Wild Pitch

by Sloan Johnson

  “Jackson, get your ass out here,” Coach barked.

  “Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I’ll have your back if anyone tries to say anything,” he assured me before jogging off. I stood there, fighting the emotions threatening to get the best of me. It wasn’t lost on me that most of my longtime teammates hadn’t given me nearly the amount of support this new kid had.

  Chapter 25

  My dad didn’t say a word when he pulled up at one of the remote side entrances to the park. That was a relief, because I wasn’t ready to talk about everything yet. I didn’t want to say anything to anyone until I had a chance to talk to Sean. I needed to apologize to him for my role in outing both of us. Dad tapped unsteadily on the steering wheel as he drove, his body restless from the anger and disappointment he was holding in.

  “Thanks for the ride, Dad,” I said as I got out of his car once we were home. I needed a pain pill and a nap.

  I stopped when dad’s thick hand landed on my shoulder. Apparently, my reprieve was only temporary. I knew what it meant when his fingertips curled into my flesh that way. “Go tell your mother that we’re home and meet me outside. We need to talk.”

  The worst words in the English language. Nothing good has ever followed ‘we need to talk’. With my head hung, I walked through the front door. The house smelled like oregano and garlic, a sure sign mom was trying to cook away her anxiety. We’d likely have enough food to feed a third world country for a month by the time she was done. I kissed her cheek and let her know it smelled great. She turned and cupped my cheek, allowing me to see the worry in her eyes.

  “How are you doing, Mason?” she asked, her warm hand still caressing my cheek.

  “I’ve had better days,” I admitted to her. There was no point in lying to her because she knew. My mom always knew when something bothered me, but she’d never push me to share with her. She’d simply stew in private until I was ready to talk. “Right now, I’d be doing a lot better if Sean wasn’t ignoring me. He was pretty pissed when Ike called me into the office and I have to make it right. I never wanted this to come out this way. If he leaves me, everything today will have been for nothing.”

  Mom raised her other hand to my cheek, holding me steady. “You listen to me,” she scolded. “You messed up this morning, but not the way you think you did. A relationship takes hard work and communication to work, and I think you’re still trying to figure out how to talk to him when something’s upsetting you. I also think this is new for him and he’s not used to having to consider what anyone else feels. If you can’t work through this, you’ll never be able to face the disagreements that really matter.”

  “Gee, awesome pep talk, Mom,” I quipped, trying to take a step back but she stopped me.

  “Stop with the tantrum,” she warned me, making me wonder if she was getting ready to pull out a wooden spoon to whoop me with. “What you’re missing is that this is not the type of issue you can’t overcome. Every couple has challenges, and everyone in a relationship has made a decision without consulting the other at some point. It happens. Now, you have to apologize to him, make him understand what led you to make that little speech today, and move on. If you ask me, that’ll be easy after going out there to explain the same to your father. He’s worried about you. We both are. But you know that we’ve always stood by you, and we will this time as well.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” When we hugged, I let her hold me as I breathed in the comforting scent of the same perfume she’d worn for as long as I could remember. She patted me on the back, wishing me luck as we both looked to the patio where my dad was waiting for me.

  I shivered even though the temperature was warmer than it’d been all week. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen my father so upset with me. What made matters worse was the way he was folded over with his elbows resting on his knees, his posture screaming that I’d let him down. It would have been easier to deal with if he was pissed off, but that wasn’t his style. No, my dad was a firm believer that his job was to raise me to make my own choices, even when they meant he’d spent years and thousands of dollars for me to give up. That meant he wouldn’t be angry, he’d simply wait for me to explain my logic to him so he could attempt to understand.

  “Dad, would you say something?” I begged. I took the chair across from him, leaving the wrought iron fire pit as a shield between us.

  “I’m not sure there’s anything for me to say,” he conceded. “I’ve spent your entire life trying to make sure you knew you could talk to me when something was bothering you, and the older you get, the more it seems you forget that. It’s tough for me to sit here and watch you screwing up your life.”

  That stung. “Dad, I’m sorry, but you have to know I didn’t even know I was going to do that. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but I knew this was my shot to go out on my own terms. I don’t want to play for another team, and no matter what they say, I know the Bulldogs need a better performer on their roster.”

  “Why leave everyone who loves you in the dark? If you had these doubts, you could have talked to me,” Dad reiterated, looking at me for the first time since I’d joined him outside. “Hell, when I talked to Sean, he seemed just as out of the loop as I was. You hurt him.”

  “I couldn’t talk to him about this,” I argued. I’d considered it after the accident, but I knew him well enough to know he’d try to talk me out of it. Not only that, but he’d assume he’d ended my career. He didn’t know I’d been considering my next steps since the end of spring training because the game hadn’t held the same thrill it used to for me. “I wanted to, but he’s in a different place than I am with his career. He can’t imagine a life without a ball in his hand, but I can.”

  “How do you expect to make a life with him if you’re in such different places?” He seemed slightly less agitated now. That was a good sign.

  “Because, Dad, the life I see may not have me playing, but that’s not what really matters,” I told him, moving to sit next to him on the bench seat. “I look at you and Mom and I want that. You spent years traveling for work, but you still loved one another. It can work, but not if both of us are on the road most of the year. I want to offer him the stability Mom and I gave you.”

  “So what, you’re going to retire and be a housewife?” Dad chuckled, but I knew he was still concerned about me.

  “No, Dad. When I was in college, you were the one who urged me to stay in school for my senior year,” I reminded him. I’d resented him at the time, but now, I was grateful for the opportunities that piece of paper would give me. “I know what’s next for me, but if you don’t mind, I think I should tell Sean first. I’ve screwed up enough today; I have to do this the right way if he’ll let me.”

  “Of course he’ll listen to you,” Dad scoffed. “That man loves you more than Teresa ever did. He wants you to be happy, but he also wants to know that you’re in this together. The only advice I can give you when it comes to him is learn to say you’re sorry. It won’t make you less of a man to admit your mistakes and ask forgiveness.”

  “Thanks.” He patted me on the back and stood to give me time alone to think. Again, it was his way. It was how I knew we’d reached the point where it was up to me to figure out the right course of action.

  I didn’t go straight home after leaving the park. I wasn’t ready to talk to Mason. Instead, I found myself sitting on the beach at Eric’s house. The little girl next door waved to me as I burrowed my toes into the freezing, wet sand. I lifted my hand, offering her a sad smile. Her dad called her up to the house and I watched her run up the stairs and into his arms.

  As I watched her waving her arms in the air as she told him a story, I thought about the last time I’d been here with Mason. I wondered if he’d known then that he wouldn’t be playing much longer. He’d asked me if I’d thought about having a family, and I blew him off. I’d never allowed myself to go there, because I couldn’t imagine a life shared with someone else.

  I full
y expected to stay buried in the back of the closet until retirement. By then, I figured it’d be too late to find a partner, or to find one who understood that it’d be impossible for me to stop hiding overnight. Then Mason came and changed everything. Now, I watched and wondered what it’d be like to have a daughter who looked at me as if I was the center of her universe. How it’d feel to walk through the door to messes and noise. What it would be like knowing that Mason would be waiting for me every time I stepped off the plane from another road trip.

  Once I got over being pissed off that he seemed so nonchalant about retiring without giving me a heads-up and being terrified that I’d be making my own announcement after being ostracized by my team, I realized I was really angry and scared about what I was feeling; out of control. And even worse, Mason made me want what I’d given up on to have the life I dreamed of.

  I closed my eyes tight when I heard footsteps coming down the weatherworn stairs. Part of me wanted to turn around to see Mason walking toward me, but the larger part of me was scared it wouldn’t be him.

  “Figured I’d find you here.” Jason plopped down next to me. He shouldn’t be here; he should still be at the field. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw I’d been sitting here longer than I’d thought. “I bailed as soon as the last out was called. Told Stu I had something to take care of that couldn’t wait. He told me to remind you to have your ass at the park early tomorrow to make up for today.”

  “Is there any point?” I asked. It wasn’t the question that weighed on my mind, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to know what the guys thought of my announcement. Even though I knew it was a possibility, I wasn’t sure my fragile psyche could handle hearing that they were disgusted by me now that they knew the truth.

  “Hell yes, there is,” he insisted. “For one thing, Ackerman’s going to be even more pissed if you don’t show since he threatened to suspend two relievers and Ramirez if they didn’t shut their damned mouths.”

  “Anyone else pissed to find out there’s a freak in their midst?” I asked. Jason winced at the assumption, but I know he knew what I meant. If anything, I imagined it weighed heavily on his mind that his closet door was still securely locked.

  “No one else was stupid enough to say anything if they did have an issue,” he told me as he placed a hand on my knee. “Look, I’m not saying it’s going to be the way it’s always been, not at first. People are pissed, but not necessarily because you’re gay. They care about you. They think you didn’t trust them enough to be straight.”

  “Nice choice of words,” I scoffed. Jason rolled his eyes.

  “You know what I mean. It’s going to take time, but if you walk in there tomorrow and show them that nothing’s changed, eventually they’ll agree,” he suggested. “And you know damn well that someday, you won’t be the only one out on the team. Hell, maybe you can talk to Drew, because I’m pretty sure that kid’s going to get his ass kicked pretty soon if he doesn’t stop gawking.”

  Jason and I sat there talking about the game a while longer. Eventually, he stood and held out a hand to me. “As much as I love sitting here with you, there’s someone else you need to talk to,” he reminded me.

  I got up and brushed the sand off my pants. Nothing would get resolved if I stayed out here and it was more important than ever that Mason and I face whatever headed our way together. I pulled Jason into a friendly hug before he left. “Thanks, Jason. I’m not sure you’ll ever know how much you’ve helped me in the past few months.”

  “Oh, I know.” He laughed. “And believe me, the day will come when you can repay the favor.”

  “Looking forward to it,” I told him. As we walked back to the driveway, I felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

  I texted Bill before backing out of the driveway to let him know I’d be there shortly. He told me that Mason had been hiding in our room most of the afternoon and that he thought it’d be for the best to give us some time alone. I felt bad when he told me they’d be at a hotel for the night, but agreed that it’d be easier for us if we didn’t have to worry about anyone hearing what could potentially be a tense, sometimes loud, argument. They’d already done more than I could ever express gratitude for, so after asking what hotel they were staying at, I quickly called to give the front desk my credit card information. It was the least I could do, but it was something.

  As expected, I found Mason lying in our bed staring at the ceiling. When I walked into the room, he didn’t even acknowledge me. I toed off my shoes and hung my suit in the closet after changing into something more comfortable. He placed his hand over mine when I curled up next to him.

  “Mace, I’m sorry if I was a dick to you,” I started. I pressed my lips to his bicep, closing my eyes for a moment. I offered up a silent prayer it wasn’t too late to fix the damage that had been done.”

  “It’s fine,” he said flatly. “You were right. It was shitty of me to not tell you I’d been thinking about making this year my last, even before we got together. I knew you’d try to talk me out of it. And then, once we were together, I was scared you’d push me away, thinking I was doing it for you.”

  He rolled to his side, wincing at the pressure on the side of his face. I sat with my back against the headboard and lifted him up so he could lean on me. From what the doctors had told him, he shouldn’t have been laying down at all yet, but it seemed out of line to scold him when he was in the midst of a full sulk. “You still should have told me. I might have reacted that way at first, but if this is what you really want to do, and you can assure me it’s because it’s what you want, regardless of anything else, then I’d support that.”

  Mason turned to face me, more determined than I’d seen him in a long time. I’d chalked up his seeming insecurity to trying to find his footing in this new world he’d stepped into by admitting his sexuality, but that wasn’t it. He’d been trapped by a life he only thought he wanted. He’d told me as much, and I hadn’t truly listened.

  “Sean, as much as I love you, I think we both know that alone wouldn’t keep me off the field,” he admitted. “If my heart was torn between you and baseball, I would have found a way to have both. Granted, it’s sucked a lot of the time, but we’ve already proven that we can do it. The problem is, I like baseball, but I don’t love it. I haven’t for a while. I thought I was stressed out because of everything with Teresa, but the truth is it’s time for me to move on.”

  I couldn’t understand waking up and not wanting to do something you’ve worked your entire life for, but as we sat there curled up to one another, I realized I didn’t have to. All I had to do was be there for him. “So what’s next? If you don’t want to play anymore, what are you going to do?”

  “Actually, I’ve been talking to a buddy of mine and he offered me a way to combine journalism and baseball.” After the day we’d had, I bristled to think of him working for the enemy. And at that moment, anyone involved in the media was the enemy because I still didn’t know whom that woman this morning worked for. “Listen, I felt the same way you do at first. I know how many companies live to find a story, even when there is none, but this is a good deal. It’s with Sports News Weekly.”

  He was right, they were a reputable news outlet for everything sports-related. Their staff cared about sticking to what mattered (the game) while making the stories entertaining at the same time. I wasn’t ashamed to admit their online magazine was one of my favorites.

  “Won’t that still require you to travel all the time?”

  “Not as much as you’d think. A lot of the work can be done from home, or wherever I am at the time. Michael wants me to be the point man next season for baseball reporting.” Mason kept talking about everything he and Michael had discussed and it was hard to stay upset with him. He was truly excited about taking this step. I tamped down my frustration at being completely out of the loop and listened to him. The best part of the offer came at the end. “I told him that I would consider it, as long as he’s cool
with me spending spring training in Arizona.”

  “Yeah?” I perked up at the idea that I’d be able to see him every day when we got done at the park. I carefully shifted so I was straddling his lap. I curled my fingers around the back of his neck and leaned forward to kiss him. I might not have been involved in his decision making to this point, but it meant the world to me to know that he was only considering this if it meant we could be together. “And does he know why?”

  “He has an idea, but I never mentioned your name,” he assured me. “Then again, I’m sure he knows now. Is that okay with you?”

  I kissed him again, licking the seam of his lips, begging him to open to me. He sighed and my cock stiffened as the heat of his tongue entered my mouth. His hands dipped below my waistband, pulling me closer to him as his fingers dipped into my crease.

  “Mace, we can’t…” The protest died on my lips as his teeth latched onto my nipple. The man was a quick study and knew exactly how to shut me up when I tried being sensible. That was a huge problem, because he wasn’t cleared for much of anything other than the daily basics. I had to be the voice of reason, even as everything in me wanted to flip him on his stomach and bury my cock so deep he’d forget his name. “Baby, stop.”

  Mason groaned, thumping his head against my padded leather headboard. “God, I’m so sick of hearing those words from you,” he grumbled. His hand slid around the sides of my neck, thumbs holding my jaw closed. “I know that you’re trying to be the sensible, responsible one here, but if I never hear you tell me that we can’t do something again, it’ll be too soon.”