Captivated by Him

by Terri E. Laine

  It didn’t take him long before I was coming with a muffled cry. I tried to bite back a scream, wondering how he’d gotten me there so fast. Had it been that long, or was he just that skilled? I lay back in a heap, dazed but in a good way. He watched me for a second as I tried to locate air in my lungs.

  He didn’t wipe his fingers on his jeans, which would have totally ruined the experience. Instead he sucked them in his mouth, never taking his eyes off mine. I thought I would combust.

  Then I was on my elbows my focus on his groin. When I met his eyes again, he shook his head as if he had access to my thoughts.

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “Because that was for you. I owed you, remember?”

  I sat all the way up and shoved at his good side. “Why did you have to ruin it and say something like that?” Though I laughed when I spoke.

  “Because of that.”

  My brows scrunched up. “What?”

  “I wanted to make you smile.”

  My heart. The poor thing started a mating dance in my chest and I remembered this man wasn’t mine.

  “Do you still have your no-girlfriend rule?”

  Please say no, please say no.

  His fingers began to tap on the pier before he nodded.

  Frustration or anger had me on my feet.

  “Is this the part where you march away like a crazy woman?” He sounded more irritated than I was.

  “No, this is the part where I stop being foolish waiting for you to come to your senses.”

  He struggled to his feet and I didn’t think an offer of help from me would be welcome. “I never asked you to wait for me.”

  Crushing my hands into fists, I growled. How could he get me off in one second and piss me off in the other? I walked away, but knew he would follow.

  I was calm by the time we made it to my door. I walked up the short porch. I was able to meet his eyes easier from this height.

  “I’m going to date other people and you need to let me.”

  “Agreed.”

  He’d said it too quickly, breaking my heart even more.

  “Now go inside so I know you’re safe.”

  That was the last straw.

  “So you can be my bodyguard but not my boyfriend?”

  His shrug had my hands shaking. I wasn’t sure how I held onto my keycard as I struggled to open the door. Gratefully, I got it open before he decided to help me. I stormed upstairs, forcing myself to not look back. But when I got to the top, I gave into the need to glance out the large window before opening my dorm room door. He wasn’t there, or at least I couldn’t see him, and that should have been a good thing.

  29

  past

  There were plastic toys all over the porch and in the yard, but I saw no one. I’d driven by prepared not to stop if I saw movement. I parked, bringing the envelope with me.

  I’d just made it to the mailbox when a croaky voice called out, “What are you doing here?”

  This had been the conversation I’d wanted to avoid.

  Through the slats surrounding the porch, I saw Tim hoisting himself up into a sitting position. Then as he propelled himself into the chair with stains of vomit on his shirt, I wasn’t sure who should be more embarrassed: him, or me for him.

  His hair stood wildly on his head, which made it a lot harder to take him seriously. But I only had to look down at his missing leg to feel sorry for him and what he was going through.

  “I’ve seen those before. Is she screwing you for that?”

  He pointed a shaky finger at my hand, which held the money I’d conspicuously left for them monthly. It was the least I could do for both of them. Him because he’d lost so much in service of our country. Her…well, I’d always been there for her.

  The screen door opened and we both watched as Ashley waddled out of the house, partly because of the toddler hanging onto her leg. The other because of her rounded belly.

  “Is that kid even mine?” Tim bellowed.

  His words were fueled with more self-loathing than any anger. Sadly he wasn’t done and said more as Ashley moved over to him.

  “I lost my leg, not my dick.”

  He hadn’t seemed to notice the child as he slapped at her hand as she tried in vain to clean him up with a cloth she’d brought. Meanwhile, I said nothing. When she stood and put her hands to her back and stretched some, I finally saw what I thought was tiredness was actually bruising.

  I was quick when I wanted to be. I planted a hand on the siding and leaned down to Tim. “Did you hit her?”

  Fear sparked babbling from him. “I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”

  I turned furious eyes to her.

  “It was only once and he apologized. It hasn’t happened since.”

  She ran a hand through the kid’s doughy curls as if to remind me of her presence.

  I spoke to him so the kid couldn’t hear me. “If I find out you’ve touched her like that again, I will take your other leg.”

  There was nothing more to say after he agreed. I walked away, placing the envelope in her hand.

  As I walked away, I heard him accuse her of knowing all along who’d been giving them money.

  “I didn’t know,” she begged.

  “Of course you did. You’ve told me since we’ve started dating how he’s taken care of you. Shoving it in my face, making me feel like a loser.” He turned his venom on me. “If she’s not blowing you, why are you giving us money?”

  While he was at war, I’d been the one to console her when she lost his baby.

  I turned, eyes landing on the child though I spoke to him. “Someone has to make sure you eat.”

  The only good thing about that was I didn’t have to hide it anymore. For the last three years, almost ever since we’d graduated high school and he’d gone to war and come back a broken man, I’d taken care of them.

  I wondered if Ashley had any regrets. She’d been a fairly smart girl. I’d heard she’d been accepted into college. Everything changed when she’d gotten pregnant and her family refused to help her. That’s the hole I’d filled behind the scenes, never intending on taking credit.

  I drove home with a plan, but then who knew, maybe I would end up a bitter man like my father or like Tim, because there was no way the family would let me get a real job.

  30

  gavin

  The sun shined, but not in my garage. The door was open, but my thoughts ran cloudy as I chewed on what my professor had said. I was in the process of putting up my tools after filming the success of my engine firing to life using a solar panel as the secondary fuel source. I’d sent the results off and had just cleaned up. I would head back to campus—or so was the plan until a car pulled into my driveway.

  I wiped my hand on a rag and watched my visitor come forward.

  “Hey,” Ashley said. The word was timid and a little hesitant. She must have caught my somber expression because she added, “You’ve heard.”

  I nodded. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  There was something sad when she said, “I’m not surprised. He’s been threatening it since the day he returned.”

  Tim had taken his life. I couldn’t begin to understand his reasons. As far as I knew, he hadn’t been able to keep a job.

  “It’s done,” she said, before snaking her arms around me.

  Awkwardly, I patted her back. It had been a long time since we’d last hugged.

  I’d been too busy pondering that question that I missed her quick shift to press her lips to mine.

  When I didn’t kiss her back and gently pushed her away, her eyes narrowed.

  “What’s wrong? He’s gone. I owe him nothing now. I’ve waited forever for that.”

  Nothing had ever happened between us despite what Tim thought.

  “I love you,” she said. “I’ve always loved you more than him. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant…”

  She held my gaze, waiting for me to reciprocate, but I had nothing to say.
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  “So you don’t love me.”

  I shook my head and should have expected the slap. She geared up again and I stopped her. “You get one for free.”

  She snagged her hand away. “All these years, you’ve led me on. Why did you take care of me if you didn’t secretly love me the way I loved you?”

  In that moment, it all crystallized for me. What had begun as a crush on my part had been turned. The only thing I felt for her was obligation and duty.

  “I’m sorry, Ashley. I was only trying to help.”

  She smoothed a hand over her head, stopped just at the back as if in thought, and half turned from me.

  “He loved me, you know that. And I never really gave him a chance because…”

  I didn’t want to be the blame for her failings. That was more responsibility than I was willing to take.

  “Don’t put that on me.”

  She faced me again. “You’re right. I shouldn’t. But when he…you were always there.”

  “I didn’t get you pregnant,” I reminded her.

  She nodded. “No, you were just you and I was the stupid one.”

  I hated the reminder that Megan had said something similar a few weeks ago.

  “Is there someone else?” she asked impatiently. She repeated her question as my brain drifted to that someone else. “Who is she?”

  I guessed I’d nodded.

  “Don’t be an asshole, Gavin—answer me. I deserve that much.”

  She didn’t deserve anything.

  I chuckled thinking about my girl. “She wouldn’t have called me an asshole.”

  Her humorless laugh preceded her words. “Why, because she loves you?”

  I ran a rough palm over my hair. “No, she would have called me a donkey’s butt or some shit like that.”

  She didn’t like the small smile that had grown on my face. “Tell her she’s a lucky girl.”

  Ashley was wrong about that. Megan was only lucky if I managed to stay away from her and not bring trouble down on her like I’d done to Ashley.

  “And don’t bother sending me money anymore. I’m moving. I’m going to learn to stand on my own. Thank you, though, for everything.”

  I nodded, not sure what else to say. Good luck seemed insignificant and everything else might piss her off. I just watched her get in her car and drive out of my life.

  My hair stood on end as I ran a hand back and forth over it. Why was I protecting everyone from themselves? I wasn’t Batman. I finished and ended up spending the rest of the evening with my dad.

  “Why are you looking at old photos?” I asked him while I loaded laundry in the washer.

  He ran a finger over a plastic sheet that covered actual printed photos and not ones on a phone.

  “She was beautiful, you know.”

  “Mom?”

  His finger stopped. “That goes without saying. I’m talking about my sister.”

  I came over and sat next to him. He tapped on a photo of a girl who looked about sixteen.

  “How old was she there?”

  “Fifteen and stubborn. She was going to my grandparents and she was so goddamn happy about it. Mom and Dad were taking me around for a traveling summer baseball league.”

  I’d never heard the whole story.

  “What happened to her?”

  “She came back pregnant, Dad raised hell, and she left.”

  I stared at the picture. She was stunning, with long brown hair and gray eyes so filled with life and adventure.

  “You see it, don’t you?” Dad asked.

  How could I not? I left home wondering how my tangles and knots could form lines. I wasn’t sure what to do with that information as I drove back to campus.

  On the way, I rode by Ashley’s. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her…or maybe I didn’t. But there was, in fact, a for sale sign on the lawn.

  I made a call and set up the offer to buy the place for a little more than asking. I would use the shell corporation Dad set up years ago where he funneled the small amounts of money I’d earned over the years. Dad was also good at day trading. He’d more than tripled what I had. So I could easily buy her place and hold it. Those lots butted up to the bay and one day when a developer came in to revitalize, I could make a killing. Though they hadn’t done that in all the years I’d lived in the town. In the end, it was my final gift to the girl and the end to my responsibility for her.

  Much later, I sat in my living area shooting the shit with Tade.

  “So, let me get this straight: Your professor hand-delivered the perfect job and you’re turning it down?”

  Why had I told him?

  “I can’t leave my dad alone. You know that better than anyone.”

  Though he didn’t know the full reasons why.

  “Your dad doesn’t seem like the type to hold you back.”

  He wouldn’t.

  “I can’t leave him in the lurch like that. I’m the only family he has left. Besides, what about you? Still going to Harvard like dear old dad wants you to?”

  He scowled at me. “Speaking of my dad, did you see that camera guy at practice?”

  Though I couldn’t get on the water with them, I felt obligated to go. Tade had found my replacement, some eager freshman who talked nonstop but was a decent guy. We were all stuck on campus during spring break to try and help get him up to speed. Reagan had gone to her folks, leaving Tade to brood.

  He muttered on when I didn’t answer. “I almost went over and shoved the camera down his throat.”

  I had seen him and had snuck off to confront him. He worked for the Post. He was legit taking pictures of the team for an article.

  Just as I was about to explain, Tade’s expression turned pensive before he took out his phone. It was well after midnight and he was just as confused as to who might be calling as I was.

  “I have to go.”

  He explained that Reagan needed a ride back to campus. She lived over two hours away, so I rode with him. Someone needed to make sure he stayed awake. Plus, I would get to see Megan.

  When we got there, the girls sat on the porch.

  “Help me get their bags,” he said.

  There wasn’t much to get, but I got out anyway. Tade and Reagan stepped off to the side.

  Megan hopped up and barely glanced in my direction. When she reached for a small duffle, I took it.

  “I’ve got it.”

  She snatched it from me. “I’m fine. I don’t need your help.”

  Annoyed, I stepped back. “So this is how’s it going to be?”

  “What other way is it?”

  She breezed by me and got in the back seat. I moved to sit in front when Tade glared at me.

  I walked around to the other side, knowing I’d be scrunched up behind Tade. However, I didn’t think Megan would switch seats if I asked. I had to spread my legs to make room. When my hand brushed against hers, she yanked it away and shifted her legs so we wouldn’t touch. To make sure I got the message, she angled her head to stare out the window, ensuring no eye contact between us.

  Once everyone was in the car, I asked Reagan, “So what was the rush?”

  Megan answered, but it wasn’t for my benefit. She stared in Tade’s direction as if he’d asked. “She had a disagreement with her parents.”

  Reagan chimed in. “No, say what it was. Mom found out about you and practically threatened to pull me out of school if I didn’t break up with you.”

  “Shit, Rae, I’m sorry,” Tade said.

  “It’s not your fault. She can’t run my life anymore. I’m an adult.”

  None of us spoke the rest of the ride. Tade had told me Reagan’s parents were overprotective, but I didn’t think he knew how bad it was for her. I shouldn’t be surprised considering the shitty things in my life I didn’t want to share.

  Hours later, we arrived at the girls’ dorm.

  “I want to stay with you tonight,” Reagan said to my boy.

  He nodded.

  “W
hat about me?” Megan complained.

  I saw my opening and took it. “You can stay with me.”

  Her glare was murderous. I waggled my brows at her. “What? You know you want to.”

  She folded her arms, only drawing my attention to her fantastic tits. “Fine.”

  Tade pulled back on the road and within a minute we were parked in our lot. We trudged into the house and up the stairs, everyone mentally checked out and in need of sleep.

  Once I closed my door and faced her, she was ready.

  “So, we’re here again. Do you need to change your sheets?”

  I chuckled and took off my jacket to hang it on the hook on the door.

  “Don’t worry, I don’t fuck where I sleep.”

  “Oh.”

  I could tell she wanted to ask me more but forced herself not to. Her beautiful hair was tied back in a tail. I wanted it free and her naked in my bed. But thoughts like that only got my dick excited, and though it might not know it, I knew we weren’t getting any.

  “So where are you going to sleep?”

  I quirked a brow. “My bed.”

  “But…” she sputtered.

  “You practically invited yourself. It’s my bed or the couch.” I would never let her sleep down there, though she didn’t have to know that. “But my roommates might mistake you as an offering.”

  Her jaw dropped and I chuckled, pulling my shirt off.

  “Wait, stop. You’re not undressing.”

  “This is what I do when I go to sleep.” I spoke slowly in case her brain had shorted out for a second.

  “I get that, but if I have to lie with you, I’m getting comfortable and you’re staying in those.”

  She pointed at my jeans, snagged my shirt from my hand, and then used fingers to circle in the air: Turn around.

  I exhaled a slow breath and complied. But I never said I wouldn’t look. Over my shoulder I watched as she shimmied jeans down her legs. Creamy tan skin I wanted to lick came into view as she bent over. Since her back was to me, I got an excellent view of lacy blue panties that barely covered her ass. My dick turned rock hard and was ready to rumble. She stood and pulled off her shirt, leaving her in next to nothing.