“Not as often as it did at first¸” he assured me. “You know I’ve never had a real relationship, and he keeps telling me that what I’m feeling is totally normal. And he’s good about making sure no one overhears us talking specifically about you, because he knows neither of us are out. I know you might not want to hear it, but without both him and Eric, I probably would have gone crazy by now.”
Now that I knew Eric a bit better, it didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it would that Sean turned to him for a friendly ear. I still wished he’d talk to me when uncertainty crept in, but I was glad he had people he didn’t have to worry about judging him for who he was. If anything, I was a bit jealous because the only people I could talk to were my parents, and there were some things I really didn’t want to talk to them about.
The movers were already waiting in front of the building when we pulled up. Seeing that white box truck at the curb made what we were doing suddenly seem much more real. I was about to move in with the man I’d fallen in love with. It had taken Teresa almost a year to convince me to let her move in, and all Sean had to do was make the suggestion once and I’d given my notice to the property management company with relatively little protest.
Even more surprising, I wasn’t freaking out about losing my freedom. I was looking forward to knowing there was the possibility of coming home to him. I couldn’t wait to see what our future held.
While the guys lugged boxes out to the trucks, I supervised the movers as they loaded my barely used furniture. Sean found me standing in my bedroom, staring at the unmade bed. With the dresser and nightstands already on the truck, the room was little more than four walls and beige carpeting. It made no sense that I felt as though I was leaving something behind, but I’d lived here just long enough to make a few life-changing memories. This was where Sean and I first admitted that we wanted to be more than friends. It was where I started to understand what real love was. Logically, I knew that there was more for us in the future, but I wasn’t expecting it to hit me quite so hard to walk away from our beginning.
“Not having second thoughts, are you?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned my head back on his shoulder, loving the way the hard planes of his arms and chest cradled me. Grounded me.
I turned in his arms and simply held him with my face buried in his neck, loving the way he kissed the side of my head. “Not a single one,” I promised him. “I was thinking about that first night and how much different everything could have turned out. Driving to the hotel to pick you up may go down as one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.”
Suddenly, Sean and I fell onto the mattress as Eric and Jason tackled us. “Hey now, if I remember correctly, I think both of us deserve to be part of this little love fest,” Jason teased, planting a sloppy kiss on Sean’s cheek. “Eric for having the misfortune to get traded, and me for telling Mason to get you out of the hotel for the night.”
“And you owe us extra, because you two were about ten seconds away from a couple of burly moving guys walking in on your make-out time,” Eric added. “Seriously, Tucker, you used to be careful about no one catching you even looking at someone wrong.”
On top of the fact that Sean and I were lying with two other men in my bed, it irritated me hearing Eric talk about their shared history while his hand was so close to my boyfriend’s cock. I twisted my way out from the tangle of arms and legs and stormed out of the room. I needed to get some air before I said something I couldn’t take back. Something I knew I wouldn’t say if I didn’t know what I did. Eric was Sean’s friend, and I had to trust him when he said there would never be anything more.
I walked down the block, muttering to myself like a crazy person. By the time I got back, Sean was sitting on the front steps waiting for me. He reached out for me when I went to walk past him. “Hey, you want to tell me what that was all about?”
He didn’t let go of my arm when I tried pulling away, so I sat down next to him. “Look, you have your issues to overcome and I have mine. I walked out because I was being petty and immature and didn’t want to make an ass of myself.”
The movers asked me to sign off on the paperwork so they could get on the road. I asked Sean if there was anything left inside that they were supposed to have moved and signed the bottom of the list when he said my bed had been the last of the big stuff. They gave us a suspicious glance, but said nothing before they jumped in the truck.
“Babe, I know it’s tough for you, knowing that Eric and I have a past, but he’s nothing compared to you. We had fun, but neither of us were ever foolish enough to think there was something more between us,” he told me. “I never thought about coming out when I was with him because what we had would never have gone beyond closed doors.”
“But you want to come out for me?” My heart raced at the thought of him making such a monumental gesture for me. It terrified me as I thought about the pressure that would be placed on our relationship, and how it’d be impossible to hope for anything in our lives to be private. And if he came out, it would only be a matter of time before I had to publicly admit that I loved him. Was I ready for that?
“Yeah, I would.” He said it with such conviction that I knew whatever we faced would be worth it. “I can’t promise you when it’ll be, but the only thing worse than facing the media shitstorm that’s bound to hit is never being able to admit how much I love you.”
A sense of peace washed over me as I walked to the management office to turn in my keys. After informing them that a service would be coming in to do a deep clean the following week and signing some paperwork, Sean and I walked back to his truck. I’d loved my time living in Chicago and even considered planting roots here once my career was over, but now I was excited to be leaving. Sean laced his fingers with mine as he pulled into traffic, solidifying the feeling of rightness that washed over me.
By the time we pulled into the large circle drive in front of Eric’s house, my anxiety was at an all-time high. This was going to be the first time Sean and I had been in a social setting since solidifying our relationship and I worried it’d be impossible to keep my hands off him for the next few hours. Hell, if it hadn’t been for Jason and Eric earlier, we likely would have been caught with our pants down, literally, by the movers, simply because there was something about Sean that short-circuited my brain. When I was with him, I wanted to be with him and I didn’t consider the consequences.
My cheeks flushed as we rounded the house, remembering how close I’d come to screwing up everything I could have had with Sean the last time we were here. While Sean and his teammates talked about their upcoming series, I walked to the back of the property. The view from the back of the house was breathtaking, but as I got closer to the shore, I did understand why Sean loved it out here. Rather than disappear down to the beach, I sat at the top of the hill with my arms curled around my knees, watching the boats skipping across the water. Eric’s neighbors were also having a party, and I watched as a group of kids ran down the stairs with their sand toys in hand. Even in July, the water was chilly, but it didn’t seem to faze the kids as they waded in and then ran back out.
A couple of men from the party waved at me as they made their way down to join the kids. “Daddy, come look at our castle!” one little girl shouted when she saw them toeing off their shoes at the bottom of the steps.
What happened next would have knocked me off my feet had I not already been sitting. The smaller of the two guys, who still had to be over six feet tall, held out his hand for the other man and they walked hand in hand to the little girl. The larger one scooped her off the ground and kissed her all over her face until she was laughing hysterically and wiggling to get down. The men then followed her to the group of kids and plopped down in the sand next to them. Every once in a while, the men would share a look or a gentle touch that made my heart clench.
When I realized I was falling in love with Sean, I’d essentially given up on ever having a family, complete with k
ids running around in the backyard, but now I was starting to see that while my future family may look different from the ones depicted on the pages of magazines, it didn’t mean I couldn’t still have that.
“Hey, you going to join the party or sit out here all day?” I looked up to see Sean standing over me. He was silhouetted by the sun, but still looked amazing. When I didn’t immediately respond, he sat next to me. It didn’t take more than a few seconds for him to realize what had captured my attention. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Just thinking,” I told him, twirling my fingers through the grass next to me. “Have you ever thought about having kids?”
This wasn’t the best time or place for this conversation, but I needed to know. My worldview was tipping on its axis yet again, and I wanted this out in the open before I let my mind wander too far.
“I think everyone thinks about it,” he responded noncommittally.
“But?” I prodded when he didn’t continue.
“It’s not something I’ve let myself seriously consider,” he admitted. “Between my schedule and the fact that I’ve spent most of my life trying to avoid serious relationships, I never saw it happening, so it seemed pointless to wish for something I’d never have.”
His logic was sound, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting. Maybe I was the one who needed a reality check, because I hadn’t even considered the fact that it was going to be hard enough to maintain a relationship with Sean, much less think about adding anyone else into the mix. Hell, we’d gotten lucky enough to steal some time together when I got hurt, but it wasn’t going to be like that for the next few months. Then, we’d have the winter together before having to go our separate ways yet again.
As long as both of us were playing, there was no point even considering kids. It’d be hard enough for us to convince anyone to give two gay men a child, but add in our erratic schedules and we’d be laughed out of the room.
“What about down the road?” I asked, hopefully.
“Maybe,” he conceded. I wished we were alone so I could move closer to him, or at least place my hand over his on the ground between us. “I wouldn’t be opposed to it, but there are so many factors that would have to be considered.”
He quickly glanced over his shoulder to make sure we were alone before continuing. “This is something that’s really important to you, yeah?”
“It was, but if it’s not something you want, too, I’m not going to push the issue,” I promised him. “And you’re right, neither of us can even think about it right now because we spend so much time on the road. Forget I said anything.”
I rolled to get up, wincing when a jolt of pain shot up my arm. My hand was healing nicely, but it had been stupid to put all of my weight on it. Sean’s hand wrapped around my left wrist, pulling me back on my ass. Now I was the one looking around, paranoid that someone would see us and figure out what was going on.
“Mace, I didn’t say we couldn’t think about it, but this isn’t the right time. Remember, you’re not the only one having to change his perspective with everything that’s going on between us,” he said softly. It was times like this when I fell a bit more in love with him. He was one of the strongest men I knew, yet every bit of his strength was guarding a soft heart. “I never thought you’d feel for me the way I do about you, and I’m still working to convince myself that this won’t all go away. If it doesn’t-”
“When it doesn’t,” I corrected him, because in my mind the only option was to find a way to make us work.
Sean gave me a crooked smile. “Okay, when I wake up and realize that you’re not going anywhere, I think it’s something we can talk about. But nothing’s going to happen for a long time, because despite what you think, we both have a lot of ball left in us.”
“We’ll see about that,” I sulked. My averages were still the lowest they’d been in years, and I knew I wasn’t playing well enough for the club to justify an extension. And if being traded meant moving across the country, I wouldn’t hesitate to walk away. Being anywhere but Chicago or Milwaukee would make spending time with Sean nearly impossible at least eight months out of the year.
“Come on, we can talk more later. For now, there’s drinking to be done and a Homerun Derby to be watched.” Sean stood first, reaching down to help me off the ground.
I stood there for a moment, staring into his icy blue eyes, wondering how in the hell I got to this point in my life. With Teresa, there would have been no discussion, she would have simply stormed off in a tantrum, waiting for me to bow to her wishes. Sean, the man who swore he wasn’t good at relationships, was doing a damn fine job making sure I knew how far he was willing to go to make me happy.
We were halfway to the house when Sean stopped me. “Just so you’re prepared, the guys are probably going to give you shit. Don’t let it get to you, they’re simply doing their job, trying to get into your head.” I kind of figured there would be plenty of shit-talking going on tonight. We were a little over three weeks away from facing off once again and I was the lone Bulldog in a group of Mavericks. It seemed Eric was likely to be my only ally since I could already hear them giving him a hard time. If he wasn’t upset about his former teammates talking smack, I wouldn’t be either.
Chapter 20
I’d quickly gotten spoiled by having Mason next to me at night. Since the All-Star break, I’d been restless whether we were home or on the road. Even a queen size bed was too big when I reached out in the middle of the night and came back with nothing but cold cotton against my skin. My longing had only grown the past two nights because we had decided that it was best if Mason stayed at the hotel with the team rather than sneaking to my house after the games. Knowing that he was less than ten miles away when he should be here with me made it nearly impossible to sleep.
When my phone started ringing, I rolled over and grabbed it without looking at the display. “Hey babe, did I wake you?”
Like Pavlov’s dog and a bell, my cock stirred to life at the sound of Mason’s voice. I was never going to get to sleep tonight, and tomorrow was my start. This was bad. “Hardly,” I scoffed, sliding my hand beneath the waistband of my lounge pants. “I keep thinking about how stupid it was of me to agree that you should stay with the team.”
“Aww, do you miss me?” he teased. As I laid there, my mind wandered to all the things I wanted to be doing tonight and I started stroking my dick. I bit my lip to keep from moaning, not wanting Mason to know what I was doing.
“Yeah, I miss you,” I groaned. “Happy now?”
Mason was quiet for a moment and my hand stilled. I could hear him breathing into the phone and closed my eyes, imagining his fingers curled around his broad shaft. “No, I’m not happy,” he admitted. “I wish I was in bed next to you so you could help me take care of this problem I seem to have.”
“Yeah? And what problem would that be?” My hand resumed its steady up and down motion, squeezing at the base and my fingers gliding over the leaking tip on each upstroke.
“I’ve already beat off twice, and yet I’m lying here hard as a rock, thinking about burying myself down your throat.” His voice was thick and raspy, and there was no doubt in my mind that he was jerking his own cock. That meant he was alone in his room, because no way would he be this bold otherwise.
“What else do you want?” I pressed. There had been plenty of times when we’d made off-handed sexual comments on the phone, but we’d never been able to do this. It wasn’t enough, but it would have to be until tomorrow night. His teammates knew that he’d moved, but not that he was living up here, so he’d ride back to Chicago with them after tomorrow’s game and then he’d come home.
“I want your cock so deep in my ass that I can’t breathe,” he continued. I wanted that too, so badly I considered driving down to sneak him out of the hotel. “I want you to dig your fingers into my hips, hard enough that I have bruises for days after you get on the plane.”
“Mace, I want you so bad. Let me come
to you,” I pleaded. His breathing quickened and I knew he was close. “Tomorrow night, don’t wear anything you’re going to miss, because I can’t guarantee I won’t rip the clothes off your body. We’ll have the house to ourselves, and I’m going to fuck you in as many rooms as possible.”
“Baby, if you keep saying shit like that, I’m going to blow,” he warned me.
“Do it, Mace,” I encouraged him, wanting to hear him let go. Wanting him to come with me, because my balls were drawn so tight to my body it hurt. “Come with me!”
Mason groaned my name and I closed my eyes, imagining his head thrown back as he spilled over his hand. That was enough to send me over the edge, filling the air with incoherent moaning. “Feel better?” I asked when I caught my breath enough to speak.
“No, but it’ll have to do,” he grumbled. I loved the fact that he didn’t worry about hiding his true feelings from me. If anything, I was the one who needed to work on being more open in our relationship. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll call you in the morning when I get up.”
“Okay, babe. Love you.”
“You too,” he practically whispered into the phone. We both stayed on the line, waiting for the other person to hang up the phone. Mason was the first to break the silence, chuckling. “Hang up the phone, Sean.”
“No, you,” I teased. It was a stupid game, but it was what we did when we were apart.
“I hung up first last time, it’s your turn,” he argued.
“You seriously keep track of who hangs up first?” I asked in disbelief.
“Well, yeah. It’s not like I have anything else to do at night since I’m not going out partying with the guys anymore,” he scoffed. “So hang up, otherwise neither of us are going to get any sleep.”
“There’s something seriously wrong with you.” I rolled toward Mason’s side of the bed and clutched his pillow. He’d been on the road long enough that I could barely smell him anymore, but enough to get me through. Tomorrow morning, I’d change the sheets so they were fresh when he got home. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
Wild Pitch Page 18
