Up for Everything (Up for Grabs #3)

by Heather Young-Nichols

  In the morning, my car sat in front of her house with me leaning against it waiting for her to come out. I’d sent a text saying I was there.

  When Miriam bounced down her front steps into my arms, I leaned into her hair and took a deep breath. Coconut. After a quick kiss, she pulled me by the hand back toward the house where I carried two laundry bags back to the trunk. Then we ran errands.

  We were relaxed while making five or six stops, normal things like the store for travel essentials. I insisted on grabbing take out for us to eat while a load of laundry ran.

  This was the kind of day I wanted every day and I hated that she had to leave so soon.

  As luck would have it, I needed to attend a conference in Portland just before she returned again. So it was unusual, but she was home and I wasn’t. She’d texted me when she got home, and I’d asked her which home and she said hers. Damn, that was something I needed to change. I wanted my home to be her home. Holy shit. And yet that didn’t freak me out.

  Finally the second week in December, after a training trip to Denver, we were both back in LA and not set to leave for a couple of weeks. It was going to be amazing.

  But I realized that I hadn’t talked to her in a couple of days just because of my hours and the last text she sent me was on Monday. It was Wednesday when I got back. What the fuck? We hadn’t gone a day without at least texting since the ill-fated sex attempt.

  Grabbing my phone I called her but got voicemail so I sent a text that never got returned.

  By the time I got out of work on Thursday I was going out of my fucking mind. There’d be no reason she wouldn’t have answered me unless something was seriously wrong. I had to find out. The tightness in my stomach wouldn’t go away and actually got worse the closer to her house in Santa Monica I got.

  I didn’t pull in the driveway but instead got out at the curb. Looking around I didn’t see her car. I didn’t care. It’d been five days since I’d spoken to Miriam. I didn’t fucking like it.

  “Can I help you?” The tall blonde I’d never seen before asked with an attitude when she opened the door.

  I hadn’t met most of her roommates so it didn’t surprise me that I didn’t recognize her. It was only Aria, who was getting married, that I met when I came to check on the hung over Miriam.

  “Miriam?”

  Blondie raised an eyebrow at me and smirked.

  “Do you know how to use complete sentences?” she asked narrowing her eyes on me.

  I sighed with frustration. “Is Miriam home?”

  “See. That wasn’t so hard.” But she hadn’t answered the fucking question.

  “Is she here or not?”

  “Testy.” I ground my jaw together. She got the point. “Not.”

  “What?”

  “She isn’t here, genius.” She was about to shut the door in my face but I stopped her with one hand.

  “Where is she?”

  This woman rolled her eyes at me like I was the one being difficult.

  “Listen, Romeo, I don’t know. See we come and go in this house and nobody babysits each other. I’ve been gone a while and just got back.” I stared at her long enough that she must have started feeling bad for me because she rolled her eyes and sighed. “Ok, look, this really isn’t my place but you actually look like a decent guy and I can tell you’re getting shafted here.” She took a deep breath. “I heard someone say she’s with Steve. I guess she started seeing him recently. I don’t know.”

  Mother. Fucker.

  Without another word I got the hell out of there. Away from the place I knew Miriam spent her time and lived her life. Away from the pier where I’d told her I loved her the first time and hopefully away from my memories of her.

  Unfortunately for me we made most of our memories right there in my own fucking apartment and that I couldn’t get away from. Instead, I stopped at the store on the way home and bought a shit ton of alcohol. I didn’t usually drink whiskey but having your heart ripped out of your chest qualified as one of the times that I did.

  I didn’t remember most of that night. What I did wasn’t pretty. My anger grew until I thought it’d choke me but another shot burned down my throat taking everything else with it.

  She said she loved me. Then what? Went off with another guy without a word to me. If she wanted to break things off she could have done it like a fucking adult. I could’ve taken it. Or taken it better that just being abandoned and ignored.

  At some point all my thoughts about Miriam started to grow fuzzy until I couldn’t think them at all.

  Or anything else for that matter.

  I hadn’t set an alarm for work the next day because I couldn’t give a fuck. Without knowing it in my unconscious state teetering on alcohol poisoning, a decision was made without my knowledge but it was a decision I agreed with and would follow through on.

  I had to get showered and brush my teeth a half a dozen times before I could leave the apartment but I did it. It was closer to noon by then but again, the stubble covering my jaw and the jeans and long sleeve T-shirt I put on let everyone know that no fucks were given about work at that point.

  A couple of people said hi as I made my way to Mike’s office. I returned a head nod because anything I said to them would have made me sound like a dick and all this wasn’t their fault.

  Mike was on the phone but I was beyond caring. Instead, I stood in the doorway my hands jammed into my pockets until he hung up. Normally I would have waved to let him know I needed to talk to him then gone about my business until he had the time but not today. Today I stood there giving him a hard glare until he hung up.

  “I was wondering if you were coming in today. Not exactly work appropriate though is it?” He gestured toward my wardrobe choice.

  “I quit.”

  “Not funny, Sam.”

  “Not trying to be.”

  The old guy looked at me long and hard. “You’re serious?”

  “As a fucking heart attack.”

  His eyebrows rose.

  “Look. It has nothing to do with working here. This was probably the best job I could have hoped for right out of college even if Evan might be bat shit crazy.” Evan was the CEO, paranoid mother fucker. “But I can’t stay here.”

  “It’s the girl?”

  My jaw tightened. I never should have mentioned her at work.

  “Ok, then. We’re sorry to see you go.” He rose from his chair, shook my hand tightly then let me walk away. I was so fucking out of there.

  On the way home, I stopped to grab some boxes and all the other shit I’d need to pack up what little I wanted to take with me. By two, I had seven boxes packed with shipping purchased online and a scheduled pick up for just before dinner. I also filled a suitcase and one carryon and had my ticket for the last flight out reserved and paid for. This was my life. I didn’t even bother to let anyone know I was coming. It would have led to questions I wasn’t about to answer.

  Hours later, in the middle of the night, I checked into a hotel not far from my parents’ house. To shut my brain up, I dove into the minibar and let the alcohol do its job. In the morning I’d have to go home, take my dad up on the job he’d offered, find a place to live and all the other shit that came with being a grown up but fuck it all to hell I wasn’t doing it right then.

  Saturday lunchtime I finally found my way home. My parents were together in the kitchen when I came in the front door, bag in tow. And I wasn’t quiet about it either.

  “Friend or foe?” Mom called out.

  “Friend,” I said back my voice still had a rough, gravely quality that went with lots of burning alcohol and not talking to anyone.

  “Sam?” She came around the corner drying her hands. “Did we know you were coming today?”

  I shook my head.

  Mom used her intuition of whatever the hell it was to take me in and deduce exactly why I came. I’d told them about Miriam, even if I’d down played it but the fact that I told them at all meant everything.<
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  Instead of trying to get it out of me, she wrapped her arms around my body the way only she could. “Why don’t you come into the kitchen for some lunch.”

  I did. Mostly because all the alcohol started to wreak havoc on my stomach lining and food would help that. I sat across from Dad whose eyes I could feel on me. Magically a giant sandwich dropped in front of me. Mom was fast. I got to eat half of it with them watching me but trying not to seem like they were. And it made me want to crawl out of my skin. Dad saw it.

  “Sam.” He was about to ask. I could feel it in the air.

  “Jason.” Even in my less than stellar state I stuck with our routine. At least it made him smirk.

  “How long are you here for?”

  “Is that job still available?” I kept my eyes on the rest of my sandwich. There was no way I could finish it.

  “Yes. This is a permanent move?”

  Nodding I answered. “I should be receiving some boxes Tuesday or Wednesday.”

  Neither of them knew what to say. I didn’t either. Yes, they were curious and no I wasn’t going to bring her up. Instead, I raised one eyebrow almost daring my dad to do it. Damn he was too much like me.

  “I guess we’re just surprised. It didn’t sound like coming home was something you were open to recently.”

  “It wasn’t.”

  “What’s changed?”

  “Everything. Look, I don’t want to get into this. Can I have the job or not?”

  “Start Monday?”

  I nodded twice. Work was going to be the best thing for me. Something to focus on, something to take up my time.

  “I’m going to go visit Cain and Flannery. Let them know I’m back.”

  “They don’t know?” Mom asked with surprise.

  Yeah, that would be surprising since usually they were the first to know everything.

  It was kind of funny that no matter how long I’d been gone I knew just how to get wherever I needed to go. I’d missed my truck, and it was the reason I only leased a car in California. California was never supposed to be permanent.

  I took the stairs at Cain’s apartment and it felt good to expel the energy.

  “What are you doing here?’ Flannery asked obviously surprised to find me standing on the other side of the door she just answered.

  “You know how to make a guy feel welcome,” I said back.

  “Shut up and get in here.” She yanked me as hard as she could, which was harder than you’d think, until I got completely inside and she closed the door behind us.

  Cain came down the hall in jeans, a T-shirt and bare feet. I didn’t even care that I may have interrupted them. They were married. They lived together. They got to be alone all the fucking time.

  We greeted each other as guys do and I went for a beer. Too much blood in my alcohol stream.

  Cain watched me. He’d know something was wrong by the tone of my voice, the way I walked or the fucking look in my eye. Downside of knowing someone your entire life. Still he waited. Probably for me to start talking but that wouldn’t be happening.

  “Hey, Sam, what’s up with Miriam? I haven’t been able to get a hold of her all week,” Flannery said filling a glass with water for herself.

  I’d been taking a nice long drink but stopped dead and almost spit it out. Apparently cutting me out of her life meant cutting everyone who knew me out. No way did Flannery know anything because she wouldn’t have brought it up like that if she knew how I felt. Even Kendra would be more sensitive than that. I think.

  “No idea,” I finally choked out.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Flannery,” Cain warned.

  He knew. I didn’t have to tell him, and he fucking knew. We’d grown up together and he knew me better than anyone.

  She just looked at him with confusion then back to me.

  “What do you mean, Sam?” she asked again with more oomph behind her words.

  “I don’t know what’s up with her.” I tried to sound like I didn’t care and hoped the tiny crack in my voice didn’t give me away. Fuck, all my friends knew me too well.

  “How can you not know what’s up with her?” Flannery pushed. It’s what she did and not because she’d ever try to intentionally hurt someone, that would be Kendra, but because she would want to get to the bottom of this.

  Yeah. I could man up and tell them that the only girl I’d been able to love in my adult life up and abandoned me without a word. I could do that. It was the reality I was living but those were words my tongue wouldn’t form. So instead, I got pissed.

  “Flannery, back off,” Cain intervened so I wouldn’t have to.

  Ignoring the look of surprise, he came around her until he stood in front of me while I finished that beer in record time.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Nope.”

  “Want to drink some more?”

  “Yup.”

  That’s all the conversation we needed. Sure we could bitch and moan then hug it out like girls but we didn’t need to nor did either of us want to. Cain helped me through what was once thought of as the worst time of my life, though it sort of pales in comparison to Miriam, and I in turn helped him get his life back on track in college when he broke up with Flannery. That had been rough. Here we were again and if I had any say in it, we would never be there again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  As my shitty luck would have it, Adam and Kendra already planned to hang out at Cain and Flannery’s Saturday night. They’d probably stay over because apparently that was a regular thing on the weekend. Usually because they stayed so late, Flannery said or if there was drinking involved. Responsibility. So I was stuck. I could stay there and see everyone, rip this band aid off quickly or go back to my parents’ house and have them watching me like a ticking time bomb and wondering.

  Neither option particularly excited me but I decided to stay there. I’d have to see them eventually now that I was back home. Home. Just days ago I’d assumed my home would be wherever Miriam was. Fuck things could change quickly.

  “I need to find an apartment,” I said to no one really. Adam and Kendra had shown up. I’d gotten the required strange looks but at least they were smart enough not to ask any questions, at least right off. I assume Flannery let Kendra know to keep her face quiet.

  “Hey,” Cain answered. “I know a couple apartments just became vacant here if you’re interested. Joe, the super, he’s a pretty good guy. Probably could get you in quickly.” I didn’t say a word. “Unless living so close to us would be weird.”

  “Why would that be weird?”

  “Don’t know.” He shrugged.

  “I’d rather live by you two than with my parents.”

  Cain nodded and said something about talking to Joe on Monday.

  I didn’t know what their plans had been before I showed up on their doorstep but whatever they were morphed into sitting in the living room with a movie playing that I don’t think anyone paid attention to, watching me drink beer after beer. Luckily I’d taken in enough that my thoughts didn’t drift back to her too often and the buzz started to feel good. Until Kendra decided to speak. Seriously, no idea how Adam does it.

  “Sam, what’s going on with Miriam?”

  “Kendra,” Flannery gasped.

  “No, Flan, this is ridiculous. We’re all sitting here wondering and deserve an answer.”

  “Deserve an answer?” I asked my eyes narrowing on her though she was blurry around the edges. “You deserve an answer, Kendra? I deserve a fucking answer. But guess what? Life is full of disappointment and wonder. Live with it.”

  “It’s like you’re talking in riddles! What do you mean you deserve an answer? I’m pretty sure if you two broke up you know what’s going on.”

  “That’s where you’re fucking wrong, Kendra.” I couldn’t sit there any longer. I hopped up but didn’t take a step. “She disappeared. I haven’t talked to her since Monday. She doesn’t return my calls or texts so I go
to her house and her fucking blonde headed roommate tells me she started seeing some guy named Steve so she isn’t there. So I don’t have the fucking answers.”

  Four sets of eyes trained right on me and the damn pity in them I could’ve done without. I paced, taking a hit off that beer and opening another. I’d lost count on how many I’d had. It couldn’t have been too much because I wasn’t full on passed out drunk the way I wanted to be.

  “What did you do?” Kendra asked.

  My eyes landed hard on Kendra. “What makes you think I did something?”

  “Seems likely.” She was pushing me. The thing I’d learned about Kendra over the two plus years I’d known her was that most of the time she wasn’t actually trying to be a bitch. But sure as hell didn’t mind playing the role to get to the bottom of whatever was going on. She’d push until you either caved or pushed back. Well, fuck that.

  “Kendra, back off,” Flannery said.

  “We’re all thinking it.”

  “Yeah, it had to be me, right? It was me that fucked myself in high school. Emily was just the innocent bystander.”

  With the mention of that name, Cain jumped to his feet.

  “Obviously I did something to drive Miriam away. The asshole thing about it, Kendra, is that I have no idea what that was. And I never will.”

  “Emily?” Kendra again. She needed to shut her fucking mouth.

  “Fuck you,” I spat.

  That brought Cain right to me.

  “All right. Let’s go,” he said grabbing the back of my neck, dragging me to the door. With Adam right behind us. “Grab some jackets.” He called over his shoulder.

  The next thing I knew I was being shoved into the passenger side of Cain’s car, Adam climbed into the back and the car lurched out of its parking spot.

  I sat back and closed my eyes because I didn’t care where we were going. If I was lucky I’d fall asleep and they’d leave me alone. I didn’t even peek when the car stopped, someone got out then back in and we were moving again. Because I couldn’t bring myself to care.

  Finally, the car came to a stop and Cain turned off the engine.

  “Let’s go,” he said presumably to me.