Fade (Chaos)

by Claire Farrell

  “Well, she’s insisting Dubh belongs to her, so we have little choice.”

  Finally, everyone had made it to the top. We broke off into smaller groups.

  “We should get out of the canyon,” Arlen said. “Then rest and check supplies before we reach the Hauntings.”

  “Good idea,” Drake said. “We’ll need our strength to make that journey again.”

  Nella approached Dubh with a smile. “My horse. Waited for me, did you?”

  She reached up to stroke his face, but he bit her wrist, breaking the skin and drawing blood.

  “You little bastard!” She kicked at him, and he reared up until she drew back, shaking with anger and maybe a little fear. “You were always a disobedient monster.” She looked at me. “You’re welcome to him. When we return, I’ll have him turned into dog food.”

  “No, you won’t.” I hurried over to Dubh, full of glee. He settled down immediately. I wanted to point at the leanan sídhe and laugh.

  “I’ll buy him from you,” Brendan said. “I like a bit of fire.”

  “Take him,” she snapped as Sorcha tried to stem the bleeding. “Get him out of my sight.”

  “Guess you’re riding with me,” Brendan told me with a grin. “Sorry, Drake. You’re stuck with the leanan sídhe. Remember, Nella, he’s a king. Try to treat him with a little respect.”

  She muttered something incomprehensible. I made to climb on Dubh’s back only to feel Brendan’s hands on my hips.

  I threw him a scornful look. “I’m capable of getting on the horse, Brendan.”

  “He’s a big horse.”

  “I’ve been riding him for the entire trip. I’m in charge, king or no.”

  I climbed onto Dubh, ignoring Brendan’s laughter. He mounted behind me after I forbid him from getting on in front and blocking my view.

  We were the first to set off. I did my best not to move too much, but as Dubh made his ascent, I slid back against Brendan, who wrapped an arm around my waist. “Relax,” he said, gently taking hold of the reins. “I’ll control the horse. You just get comfortable.”

  “If you keep annoying me, I’m walking.”

  “Your loss.”

  “And I can hold the reins.” I pulled them out of his hands, but he laughed as if he didn’t care. “Shut up, Brendan.”

  Bekind leapt in front of me and sat there, staring up at me.

  “Don’t give me that look,” I said. “You’ve gone out of your way to make me hate you. Don’t think I want to make friends already.”

  Bekind purred and rubbed her head against my hand. After a moment, she leapt down again.

  “Looks like things have gotten interesting in my absence,” Brendan murmured. “Last time I saw you on a faerie horse, you were too afraid to open your eyes.”

  “Dubh isn’t trying to drag me under the sea, so there’s a difference.”

  “And you and Drake?”

  “Oh, don’t start.”

  “I asked a simple question.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Hmm. That sounds interesting, too.”

  “Well, it’s not, so… stop.”

  The rest of the journey on the winding upward path was tense. There was no laughter or chatter. The new additions had changed everything. Our hands, feet, and clothes were stained red. Away from the canyon, I could tell myself it wasn’t blood, but sometimes I could have sworn I heard a moan of pain coming from the earth itself.

  We made camp at the top of the canyon to clean up wounds, attend to injuries, and eat a little. Sorcha and Nella wandered away under the pretence of gathering wood. I was sure they were up to something. Grim built a fire. The rest of the group looked exhausted, and Drake lay down and fell asleep almost instantly. Most of us had cuts and bruises at the very least. Anya cleaned the wound on my calf.

  She winced. “It looks painful, Cara.”

  “Something to remember you all by.”

  “For a moment, I thought you would never return,” Anya said. “If Líle hadn’t been there, I might have panicked.”

  I glanced at Líle. She was staring into the distance, her forehead creased with worry. The sooner we made it back, the better. I knew she was worried about the Hauntings, but it was our only way back.

  I rummaged through the bundle for the rest of the Miacha’s wares. I separated the leaves into piles. “This is for infections. This is for pain.” We were almost out of pain leaves. I yawned loudly.

  When the food was ready, I ate a little. Afterward, I felt sick, so I gathered my robe around me and lay down on a pallet.

  A while later, nausea woke me, and I barely made it out of camp before retching behind a rock. Stomach empty, I wiped my mouth. I still felt sweaty and faint. I sat on the other side of the rock and leaned my head against it.

  Brendan came around the side and held out a cup of water. “Here.”

  I took the cup and drank deeply. I heard noises. The entire camp was stirring. I groaned. Nothing could ever be secret. Once I was sure my stomach would hold the water, I followed Brendan back to where the others were starting to pack.

  “What did you do to her?” Realtín screeched at Sorcha when she got a look at me. “She’s all pale and sick. You poisoned her!”

  The banshee laughed. “I did no such thing. This isn’t my doing.” She shrugged. “Perhaps she’s been in the fae realm for too long.”

  “I’m okay,” I said. “It was probably all of the climbing, and the Fade, and the fenris, and… everything. I feel much better now.” That was a lie, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get out of there.

  My stomach churned. I barely kept the nausea at bay. I doubted Sorcha had done anything to me, but Nella? I wasn’t so sure.

  We gathered our things and set off again. At the cliffs, I made Dubh slow so I could look out onto the beach. I tasted salt on my lips.

  “They say Dymphna’s people came from across the sea,” Brendan said. “No one who leaves by water returns.”

  I looked over my shoulder. “So you’ve never tried to leave?”

  “The realm could drop off into nothing. Nobody knows for sure.” He stared at the crashing waves. “Perhaps this is the way the daoine sídhe came.”

  “I’ve been there,” I said. “It’s the human realm.” I felt homesick all over again.

  “We’ll get you home,” Brendan said.

  “I don’t have a home, remember?”

  “Then stay with us until you decide what to do.”

  I looked back at the others. “I’m not sure that’s safe anymore.”

  “You don’t really think she poisoned you, do you?”

  “No, that’s not what I mean. It’s just… it’s over now. Nobody needs me for anything. I’ll be forgotten.”

  “Your human insecurities are getting to you. Let them go. You have no need to worry. You’re among friends. I don’t see that much has changed. There will be celebrations, you know. The terror of the old days is over. We’ve won. I’ve won. Drake didn’t get to enjoy his official celebration, but there will be mine. Maybe even joint celebrations. You wouldn’t want to miss the parties. Experience a little more with us before you return.”

  “Maybe,” I said. “We’ll see.”

  We both knew I didn’t want to leave.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Líle pulled her horse up next to us and looked longingly out at the crashing sea. “Why does this look more appealing than the road we’re taking?”

  “You’ll be okay,” I said. “Everything will work out.”

  “I can’t take it,” she whispered. “The Hauntings are just…” She lowered her head.

  “How bad can it be?” Brendan asked.

  “You weren’t there,” I snapped. “You don’t know what it was like for them.”

  “I’ll keep an eye on Líle,” Grim said. “The way back will be easier now that we know what to expect.”

  A wave of memories ran over me. Grim and Realtín had almost died on that very cl
iff. It seemed as though months had passed since then. It was like a dream, a nightmare. I pulled on the reins, urging Dubh away from the cliff’s edge.

  “Realtín,” I said, “remember to stay with Grim this time. If we stick together, we might not get lost again. After what happened before…”

  “We’ll stay together,” Grim said. “Nothing will happen this time.”

  We moved on, but Líle slowed her horse until she was at the back of the group.

  “I don’t know what it was like for them, you said,” Brendan murmured. “But it wasn’t bad for you?”

  “It wasn’t the same. Nothing here is the same for me.”

  “Not even the Fade?”

  “Nobody’s really talked about their experience yet,” I said sharply. “How should I know what it was like for them?”

  “You’re prickly,” he said. “What caused that?”

  “I’m not. Nothing.” I looked back at the cliff. “It’s been… weird.”

  “Tell me about the Miacha then.”

  I knew he was just trying to distract me, but those were happier memories, so I didn’t mind talking about them. “Before everyone else joined us, the Miacha invited Grim, Realtín, Bekind, and me to their home and took care of us. They helped me because the riding was a struggle for me. My muscles were tired, and I hurt all over. We were riding hard, all day, running away from every little thing and trying to make it to the Fade before somebody stopped us.”

  “Like Drake?”

  “Like anyone. The Miacha treated me like…” My breath hitched. “They were like mothers.” I looked into his eyes. “Am I losing my mind? That’s what everyone talked about at the oblivion waters. Me being like a summer wife. That my time is running out. Is this how it begins?”

  “Oblivion waters?”

  “Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “I kind of almost drowned, but Bekind pulled me out. I forgot to worry, forgot to breathe. It was the water, they said.”

  “I’m glad Bekind was there then. And the others?”

  “They didn’t realise what was happening. Líle and Anya were with me in the water. Everyone probably thought we were just playing around. Bekind figured it out. It wasn’t scary. Not until afterward. That was probably the safest place we’ve been.”

  “Truly?”

  “It’s been a long journey. Or it feels that way, anyway. Before the others caught up with us, we were in the sand, some desert place, and the tunnellers came after us. That’s when Drake found us and joined the fight. We buddied up then.”

  “Even Sorcha?”

  “Drake brought her. I didn’t have much of a choice.”

  “Hmm.” He glanced back. “Líle isn’t herself.”

  I heaved a sigh. It felt good to talk about the things that had happened. “She’s been through a lot. I think she regrets coming with us. At first, she was happy to see me. She even got back into trying to teach me how to hold a sword. But everything that’s happened has taken a chunk out of her confidence. She barely speaks now.”

  The Hauntings came into sight.

  I shivered and pointed. “Grim nearly died last time. He almost killed himself on that cliff back there. Realtín voluntarily went with him. I caught him just in time. If it wasn’t for Dubh helping me, I would have dropped them. Dymphna and Líle tried to kill each other. Drake tried to kill me. I saw a crazy pixie who wouldn’t leave. It was messed up in there.”

  “But you realise it was messed up,” he said. “That makes you unlike a summer wife. Besides…” He cleared his throat.

  “Yeah, I know,” I said. “I haven’t been used like a wife. Thanks.”

  “Summer wives are taken for entertainment,” he said. “But they’re loved for a time. It’s a make-believe kind of love, but it’s the closest most fae ever get.”

  “That’s the point isn’t it? Make-believe and for a time. Nothing is infinite here. Nothing is real. Not emotion anyway. Except for things like hatred, of course.”

  “You’re worried.”

  “I’m just… what will happen if I lose my mind? Will I be dumped somewhere? Will I be forgotten about? Or will I starve to death? Wander around and be laughed at and tormented by some faery?”

  “What would you want to happen?”

  “I think… I think I might want to be put out of my misery.” I blew out a breath. “Why are you the only one I can talk to anymore?”

  After a pause, he said, “Maybe it’s because I’ve told you things I wouldn’t tell another. Maybe it’s… sharing.”

  “Maybe,” I said. “I kind of missed you, you know. But never bring it up again because I’ll totally deny it and mock you.”

  He laughed and held me tighter. That made me smile. But then I looked forward at the approaching Hauntings, and my smile disappeared.

  I pulled up Dubh and turned to address the others. “Last time, things got messy. Stay together, and maybe we’ll make it through in one piece. If we lose the horses again, just grab the closest person and hold tight. Sorcha didn’t get caught in the memories last time, so maybe she should lead.”

  Sorcha nodded. “Just try to remember it’s not real. It can’t take you in unless you let it, but we should move as quickly as we can.”

  “Since when do we take direction from humans?” Nella sounded genuinely confused.

  Sorcha rolled her eyes and immediately set off, flanked by Dymphna’s and Drake’s horses. Brendan and I stayed behind, close to Líle’s horse. Bekind jumped up with us and huddled in front of me. Realtín clung to Grim’s back, her eyes darting around as she glowed red. I hoped she could keep calm long enough for us to get through the Hauntings.

  “Please don’t get caught up in a murder-suicide memory,” I whispered.

  “This isn’t what I expected,” Brendan said.

  I kept a hold of Líle’s reins as well as Dubh’s. We walked in silence, surrounded by mist that thickened with each step. Then a tornado of wind hit, whirling around us, sending my hair whipping all over the place. The Hauntings did its best to separate us. Brendan’s arms loosened.

  “Hold on!” I yelled.

  I reached out for Líle, but she was recoiling from something I couldn’t see. She slid off her horse with a shriek of terror.

  “Líle! Don’t!” I screamed, but she disappeared into the tornado.

  Brendan pulled me back when I tried to go after her.

  “No,” I said. “It can’t take me.”

  “But it can make her hurt you,” Brendan said into my ear. “Be sensible.”

  I turned to look at him. “I can’t leave her alone in here. Not here.”

  He dropped a chaste kiss on my forehead. “Then I’ll come with you.”

  I slipped down off the horse. “Dubh, please lead them out of here. Get everyone to safety.”

  I ran after Líle, ignoring Realtín’s shrieks of alarm. I sensed rather than heard Brendan follow. I was pretty sure he wanted an adventure after being stuck in the Fade. I just hoped he wouldn’t succumb to any of the Haunting’s tricks. I couldn’t deal with two lost fae on my own.

  I ran faster, despite the aching in my calf. I couldn’t see more than a foot in front of me. I glanced back. Brendan was still behind me, but his clothes had changed. Mine had, too. I couldn’t run anymore. A heavy ball gown weighed me down. I tried to rip at the skirt, but it didn’t exist. Not really. Despite that, I felt the corset tighten, making my breathing laboured as it constricted my torso.

  “Oh, for the love of…! Why the hell do you people have to have such inconvenient fashion sense?”

  We stopped short. In front of us were two whirlwinds. Líle was trapped in one, a ghostly figure of a man in the other. Líle wore a dress like mine, her feet in delicate slippers she wouldn’t be caught dead in. Both of them desperately reached through the wind keeping them apart, stretching out their arms in a vain attempt to touch. Their fingers were inches apart, destined to never meet. Tears ran down Líle’s cheeks, and her eyes were filled with anguish and despair.
>
  “What is this?” I whispered.

  “A curse.” Brendan sounded a little heartbroken. “They must have died like this, so close, but never managing to touch each other that one last time.”

  “Líle’s stuck in there! What do we do?”

  “How did you free them last time?”

  I shrugged. “Took them away. But she looks trapped up there. How—”

  “I can lift her free.”

  He stepped forward and thrust his arms into the wind. He flinched as if he felt the emotions the couple were experiencing. The wind pulled at him, threatened to suck him in, so I ran over and held onto him. He grabbed Líle’s waist. The wind blew harder, sucking at them. I feared we would never free her. Brendan dug his heels into the dirt and gave a mighty yank. The three of us tumbled backward and away from the memory. The female figure became a misty apparition I didn’t recognise. I couldn’t take my eyes off the pair. They were playing out the way my heart sometimes felt.

  Líle sobbed. “I can’t touch him. I can’t reach him. Just once more. Once more. Please, have mercy on us.”

  “He’s not real,” Brendan said. “You didn’t know him. This isn’t your memory.”

  “He’s my heart,” Líle insisted. “I know him. I remember our first kiss, the first time we—”

  “Líle, no!” I brushed the tears from her cheeks. “The memories sucked you in. We’re in the Hauntings, remember? It’s not real. They’re not real. Not anymore. He’s long gone, and you just played out what happened to him. You don’t know him. He isn’t your love.”

  “You’re keeping me from him.” Her shoulders shook with her misery.

  “Do something,” I told Brendan. “You’re a king. Help her. Fix her. Something!”

  He shook his head. “There’s nothing I can do for her. The Hauntings have their own power.”

  I stood. “Help me get her out of here then. The Watcher said he can help when the memories won’t go away, when they attach themselves to a person. Maybe if we just get out of here, they’ll leave her alone.”

  He lifted Líle to her feet. Between us, we half dragged her away from the scene that wouldn’t leave her thoughts. She kept her head turned so she could look over her shoulder, tears rolling down her cheeks.