Fade (Chaos)

by Claire Farrell

  I searched in my bundle for one of the blue leaves that counteracted dizziness. For good measure, I gave him a leaf for pain, too.

  “That’s a lot better,” he said when he swallowed them with water from a flask.

  “I’ll wait,” I said. “I’ll wait with you.”

  “I’m going,” he said firmly. “I have to be there. With you.”

  I stared at him, unsure of where he was going with that statement. He reached up and cupped my face with a bloody hand. He mumbled something, but then his eyes closed, and he slept.

  “No,” I said. “Wake up. You can’t sleep when you’ve hurt your head.” I patted his cheek.

  He blinked dazedly a couple of times. Anya tried to force more water into him. I got to my feet and went over to the others.

  “You’ve got blood on you,” Arlen said, pointing at my cheek.

  “He can’t come with us,” I whispered. “So I think Anya should stay with him to take care of him. They’re both here. Brendan will know they both helped. But they’ll be safe out here. We can’t have two kings lost in the Fade, and Anya…” I looked at them pleadingly.

  Dymphna wiped the blood from my cheek with her sleeve. “Good idea.”

  “Fine,” Sorcha said. “Let’s just get this over and done with.”

  “I’ll explain it to Anya,” Arlen said and went over to where Drake lay.

  The rest of us wandered over to the cave. I looked inside.

  “It’s dark.” I picked the clay from my hands as an excuse to look away from the darkness. “Darker than I expected.”

  “I’ll light the way,” Realtín said. “That’s what I was bred for.”

  I looked at her, surprised by her tone.

  “You won’t fall,” she said. “We won’t let you fall. It’ll all be over soon.”

  I glanced back at Drake. His wound wasn’t too bad. It had just taken a lot out of him. He would be fine by the time we returned. Hopefully, we would return.

  Arlen joined us again, his lips tight together.

  “Realtín,” Líle said. “You’ll need to go first.” She looked at the cat. “You and Bekind need to make sure there’s a way down.”

  “Then me,” Grim said. “I’m good at climbing.”

  I couldn’t contain my groan. “More climbing.”

  “I’ll go next,” Dymphna said. “I’ve no fear of the dark. Perhaps Cara could come after me, then Arlen, Sorcha, and Líle. Maybe we could use rope this time. Just in case.”

  Arlen nodded, looking me up and down. “The last climb was trickier than it looked, so that might be best, especially in the dark. If anyone feels as though they might fall, call out immediately to give the rest of us a chance to hold on and be ready.”

  “The spring goes into the cave,” Grim said. “It will be slippery.” He looked down. “Maybe it would be better to lower the weaker climbers down with rope.”

  I left them to argue it out and went to check on Drake one more time. I stood over him and said his name.

  He opened his eyes slowly. “Don’t go,” he said. “Stay here. Or wait. Don’t go in there.” He must have forgotten that we needed someone with a connection to Brendan to pull him through.

  “I won’t be long,” I said cheerily. I reached out and hugged Anya. “I promise.”

  She looked at me pityingly. “I’ll say goodbye to Líle before you go.”

  She left us alone. I knelt in the red mud next to Drake.

  “Things are going to change,” he murmured. “Everything will change when he comes back.”

  “Not everything,” I said. “Some things will stay exactly the same.”

  He let out an uneasy laugh. “I’d make you promise, but I can’t.”

  “I have to go.”

  “I know. Say goodbye to me, Cara.”

  “No. See you in a bit.” I kissed his cheek and left him there.

  When I joined the others, they had come up with a mixed solution. I wasn’t convinced it would work, but I didn’t have any better ideas. Arlen stayed above ground, holding on to a hunk of rope. We were all to climb down one at a time, ready to grab the rope if we got into trouble.

  “But what if you fall?” I asked Arlen.

  He gave me a rare smile. “Then you all will have to catch me. Okay. Realtín and Bekind, you’re up. Grim, be ready.”

  The sprite kissed Grim and then me before darting into the chasm. The cat followed. Realtín’s golden light shone from the chasm. We all peered down, eager to see what was down there. I couldn’t see the bottom. My heart practically rattled my ribcage.

  Realtín soon returned. “It’s farther down than we imagined,” she said. “The rope isn’t long enough, but it’ll have to do. The wall is slimy, but there are ledges. Bekind made it down easily. Grim will, too.” She glanced at me. “Not so sure about the rest of you.”

  I was so pissed at being expected to fail by just about everyone in the group that I grew determined not to fall. I didn’t even want to need the rope.

  Grim approached the rim. He rubbed his hands together as Arlen lowered the rope.

  I squeezed Grim’s shoulder. “Careful in there.”

  Realtín lit the way, and Grim began the descent. We watched, holding our breaths, as he climbed like a monkey, moving quicker than I thought possible. It took way too long for him to reach the bottom, though.

  Realtín flew back up minutes later. “He made it!”

  “My turn,” Dymphna said grimly. Cracking her knuckles, she peered down. “I’ll see you all at the bottom.” She started her climb.

  She was about halfway down when the rope was yanked on with such force that Arlen almost fell into the chasm. Líle grabbed him while Sorcha and I clutched the rope. The rough line burned my hands when it slipped through my fingers a little bit, but I held on with everything I had. Suddenly, it stopped moving, though it remained taut. We held still, terrified, until the rope gained some slack again.

  I looked at Líle. “What the fuck?”

  “She must be okay,” she said, trembling. “She has to be okay.”

  Minutes later, Realtín flew out. “The rock came away under her feet, and she fell. She managed to grab the rope with one hand, but it took her a while to get her balance back. Her hands are bloodied, but she’s okay. She jumped the rest of the way rather than put her hands through any more stress.”

  “Shit,” I said. “If the daoine sídhe had trouble, what the fuck chance do I have?”

  “The same as everyone else,” Arlen said firmly.

  Líle ran from the cave, doubled over, and vomited.

  “She’s not going to make it,” Sorcha said. “Arlen, do something.”

  “Like what, whip her?” he asked sarcastically.

  “If she can hold the rope,” I said, “she could stay here and wait for us. She hasn’t been herself since the marshes, and the Hauntings just made it worse.”

  Arlen nodded. “You’re right.” When Líle returned, he handed her the rope. “Can I rely on you?”

  She took the rope, but she looked miserable. She was a ghost of the faery I had first met.

  “You’re next,” Arlen told me.

  I wrapped my robe around my waist, tying it in place. I put one leg over the rim and almost fell.

  Arlen grabbed my hand, steadying me. “Calm down. You’re your own worst enemy sometimes. Don’t overthink it.”

  Nodding, I let go and eased my legs down into the chasm. Realtín lit the way as I climbed. The cave was larger than I thought—wider, deeper, and more dangerous. Sweat rolled down my back as a vision of me falling flashed before my eyes.

  “One step at a time,” I whispered, easing my way down, making sure the rope was within sight at all times. I tested each step, learning from what had happened to Dymphna. I would take longer than anyone else, but I wasn’t taking any unnecessary risks—well, aside from wandering into the Fade in the first place.

  Water trickled down the rock face, making it slippery. An occasional drop flew into
my eyes, but I couldn’t risk wiping them. My fingers were cold and began to grow numb, but I ignored that.

  I didn’t worry about how long it took, how much I had climbed, or how much farther I had to go. I concentrated on taking one step at a time. One foot, one hand. My legs and arms began to shake from exhaustion. I made a mental note to add more weights into my cardio sessions.

  I finally saw the end of the rope, and Dymphna shouted my name with happiness. I kept climbing, kept focusing. Then warm hands gripped my waist and someone lifted me to safety.

  “Holy shit,” I whispered. “I fucking did it.” I hugged Dymphna, who laughed exuberantly.

  Realtín flew around my head. “I have to go back,” she said and disappeared, leaving us in relative darkness.

  Grim squeezed my hand. “You’ll get used to it. Your eyes will adjust in a minute.”

  Eventually, I noticed a green glow casting the cave with an eerie light. “We’re almost there,” I said. “We’re actually going into the Fade.”

  “Let’s hope we live to tell the tale,” Dymphna replied.

  I felt guilty then. “Your daughter. Surely you don’t have to come into the Fade with us. You could just escort us back, you know?”

  “I’m here now,” she said. “I made it this far. Eithne will be raised with pride in her mother.”

  I glanced at Grim, but he shook his head.

  “You’re going to make it back to her,” I said.

  “They might not allow me to see her.” Her voice was thick with grief. “I gave her up to keep her safe and may have lost her forever.”

  “They wouldn’t.”

  “They can do what they want. They’re giants,” she said bitterly.

  “So are you. So is she. And you have the favour of kings, right? That has to count for something.”

  She blinked. “I can only hope. That’s if we make it back at all.”

  I swallowed hard as I stared up at the golden light high above us. Sorcha began her descent. She came down quickly, looking pleased with herself.

  Arlen was last. He didn’t need the rope, either. Líle shouted something incomprehensible down to us. I chose to believe it was a good luck rather than a goodbye forever.

  “Drake’s feeling a lot better,” Arlen said. “But this is for the best.”

  “This is it,” Arlen said. “The last step.”

  “We still have to make it home,” Sorcha responded, but she sounded excited.

  Bekind came trotting back. She mewled for us to follow. We all went, ready and eager to enter the Fade, where Brendan would be waiting, and the shades and fenris wouldn’t.

  I suddenly realised I had never asked what a fenris was. I decided I didn’t need to know.

  Chapter Seventeen

  As we made our way to the back of the cave, the green glow brightened. The cave was larger than I first thought, more like a tunnel. The ceiling lowered until Arlen and Dymphna had to bend their heads to fit.

  “Are you sure this is the way, Bekind?” I whispered as I had to duck under a stalactite. My voice echoed, then creepy hissing sounded. For all I knew, some creature was mocking me in the dark. I swallowed hard at that thought.

  The cat gave a little growl in answer. The growl echoed, too.

  I slipped on a wet rock and had to grab Arlen to stay on my feet. “Shit,” I muttered. “I’m like a fucking clown in the faery realm.”

  “That’s why we keep you around,” Sorcha said in a snide whisper. “To entertain us all the live long day.”

  “Shut up.”

  “Quiet!” The echoes of Dymphna’s word thundered around us.

  Bekind transformed. Her hair shone, highlighted by Realtín’s rays. “We need to be quiet. There is the gap we must pass through. It’s a rift, and it’s not something that can be sealed, so we’ll return this way, too. If we make a noise, we’ll alert the shades. We can’t fight the shades. We would die, or worse, we’d be trapped in the Fade forever. You must follow my lead without a word.”

  “What if we’re attacked?” Arlen asked.

  “Fight for your life and hope you die with honour,” she replied solemnly. “Cara, stay close to me. Now that Drake is gone, you’re our best hope at returning Brendan to this world. Do you understand?”

  I nodded, although I didn’t get why I was any better a connection to Brendan than Arlen or Sorcha. What I did understand was that there was little chance we would make it and that I might never see Drake or Brendan again.

  The light had been coming from a small gap in the rocky ground. We gathered for a better look. The light swirled and glowed, casting everyone’s faces with jade-coloured overlays.

  “Please stay here,” I begged Grim and Realtín. “We can’t separate you, and we need someone to stay to pull us back through. Just in case. We also need someone to tell the others if there’s trouble.”

  “I agree. The smaller the group, the less likely we are to be caught,” Sorcha said. “Grim is a decent climber, and Realtín is our light. We can’t afford to lose either of them, so they should both stay here.”

  I wanted to kiss the banshee.

  “I hadn’t thought of that,” Arlen said. “We can’t risk losing our light. Grim, guard her well while we’re gone.”

  “Okay,” Realtín said. “We’ll stay where we’re needed.” Poor Grim didn’t even get the chance to argue.

  The rest of us knelt in silence, staring at that stupid rift for a long time.

  “Screw it,” I said. “I’ll go first.”

  Bekind, back in cat form, spat at me then slipped through the gap before I could make a move. The rock expanded, then the hole sucked her out of sight. I immediately put my legs through and jumped. The magic pressed against my body, squeezing.

  When I landed, I could barely see two feet in front of me. A wind whirled, but there was no dust, no dirt. The air felt different, probably because it wasn’t really air at all. I licked my lips, but my tongue felt dry. Somebody slipped down beside me, but I was too busy trying to get my bearings to see which of my group it was.

  My feet were flat against a surface, but I felt as though I was spinning, as if my insides were rotating. My eyes couldn’t understand what they saw. The Fade wasn’t a place. It was a feeling, an atmosphere. The cat looked blurred. I was tempted to touch her just to see if she still existed, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

  Bekind had said we would enter the outermost section of the Fade. We needed to find our way inward without drawing attention to ourselves.

  When everyone had passed through the gap, Arlen took my hand. I glanced at him, grateful to have him next to me. He was sturdy and strong, and Brendan trusted him. We all linked hands in a chain, and followed Bekind.

  Walking made me feel as if I were pushing against some immoveable force, as though gravity didn’t function in the same way. Instead of just holding my feet to the ground, the force held me back, keeping me out of the Fade and away from the shades and souls and whatever else was there. We didn’t belong, and the atmosphere around us knew it.

  We were hidden in shadow, drifting in a wasteland. My companions wavered in and out of sight. Darkness came suddenly then shifted into light just as quickly. My fingers tightened, desperate to hold onto someone in a place where life didn’t exist. Being around the fae often made me feel intoxicated, but being in the Fade was like drifting from my body, my soul slipping away. Something pulled at me, tugging at something within. I grew terrified I would lose a piece of myself.

  Voices echoed, but I couldn’t make out the words or figure out where the sounds were coming from. I was sure my heart wasn’t beating. We were in a gap in time, a snapshot of something we weren’t supposed to see. I blinked, feeling as though something was in my eye. I wanted to cry, but there was no moisture. Maybe it was all being sucked away, lost to the atmosphere.

  I glanced behind me at Dymphna. Horror stood clear in her eyes. The place was unnatural, and we had volunteered to come.

  The hair on Bekind�
��s back stood up straight, her fur stretching outward to make her look like a fuzzy ball of psycho. She fled to the left and disappeared. Arlen followed, pulling us along with him. He gathered us all into some kind of alcove where Bekind was waiting. I couldn’t even make out what was around us, but we were hidden. Dark shadows drifted past. Shades, probably. Maybe something else. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t ask a question or even make a sound. I was frozen in fear.

  After a couple of minutes, Bekind left the alcove. Except it wasn’t a minute, or even two, because there was no time. My head felt as if it would explode and shatter without a sound. I would be lost, and nothing would know or care because I had never existed after all.

  I fervently hoped my brother’s soul wasn’t lost in such a place, that he wasn’t wandering, his memories stuck in the Hauntings. I hoped he was at peace.

  I choked on a sob, my emotions throwing me out of whack. The others turned to stare at me. I shook my head, upping my pace. I couldn’t feel my legs moving, but the scenery was changing slightly, growing more vibrant and erratic. The sight gave me a headache. All I saw was green. Even my hands looked green on the odd occasion that I could actually make them out.

  Finally, Bekind stopped moving and shifted into her human form. She covered her lips with a finger, glaring at us. She beckoned me forward and put an arm around my shoulders. As we walked ahead of the others, she murmured the instructions.

  “You have to do it. You’ll understand later, but it has to be you. If you can’t do it, we’ve wasted this whole journey. Put your hands through and call his name. Say you’re repaying a life debt. He should take your hands, and you’ll pull him free. Understand?”

  I nodded, but I was terrified. What if I couldn’t do it? What if he didn’t take my hands? What if it all went wrong?

  We came to a long narrow bridge. On either side, the surface rippled like water. In the distance, I thought I saw a hand reach upward.

  “Across here is the Wall of Souls,” Bekind said.

  I couldn’t see it yet, but I knew the wall stopped souls from passing through. If the souls managed to get past it, the shades would hunt them down. It was a good system. Except for the rift and the fact we had made it to the bridge.