved that.” He flashed a grin. “And I’d be happy to prove it again.”
Chemistry? He called their lovemaking—the most moving sexual experience of her life—chemistry? She could have slapped him. She wanted to tell him it had been only okay, merely passable, barely a blip on her radar.
His smile faded as he took in her expression. “We love each other’s child like our own. We get along well.” His voice trailed off.
Dylan couldn’t say the one thing that would convince her to stay married to him. Because he didn’t love her.
“How about we take a belated honeymoon?” he offered.
“I can’t talk to you while you’re being irrational.”
“I’ll show you irrational.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
She should have struggled. She should have walked away before it got this crazy. She should have…
Not enjoyed it so much.
His hands trailed over her back, pulling her even closer into his body. His kisses stirred her against her will. One more minute, then she’d pull away. Since this would probably be the last time he kissed her, she wanted to remember it. His erection nudged her and she longed to press herself against him.
But he hadn’t mentioned love.
She turned her head away, gasping. “Stop.”
Dylan released his tight grip, and she stepped back.
“This is crazy,” she said.
“We could go to Ireland. Mom’s postcard claims it’s full of magic and you’ve brought magic to my life. Maybe we could find some together.”
She couldn’t understand his riddles. “What magic? Getting Lily to sleep, or to look you in the eye, or to stop talking in whispers? That wasn’t magic, Dylan.”
“You transformed me from a hollow bachelor into a real dad. I didn’t even know what was missing from my life until you made it so much better.”
“Lily turned you into a real dad. It was mostly you, earning her trust.”
“What about the magic I feel when you’re in my arms?”
“Sex,” she scoffed.
“What about the magic I feel when you say my name? Or how I feel when I come home at night, knowing you’re here?”
She eyed him, afraid to believe.
“When I see you in the morning,” he continued. “When you’re playing with the kids and I just want to sit and soak it all in.”
She shook her head.
“I have an early birthday present for you.” He pulled something from his pocket and dropped it onto her palm.
A tiny booklet with a black vinyl cover lay in her hand. With a book of matches. “What is it?”
“It’s a symbol. It’s supposed to be my little black book of phone numbers.” He shrugged. “But I don’t write them down. I enter them in my phone. I can show you my phone’s address book. Totally empty of other women’s contact information.”
“Why?”
“I want you to give our marriage a chance. I thought—I hoped—this gesture would tell you something.”
“You’re giving up other women?”
“I gave them up when you agreed to marry me.”
“What if I say no? You’ve got a backup copy, right?”
Dylan shook his head.
“Wow.” Could he be serious? “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll give me another chance. Say you want to stay married.”
“There’s so much more at stake here than what I want, Dylan.”
“I understand that. You need to do what’s right for Jimmy.”
She nodded.
He reached into his desk drawer and handed her a large brown envelope.
Mystified, she pulled out more legal papers. All she needed from him was a declaration of love. The words on the paper sharpened her attention. “How did you get Jay to do this?”
Dylan smiled. “Your ex-boyfriend needs gambling money. Jay is proud of his name, but he isn’t ready for a child.”
Jay had signed away his parental rights, erasing the threat of a future custody battle.
“His family will want to visit, but that’ll be a good thing.”
“And he’s letting me adopt Jimmy.”
Her gaze shot to his.
“Well, not me, specifically,” Dylan backpedaled. “He signed off for someone you approve of to adopt Jimmy, though. I just hope it’s me someday.”
“You paid him for Jimmy?” She didn’t know if she was more scandalized or thrilled.
“Of course not. No one has that kind of money. The kid’s priceless.” Dylan shifted. “I just exchanged money for Jamison’s signature on the form.”
“Where did you get the money? From my parents?”
“I sold the condo.”
She stood openmouthed. “But now you don’t have any place to go.”
A smile wobbled on his lips. “I took a gamble, myself.”
Tara was stunned that he’d leave himself so vulnerable. She couldn’t find words to express how deeply his gesture touched her. He’d given up his last refuge of freedom?
“But,” he said, “if you don’t want me to stay, Lily and I can move into Mom’s until we find a place. Her house is empty for another few weeks.”
He’d misread her inability to speak as rejection.
“What if I want you to stay?” she asked.
He took her hand and stared into her eyes.
“I love you, Tara.” He swallowed hard. “And I think, I hope, you can come to love me. Maybe you already do, a little?”
Again she shook her head, this time to clear her dizziness. Had he actually said he loved her?
“Oh,” he said. “So why do you want me to stay?”
“I don’t love you a little, Dylan.” She grinned.
His face lit with cautious hope. “Tell me.”
“I love you with my heart, and my whole life. I want to be beside you while we rai
se Jimmy and Lily. I hope I am pregnant with your baby.”
His eyes widened before he threw back his head and laughed. “I can help with that.”
His kiss started tender, then deepened, his hands as busy as hers.
“I hope so,” she said. “I don’t want to fill the house like Adam and Anne, but a couple more would be nice. A sister and a brother for each.”
Somehow they’d ended up lying down on the couch. She was fuzzy on the details. “I’ve loved you for a while now. I’m surprised you couldn’t tell.”
“I had no idea. I’ve loved you almost from the day we met. Why else would I have asked you to marry me?”
“Because of Lily, of course.”
He kissed her nose. “Do you really think I couldn’t have outlasted her tears?”
“But—”
He kissed her jawline up to her ear, down the curve of her cheek. “Do you really think I couldn’t have come up with some other solution?”
Tara couldn’t speak for a few minutes, parrying with his tongue in her mouth. She wanted to laugh and scream her joy from the roof.
“You’re the love of my life, Tara. How about I have my lawyer draw up adoption papers?”
“Oh, Dylan.” Her heart caught. “Yes. Do you think it’s too soon?”
“Lily loves you.”
“Have Rosemary’s mother send us a picture of Rosemary. I’ll help Lily put it in her room. She can have two mothers.”
“Do you think Jimmy’s ready?” Dylan shook his head. “Never mind.”
“Jimmy loves you.” She smiled, remembering his support of Jimmy when Jay had visited. “And you look alike.”
He smiled back. “We have the same middle name.”
“There you go then. It’s fate.”
“I agree. Fate brought us together.” He kissed her, drawing the sweetness of the moment into heat. “I have another present for you.”
“I don’t need anything else but you.”
“Then take it as a present to me.”
She looked at him quizzically. He went back to his desk and returned with a small box. Kneeling beside the couch, he presented her with a sapphire solitaire. “I’d be honored if you’d wear this.”
“An engagement ring?”
He nodded.
“But we’re already married. I have this.” She held out her hand, displaying the silver band he’d given her at the wedding. “This is the one that counts.”
