Married with Zombies: Book 1 of Living with the Dead

by Jesse Petersen

  “So?” Amanda paled as what I said started to sink in. “Oh… so you think the guy at the gas station who bit Jack was a zombie.”

  I nodded. “I have to assume so since even the hungriest homeless guy hardly ever bites someone. I guess there must be some amount of time between when someone becomes infected and when they lose all their humanity and ability to reason and higher brain function. During that time, I have to assume that Jack not only came up here and used our key to get in…”

  She nodded. “He knew you had a key to our place. Maybe he was looking for that.”

  Dave drew back with a look of surprise. That hadn’t actually occurred to either of us, but it made perfect and horrifying sense. If Jack wanted to get to Amanda and eat her brains, our place was the one way to get to her without breaking down the door, which he was apparently too lazy to do, even as a zombie.

  “Good thought,” I conceded and she grinned with pleasure. “Anyway, once he got here, he ended up roaming into our bathroom and getting himself trapped in our tub.”

  Amanda’s brow wrinkled. “Huh?”

  Dave looked at me. “That’s a good piece of information to have. If they have a little brain function after they’re starting to have a hunger for human flesh… well, that could be bad.”

  “Really bad,” I agreed with a nod, but I needed to tell the rest of the story before I chickened out, so I refocused on Amanda. “Anyway, I came home and well…”

  I trailed off as I motioned her to the bathroom. There was no easy way to do this so I guess it was better to do it quick, like pulling a bandage off a wound.

  She followed me and I took a deep breath before I opened the door, then stepped out of the way so she could see the corpse of her former boyfriend.

  She didn’t say anything at first, just stared at him lying face down on the floor. His black blood was pooling all around him and his hands were clenched into claws. Not to mention his head was totally bashed in.

  I shifted, thoroughly uncomfortable with what I’d done. Hallmark didn’t exactly make a card for this situation (well, they do now, but not then), so I wasn’t sure what to say to her so that she’d understand I hadn’t done this out of spite.

  “He-he attacked me,” I finally explained. “He wanted to bite me just like he wanted to bite you and I had no choice but to kill him. But I’m really sorry, Mandy.”

  She nodded before she glanced at me. Her face was pale, but she was pretty calm considering. “It’s okay, Sarah. I was going to break up with him anyway.”

  I blinked, staring as she turned her back on her dead boyfriend and walked away into the living room like she was walking away from a squirrel she’d hit on the road or something. Of all the reactions I would have thought she might have, this was the last one.

  “O-kay,” I said as I shut the door again.

  Amanda sat on our couch for a long time before she looked up at Dave. “So do you really think all this stuff has to do with zombies?”

  He nodded. “Jack tried to eat you, right?”

  She shrugged. “I guess he did.”

  “And the things that attacked us today were after the same thing — flesh, brains, blood… us to eat.” He shook his head. “I guess zombie is as good a term to use as any other.”

  Amanda sighed. “So what do you think we should do? That little emergency lady on the radio says to stay at home and wait it out.”

  “Well, we’re not so sure about that,” I said, but before I could finish Dave grabbed me by the elbow and dragged me to the corner of the room.

  “Sarah, do you really want to tell her about our plans?” he asked, his voice low so she wouldn’t hear us argue.

  “Why not?” I asked as I shrugged his hand away.

  “Because I’m not really certain she’d make the best travel partner through a zombie-infested city,” he hissed. “She gets confused by Scrabble.”

  I stared at him, overcome by disbelief. “Are you saying we just leave her here, like a little kid, to take care of herself? I mean, she doesn’t even have a car anymore.”

  I looked at her. She was watching us, still all innocence and confusion. She smiled.

  He followed my gaze and after a long pause he sighed. He wasn’t stupid. He saw the same thing I did when he looked at her.

  “Yeah, I guess that wouldn’t be cool,” he muttered reluctantly.

  “No. Not cool at all.” I glared at him before I moved back toward her. “Sorry about that, Amanda. Anyway, we were thinking it might be better to try to leave the city and get someplace less populated.”

  She nodded slowly. “I guess that makes sense. If there are less people it means there might be less… zombies. Or whatever they are. Maybe we could even find someone to help us.”

  “If you want, you can come with us,” Dave said from behind me.

  When I glanced at him over my shoulder, he didn’t look pleased, but resigned. Still, I appreciated that he made the offer when I knew his feelings about it.

  “It’ll be dangerous,” I added. “If we do this, we’re going to have to stop along the way and get guns and food and other things. And we may have to fight off the zombies. You may have to kill things that look like people.”

  “Well —” She looked toward the closed bathroom door. Blood was starting to seep into the beige carpet in front of it. “I guess it’s better to stick together.”

  I smiled. “I agree.”

  “And you won’t have to stop for guns,” she added with a sunny smile. “Jack had some.”

  Dave moved forward, his eyes wide. “He did?”

  Amanda nodded with great enthusiasm. “Yeah, he had a safe in the bedroom.”

  “Do you have the key?” I asked.

  The idea of not having to make a gun run, at least right away, was a very happy one. The less we were forced to stop, the less likely it was that we’d get bitten. Plus, I felt safer with a shotgun than a frying pan as the weapon standing between me and undeath.

  Amanda shook her head. “No, he kept it on him at all times and wouldn’t let me have a copy. He said he didn’t want to keep it close to the safe unless he was there to guard it. It’s probably in his pocket.”

  Now all of us looked at the bathroom door. I have to say, I was not looking forward to digging around in Jack’s gross jean pocket, which was now all gooey and disgusting thanks to Dr. Phil. And the toilet seat.

  Still, we couldn’t ask Amanda to go key diving. Even though she was somehow feeling okay about the fact that Jack was dead, that was probably going too far.

  “I’ll do it,” Dave said with a heavy sigh.

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  He shrugged as we all moved together toward the bathroom door. “Yeah, you killed him. The least I can do is find the key.”

  He threw the door open and stared for a moment at this guy who he’d called friend for a couple of years. I felt bad for him.

  The thing about the zombie outbreak is that you get really numb to all the death and blood and bodies. It happens faster than you’d probably like to think, too. You may not believe me, but I know what I’m talking about.

  Still, there are moments, little moments, where you really see how bad things are. This was the first one of those moments for David. His face was twisted and sad as he stared at the body in our bathroom and I’m guessing he must have been remembering some of the good times he and Jack had shared over the years.

  I was about to step forward and offer to do it instead when he crouched down on his haunches and dug his hand into Jack’s pocket. After some digging and grunting he pulled out a few keys along with a now bloody, foil-wrapped condom that made all of us say, “Ewwww,” at once.

  “Which one?” he grunted as he dropped the condom and held the bloody keyring out for Amanda to inspect.

  She squealed, but when he shoved the keys into her hands, she took them and looked.

  “This one,” she said as she held out the smallest of the bunch.

  He took it back as
she dug into her pocket and brought out a little disposable handi-wipe like you get at the doctor’s office or even some rib joints. You know, the ones with the wrapper that you can never get open without help? Well, she was about to bite it to tear the package open. I snatched it just before her mouth closed over it.

  “It’s got blood all over it from your hands, Mandy,” I snapped. “Don’t take the risk of exposure to Jack’s zombie cooties. Go cut it open in the kitchen or just wash your hands in there.”

  She stared at the blood-streaked package in my hand and then she nodded and disappeared into the other room. Dave stared after her with horror and annoyance in equal measure on his face.

  “Is she serious?” he asked me as he turned on me with a shake of his head. “Did that just happen?”

  I nodded sadly. “Yeah. It did. But hey, if Jack really does have weapons in that apartment then we might be set. We wouldn’t have to stop at a sporting goods store, which means less chance of encountering someone infected.”

  “No, you’re right.” He looked at the bloody key and grimaced as he wiped it off on his shirt, trying to find some little corner that wasn’t already soaked in… well, stuff. You know. Zombie stuff. “So what’s our plan with this?”

  “I think you and I should go over to the other apartment together,” I said, looking over my shoulder toward the kitchen. I could hear Amanda running water in the other room. “We can carry more back with two of us.”

  “Maybe you should stay here,” he said. “It could be dangerous.”

  I stared at him for a minute and then pointed toward my bloody shirt, slacks, and arms. “I’ve killed at least two people already. Really?”

  “Okay, just saying.” He shrugged.

  “Amanda’s not as messy with goop as we are. Maybe we could ask her to stay here and start the food,” I suggested. I was a little embarrassed that I was starting to get really hungry, despite everything I’d done and seen that day. “That way she’ll feel useful. I don’t think she’d be much help in a fight.”

  “As long as she doesn’t end up wrapping the pizza in bloody shirts to take it out of the oven or something,” Dave muttered with a shrug.

  I went into the kitchen and Amanda immediately agreed to take care of the pizza. And once I showed her the directions… then read her the directions and reminded her about not touching anything bloody, I felt comfortable leaving her alone.

  When I came back into the living room David had his baseball bat in one hand and he held out a big metal flashlight my Dad had bought for us when we moved to the city. We’d never used it, but it was pretty heavy.

  “Here, I found this,” he grunted.

  I took it and tested its weight in my hand, then swung it around a bit like a sword.

  “That will do,” I said with a quick, nervous smile for him.

  “Ready?” he asked as he opened the door.

  “As I’ll ever be,” I muttered as he turned the doorknob and we set out into the dimly lit hallway.

  You and your partner are on the same side. It’s the side of the living.

  We’d been bugging the super of our building to get better hallway lights put in for two years, but no amount of arguing or pleading from the tenants swayed him. At some point in the “negotiation,” he’d threatened to raise our rent to pay for the upgrade so everyone had shut up and just dealt with the buzzing, dim hallways.

  Now I hated the fat ass even more because the flicking yellow glow made the entire scene in the hallway all the more surreal and creepy. Trust me, we didn’t need that, it was bad enough as it was.

  There was blood on the door across the way from ours and a little smear of sludge on the wall next to our apartment. I had to hope both were from Jack and not some unaccounted for zombie roaming around on our floor.

  David looked around, checking all the way to the end of the hall before he motioned me out of the apartment. “Let’s go slowly and keep an eye out.”

  “I hear that,” I whispered.

  I kept close to his heels, watching every damn door as we slipped down the few feet that separated our apartment door from Jack and Amanda’s. That walk normally took less than a minute, but that night it felt like an hour because we had to move with such care.

  When we got there both of us stared at the bloody handprint on the wooden surface that just about matched the size of Jack’s hand. I could almost picture him standing there in his stained t-shirt, wishing he could get in and attack Amanda. I wonder how long he had stood there before his addled brain remembered the key we had in our place. And how long he’d been in our apartment before he stopped thinking at all.

  Both of us shivered at the same time.

  Dave shook off his reaction first and tried the door. It was open, which made him roll his eyes. Even in an emergency and with a boyfriend who had attacked her, Amanda hadn’t thought to do something so simple as lock it.

  Inside, he bolted the lock behind us and we looked around. The apartment was laid out the same as ours, so that would make it easier. Or at least, it should have.

  Now okay, I’m no Martha Stewart so I normally don’t judge, but Amanda and Jack obviously didn’t care how they lived. Junk was piled everywhere. There were game systems, clothing, even empty pizza boxes strewn across the floor and furniture. It was like children lived here.

  I shook my head as we gingerly stepped over the biggest piles and maneuvered around sharp furniture edges that were wedged too close together. Let’s just say this was not an optimal setting to go into battle.

  “There could be ten zombies in here and we’d never know it,” I said under my breath.

  “Well, let’s not think about that, huh?” Dave whispered as he gave me a brief look over his shoulder, but I noticed he lifted his bat a little higher.

  Somehow we managed to make it through the mess to Jack and Amanda’s bedroom door where she’d said the safe was. Taking a deep breath, Dave turned the knob and pushed, but instead of swinging open easily, it stuck. We looked at each other and I raised my flashlight.

  “Did she leave the hall door open, but lock the bedroom and just not bother to tell us?” I asked, incredulous that even Amanda was that stupid.

  Dave put his shoulder into the door and shoved.

  “No, it’s not locked. There’s something behind it,” he grunted as he pushed to no avail. Panting, he straightened up and stared. “I think I’m going to have to get a running start and force it.”

  I stared at him. “But um…”

  He glared. “What?”

  “What if it’s a body back there?”

  “Do you want the guns or what?” he snapped as he kicked some stuff on the floor out of the way to clear himself a little path.

  Apparently he didn’t care about my answer, because before I gave one he got a couple steps running start and hit the door and put all the weight of his body into his shoulder. There was a creak and then the door gave way and opened about a foot and a half. Just enough for us to fit inside.

  Dave staggered as the door gave and half fell into the room. Immediately I tried to climb in over him, you know, in an attempt to protect him in case there were zombies waiting for us. But did he appreciate it?

  Yeah, no.

  “Sarah, shit that’s my kidney!” Dave yelped as I tripped over him.

  “I’m just trying to help,” I snapped as I got into the room around him.

  “Then get off!” he barked, slapping at my legs as he got to his knees and we both looked around.

  Lucky for us, since we were distracted by yet another fight, there were no zombies waiting for us, or even any dead people on the brink of waking up undead. I peered around the open door and found only another pile of clothing that had been blocking our entry.

  “Remind me not to ask her to do any chores,” I said as I helped Dave the rest of the way up.

  He smiled and I guess our little argument was forgotten for now.

  “I’ll make sure you don’t lose your mind and do som
ething so stupid.” He frowned as he flicked a sock off his pant leg that had stuck to him in the fall.

  I grimaced as I hoped it was clean, not dirty, but then I saw what we’d been looking for and forgot about Amanda and Jack’s pigsty.

  “There’s the safe,” I said with the same reverence I would have used if I saw Joss Whedon or something.

  Amanda hadn’t been exaggerating. It was a big safe, tall enough to hold long-barreled weapons, not just handguns. As Dave put the key in the lock, I prayed Jack wasn’t just using it to store porno and Ho-Hos.

  I’m not kidding you. When the door swung open and David stepped aside so I could see our bounty, I think angels sang. Seriously, I thought I heard choirs, because in that huge metal box were about ten rifles and shotguns, lined up perfectly along the rack. Boxes of shells were stacked on the shelf above. They were surprisingly neat and organized, too, considering the room was such a fucking wreck.

  Dave grinned at me. “Thank God for the second amendment.”

  I laughed as I reached in to take a few guns. “This may not be what the Founding Fathers intended, but good on them.”

  As I positioned weapons over my shoulder by the slings one by one, David set his baseball bat aside and loaded one of the rifles. As he slid the action in place and clicked the safety off, our eyes met. For some reason, now that he had a loaded gun in his hands, the reality of the situation really started to sink in.

  We were in fucking Zombie Central. And we had to get out.

  “This is messed up,” I said softly, reaching out to pat his arm.

  “Yes, it is, baby,” he answered as he took some handguns and put them in his waistband.

  I giggled a little at the sight of him with four of them sticking out of his pants. It was like a Western movie on steroids.

  He looked down at where I was staring and rolled his eyes. Apparently he didn’t find it as funny as I did.

  “Okay huckster, let’s just get back to the apartment before Amanda burns the place down and we have to run into the dark and zombie-infested streets.”

  I didn’t answer, but since that was actually a distinct possibility, I got moving toward the door. Before I could open it, Dave grabbed my wrist and pulled me back a little.