Wild Pitch

by Sloan Johnson

  Mason relented, as I knew he would, and he followed me to my pickup. Although it wasn’t a long drive, Mason fell asleep as I wove my way through a maze of surface streets to avoid the overnight construction closures that were choking off the city. I entered the code at the security gate leading into a private lakefront community and gently shook Mason’s shoulder.

  “Mason, wake up.” He blinked a few times as I pulled into the driveway.

  “Where in the hell are we?” he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

  “Eric’s house. When he got traded, he asked me to keep an eye on it until he decides whether or not he’s going to sell it,” I told him. Mason stiffened and pressed his body against the door of the truck as soon as I mentioned Eric’s name. No matter how many times I told him that Eric wasn’t anything more than a friend with benefits, a convenient and safe way to bust a nut, it bothered Mason. “Hey, you have to get over this hang up. Eric has been my friend for a long time, the same as you, and that’s not going to change.”

  “I know, but-”

  I reached out for Mason and pulled him close to me. “No buts,” I said firmly. “I’ll admit that I still don’t fully understand what’s going on between you and me, but I will guarantee you it’s nothing I ever would have considered with him.”

  “So why are we here?” he asked.

  “We have a lot to talk about, and I didn’t see that happening at home,” I admitted. “When we’re alone together, it’s too easy for me to convince myself that I don’t need to understand what’s going on or what you want, but it is.”

  I invited Mason inside while I grabbed some beer and a blanket out of the house, but he said he preferred to wait outside. When I came back outside, he’d wandered to the back of the property and was staring at the darkness of the lake. “Now do you see why I like coming out here? It has nothing to do with who owns the property; it’s all about the view.”

  “Well, it’s not much to look at right now,” he responded sarcastically.

  “No, but it’s still one of the most peaceful places in the area,” I said, leading him down the wooden staircase to the private beach. “If you want, we’ll come back sometime during the day and then you can see why I love it the way I do.”

  “We’ll see.” It hadn’t been my intention to upset him or throw Eric in his face, but I could tell he was annoyed with me. I spread out the blanket and sat, pulling Mason down with me. Neither of us said anything for a while as we listened to the water rolling onto the sand. The gentle breeze cut through the humidity of earlier in the day, giving the air a slight chill.

  I scooted closer to Mason and started massaging the back of his neck. He was a ball of stress and I needed to know none of that was because of me. “Hey, what’s going on up there?” I asked, kissing the side of his head.

  “Have you ever opened your eyes in the morning and wondered what happened to the life you thought you’d have?” he asked as I opened a bottle of beer and handed it to him.

  I honestly hadn’t. I knew from a young age that playing ball was the only thing I wanted to do. As soon as I admitted to myself that I was gay, it never crossed my mind to come out, because I thought it’d somehow make me seem like less of a man in the eyes of the scouts. That pissed me off, but you’d have to be blind and deaf not to understand that locker rooms weren’t the most accepting places in the world, so I kept quiet. I never stooped to the point of dating women as a cover, but there were times I’d flirt just to keep up appearances and I hated every minute of it. While there were aspects of my life I didn’t necessarily love, I was willing to make concessions to make my dreams possible. At least I had been, but now that was changing.

  “I think it’s normal to wonder what your life could have been like if you’d made different choices, but why do you feel that way?” I asked, trying to avoid saying anything to further upset him.

  “Before this year, I thought I had everything I wanted. No, my marriage wasn’t great, but I kept telling myself that it’d eventually get better,” he admitted. “I did what needed to be done, even though I wasn’t happy.”

  “Okay, but you took steps to change that,” I reminded him. “I guess I’m a bit confused. How is your life so far off-track in your mind?”

  This was so not the conversation I’d wanted to have, but I told myself this was what couples did. They talked about whatever was bothering them and worked together to find solutions. And I was the one who mentioned the C word, so I had to shut up and listen.

  I slid my hand down to Mason’s lower back, slowly lifting the fabric so I could press my palm against his hot flesh. I needed that connection to him because I feared this was the moment when he was going to tell me that I was the bump in his path and he couldn’t be with me.

  “I can still remember the first time I picked up a ball. My dad has never been the athletic type, but we found one in the park,” he told me. “There was no one around, so I figured some kid forgot it when he went home. Anyway, I begged my dad to play catch with me. He wasn’t going to at first, but he did.

  “I had to practice for a while before I was any good, but Dad spent hours working with me after he saw how well I threw the ball. I knew he’d rather be taking me on nature hikes or camping trips, but he worked with me every single night in our backyard until I was good enough to join the rec league.”

  As Mason shared this bit of his childhood with me, he leaned into my side and wrapped his arms around my middle. “Sounds like a good time, so why are you upset?”

  I’d have given anything to have a father willing to play catch with me. My dad was okay with me wanting to join little league, as long as it didn’t interfere with my schoolwork. When I got a baseball scholarship, he reminded me that college was still for academics, not sports. When I dropped out after my junior year, I thought his head was going to explode even though I did so with a nice signing bonus and a baseball contract. Our already strained relationship would likely never heal from the damage caused by my going against his wishes.

  “I always wanted to be able to do the same with my kid,” he admitted. “If there’s one thing I ever wanted to do more than play ball, it was be a family man. Now, I’m pretty sure Chicago won’t renew my contract after this year because my stats are in the gutter and it doesn’t look like the family thing is going to work out for me, either. Hell, if the rumor mill is accurate, I may not even make it to the end of the year.”

  “Mace, we all have ups and downs,” I told him, ignoring the bit about the rumors. I’d heard them as well, but I couldn’t think about him being shipped off somewhere else. With how hard I took Eric’s departure, there was no doubt in my mind it’d kill me to say goodbye to Mason when we were starting to build something good. “So you’re having a rough year, it happens. That doesn’t mean your career is over. And how many guys do you know who get divorced and move on to find someone else? You’ll do the same.”

  Just saying the words twisted like a knife in my heart. I didn’t want him to find the next Mrs. Atley, even if there was a woman out there who’d be the perfect mother to his future children. I wanted to be enough for him.

  “That’s the problem,” he growled, a bit louder and more animated. “Up until a week ago, I would have agreed with you. Now, I can’t imagine playing for another team and I have to accept that I’m never going to have what I always thought I wanted.”

  “Why in the hell not?” I asked.

  “Because now, when I close my eyes, you’re the one I think about,” he admitted. “You’re the one I want to be with and that means letting go of what I thought I wanted.”

  “Mace, you can’t give up your own dreams for anyone, not even me.” I wouldn’t let him. As much as it’d kill me, if it came down to it, I’d walk away rather than let him spend the rest of his life resenting me for what he didn’t have.

  Obviously, that was the wrong thing to say because Mason lurched off the ground and stood over me, breathing heavily as he glared down at me. “But
what if this is all part of growing up? What if dreams naturally change as we learn and grow? Hell, when I was five, I thought I’d be an astronaut, but that didn’t happen. Maybe baseball is something I did for a while, but it’s time to follow other dreams. More important dreams.”

  “Mason, we’re not just talking about baseball here, this is your whole life,” I argued, my heart breaking a little more with every word.

  Mason stormed down the beach and I ran after him. Whether or not I got what I wanted at the end of tonight, I needed him to talk to me instead of running away when I got too close to his fears. “Mace, talk to me.”

  Mason spun around so fast that I nearly ran into him. He twisted the fabric of my shirt in his hands, holding me inches from his body. “You don’t fucking get it, do you?”

  His jaw clenched tight as the waves picked up, washing over the tops of our feet. “Try me,” I dared him. “Make me understand.”

  Mason pulled my body closer to his, sealing his mouth over mine. The taste of yeast and hops from the beer mixed with something uniquely Mason on my lips, but I was too stunned to reciprocate. This kiss was different from every one before it. It was filled with heartache and desperation. It could have been a promise of forever or a mournful goodbye.

  “It’s you, Sean,” he said quietly, his lips still so close to mine that I felt the heat of every word. “You’re the part of my life that was missing and I don’t know if I want the rest of that shit if it means not having you with me.”

  “Mace, you can’t say that. This is all new and different for you, and you might change your mind once the thrill wears off.” I’d never considered myself an openly emotional person, but I wanted to cry as I admitted my own biggest fear to him.

  “You know what, Sean? Fuck you!” Mason hissed as he turned to jog up the stairs to the backyard. “Admitting that I have feelings for you was harder for me than admitting my marriage was a sham. What does that tell you?”

  Yet again, I took off after him. By the time I reached the top step, Mason was slumped in one of the wrought iron chairs on the patio tangling his fingers through his hair. I pulled a chair next to his and begged him to look at me. He shook his head and I reached for his hand.

  “Mace, I’m sorry,” I apologized. I still doubted that he knew what he was saying, but it wasn’t my place to minimize what he said. “But you have to understand that this isn’t easy for me. You’ve blindsided me a couple of times and I’m still trying to process everything.”

  Unconsciously, I lifted my fingers to my mouth; that kiss replaying in my mind. That moment was more than a physical act; it was as though he was pleading with me to understand how he felt about me. He was trying to convince me to stop pushing him away because of my own fears. And I responded by telling him that this was all some passing phase.

  “Babe, I’m sorry if I upset you, but you have to see this from my perspective. The first day you walked into our apartment, all cocky because you knew you were the shit both on and off the field, I had to find a reason to get away from you as quickly as I could because I was so turned on,” I admitted to him. “There were times when I thought I caught you looking at me, but after I told you I was gay, you made it abundantly clear that you weren’t.”

  “God, I was such a dick to you when we first met, telling you that I didn’t want to hear about your hook ups. What I didn’t tell you was that I was jealous. I hated hearing about you with other men, because I wanted it to be me. I’d been trying to tell myself I’d get over the crush I had on you, but to do that, I had to push you away. And then I figured telling you I was bi and liked you would be a dick move.”

  Thunder rolled in the distance and I looked up just in time to see brilliant streaks of lightning illuminate the sky. Soon, we would need to either go inside or make our way back to my place. I opted for the safer option. “Come on, we can keep talking on the way home, but I think it’s time to get back.”

  Sean was quiet the entire drive back to his house. When we parked and I watched him walk inside without waiting for me, I knew I’d said too much. It would have been different if we weren’t involved, but we were, and I knew there were things I’d thought about having in my life that he might not want.

  My footsteps echoed through the house as I followed him up the stairs to his bedroom. He stripped down to his boxer briefs and slid into bed. Since he hadn’t asked me to leave when he glanced up at me, I toed off my shoes and neatly folded each article of clothing as I got ready for bed.

  I reached out for him, needing to feel the warmth of his body next to mine as I drifted off to sleep. His body was rigid with tension. “I’m sorry,” I whispered in his ear before pressing my lips to his shoulder. “There’s a reason I keep that shit bottled up inside.”

  He laced his fingers with mine. “It’s fine, Mace,” he assured me. “I want you to be able to talk to me. It’s just a lot to take in at one time.”

  “I get it. I also know that you weren’t expecting all that tonight,” I responded. “Honestly, I’d have much rather come up here and not talked at all.”

  “Not talking sounds like a great plan,” Sean agreed. He rolled over so our faces were barely an inch apart. I shivered as Sean ran his hand up my chest, over my shoulder and carded his fingers in my hair. He leaned in so our foreheads were pressed together. “In fact, I think we should not talk for the rest of the night.”

  My dick twitched in agreement as Sean devoured my mouth. Our tongues tangled and the room filled with moans of anticipation as I ground my hips against his. Never in my life had I experienced the raw need I felt when we came together. I no longer wondered what it would be like to be with Sean, no longer simply wanted what he could give me. I needed him. I felt as though my life would be missing something without him.

  Tonight, I wanted to take my time with Sean, to touch every inch of his skin. With my cock already dripping precome, practically screaming at me in protest, I backed away from Sean’s body. I pushed him onto his back, kneeling beside him. My fingers barely grazed his skin as I teased my way from his neck down to his nipples. Sean’s back arched as I circled the dark pink flesh, refusing to give him the pressure I knew he craved.

  The journey continued in the valley between his pecs, down to the smattering of hair leading beneath the elastic of his boxer briefs. As I tugged Sean’s underwear down his hips, I glanced up to see him staring at me. Not moving, just savoring the feeling of me exploring his body.

  I chuckled as I took just the tip of his dick into my mouth, tracing my tongue through his slit and around the crown. His slightly bitter, salty essence fueled me to take him deeper, suck harder, until I felt him at the back of my throat. “Mace, not going to last,” he warned me.

  I tried to pull off to give him a chance to recover a bit, but he threaded his fingers through my hair, holding me in place as his hips bucked off the bed. He fucked my mouth, claiming me. Within a minute, the first blast of thick, hot cum spurted into my mouth.

  I continued sucking until Sean’s body relaxed in a sated heap on the bed. I shifted so I could lay next to him, curling into his side. We were both physically and emotionally exhausted, and I tamped down the disappointment when he draped his arm over my body and gave me a chaste kiss on the side of my head before he closed his eyes.

  Within minutes, his breathing steadied, leaving me nothing to do but try to match my breaths to his. It was the first of many restless nights.

  Chapter 12

  Nothing was going according to plan. The silver lining to getting hurt was that it meant I’d be able to sneak in some time with Sean instead of traveling with the team. Unfortunately, after I spilled my guts about how adrift I felt, he pulled away from me. At first, I thought it was simply the end of the honeymoon phase and we were settling into our own routines, but with every day I grew less certain that we were anything more than a quick fling. After almost a week of cold distance, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

  “Mace, it’s not you, I just have a lot o
n my mind right now,” Sean groaned this morning when I tried asking if he was upset with me. “The break is coming up and I have to keep my head in the game. I can’t afford to be distracted right now.”

  “Is that what I am?” I stormed across the bedroom and started packing my bag. There was no point in having Abi drive me back and forth every day if he was going to continue avoiding me.

  “Dammit, you know that’s not what I’m saying.” He slammed his dresser drawer before stalking over to yank the duffel out of my hands. “I still have a shot to make the All-Star roster, but only if I’m in top form.”

  I twisted out of his grip to gather my shit from the bathroom. I knew what he was saying, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He didn’t have time for dealing with us when he had more important things to do. While I’d always admired his dedication to baseball, I wished he were more like the players who secretly hoped to not get picked for the All-Star game. I wanted him to see those few days as a way for us to spend some time together. Petty? Probably, but I never claimed to be selfless.

  “I get it, Sean. You’ve always been all about the game. That’s why I’m going to head home for a few days.” My heart twisted at the thought of walking away from him, but it was for the best. We were already on shaky ground, and I didn’t want him to regret making me a priority instead of his own ambitions.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Sean scoffed. He dumped the contents of my duffel onto the bed and started folding my clothes. Even in the middle of a fight, he couldn’t stand to leave them in a haphazard pile. “I never said I don’t want you here. Of all people, you should understand what this would mean for me. This isn’t suits in an office telling me I’m doing a great job, it’s validation from my peers. There are three things I’ve always wanted: the Cy Young Award, to win the World Series, and this. It’s time to start focusing on those before it’s too late.”

  “Yeah, thanks for the reminder,” I sulked. My shitty performance this year guaranteed that I’d be sitting home watching the game yet again. “And I do understand what you’re doing, which is why I’m clearing out. I’m not saying we’re through or anything, but I think we’ve been moving so fast that neither of us have taken a minute to breathe.”