“See, that’s what scares me,” Sean admitted. “You say shit like that, and you seem so certain of what you want. What happens if you wake up someday and realize that you want what you want, even if I’m not ready?”
These moments when Sean let down his guard enough to show me he wasn’t as in control as he’d like the world to believe were priceless. I knew he’d spent so much of his life holding back his fears because of how his family would use his doubts against him. Whether he’d admit it or not, it was a sign that he trusted me implicitly.
“Then we’ll talk about it,” I promised him. “The way I see it, the only way we’re bound to fail is if we can’t talk when something’s upsetting one of us.”
“I can deal with that.” When he looked at me, the clouds of doubt had cleared from his eyes. My tongue traced across my lower lip, imagining everything I’d like to do to him. If there’d been any doubts about whether or not this was simply a phase for me or experimentation, they were erased by the thoughts of everything Sean could teach me.
Chapter 18
A bit of the excitement I used to experience came back when I walked through the tunnel to the dugout after my doctors cleared me to play. I’d done my fifteen-day sentence on the DL, plus another three as the team’s unofficial cheerleader before being allowed to get on the field. We won those three, plus the last two leading up to the break, so I was in a damn good mood as I jumped into the Jeep to head for Milwaukee. Sean had one last game to play before we’d have a few days to kick back and relax.
I had expected him to be upset when he hadn’t been selected for the All-Star roster, but he’d barely even flinched. When I pressed him to explain his change of heart, he admitted that he and Jason had had a pretty heavy conversation about how sometimes, baseball wasn’t all there was to life. I was still curious about that, but quickly figured out that it was a private conversation and he wasn’t about to betray Jason’s trust.
We’d talked about using the break to get out of town, but after the incident with Teresa letting herself into my condo, plans changed. Abi had spent the past week at my place, sorting, packing, and labeling all of my stuff before moving it into storage. When Sean suggested me moving in with him, I hesitated for a moment, thinking it was too soon, but finally relented. I meant it when I told him I couldn’t see sharing my life with anyone but him, and this was a way I could show him my sincerity. Since he lived south of the city, it wasn’t an atrocious drive to Chicago when the Bulldogs were at home and it meant I wouldn’t have to continue paying for a place that sat empty every night since we’d worked out our issues.
We’d go down in the morning to oversee the movers and pack what needed to go to Sean’s into the bed of his pickup. The next day, we’d head to Eric’s for what he referred to as the consolation barbecue, which was a party for all of us who weren’t playing in the All-Star Game and didn’t have wives or kids to spend the day with.
When I walked into the house to pick up Abi so we could catch the game, I found her sobbing in the living room. I called to her a couple of times, but either she didn’t hear me or she chose to ignore me. I sat on the floor next to her and my heart clenched when she fell into my chest, her tears quickly soaking my t-shirt.
“Hey, what’s all this about?” I asked, steadying her shoulders to get her to look at me.
“I’m scared,” she whispered, although I don’t think she meant for me to hear her. Nothing scared Abi. She was the fearless one in the Tucker family, and that was one facet of her personality that drove her parents crazy.
“You don’t need to be,” I soothed her. “You’re safe here, and anything you have to say won’t change the fact that your brother and I both love the hell out of you.”
She shuddered and she started bawling so hard that she struggled to catch her breath. Despite my better judgment, I excused myself long enough to get her a glass of water.
“Here, take a drink,” I said as I kneeled in front of her. She looked so young and innocent cradling the glass in both hands as she sipped the ice-cold water. “I sound like a broken record here, but you need to let me know what’s going on so we can help you.”
When she finally regained her composure enough to speak, I nearly fell over by the two words she managed to get out. “I’m pregnant.” It was so quiet, I was almost able to convince myself that I misheard her.
I ran through over a dozen questions, but all of them sounded condescending and judgmental to my own ears, so I knew they’d put Abi over the edge. The loudest question bouncing around in my mind was ‘how did this happen?’ but no way was I about to ask that. I’d have been perfectly happy ignoring the fact that my boyfriend’s little sister had sex, but that was going to be a bit difficult now.
“Does he know?” I asked as I settled back onto the couch. I desperately wanted a drink, but there was nothing in the house strong enough to dull the urge to kick the shit out of the guy who’d knocked her up.
“Yeah, he knows.” Her body tensed, and I knew this situation was about to get even worse. “I had to threaten his new slut when she answered his phone, but he knows.”
Shit. I cracked my neck, imagining each pop was a bone in the punk’s face. I’d always been taught that violence wasn’t the answer, but I was beginning to think this wouldn’t be the first thing my parents were wrong about. I was really struggling as I watched Abi fall apart in my arms.
“What did he say when you told him?” It was hard to remain calm for her sake, but I somehow managed.
“He accused me of sleeping around on him, said it’s probably not even his and I could do whatever I wanted to with the ‘thing’ as long as I forgot that I ever knew his number,” she sobbed. “What am I going to do, Mason? There’s no way I can raise a baby on my own. I don’t even know if I ever want kids, much less right now.”
“Have you been to the doctor?” I asked. My blood pressure had risen to what had to be close to stroke levels, and blood pumped furiously through my veins. There were so many things I wanted to say, and none of them would help her at all.
“Not yet,” she admitted. “I don’t want to gross you out, but I’ve never been regular so I didn’t think anything of it when I skipped a month, but I’ve never missed two in a row. I took the test this afternoon after Sean went to the park. Oh, my God, he’s going to kill me when he finds out.”
He wasn’t going to be happy, that was for sure, but I assured her that he wouldn’t kill her, kick her out of the house, or any of the other worst-case scenarios she could think of. “You do realize you have to tell him, right? If it makes you feel better, I’ll be right there with you, but I won’t keep this from him.”
“I know,” she cried some more. “And I think I do want you there. He won’t do anything drastic in front of witnesses.”
I chuckled at her weak attempt to crack a joke and kissed her temple. We sat on the floor for close to an hour, her sobbing quietly until she finally drifted off to sleep. I carried her to the downstairs guest room and laid her on the bed, wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t driven up here today.
I didn’t bother Sean before the game, since he was starting. It wasn’t a guarantee that I was going to make it up in time to go, and I figured it’d only worry him if I told him something had come up. Instead, I kicked back in his recliner and watched the game on TV while I considered what Abi was going through.
I’m sure she hadn’t meant anything by it, but while she was in the midst of her breakdown, she’d made a comment about how she wished Sean and I had been together longer so we could raise her baby as our own. There were so many things fucked up with that statement that I couldn’t begin to count them, but she’d planted a seed in my mind.
There was a time when I couldn’t wait to be a father. I dreamed of having a little boy to play catch with in the backyard. I saw my teammates spending time with their kids during spring training, and I wondered what it’d be like to have that. Now that I was with Sean and couldn’t see myself
ever wanting that to change, would it mean giving up my dream of having a family? Sean knew how I felt, but he still hadn’t said whether or not a family was something he wanted. I wondered what he’d say if I mentioned it to him now.
Sometime after the fifth inning, I gave in to the exhaustion and drifted off to sleep.
Mason’s Jeep was in the driveway when I got home from the game. I quickly parked and rushed inside, eager to see him after ten days apart. “Mace?” I called out through the dark house.
Abi sulked out of the guest room, her eyes red and puffy, and her hair sticking out in every direction. Without saying a word to me, she disappeared into the bathroom. I wondered what was going on, but selfishly chose to find my boyfriend instead.
I followed the sound of his soft snoring into the living room, where I found him passed out on the couch. I traced a finger down the center of his chest, smiling when he jerked and rolled to face the back of the couch. I sat on the floor in front of him, watching him sleep until the temptation of that round ass within my reach became too much to resist.
I carefully slid my hand beneath the waistband of Mason’s shorts, trailing my fingers along his crease as I kissed the small of his back. He arched back and let out of a soft moan, letting me know he was awake.
“Hey stranger,” I greeted him, leaning forward to kiss the nape of his neck. “Should we go somewhere a bit more comfortable?”
“Mmm, I could be persuaded.” He rolled onto his back, wrapping his arms around my neck. He pulled me down to him, kissing me deeply, his tongue pressing against my lips, demanding entrance into my mouth. It was, perhaps, the most insistent and needy he’d been since we got together, and I loved eliciting such a response from him.
“My God, would you two please remember there are sibling eyes in the house?” Abi screeched, effectively ruining the moment. It was a good thing she did, because I’d allowed my desire for Mason to turn off my ability to think, and I was about a minute away from stripping him naked and taking him on the couch.
Mason sat up, carefully adjusting himself and reaching for an afghan to hide the tent in his nylon shorts. Abi eyed us carefully from the edge of the room and I sat down next to Mace, wondering how much it’d cost to get her a place of her own. It’d be an expense well worth it to have a bit of privacy.
“Hey, Abi, I thought you’d gone downstairs,” I lied.
“Uh, no. I was in the bathroom, and was going to say goodnight, but apparently I interrupted.” She seemed to shrink as she stood there, further raising my suspicions that she was upset about something beyond the normal college student stuff.
“Hey, no worries,” I reassured her. “Why don’t you come in and sit for a bit.” I swore I heard Mason groan as I made the offer, but he wouldn’t say anything because he knew I’d give up just about anything, including sex, for my sister.
She curled up in the recliner, chewing on the corners of her fingernails. It reminded me how young and insecure she was beneath the badass façade she put up for most people. The scene before me became even more bizarre when I looked over to Mason and saw him having some sort of silent conversation with Abi, consisting of nothing but a series of head jerks and eyebrow lifts.
“Um, is there something going on that I need to know about?” I asked when it started to feel as though I was the odd man out.
Mason walked across the room to Abi and crouched next to her. I strained to hear what they were saying, to no avail. The longer I sat there watching the two of them, the more irritated I became. I was supposed to be the one she came to when she had problems. I was the one she’d always turned to when she was upset. And now, I struggled to convince myself I wasn’t being replaced.
“Guys, whatever you’re whispering about over there, someone had better spill it. It was a long day and I’m tired, so it’s not a good time for games,” I warned them.
“Babe, give her a minute,” Mason pleaded with me. He kissed her on the cheek and made his way back to the couch. When he sat down next to me, he reached for my hand and gave it a hard squeeze that I’m certain was meant to reassure me, but it only made me more uneasy. It meant that whatever Abi was working up the courage to tell me was worse than anything I’d imagined. “Abi, remember what I told you earlier.”
“What in the hell’s going on?” I whispered in his ear as I kissed his neck. A simple shake of his head was Mason’s only response. I knew I’d get nothing more out of him, so I turned my focus on my baby sister. “Abi, you know I’ve always been here for you. Nothing will ever change that, unless you don’t trust me enough to be honest with me.”
That seemed to be the wrong thing to say as she doubled over in tears. I rushed to her side, scooping her out of the chair to place her in my lap. Ever since our parents brought her home from the hospital, I’d been unable to watch her cry without trying to comfort her. I doubted that’d ever change, and I didn’t want it to. “Talk to me,” I begged her.
“You promise you won’t hate me?” she asked, her words strained.
“Never.” It was a promise offered to her with the utmost certainty.
“I’m pregnant, Sean.” The words ghosted across my ear as she continued sobbing into the crook of my neck. I gaped at Mason with wide eyes and he nodded, letting me know I’d heard exactly what I thought I had.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I sighed, unable to think of anything else to say. I was more pissed than I could remember ever being, but until I calmed down enough to find out how this happened, I wasn’t about to hurl accusations at her. As she cried, I rubbed her back and whispered words of comfort into her ear. I told her over and over that she didn’t have to do this alone, that Mason and I were here for her no matter what.
At some point, Mason kissed both of us on the top of the head and disappeared upstairs. Although I’d wanted nothing more than to spend the night with him, family came first. I was blessed to have a man in my life who understood that without me having to explain it to him.
Mason came down sometime after we’d dozed off to tell me it was time for bed. He lifted her off my lap and moved her to the couch before helping me up. My entire body ached, a combination of a rough game and sleeping in the chair with my sister passed out on top of me.
“Do you think she’ll be okay?” I asked as I stumbled up the stairs. It was a stupid question, because it was obvious that she was far from okay, but I hoped we’d somehow gotten her to see that this wasn’t the end of the world.
He didn’t answer until we were tucked into bed and the lights were out. “She’s got a lot to think about but I promised her we’d help her however we can, the same as you did. I also told her it was cool if she wanted to stay here no matter what decision she makes. I hope that wasn’t out of line, but she’s terrified that everyone is going to abandon her.”
I smiled, not only because he’d said exactly the right things to Abi, but because his offer for her to move in on a more permanent bases showed that he finally understood that I wanted this house to be ours, not just mine. “Yeah, that’s totally fine.”
I laid in the darkness, mulling over everything that had happened in the past few weeks. I had gone from wandering around the house trying to figure out how to fill the void when Mason and I were apart to living with the man of my dreams and having my pregnant, co-ed sister living in the basement.
“Mason, are you asleep?” I asked when my mind wouldn’t turn off. There was something I’d been dying to tell him for a while now, but I hadn’t wanted to tell him over the phone or in passing. I wanted to savor this moment.
“Yeah, babe. What’s up?” His voice was gravelly, the way it was when he first woke up. He draped an arm over my chest, rolling to use me as a pillow.
“I wanted to say thank you for tonight,” I said softly. “Well, not just tonight, but especially for the way you handled the situation with Abi. Every time I think I can’t possibly love you more than I already do, you decide to surprise me.”
Mason pushed up so he was looking down i
nto my eyes. I could barely make out his features, but there was no missing the adoration radiating from his smile. “You mean that?”
“Of course I do,” I responded without hesitation. “I have for a while, but I didn’t want to freak you out.”
“Sean, you should know by now that you’re stuck with me,” Mason teased, wrapping his fingers around the back of my neck. “There’s nothing you can do or say that would scare me. I love you, too.”
We shared a tender kiss before settling down to sleep.
Chapter 19
Sean recruited Eric and Jason to help load up everything that needed to be moved from Chicago to the house so we’d be able to stack the boxes in the garage in time to kick back to watch the Homerun Derby. A lot of the married guys used the break as a time to get away with their families, so those of us with nothing better to do were banding together to cheer for our buddies.
“Jason seems like a good guy,” I observed as he climbed into Eric’s pickup to follow us to the condo.
“He is,” Sean agreed. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d paid him to smack me upside the head when I start thinking too much.”
“How so?” I asked, reaching across the console to rest my hand on Sean’s knee. I wanted to slide closer to him, maybe lean my head on his shoulder to catch a quick nap while he drove, but I still wasn’t totally comfortable with any sort of affection where others might see us. It was unlikely that anyone would even realize who was in the truck, but it was a chance I wasn’t willing to take.
“He figured out something was going on between us from that first night, and it’s like he can tell when I’m worried about anything and he knocks some sense into me.”
“Does that happen often?” I asked, wondering what exactly Sean was worried about when it came to me. I tried convincing myself that it was the normal insecurities that came along with any new relationship, and that he wasn’t still thinking I was going to suddenly realize my feelings for him were nothing more than some sort of morbid curiosity.
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